Baron von Funny Memorial Memorial Day Baron von Funny
Pros and Cons of Life Under Quarantine
It's not all sweatpants and sadness. Okay, yeah, it pretty much is.
May 22, 2020
May 18, 2018
Real Reasons the Baron von Funny is Ending After Ten Years
One last chance to come up with a clever little blurb for the snarky joke list on our podunk website.
May 11, 2018
Other Things to Hate About Lettuce
And don't get us started on those damn Brussels sprouts.
May 4, 2018
Least Popular Fast Food Mascots
Still more well-liked than Skip Bayless though.
Apr 27, 2018
Surprises Found in Avengers: Infinity War
Marvel really pulled out all the stops for this one!
Apr 20, 2018
Other Secrets Sean Hannity is Ready to Confess
Quick, someone set up a mic'd confessional outside of the Fox News studios!
Apr 13, 2018
Rejected Doritos Flavors
That's okay, they'll just get repurposed as new Pepsi flavors!
Apr 6, 2018
Lesser-Known Traditions at The Masters
Does my tradition of getting wasted and watching the coverage with a giant bag of Cheetos count?
Mar 30, 2018
Possible Consequences of Easter Falling on April Fool's Day
Though it'll be nothing compared to the chaos that will occur when National High Five Day lands on Memorial Day.
Mar 23, 2018
Possible Side Effects of the New Male Birth Control Pill
It's nothing that a new anti-male-birth-control-side-effects pill won't fix! (Side effects of that pill include weakening of contraceptive effectiveness, hyper virility, and dry mouth.)
Mar 16, 2018
Lesser-Known Facts About Stephen Hawking
In some ways, you could say that guest-starring on The Simpsons was the least of his accomplishments!
Mar 9, 2018
Rejected Model Names for New Cars
Soon to be repurposed as new baby names!
Mar 2, 2018
Reasons the NFL and Papa John's Parted Ways
Nothing gold can stay.
Feb 23, 2018
Other Surprising Keys to Living Past 90
Think of it as the bucket list for achieving your bucket list!
Feb 9, 2018
Rejected New Events for the Winter Olympics
C'mon, we need to give the Russian athletes new ways to cheat.
Feb 2, 2018
Other Super Bowl-Related Things People Will Bet on This Weekend Besides the Score
You can bet on the score?
Jan 26, 2018
Rejected New Diet Coke Flavors
Who wouldn't love the chance to drink a new Coke?
Jan 12, 2018
Reasons Why This Flu Season Is Worse Than Ever
Or maybe everyone just has 2018 fever! Oh wait, nope, it's definitely the flu.
Jan 5, 2018
Other Names Considered for the East Coast Winter Storm Besides "Bomb Cyclone"
And coming this spring: rain grenades of death!
Dec 22, 2017
Things Santa Brings Bad Children Instead of Coal
Of course, now Santa will end up on the Trump Administration's naughty list for taking away coal jobs.
Dec 15, 2017
Reasons Mississippi Is the Least Healthy State in America
They prefer to be ranked #1 in unhealthiness, thank you very much.
Dec 1, 2017
Imagined Trump Headlines That Seem Totally Plausible
Tomorrow's news today!
Nov 17, 2017
Least Popular Thanksgiving Menu Items
Let's all give thanks that we don't have to eat them.
Nov 10, 2017
Greatest Things Prior to Sliced Bread
Thank god some guy had a knife and figured out a way to cut soft food!
Nov 3, 2017
Real Secrets Trump Hopes Mueller's Investigation Won't Reveal
Good thing Trump's the best at keeping information from being discovered.
Oct 27, 2017
Other Promotions Being Offered During the 2017 World Series
Baseball: Still America's Masterpass™time.
Oct 20, 2017
Surprises Found in the Declassified Kennedy Assassination Records
[Crosses fingers] Please be something that gets Trump impeached, please be something that gets Trump impeached...
Oct 13, 2017
Reasons Trump Wants to Stockpile 30,000 Nuclear Weapons
Maybe he meant "30,000 new, clear wipe-ons." Is that a thing?
Oct 6, 2017
Biggest Fears of Mr. Clean
It's not easy bein' clean.
Sep 29, 2017
Other Reasons Americans Are Contracting More STDs Than Ever Before
U.S.A! U.S.A.! (Untreatable Syphilitic Abscess!)
Sep 22, 2017
Ways Life May Change if the World Runs Out of Antibiotics
Bout time this generation learned to fight disease the old-fashioned way: by dying young.
Sep 15, 2017
Rejected Pilots for the 2017 Fall TV Season
Proving that there is such a thing as must-avoid TV.
Sep 8, 2017
Names Trump Mistakenly Thinks DACA Is an Acronym For
Thankfully, he's hired the best people to help him figure it out.
Sep 1, 2017
New Products from the Makers of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!
The ability to monetize incredulity is what separates us from the animals.
Aug 25, 2017
Real Reasons Munch's Make Believe Band Broke Up
Don't worry, they'll get back together in 20 years to cash in on a nostalgia tour.
Aug 18, 2017
Other Philosophical Questions Posed By Tim Allen
Now we know why he's always been referred to as the "Socrates of the sitcom".
Aug 4, 2017
Noteworthy Accomplishments from Anthony Scaramucci's 10 Days in Office
It's a shame, he was only one day away from retirement.
Jul 28, 2017
Rejected Titles for Hillary Clinton's Upcoming Book
Get ready to pay $35 to relive a series of events that made you vomit in your mouth!
Jul 21, 2017
Other Baby Names Considered By George and Amal Clooney
If there's one thing more challenging than the crisis in Sudan, it's thinking up a good baby name.
Jul 14, 2017
Reasons Americans Aren't Walking as Much as They Should
But just try to beat us in amount of time spent on sedentary activities!
Jun 30, 2017
Signs That the Framed Trump Magazine Cover You're Looking at Is Fake
Maybe rather than being critical, his tweets of "FAKE NEWS!" are meant to express his enthusiasm for it?
Jun 23, 2017
Jun 16, 2017
Lesser-Known Father's Day Traditions
You should definitely go interrupt Dad in the bathroom to tell him all about it!
Jun 9, 2017
Rejected Titles for the Upcoming Top Gun Sequel
They're feeling the need... the need for greed.
Jun 2, 2017
Possible True Meanings of the Word "Covfefe"
Trump really does have all the best words!
May 26, 2017
Ways to Celebrate a Touchdown That Are Still Banned Under the NFL's Revised Celebration Rules
But apparently it's still anything goes when you're celebrating a safety.
May 19, 2017
Things Trump Could Do at This Point That Would Not Shock Anyone
He really is the Lindsay Lohan of presidents.
May 12, 2017
Real Reasons Trump Fired James Comey
Oh, come on, it's not like only one other president in U.S. history had ever fired the director of the FBI before!
May 5, 2017
Provisions in United’s Undisclosed Settlement with the Guy They Threw Off Their Plane
For starters, no more use of the term "legroom" to refer to a space that does not have enough "room" for any reasonable person's "leg".
Apr 28, 2017
Less Publicized Accomplishments From Trump's First 100 Days in Office
Look, 100 days is really only enough time to make America subpar again.
Apr 21, 2017
Things Julia Roberts Gets to Do Now That She's a Five-Time Winner of People Magazine's Most Beautiful Woman in the World
It's no Conspiracy Theory; when that Pretty Woman flashes her Mona Lisa Smile, Everyone Says I Love You!
Apr 14, 2017
Lesser-Known Taxes and Tax Loopholes
So, it turns out besting an IRS agent in a game of chess is not a way to get out of paying your taxes.
Apr 7, 2017
Lesser-Known Smurf Characters
They'll blue you away! [THIS WEBSITE HAS BEEN CANCELLED]
Mar 31, 2017
Least Popular Fist Names
And you thought people were bad at naming their kids.
Mar 24, 2017
Fake Hints from Heloise
For God's sake, stay away from the fake horoscopes. You do not want to go around thinking "someone close to you will make a financial decision" when they really won't!
Mar 17, 2017
Lesser-Known Provisions of the American Health Care Act
Putting the "care" in "We don't care"!
Mar 10, 2017
Other Reasons Americans Are Having Less Sex Than They Used To
We prefer to think of it as having more non-sex than we used to. U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
Mar 3, 2017
College Courses or Sizzler Menu Items
It's an all-you-can-learn buffet!
Feb 24, 2017
Campaign Slogans For and Against the 2016 Oscar Nominees
But really, we all know it's just a warm-up for the BAFTAs.
Feb 17, 2017
Other Secrets General Flynn Shared with the Russians
Loose lips sink presidential administrations. (Fingers crossed!)
Feb 10, 2017
Valentine's Day Plans for Couples Who Feel 50 Shades Darker Isn't Dark Enough
"It's like, how much more black could this be? And the answer is none. None more black."
Feb 3, 2017
Other Predictions Made by Punxsutawney Phil
Seeing the future beyond a shadow of a doubt!
Jan 27, 2017
Other Titles Considered for The Last Jedi
Those of us holding out for Star Wars: The Naked Lesbian Romp will have to wait a couple more years.
Jan 20, 2017
Additional Slogans for the Trump Administration
Is America great again yet?
Jan 13, 2017
Rejected Names for the Newly-Discovered Species of Gibbon
"That's what you get for not hailing to the chimp!"
Dec 23, 2016
Gifts for the Other Days of Christmas
Maybe this person isn't your true love after all...
Dec 16, 2016
Other Things Drones Will Soon Be Able to Do
[Eyes closed, fingers crossed] Please be "Edit a list of jokes so that I can get back to my bowl of Cheetos"!
Dec 9, 2016
Reasons Old People Are Happier
Don't trust anyone under 50.
Dec 2, 2016
Reasons Americans Are Not Getting Enough Sleep
Ehh, we'll just binge it over the weekend.
Nov 18, 2016
Other Toys on the W.A.T.C.H. Worst Toys List
Santa Claus is coming to town... to testify as part of a class-action lawsuit.
Nov 11, 2016
Surprising Moments from the 2016 Election That May Not Have Actually Happened
Better to remember what didn't happen while we try to forget what did.
2016 NFL Picks - Week 10
You didn't ask for an all-limerick NFL picks column, but you're getting one!
Nov 4, 2016
Other Things That Have Only Happened Once in the Last 108 Years
Fingers crossed we'll make it seven more years without another archduke getting assassinated!
2016 NFL Picks - Week 9
Naturally last week I picked my best week of the season not to select my five favorite games because I didn't "feel good about any of them."
Oct 28, 2016
Signs That You're in a Poorly-Run Halloween Haunted House
This is what happens when we ship all of our haunting jobs overseas.
2016 NFL Picks - Week 8
You can pick NFL games, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick an NFL game's nose.
Oct 22, 2016
2016 NFL Picks - Week 7
Dashed these off real quick so I didn't have to say I missed a week...
Oct 21, 2016
Official Months That Never Got Off the Ground
When you get right down to it, some ideas really feel more “weeky” than “monthy”.
Oct 14, 2016
Other Things Guys Talk About in the Locker Room
Ehh, most of it's about The Hurt Locker, or how much they enjoy shopping at Foot Locker.
2016 NFL Picks - Week 6
Like any of this matters, since the Vikings aren't playing.
Oct 8, 2016
2016 NFL Picks - Week 5
Here goes very nearly nothing.
Oct 7, 2016
Things Overheard During the Brawl at Chuck E. Cheese's
Is it really all that different from what you'd normally hear at a kid's birthday party?
Sep 30, 2016
Changes Planned for Disney's Lion King Remake
Guess not every idea gets rejected...
Sep 24, 2016
2016 NFL Picks, Week 3
My best bets and my overall picks were both one game over .500 last week. Ride this gravy train to prosperity, everyone!
Sep 23, 2016
Other Candies More Dangerous Than a Bowl of Skittles
But less dangerous than a snifter of Bugles.
Sep 16, 2016
Rejected Pilots for the 2016 Fall TV Season
Hey, you don't cast Kevin James or adapt a popular movie franchise, you pay the price.
Sep 9, 2016
Surprises Found in the New Sully Biopic
Can't wait to see who's doing the voice of the plane!
Sep 2, 2016
Corrections the New York Times Would Like to Make
All the News That's Fit to Misprint.
Aug 26, 2016
Real Reasons for the EpiPen Price Hike
Better apply for a loan now for your next asthma inhaler purchase!
Aug 19, 2016
Other Ways That the Trump Campaign Is Shaking Things Up
Making America Even Greater Again Again!
Aug 12, 2016
Other Olympians People Are Amazed They've Never Heard of Before
This is the slippery slope many warned of when we allowed Mark Spitz to win all those gold medals in 1972.
Aug 5, 2016
Other Benefits of Dental Floss That Remain Unproven
4 out of 5 dentists do not recommend this list.
Jul 29, 2016
Other Ways the DNC Is Different from the RNC
Full disclosure: many of these jokes were written by Michelle Obama in 2008.
Jul 22, 2016
Other Problems Caused By Playing Too Much Pokémon Go
What could possibly be making all these people want to escape reality?
Jul 15, 2016
Things Santa Does in the Summer
Luckily, all the passive-aggressive e-mail hashing out the schedule for the timeshare he splits with the Easter Bunny is overwith by Memorial Day.
Jul 8, 2016
Other Problems Found in Leading Brands of Sunscreen
Time for a return to full body swimwear!
Jul 1, 2016
Signs That Your Fourth of July Party Isn't Patriotic Enough
Shouldn't have prematurely shot your wad on that Flag Day dry run; now you've got a mess on your hands.
Jun 24, 2016
Rejected Disney Sequels
You'd be surprised, but the people who pay Tim Burton to spray neon paintballs all over his wife and Johnny Depp actually say "no" sometimes.
Jun 17, 2016
Things That Will Get You Banned by Donald Trump
Also serves as a handy to-do list!
Jun 3, 2016
Unintended Consequences of the FDA's Plan to Reduce Sodium in the American Diet
Won't somebody think of the snack chips!
May 27, 2016
Other Changes the TSA Is Making to Reduce Wait Times
Finally, more time to spend in the boarding line!
May 20, 2016
Reasons Americans Aren't Using Their Local Park
This is why we can't have nice things.
May 13, 2016
Studies Rejected by Scientific Journals
But happily accepted by the Huffington Post!
May 6, 2016
Other Things Your Dog Doesn't Want From You
Man's best friend? More like dog's annoying co-worker.
Apr 22, 2016
Rejected BuzzFeed Content
Who knew a garbage can could throw stuff away?
Apr 15, 2016
Reasons Your Tax Return Is Likely to Be Audited
You really should have known better than to wear that What Would Wesley Snipes Do bracelet.
Apr 8, 2016
Possible Titles for the Fifth Indiana Jones Movie
Is Jaws: The Revenge already taken?
Mar 18, 2016
Signs That You've Got a March Madness Gambling Problem
Ehh, it's not like you've been using your legs all that much anyway.
Mar 11, 2016
Least Popular Canned Soups
Cans are old news anyway. Everyone's eating soup out of giant Swiss horns these days.
Mar 4, 2016
Ways the Republican Party Plans to Stop Donald Trump
Reality is starting to sink in for the Party of Lincoln.
Feb 26, 2016
Other Items Found in This Year's Oscars Gift Bag
At least all those famous, successful, and wealthy nominees will have something to feel good about if they lose.
Rick Moranis Isn't Retired
Nothing earth-shattering, but a great interview. He seems like a really nice guy, and he's one of those performers you don't realize how much you've missed until you think about it.—JS
Feb 19, 2016
Least Popular Items to Create Using a 3D Printer
Just in time for Easter basket gift season!
Feb 12, 2016
Little-Known Facts About Bernie Sanders
Looks like the skeletons are out of the closet– oh wait, that's just Bernie.
Feb 8, 2016
The Story of Mr. Show’s ‘The Story of Everest’ Sketch
Apparently this sketch is adored by some and hated by others. Hoping I can find a list of the second group, so I can cut them out of my life.—JS
Jan 29, 2016
Unusual Pregnancy Cravings
Eat for two, indeed.
Jan 22, 2016
Other Things Sarah Palin Endorses
She still draws the line at putting lipstick on a pig though. Gotta have standards.
Jan 15, 2016
Pros and Cons of Winning $1.5 Billion
Show me the conflicted emotions!
Jan 8, 2016
Least Used New Year's Resolutions
You might be thinking a little too outside the box.
Dec 18, 2015
Surprises Found in Star Wars: The Force Awakens
Did not expect the NC-17 rating. Some things you can't un-see. [Shudder]
Dec 11, 2015
Things Americans Can Do to Raise Their Average Life Expectancy
The answer's probably less salt... unless it's more salt.
Dec 4, 2015
Rejected Meat Loaf Songs and/or Accepted Guy Fieri Restaurant Menu Items
There's a difference?
Nov 20, 2015
Pros and Cons of the New Domino's Pizza Oven Car
What an age to be alive...
Nov 13, 2015
Things Overheard During a Time-Travel-Aided Confrontation Between Jeb Bush and Baby Hitler
It's the Look Who's Talking–Inglorious Basterds crossover no one's been waiting for!
Oct 30, 2015
Least Popular Halloween Costumes for 2015
Still more popular than Lincoln Chafee though.
Oct 23, 2015
Other Demands Made By Paul Ryan
Yeah, not like that stupid John Boehner, always asking politely.
Oct 9, 2015
Least Popular Names for Twins
It's tough living up to Boof Bonser & Rusty Kuntz.
Oct 2, 2015
Additional Volkswagen Claims That Have Been Proven False
Oh, like you've never made hundreds of millions of dollars by lying to millions of people.
Sep 25, 2015
Other Things That Hackers Will Soon Be Able to Steal From You
[Types "How do you install a firewall in your genitals?" into Google.]
Sep 18, 2015
Other Actions That Will Get You Arrested in Irving, Texas
Time to bone up on local civic ordinances! (Though be careful, because boning up will get you arrested.)
Sep 11, 2015
Other Ways the New England Patriots Have Cheated Over the Years
We greatly prefer the unsullied integrity of the Vikings' four Super Bowl losses.
Sep 4, 2015
Rejected Pilots for the 2015 Fall TV Season
Each made the classic TV mistake of not having John Stamos star as a surprised new grandpa. (Watch Grandfathered this fall on Fox!)
Aug 28, 2015
Least Popular Restaurant Chains
Putting the F in food, thanks to the letter grade they got from the health inspector.
Aug 21, 2015
Side Effects of the New "Female Viagra" Drug
Finally, a sex drug that benefits men!
Aug 14, 2015
Items Left on Your Summer To-Do List
Write clever blurb for your list of jokes about fake summer to-do lists.
Aug 7, 2015
Reasons hitchBOT Was Killed
This is why we can't have nice things!
Jul 31, 2015
Reasons You Were Unfriended/Unfollowed on Social Media
Ehh, it's not perfect, but what are ya gonna do? Go back to dealing with people face to face?
Jul 24, 2015
New Discoveries Found on Pluto
Just wait until you see what they found in Uranus!
Jul 17, 2015
Surprises Found in Donald Trump's Personal Financial Disclosure Form
You can't spell "Donald Trump's Money" without "Moody nuns trampled"!
Jul 10, 2015
Other Terrible Things Tom Selleck Has Been Doing While You Weren't Paying Attention
And you do NOT want to know what John Hillerman has been up to. Yeesh.
Jul 3, 2015
Other Questions Hippies Are Being Besieged with in the Wake of Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia's Dissent
In the event you cannot find a hippie, please consult your nearest trainyard hobo.
Jun 19, 2015
Twitter Hashtags That Failed to Become Trending Topics
BetterLuckNextTime
Jun 5, 2015
Ways to Mispronounce the Name of Resigning FIFA President Sepp Blatter
Sepp Blatter, João Havelange, Rodolphe Seeldrayers, Daniel Burley Woolfall... why do the names of former FIFA presidents sound like they were created by a drunken random word generator?
May 29, 2015
Little-Known Facts About the 2016 Republican Presidential Candidates
And knowing is half the battle! (The other half being trying not to shoot yourself in the face as you sit through 17 months of political campaigning.)
May 15, 2015
Rejected Candidates to Replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 Bill
We wouldn't have this problem if we'd just switch to Disney Dollars.
May 8, 2015
Stripper Names or Kentucky Derby Horses
Why can't someone be both, like the late Earl Warren?
May 1, 2015
Surprises Found in the New Avengers Sequel
Who knew that "Directed by Woody Allen" was only the beginning?
Apr 17, 2015
Pros and Cons of Becoming the First First Gentleman in White House History
Why has it taken so long to get a man in the White House?
Apr 10, 2015
Little-Known Facts About Scientology Revealed in the New Documentary Going Clear
[BLURB REDACTED AFTER ADVISEMENT FROM AN ANONYMOUS INSTITUTION WHOSE HELPFUL SUGGESTION SHOULD IN NO WAY BE VIEWED AS CENSORSHIP]
Apr 3, 2015
Other Things That Are Causing Teen Driver Accidents
Teens: Always there when adults need to assign blame for society's ills.
Mar 20, 2015
Ways That Life Will Be Different If California Runs Out of Water
And you won't believe what happens when Idaho runs out of potatoes!
Mar 13, 2015
Possible Side Effects of the "Love Hormone" Nasal Spray
C'mon, no one has ever regretted putting things up their nose.
Mar 6, 2015
Pros and Cons of Daylight Saving Time
How come no one ever talks about Darkness Wasting Time?
Feb 27, 2015
Other Items on Hall & Oates's List of the Best Things in Life, Besides Your Kiss
Not on the list: that bastard Eddie Rabbit. He knows what he did.
Feb 20, 2015
Additional Newly Discovered Dr. Seuss Books
Why let being dead keep you being widely read?
Feb 13, 2015
Other Questionable Claims Made By Brian Williams Over the Years
Proud as a peacock, indeed.
Feb 6, 2015
Other Reasons Parents Choose Not to Vaccinate Their Kid
Ehh, they can always make another one.
Jan 30, 2015
Least Popular Super Bowl Party Foods
Guaranteed to make you punt out of bounds!
Dec 19, 2014
Lesser-Known Holiday Traditions
You know, like Yuletide barrels being flung into a fire, and folks dressed up like pesky Mos Def, etc., etc.
Dec 12, 2014
Other Things Mark Wahlberg Would Like Expunged from His Record
It's a "Perfect Storm" for a "Fighter" who wishes that his problems could be "Departed". (We'd like this blurb to also be expunged from the record.)
Dec 5, 2014
Names That Are More Unfortunate Than Dick Butkus
We're looking at you, Dick Armey!
Nov 21, 2014
Qualities Charles Manson Looks for in a Wife
Why can't he just use OkCupid like most sociopaths?
Nov 14, 2014
Best-Selling Real Estate Novels
It's no wonder Paul never had time for a wife!
Oct 31, 2014
Least Popular Halloween Tricks
Where the lesson is: ALWAYS choose treat.
Oct 24, 2014
Least-Used Hyphenated Words
They're grammar-tastic!
Oct 10, 2014
Signs That You're Getting a Little Too Paranoid About the Ebola Virus
But what if you're not getting paranoid enough??
Oct 3, 2014
Other Things the Secret Service Would Like to Clear Up Regarding the White House Intruder
We are shocked that an organization with the word "secret" in its title would be less than forthcoming with information!
Sep 26, 2014
Other Things People Hate Getting for Free
You've got a lot of nerve being so generous, mister.
Sep 19, 2014
Rejected Pilots for the 2014 Fall TV Season
What can you do? The bar got set awfully high by Selfie.
Sep 12, 2014
Lesser-Known Features of the New Apple Watch
Think of all the time you'll save not having to reach all the way into your pocket or purse to grab your phone!
Sep 5, 2014
Least Popular Soups
Crimes against soupmanity! (Not to be confused with the "soup manatee", the horrifying soup-manatee hybrid that killed all those beach goers in Tampa.)
Aug 29, 2014
Things Jay Leno Has Been Doing Lately
You're never bored when you've got the Dancing Itos on speed dial!
Aug 22, 2014
Least Popular Fundraising Stunts
What we need is a fundraising stunt to raise awareness for failed fundraising stunts.
Aug 15, 2014
Unexpected Items on the School Supply List
And wait 'til you see what's on the lunch menu.
Aug 8, 2014
Rejected Titles for George W. Bush's Book About George H.W. Bush
Any book in your hand is worth two from George W. Bush.
Aug 1, 2014
How Do I Get Out of This Chickenshit Outfit?
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.
Jul 25, 2014
Songs About Food
Are you ready to wok?!
Jul 18, 2014
Rejected Movie Sequels
What can you do when the bar was set so high by Anacondas: The Hunt For The Blood Orchid?
Jul 11, 2014
Other Ways Life Is Different for the Harry Potter Characters in Their 30s
Get ready for Harry Potter and the Mysterious Lingering Back Pain!
Jul 4, 2014
Other Ways Corporations Are Like People
Hey, and look! That duck is just like an urban municipality!
Jun 27, 2014
Great Things About Being "Left Behind"
It's still better than jury duty, that's for sure.
Jun 13, 2014
Additional Ways to Leave Your Lover
Whatever happened to the time-honored tradition of writing "See ya!" on an old shoe and leaving it in the mouth of their horse?
Jun 6, 2014
Worst Excuses Ever Given for Missing Work
Of course, if you don't skip out on your job, then you have to come up with an excuse for why you didn't make an excuse.
May 30, 2014
Pros and Cons of Google's Self-Driving Car
Sure, but where's our robot to command the self-driving car for us?
May 23, 2014
Ways Target Plans to Win Back Customers
Mo' data breach, mo' problems.
May 16, 2014
Items on Barbara Walters's Retirement Bucket List
But first she'll take a long, leisurely, on-camera stroll with the bucket around its estate, so you can see that they're totally getting to know one another in a casual, friendly setting.
May 9, 2014
Least Inspiring Sports Quotes
Vince Lombardi must be rolling in his gra– oh wait, nope, that's just the sound of the dryer.
May 2, 2014
Rejected Titles for Moby-Dick
Wait, that's the one they kept??
Apr 25, 2014
Words That Almost Rhyme with Bieber
So close, and yet so far.
Apr 18, 2014
Reasons We're Not Drowning as Often as We Used To
Oh god, what if this means we're not drowning as often as we should?!
Apr 11, 2014
Signs That Your Internet Video Probably Isn't Going to Go Viral
Maybe you'll have better luck with your Arli$$ fan fiction.
Apr 4, 2014
Vladimir Putin Turn-Ons
In Soviet Russia, Vladimir Putin turns on YOU! (Seriously though, he will betray and imprison you.)
Mar 28, 2014
Things That Are Causing Our Lower Back Pain
It's probably due to all the offensive back pain "satire" out there these days.
Mar 14, 2014
Other Behavior That Is Considered "Unpresidential"
Better get it all out of your system when you're a Congressman or Governor.
Mar 7, 2014
Little-Known Facts About "Adele Dazeem"
What's in a name? Or, as John Travolta might say, "Warts own an camel?"
Feb 28, 2014
The Other Side of Darkness
This is one of the movies to come out of our fabulous, scintillating PoopReading.com Movie Draft (which you should totally read first).
Feb 21, 2014
Additional Risks of Sitting Too Much
Some of us prefer to see it as standing too little.
Feb 14, 2014
Other Problems with the Hotels in Sochi
If only Sarah Palin had looked out her window and warned us.
Feb 7, 2014
Ineligible Breeds at the Westminster Dog Show
You can't spell "Westminster Dog Show" without "Tits Showdown Merges"!
Jan 31, 2014
Unusual Promises Made by President Obama During the State of the Union Address
Come on, he's not going to waste his A material on a free TV special.
Jan 24, 2014
Signs That Winter Is Breaking People's Spirit
This does not bode well for the Independent Spirit Awards in March.
Jan 10, 2014
Memorable Moments from 2013 That May Not Have Actually Happened
Sorry, we were busy looking at our phones.
Dec 26, 2013
Best of Baron von Funny: October-November 2012
From bad Halloween costumes to the 2012 election to the new Star Wars movies (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Dec 20, 2013
Least Popular Christmas Characters
Still better than Freddie, the Flag Day Ferret.
Dec 13, 2013
Things You Could Do with $400M
May we recommend buying a costly ad on a little-seen website?
Dec 6, 2013
Other Side Effects of Vitamin D Deficiency
Thank goodness there's plenty of Vitamin D in Sprite! (This week's BvF brought to you by Sprite.)
Nov 22, 2013
Things Americans Are Thankful For
We're the most thankful nation in the world! Take THAT, Sweden!
Nov 15, 2013
Other Mistakes from Over the Years That 60 Minutes Would Like to Retract
They're sorry, but no, there's nothing they can do about Steve Kroft.
Nov 8, 2013
Signs That Your City's Mayor Might Be Smoking Crack
And you were worried about Anthony Weiner's penis.
Nov 6, 2013
Best of Baron von Funny: August-September 2012
From Bigfoot to rejected TV pilots to Invisible Obama (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Nov 1, 2013
Surprising Items Found in Kids' Treat Bags This Halloween
Look, some of us forgot to buy candy, and those underpants had only been worn once!
Oct 18, 2013
Signs That You're Addicted to Oreos
Things fall apart; the creamy center cannot hold.
Oct 11, 2013
Other Amazing Things Peyton Manning Can Do
Soon to be documented in the TV movie The Pass That Fixed Obamacare!
Oct 4, 2013
Additional Demands of the GOP "Suicide Caucus"
We object to the term "Suicide Caucus", when you could have said "Put Myself to Sleep Caucus".
Oct 3, 2013
The Best Show on TV
"Breaking Bad" is gone. But don't cry over spilled meth; there is still greatness out there.
Sep 27, 2013
Lesser-Known Provisions of the Affordable Care Act
Confusing enough to ensure that the uninsured don't feel so sure about their insurance.
Sep 20, 2013
Other Things Starbucks Would Like Its Customers to Stop Doing
It's like they won't even just sit quietly and sip their coffee and maybe eat a couple pastries while listening to this new Paul McCartney album that's on sale for $9.99. Sheesh.
Sep 13, 2013
Rejected Pilots for the 2013 Fall TV Season
Instead, watch James Caan get back in the game in Back in the Game! ABC you on the couch, America!
Sep 6, 2013
Pros and Cons of Swimming for 53 Hours
Just in case you were thinking about trying it yourself.
Aug 30, 2013
Things You Should Do After Labor Day
But why won't anyone give us any do's and don'ts for Grandparents Day?
Aug 23, 2013
Ways to Mispronounce the Name Benedict Cumberbatch
And don't even ask about Shia LaBeouf.
Aug 16, 2013
Least Popular Snack Chips
Which means they're still eaten more often than carrots.
Aug 14, 2013
Best of Baron von Funny: June-July 2012
From unpopular superheroes to Mitt Romney's tax returns to the Octomom porn film (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Aug 9, 2013
Other Things That Are Causing Tension Between Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin
Let's just hope no one serves them a single Eggo waffle.
Jul 26, 2013
Pseudonyms Anthony Weiner Considered Before Choosing "Carlos Danger"
Because you want to make sure the fake name you use for anonymous internet sex reflects the ideas and values of your political campaign.
Jul 12, 2013
Warning Signs People Missed That Aaron Hernandez Might Be a Murderer
It was probably because they were all quiet loners who kept to themselves.
Jul 5, 2013
Less-Heralded Things About Being an American That Are Worth Celebrating This Week
Paging Francis Scott Key and Irving Berlin!
Jun 28, 2013
Additional Movies in the Works That Will Feature a U.S. President
And look for Richard Dreyfuss to reprise his role as Dick Cheney with Bill Pullman as Dan Quayle in Hunting Quayle!
Jun 21, 2013
Other Things Rep. Michael Burgess Has Seen a Fetus Do
"Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and then the baby looked at me." "The baby looked at you?"
Jun 14, 2013
Surprising Things the NSA Has Learned from Spying on Americans
It's enough to put you off eavesdropping forever.
Jun 7, 2013
Viewer Complaints About After Earth
Guess this puts the kibosh on After After Earth: The Re-Earthening, huh?
Jun 5, 2013
Best of Baron von Funny: April-May 2012
From lesser-known diseases to the Secret Service scandal to the Cannes film festival (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
May 31, 2013
Additional "Facts" Michele Bachmann Would Like You to Know Before She Leaves Office
The extra N in Bachmann is for "nowledge"!
May 24, 2013
Least Popular Tourist Attractions
Suddenly, spending a week at Aunt Gladys's in Schenectady doesn't sound so bad.
May 23, 2013
The Minnesota Timberwolves Fan's Guide to the Five Stages of Post-Lottery Grief
Minnesotan, comedian and Parks and Recreation writer Joe Mande nails it.—JM
May 17, 2013
Headlines That Less Mature New York City Newspaper Editors Could Run During an Anthony Weiner Mayoral Campaign
Weiner is the gift that keeps on giving.
May 10, 2013
Least Popular Mother's Day Gifts
And you thought the labor pains were uncomfortable.
May 3, 2013
Less Groundbreaking Revelations About Other NBA Players
Maybe we'll just keep the focus on the court for a while, fellas.
Apr 26, 2013
Alternate Uses for the U.S. Penny
A penny saved is a penny adding approximately 0.080 troy ounces of mass to your home.
Apr 19, 2013
Reasons Some Americans Have Not Filed Their Taxes Yet
In this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death, taxes, and procrastination.
Apr 17, 2013
Best of Baron von Funny: February-March 2012
From Jeremy Lin to high gas prices to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Apr 12, 2013
Surprising Proposals in President Obama's New Budget Plan
Gotta spend money to make money... unless you decide to just literally make more money.
Apr 5, 2013
Other Alarming Things Kim Jong-un Has Done Lately
Like insane father, like insane son.
Apr 4, 2013
The Late Night Wars Can Finally Declare a Winner: David Letterman
History will hold Letterman's late night legacy in higher regard than Leno's. Could not agree more.—BK
Mar 29, 2013
Complaints of Jon Hamm's Penis
Next up: the philosophical entreaties of January Jones's breasts.
Mar 22, 2013
Rejected Celebrity Reality Shows
Not to be confused with Rejected!, the celebrity reality show where celebrities pitch ill-fated reality show ideas.
Mar 15, 2013
Job Requirements of the New Pope
A job so back-breakingly tough that the last guy quit!
Mar 8, 2013
Other Things That You Should Probably Worry About
Including worrying about whether you are worrying enough the things you should be worried about.
Mar 1, 2013
Additional Ways Sequestration Will Cut Federal Spending
You can't spell "federal sequestration" without "fear eloquent disaster"!
Feb 22, 2013
Other Unusual Deals Being Offered By U.S. Retailers
Buy this blurb and get half off a second blurb of equal or lesser value!
Feb 21, 2013
The Recline and Fall of Western Civilization
People who recline their airplane seat a little are okay, but full recliners? Worse than Hitler.—BK
Feb 15, 2013
Real Reasons the Pope is Retiring
Do they make an RV version of the Popemobile?
Feb 8, 2013
Rejected New Tokens for Monopoly
It takes a lot of work to come up with something better than a thimble.
Feb 6, 2013
Best of Baron von Funny: December 2011-January 2012
From Black Friday to holiday wish lists to Rick Santorum (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Feb 4, 2013
Feb. 3 Birthday: John Jefferson
The "Air Coryell" Chargers were my favorite NFL team when I was a kid (what can I say, the Vikings turned lousy during that time, and my attention wandered), so this profile of J.J. Jefferson brings back fond memories.—BK
Feb 1, 2013
Additional Perks of Being Named Super Bowl MVP
To the victor go the spoils a brand-new 2014 Chevrolet Corvette convertible!
Jan 25, 2013
Terrible Things That Are Already Happening as a Result of Beyoncé Lip-Synching the National Anthem
You ruined everything, ruiner!
Jan 18, 2013
Pros and Cons of Having an Imaginary Girlfriend
Call her Maybe?
Jan 14, 2013
Hits and Misses
This summary of everything Pete Rose says and does in his new TLC reality show is almost enjoyable enough to convince me to watch it... but nah.—BK
Jan 11, 2013
Real Reasons the BBWAA Didn't Vote Anyone Into the Baseball Hall of Fame This Year
Clearly they're saving their votes for the year that Arli$$ becomes eligible for induction.
Jan 8, 2013
Norm Macdonald's Keeping Resolutions, Vol. 1: A Plan in the Desert
"I've been told I have a problem. A psychiatrist once said that I gambled in order to escape the reality of life. I told him that's why everybody does everything. But he had a point."—JM
Jan 4, 2013
Memorable Moments from 2012 That May Not Have Actually Happened
It's possible we were drinking at the time.
Jan 1, 2013
Fun and Games
Leitch feels steroids and sabermetrics are sucking the joy out of the Hall of Fame voting process, killing what used to be the most fun debate in sports. I agree.—BK
Dec 21, 2012
Lesser-Known Reindeer Who Used to Work for Santa
But where's their beloved holiday jingles and stop-motion Christmas specials?
Dec 19, 2012
Best of Baron von Funny: October-November 2011
From Herman Cain to Broadway shows to inappropriate Halloween costumes (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Dec 14, 2012
Least Popular Searches on Google
Boldly going where no man has gone before.
Dec 10, 2012
Guiding Human Behavior Via Guerrilla Social Media Tactics: A Study
God bless the Internet. Without it, I'd have had no reason to ever hear this piece existed. Instead it has been found, read, and greatly appreciated.—JS
Dec 7, 2012
Rejected Names for the New Royal Baby
Ehh, it's not like anyone's going to be paying attention.
Nov 30, 2012
Other Names Considered Before Settling on the Term "Fiscal Cliff"
It's important that we all agree on the term we're going to mutter under our breath later when we're forced to eat pigeons while living in our shantytown.
Nov 16, 2012
Additional New York Jets Complaints About Tim Tebow
Tebow? More like Te-blows! (The Jets would also like to file a complaint about this blurb.)
An NFL Punter To Hall Of Fame Voters: Ray Guy Was Great At His Job. You Suck At Yours.
Kluwe's new passel of breathlessly swooning left-wing Johnny-come-lately admirers (and who can blame any of you?) probably don't need to read this one; the whole thing is about nothing more than punting footballs.—JM
Nov 15, 2012
Some thoughts and musings about making things for the web.
Well, this is just awesome.—BK
Nov 9, 2012
Surprising Moments from the 2012 Election That May Not Have Actually Happened
We can really only remember about 47% of it.
Nov 8, 2012
Righties, Lefties, and an Election
Not since Bill Simmons proposed the "all-time white basketball players vs. all-time black basketball players" question has a debate been more interesting or fiercely competitive. As a Minnesota homer I can't possibly countenance the inclusion of Yogi Berra over Joe Mauer, but otherwise this is a marvelous exercise.—JM
Nov 2, 2012
Changes That Will Be Made to the Star Wars Franchise Under Disney
A corporation known for never pinching pennies and a fan base that always handles alterations well. What could possibly go wrong?
Oct 30, 2012
How Hurricane Sandy Brought Back the Old David Letterman
Pretty terrific review of Letterman's no-audience show Monday night, which was funny, fascinating television.—BK
Oct 26, 2012
Least Popular Sexy Halloween Costumes
Guaranteed to put the fright in your All Hallows' Eve night.
Oct 23, 2012
A College That Should Be Disbanded
This piece makes a pretty half-hearted argument, but I'm all aboard the "let's abolish the electoral college" train these days so why not link to it anyway?—JM
Oct 19, 2012
Other Things Undecided Voters Can't Decide
To be, or not to be... can they get back to you on that?
Oct 12, 2012
Least Popular Board Games
This is what happens when you buy from Bilton Mradley.
Oct 10, 2012
Best of Baron von Funny: August-September 2011
From the U.S. credit downgrade to the NBA lockout to the HPV vaccine (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Oct 8, 2012
Without Voting, Noncitizens Could Swing the Election For Obama
Despite the title, this piece is a pretty effective takedown of the electoral college. Turns out both Democrats and Republicans have self-serving reasons to dislike it!—JM
Oct 5, 2012
Things Overheard at the First Presidential Debate
Now with 20% more quiet snickering about the use of the word "rebuttal"!
Sep 28, 2012
Perks Conceded to the NFL Referees in Order to Get Them Back to Work
Looks like someone's union is contractually ready for some footbaaalll!
Sep 21, 2012
Pros and Cons of Being Jesus' Wife
Even he who is without sin can sometimes be a pain in the ass.
Sep 19, 2012
Steve Sabol, Creative Force Behind NFL Films, Dies at 69
America is the world's preeminent economic force. Pro football is America's preeminent sports pastime. And I maintain that it's because of Steve Sabol. RIP.—JM
Sep 14, 2012
Rejected Pilots for the 2012 Fall TV Season
Well, they can't all be The Mob Doctor, can they?
Sep 7, 2012
Other Things That Can Be Attributed to Invisible Obama
But will he meet his match in Ultra-Visible Romney?
Sep 6, 2012
The Marriage Problem That Comes Every Four Years
What to do when you and your spouse have different political beliefs? Well, if you're like me, you can just take solace in the fact that she's never followed politics closely at all, so that's why she votes wrong.—JM
Aug 31, 2012
Pros and Cons of Dressing Up as Bigfoot
It's not a hobby, it's a lifestyle.
Aug 24, 2012
Other "Facts" Rep. Todd Akin Would Like to Share With You
He's learnding!
Aug 23, 2012
Why Your Website Sucks, By Minnesota Vikings Punter Chris Kluwe: A Rebuttal
Well, allow me to retort!—JM
Aug 22, 2012
I'm Right, You're Wrong and Other Political Truths
A delightful must-read. No matter which side you're on.—JM
Aug 17, 2012
Little-Known Facts About Republican Vice Presidential Candidate Paul Ryan
Because we demand to know everything there is to know about a guy we never heard of a week ago!
Aug 13, 2012
Is Football Wrong?
Leitch wonders whether what we've learned about concussions and the long-term health damage they cause is making it ethically challenging to enjoy the sport.—BK
Aug 10, 2012
Ways That McDonald's Plans to Rejuvenate Their Business
Get ready to indiscriminately shove more things into your food hole!
Aug 9, 2012
Vanity Fair Profiled the Brant Brothers Because Vanity Fair Hates You
I'd never heard of these dipshits before this link popped up on Twitter, but now I am completely in love with them (or at least their grey ladybug boots). #fjm—JS
Aug 6, 2012
Best of Baron von Funny: June-July 2011
From the GOP candidates to unpopular cereals to the debt ceiling (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Tig Notaro at Largo
As close as we're likely to get to a transcript or video of what sounds like a truly amazing set. If this link doesn't interest you, I'm pretty sure you're on the wrong site.—JS
Aug 3, 2012
Rejected Summer Olympics Events
Guess the bar was set too high by Equestrian Eventing.
New York Yankees Facebook Page Announces Derek Jeter To Miss Rest Of Season Due To Sex Change
A hacker took over the Facebook pages of several MLB teams on Thursday, with hilarious results.—BK
The Seven Myths of Helicopter Parenting
I thought becoming a parent would humble my persistent criticism of other parents just doing their best to get by, but no: it's still fun to jeer at parents who are doing their best and doing it wrong.—JS
Aug 2, 2012
Enthralling Books: The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay
This book never quite captivated me the way I hoped it would, but I'm nonetheless appreciative of its skill and craft.—JS
Jul 31, 2012
Patton Oswalt's Letters to Both Sides
Oswalt's keynote address at Montreal's Just For Laughs 2012. An entertaining look at the state of comedy and the democratization of content distribution.—JS
Jul 27, 2012
Secrets Hidden in Mitt Romney's Unreleased Tax Returns
Let he who is without millions in income being exempted through the use of dozens of loopholes cast the first stone.
Jul 24, 2012
Jul 20, 2012
Least Popular Superheroes
Of course, this kind of hurtful rejection is just the sort of thing that turns superheroes into supervillains.
Jul 13, 2012
Lesser-Known Rhyming Aphorisms
If the aphorism doesn't rhyme, then it isn't worth a lousy nickel.
Jul 11, 2012
Relativistic Baseball
What would happen if you tried to hit a baseball pitched at 90% the speed of light? The answer will delight you. Hilarious and fascinating.—JS
Jul 6, 2012
Neighborhood Complaints About Your Behavior on Independence Day
Did you learn nothing from Flag Day?
Jul 2, 2012
Tampa Bay's Fauxback Uniform
In an effort to mine from a history they don't have, Tampa Bay pretended "Rays" was short for a relocated team of "Padres". One fan is unamused.—JS
Jun 29, 2012
Signs That Your City Is Going Bankrupt
You never should have built it on rock n' roll.
Jun 28, 2012
Hollywood's creative talent wants to be on cable
Kind of odd to have a trend piece like this two or three years after the trend has been painfully obvious to even the most casual observer, but who knows? Maybe this is the one that makes the studios take notice, and they carve up the Hangover 3 budget to make four interesting, original movies.—JS
Jun 22, 2012
Surprises Found in the Octomom Porn Film
Guaranteed to start a new wave of octoeroticism!
The Episode When David Letterman Was Too Tired to Do a Show
1) I remember watching this episode when I was 14, and loving it. 2) Go listen to the Letterman interview on Alec Baldwin's "Here's the Thing" podcast. 3) You can watch old Letterman episodes at the Paley Center for Media library? I guess I know where I'm going to live when I retire.—BK
Jun 15, 2012
Least Popular Father's Day Gifts
It's enough to drive a man to a vasectomy.
Jun 8, 2012
Signs That Americans' Heads Are Growing Too Large
Damn that Mr. Burns and his Brain & Nerve Tonic!
Jun 6, 2012
On U.S. car license plates, DAMNIML8 is OK, TOILET is not
If there's a heaven, I'm sure it consists of little else other than me getting to decide who gets to put what on their vanity license plates. And what names people are allowed to give their kids.—JM
Jun 1, 2012
Other Things People Might Do While High on "Bath Salts"
We can only assume it's a gateway drug to "bath peppers".
May 30, 2012
Best of Baron von Funny: April-May 2011
From the Rapture to bad prom themes to the Royal Wedding (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Letterman on post-9/11 show: "I remember not wanting to go back"
What?? Regis Philbin filled in for Piers Morgan Tuesday night and interviewed David Letterman and I missed it?!? Luckily, most of it seems to be here.—BK
May 25, 2012
New Ways That Scott Pelley Could Sign Off the CBS Evening News
You stay classy, America's Most Watched Network!
May 18, 2012
Least Popular Films at the Cannes Film Festival
We're pretty sure they're not saying "Boo-urns".
Dan Harmon is No Longer Showrunner on Community
In my experience, when a TV show loses its creator, the quality always declines; especially when that creator had a unique voice and a strong vision. I hope that won't be the case here, but I'm not very optimistic.—BK
May 11, 2012
Things That Modern Science Cannot Explain
So phrenology's looking pretty good right about now, huh?
May 8, 2012
Movie Titles As Written by the Creators of We Bought a Zoo
We laughed uncontrollably.—JS
May 7, 2012
When Good Movies Are Bad News
We're going to have mindless summer action movies; that's a given. I know I'm excited when one actually turns out great (Iron Man, last year's Mission: Impossible). But even that comes with a downside.—JS
May 4, 2012
Other "Oops Moments" Rick Perry Says God Will Forgive
But if you hang toilet paper in the improper underhand fashion, you're on your own.
What Yankee Hotel Foxtrot Said
I don't agree with every part of the analysis, but anytime someone takes a closer look at my favorite album ever, I'm in.—BK
May 1, 2012
How To Succeed In Tetris and Life: 7 Secrets Of an 18-Year-Old Grand Master
I always suspected that the secrets of existence lay deep within the game of Tetris. Now we know for sure.—JM
Apr 30, 2012
Veep's Anna Chlumsky on politics, My Girl
I think we've set a new record for level-headedness and clear thinking in a celebrity interview. I'm even more in love with her than I was when we were 12.—JS
Apr 27, 2012
Chien-Ming Wang Headlines That Less Mature Sports Feature Editors Could Try to Run a Few Months From Now
And they're keeping an eye on that Albert Pujols situation in Anaheim.
Apr 24, 2012
Avengers Director Joss Whedon on His Creative Setbacks
The Times has had an entire series with Whedon in the run up to his movie (which I'm becoming more and more excited about). All great, but this one was the best.—JS
Apr 22, 2012
Regrets of the Dying
Compelling stuff. A unique perspective on what people care about at a time when their priorities are brought into sharp focus.—JS
Apr 20, 2012
New Mottos for the U.S. Secret Service
Ask not what your country can do for you; ask who you can do for your country.
Apr 13, 2012
Questions Asked of Tax Professionals at Filing Time
Nothing is certain except death and taxes... and stupid questions.
Fanfare for the Comma Man
Dog-whistle punctuation discussion for elites only? Check. Guy who sounds like a Star Wars character? Check. Smug punny Copland reference? Check. I want to go to there!—JS
Apr 12, 2012
Nick Offerman on Scotch, Meat, and Making Love to Megan Mullally in Diners
With a title like that, do you really even need an article?—BK
Apr 10, 2012
Every Jump of the General Lee, Seasons 1-6
We post strictly text links around here, since this site is about reading. However, I feel quite certain my co-contributors will approve an exception for this video.—JS
Apr 9, 2012
Is This The Worst Book Ever?
It sounds like Kenny Powers has finally turned his literary talents to the sci-fi genre.—JS
Apr 6, 2012
Lesser-Known Diseases That Are on the Rise
It's an epidemiological epidemic!
Mar 30, 2012
Ways Americans Are Dealing with High Gas Prices
And don't even get them started on the rising cost of outrage!
Parks and Recreation's Ron Swanson: Simply Irresistible
This link is worth clicking for the picture alone. The article focuses a little too much on the writer's personal taste in men, but the picture... [kisses fingertips, makes that "Mwah!" sound]—BK
Mar 29, 2012
Making the Case For "Cougar Town" As Best Comedy
I wouldn't say "Cougar Town" is the best comedy, but it certainly deserves to be in the discussion. I bet you didn't know that, did you!—JM
Mar 28, 2012
Best of Baron von Funny: February-March 2011
From Charlie Sheen to St. Patrick's Day drinking to the 2010 U.S. Census (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Mar 26, 2012
Your Brain on Fiction
As someone who got in trouble for "reading too much," I find this vindicating.—TG
Mar 23, 2012
Other Changes Michael Bay Has Planned for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Franchise
But surely the man who made Pearl Harbor will be faithful to the source material!
5 Reasons "The Walking Dead" Has To Get Better
"I don't watch it because it's a good show; I watch it because I really want it to be a good show." So, so true... [massive, massive spoilers abound]—JM
Please Stop Apologizing
This is my way of passing this link along to co-contributor Joe Mulder, who shares Maher's disdain for the Pussy Apology. I'm offended on behalf of Mitt Romney, who may seem like a bland, milquetoast panderer, but took a strong stand on the issue that really matters: tree height.—JS
Mar 22, 2012
At 49, Jamie Moyer Is Slower, But Not Stopping
If you're younger than Jamie Moyer, who is attempting to make the Colorado Rockies roster, then you have no business feeling old.—JM
Do Zombies Poop? An Investigation
Finally, this site's love of television merges with its source of inspiration.—BK
Mar 16, 2012
Things Overheard in the Customer Lines for the New iPad
Though some of them are probably just getting in line now for the iPhone 5.
Exclusive: Nick Offerman on His New Films, Nudity, and Being Ron Swanson
My love of Offerman keeps growing, and I'm hoping to see his work in Will Ferrell's Casa de mi Padre very soon.—BK
Sir Jonathan Ive: The iMan Cometh
Interesting conversation about design and the innovative spirit, with Apple's chief design guru.—JS
Mar 15, 2012
A Field Guide to the Middle-Class U.S. Family
UCLA anthropologists spent a decade studying some middle class American families, and what they found was not pretty.—BK
Why "Raising Hope" is Fox's "Parks and Rec"
Even if "Raising Hope" wasn't the show that my five-year-old daughter and I watch together to create precious bonding time, I'd still think it was one of the best on TV.—JM
Mar 9, 2012
Other Reasons Peyton Manning and the Colts Are Parting Ways
Nothing old can stay.
Five Things Bob's Burgers Does Better Than The Simpsons
Could not have said it better myself. I am so excited for the return of Bob's Burgers this Sunday!—BK
Mar 7, 2012
"Tricky People" Are the New "Strangers"
Diminished kidnapper/molester hysteria and no cutesy nicknames for genitals? I love this woman! (Hat tip, my wife, whom I love even more.)—JS
Mar 2, 2012
Rejected McDonald's Menu Items
Because the company that brought you the Hulaburger and the Arch Deluxe will not tolerate any bad ideas.
Mar 1, 2012
Movie Draft: A Private Life
This is not a romantic comedy. It is a pornographic detour from the promise of human evolution.
Movie Draft: The Village on the River
Bringing to mind the mnemonic: Even Bad Entertainment Requires Tenacity.
Feb 29, 2012
Movie Draft: The New Land
The New Land? More like The Booooo Land. ["I was saying Booo-urns Land."]
Feb 28, 2012
Movie Draft: Man of Iron
The original Man of Steel, Christopher Reeve, is both quadriplegic and dead. You'd still have more fun spending two hours with him than watching this movie.
Feb 27, 2012
Teller Reveals His Secrets
If you know Penn & Teller, you know Teller never speaks. If you really know them, you know it's always fascinating when he does.—JS
Feb 24, 2012
Campaign Slogans For and Against This Year's Oscar Nominees
At least it's more civilized than the barbed wire steel cage match they use to decide the winners at the Latin Grammys.
Feb 23, 2012
No, The Sopranos Didn't Ruin Television
An interesting counterpoint. What an age we live in, that TV is worthy of such lengthy and satisfying discussion!—JS
Feb 17, 2012
Little-Known Facts About Jeremy Lin
It's a truly Jeremcredible story.
Feb 13, 2012
Pass Happy
"Ricky Rubio has the vision of a hawk and the visage of a muppet." Best. Caption. Ever.—BK
Feb 10, 2012
Least Popular Valentine's Day Gifts
What could go wrong with a homemade "I Love V.D." T-shirt?
Feb 9, 2012
The Incredible Shrinking Liz Lemon: From Woman To Little Girl
With 30 Rock now in syndication, it has been interesting to re-watch the early episodes and see how much the show has changed over time, and lately, not for the better. Holmes's analysis speaks to that recent change.—BK
Feb 3, 2012
Reasons That the Super Bowl Party You're Attending Isn't Very Enjoyable
Guess you should've gone to that National Weatherperson's Day party instead.
Feb 2, 2012
The 10 Best Super Bowls in Trivia History
We could all probably use just a tiny bit more Ken Jennings in our lives.—JM
Feb 1, 2012
Best of Baron von Funny: December 2010-January 2011
From Derek Jeter's contract to Santa's naughty list to New Year's resolutions (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Tom Brady: Using the Wrong Part Of His Brain Since 2008
The part about the trap shooter? That's totally me when I play Nintendo Wii bowling.—JM
Jan 27, 2012
Surprising Moments From President Obama's State of the Union Address
You can't spell "State of the Union" without "uneaten fish toot."
President John Tyler's Grandchildren Still Alive
John Tyler, our 10th president, was born in 1790. Two of his biological grandsons live among us today. And amazingly, this story contains no references to zombification.—JM
Jan 20, 2012
Other Ways Mark Wahlberg Would Have Changed History If Only He'd Been There
Watch out, John Wilkes Booth – you're about to get Italian Jobbed!
I hope SOPA passes.
An interesting take on the controversy of the week, in Maddox's typical opinionated but well-reasoned style.—JS
Jan 19, 2012
The Bob Famine: Athletes Aren't Named 'Bob' Anymore and There's Nothing We Can Do About It
"[A]nother of the things about Bobs: they choose to transform their given name of Robert into 'Bob,' and in so doing enter Bobhood of their own accord." That might be the best thing anybody's ever written.—JM
9 Things I Learned In the Parent Encouragement Program, AKA Shitty Parents Anonymous
"We were told there was a list out there that detailed typical behaviors for children based upon their age. Two-year-olds will throw things. Five-year-olds will break things." My kids are five and two, and... yep.—JM
Jan 13, 2012
Other Baby Names Considered By Beyoncé and Jay-Z
Namin' ain't easy.
Ricky Gervais Is Losing His Edge by Not Shutting Up About His Edge
I like Gervais, but I do find myself wishing he'd just stop talking about the damn Golden Globes already.—BK
Jan 12, 2012
Is Your Personality Making You Put on Pounds?
Some interesting new angles on the connection between emotions, lifestyle, and weight gain, along with some ideas for changing your personal habits.—BK
Jan 10, 2012
Interview: Nick Offerman on writing a Parks and Recreation script
The actor, who so brilliantly portrays Ron Swanson, will make his writing debut later this season. Is there anything the man can't do?—BK
Jan 6, 2012
Signs That Rick Santorum's Strong Showing in Iowa Is Going to His Head
Looks like someone's drunk on power... and significant amounts of homemade corn liquor.
Jan 4, 2012
Google, Amazon, Facebook, and Twitter considering "nuclear option" to protest SOPA
There might be a blackout; better Google everything ahead of time just in case you want to look it up later.—JS
Jan 3, 2012
I'll tell you why movie revenue is dropping...
It's sad when the answers are so obvious and nobody does anything about it. But it's becoming remarkably familiar (see also: Congress, NBC, BCS).—JS
Dec 30, 2011
Memorable Moments from 2011 That May Not Have Actually Happened
Remembering the year that wasn't.
My First Time on a Topps Baseball Card
This brought a smile to my face as a guy who's barely even into baseball. I imagine the guys who are actually into baseball will get a big kick out of it.—JS
Dec 23, 2011
Items on Your Holiday Wish List That You Won't Be Receiving
Ask and ye shall receive a Starbucks gift card instead.
Dec 21, 2011
I Would Like To Help You Get Your Show Cancelled
Shit My Dad Says was a truly abysmal sitcom, but How to Be a Gentleman was bursting with potential in the form of Rhys Darby. Too bad the lame and clich gentleman/jock concept dragged it down.—JS
Dec 19, 2011
Review: Jason Reitman's Live Read of The Princess Bride
Living in L.A. as I do, I considered moving heaven and earth to try to find a way to get into this sold-out event. It turns out I definitely should have, as it would have been the greatest thing I'd ever seen.—JM
Dec 16, 2011
Other Ways God Has Helped Tim Tebow
Kinda makes you wonder who the Vikings are praying to.
Dec 15, 2011
Im Tired of Paying for Cable Channels I Never Watch
Palone thinks la carte cable pricing isn't too far off. God, I hope he's right.—BK
Dec 14, 2011
Best of Baron von Funny: October-November 2010
From celebrity products to George W. Bush's memoir to the trapped Chilean miners (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
A Statement by Louis C.K.
For a piece of writing explaining how well something has sold, this is breathtaking. (And we do have that strict post-every-word-Louis-C.K.-ever-utters policy.)—TG
Dec 13, 2011
Manos: The Hands of Fate: Carefully Restoring the Opposite of a Masterpiece
Widely regarded as the worst film ever made – even the MST3K episode around it isn't that great. Now in pristine HD!—JS
Dec 12, 2011
The Symbolism Survey
A high schooler and aspiring novelist sent surveys to dozens of popular authors in the 1960s, and a surprising number responded. I'd love to see a similar survey of filmmakers – and shove it up the ass of some of my film school profs!—JS
Dec 9, 2011
Other Celebrities Who Have Been Kicked Off of Planes
Still, you're nobody until you've been thrown out of a Shoney's.
NFL 2011 - Week 14
The fantasy playoffs have begun... or, if you went up against Pittsburgh's Antonio Brown in last night's game like I did, they might be over before they even started.
Fifty-Eight Reasons I Love Community (One for Each Episode)
If you're not watching Community by now, shame on you. And you may have missed your chance. But here are some great reasons to catch up on DVD.—JS
Dec 8, 2011
$56 Billion Later, Airport Security Is Junk
A fairly reasonable critique of the TSA's waste and misdirected focus. Which makes it all the more frustrating that it will fall on deaf ears.—JS
Dec 7, 2011
Harry Morgan, Colonel Potter on 'M*A*S*H,' Dies at 96
If M*A*S*H was my first TV family, then Harry Morgan's Col. Potter was my TV father. The show was like my bible for friendship, love, and life. And for that, I am grateful to him.—BK
On the impracticality of a cheeseburger
An interesting study. If it starts to sound preachy in the middle, hang on. The Sagan quote at the end pays it all off nicely.—JS
Dec 6, 2011
Fast Food's Dirty Little Secret: It's the Middle Class Buying Burgers
So says a new study, making the point that it's less about saving money and more about saving time. And as a parent, I concur: there are nights when it is simply the faster, easier option. But as with all things not-so-good-for-you, the key is moderation.—BK
A Sobering Look at Alcohol: 10-Year Study Finds High Death Rate
Moderation, people!—BK
Dec 5, 2011
A Wise Man Knows One Thing: The Limits of His Knowledge
As a corollary, if the small man is so wise, then why is he so small?—JS
Dec 2, 2011
Signs That You're Too Obsessed With Black Friday
A penny saved is a penny you can jab into someone's eye to keep them from grabbing that toaster.
Dec 1, 2011
The Search for a More Perfect Kilogram
Lots of staggering information in this article, but what really stunned me is that a guy who gets paid to polish a glass ball for six hours a day would have the gall to retire.—JS
Nov 30, 2011
In Val Kilmer's World Crazy Things Seem Normal And Normal Things Seem Crazy
Vintage Klosterman. It's a shame this was written six years ago, because I sense it would only be crazier today.—JS
Nov 27, 2011
NFL 2011 - Week 12
Just the picks, ma'am. [The full column will be back next week]
Nov 25, 2011
Less Interesting Versions of Famous Book Titles
Yeah, you can go ahead and judge these books by their covers.
Louis C.K.: The Next Steve Jobs Will Be A Chick
Of course that's the headline. But that isn't really what the article is about. It's about parenting daughters, and why girls are awesome.—JS
Nov 18, 2011
Other Things Mike Krzyzewski Can Do Better Than Bob Knight
But Knight will always have that TV movie where he was played by Brian Dennehy.
NFL 2011 - Week 11
Just one more week, and then these pesky byes will be done plaguing fantasy football players forever! Well, or until next season.
Why Community's Hiatus Isn't That Big a Deal
A whole lot of wishful thinking here, but none of these points is simply absurd on its face. It'll be nice to watch some 30 Rock for a while, and if Community returns it'll be better than ever (and if not, they went out before going stale.)—JS
Nov 17, 2011
To Increase Jobs, Increase Economic Freedom
Every time I read an op-ed from the Whole Foods CEO I'm like, "Yes! Can this guy be president?" And every time I buy a steak at one of his stores I'm like, "Mmmmm! This is delicious!"—JM
Nov 11, 2011
Least Popular New Broadway Shows
I smell some Tonys! (Oh wait, it's just Danza and Shalhoub.)
NFL 2011 - Week 10
The football picks are back! Not with a vengeance, by any stretch of the imagination... but they're back nonetheless.
Nov 10, 2011
The Culture of Unrest at Penn State
I don't know if anyone out there is writing better stuff than Weinreb about the Penn State scandal. Despite close personal ties (grew up there, an alum, and appears to still live there), he's maintaining a level of journalistic objectivity that, combined with genuine emotion, makes for riveting reading.—BK
Nov 4, 2011
Herman Cain Pickup Lines or Things People Might Say in a Restaurant
Once you go black, you'll need to sign a binding non-disclosure agreement.
NFL 2011 - Week 9
I'm taking a bye week...
Nov 3, 2011
The Birth Control Solution
Seriously, dudes. We have to stop making so many people.—TG
Oct 28, 2011
Inappropriate Halloween Costumes
It used to be about the candy, man.
How Revolutionary Tools Cracked a 1700s Code
Google? Portland? Cryptography? USC? This is the most boring thing to contain so many things I'm interested in! (And it's actually pretty cool.)—JS
Oct 26, 2011
Six Reasons to Have Six Kids
For the alternative, "Fuck you, world!", perspective. (The only reason to have more than three children is if your husband dies and you move in with a semi-closeted widower architect who has three of his own.)—JS
Oct 21, 2011
Upcoming Movie Remakes Featuring Talking Animals
And by "talking animal", we don't mean Vin Diesel.
It's Official: To Protect Baby's Brain, Turn Off TV
What's actually official is something any sane parent already knows: "everything in moderation". The real threat to baby's brain will be if I strangle him because I'm on zero sleep and haven't had a chance to relax with a little TV.—JS
Oct 20, 2011
After DVDs
This is probably the most level-headed analysis of the recent Netflix hullaballoo that I've come across.—BK
Oct 19, 2011
"Sybil Exposed": Memory, lies and therapy
A new book by Debbie Nathan exposes the lies and misdeeds that trumped up an "outbreak" of multiple-personality disorder and ruined countless lives. Nathan consulted on Capturing the Friedmans, which rates among the most chilling documentaries I've ever seen.—JS
Oct 14, 2011
Other Ideas Netflix is Scrapping
New Coke must be rolling in its grave.
NFL 2011 - Week 6
I sort of rushed this one. Feel free to rush your reading of it.
Do You Have Baby-Naming Remorse?
Here's my plan. Step 1: About five years from now, open up a tattoo removal clinic that also helps you file the necessarily legal documents to change the stupid name you idiotically gave your baby. Step 2: Instantly become the richest man in the world.—JM
Oct 12, 2011
Steve Jobs
The best Jobs recap I've read so far: an even-handed look at his achievements and legacy, inspiring without becoming gooey.—JS
Oct 11, 2011
The Geniuses We'll Never Know
Only a tiny, tiny percentage of people in human history who had the talent and will to innovate like Steve Jobs also had the freedom and the opportunity to do so.—JM
Oct 10, 2011
Bosses of the Bay
Both could be prickly and domineering. Both were visionaries in their field. Both did most of their best work in the Bay Area. Both wore black all the time. And both Al Davis and Steve Jobs died last week.—JM
Oct 7, 2011
Things Republicans Are Willing to Do If It Will Help Them Avoid Having Mitt Romney as Their 2012 Nominee
Looks like somebody poo-pooed the idea of Thaddeus McCotter a little too hastily.
Oct 5, 2011
Best of Baron von Funny: August-September 2010
From Glenn Beck University to the fall TV season to the Ground Zero mosque debate (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Oct 4, 2011
iPhone 6 Rumor Roundup
Feel like reading a rehash of a three-year-old Baron von Funny piece, without the careful editorial selection and curation? You'll probably still laugh! (Hat tip, Brian S.)—JS
Sep 30, 2011
Other Amazing Things That Happened on the Last Night of the MLB Regular Season
But no, you just had to watch Harry's Law, didn't you?
Sep 27, 2011
The PoopReading.com Top Ten TV Shows of the 2010-2011 Season
In which all of our lists, combined, tell you all you really need to know about what you should be watching.
Biology 101: Table setting
A delightful review of the Community season opener, by someone who seems to have a degree in the subject.—JS
Sep 26, 2011
David Javerbaum of "The Daily Show" and Adam Schlesinger of Fountains of Wayne Go Broadway With "Cry-Baby"
These guys nailed the Colbert Christmas special songs and crafted a magnificent opening song for NPH at the Tonys (plus a not-bad one for Jane Lynch at last week's Emmys). Makes me want to see "Cry-Baby" now.—JS
Sep 23, 2011
Other Side Effects Michele Bachmann Claims Are Caused by the HPV Vaccine
And don't get her started on that ridiculous polio booster.
Tenessa's Top Ten TV Shows from the 2010-2011 Season–Which Are Only in the Top Ten by Virtue of Having Been Watched at All by Tenessa
I really need to stop spending so much time with my family to make room for better TV.
Producer Gavin Polone on Why Remakes Are Killing the Movie Business
I agree wholeheartedly with this, but have very little hope that things will actually change.—BK
Sep 16, 2011
Rejected Pilots for the 2011 Fall TV Season
Of course, an approved pilot is simply one that gets rejected a month later.
Not About Steve
I've been waiting and waiting for the definitive post about Steve Jobs's departure from Apple. This one starts off a little technical, but the conclusion is the correct one.—JS
Sep 15, 2011
TV Review: The CW's H8r
I barely had a concept of H8R being a show before I read this ingenious takedown of it, but afterwards I was enticed to sample ten minutes of it. It's worse than he makes it sound.—JS
Sep 12, 2011
Coercive Charity Auction
Most of Adams's posts are entertaining, thought-provoking, or both. This one's pure genius.—JS
Sep 9, 2011
Least Popular Super Powers
What, like the British Empire and the Soviet Union? (Historical zing!)
Sep 7, 2011
Spoilers don't spoil anything
A new study suggests people enjoy a story more if they already know the ending. So the problem with modern movie trailers isn't that they give away the movie's ending – it's that they wait till the end of the trailer to do so.—JS
Why Netflixs Setbacks Shouldnt Make You Smash Your iPad in Anger
I'll admit, the loss of Starz makes me nervous, but I figure Netflix must've saw this sort of thing coming.—BK
Sep 2, 2011
Other Things You Shouldn't Do After Labor Day
This can also serve as a handy to-do list of things to squeeze into your last weekend of summer.
Buccaneers Switch from Playbook to iPad
You mean, if I had devoted every day from age 14 to becoming, say, an NFL punter, I could have an iPad right now? Well, I feel like a chump.—JS
Sep 1, 2011
How To Become a Twitter Superstar
I'm sorry, but if there's one thing that @RealJoeMulder won't do, it's shamelessly plug for Twitter followers.—JM
Aug 30, 2011
Birth of the nerd: The mysterious origins of the word
Tenessa hasn't posted a link yet this morning, but if she had, it almost certainly would have been this one.—JS
Aug 26, 2011
Things NBA Players Can Do to Pass the Time During the Lockout
If there's a worse time in life to have nothing to do than when you're young, athletic, and rich, medical science has yet to discover it.
How to get $12 billion of gold to Venezuela
Really more like a list of ways not to. It's still an interesting read, though.—JS
Aug 25, 2011
Most Online Daters Say They Like "30 Rock" In Order To Get Laid
In fairness, would you even think about contaminating the gene pool by reproducing with somebody who didn't like "30 Rock"?—JM
What's It Like To Have Your Film Flop At the Box Office?
Even guys who work on stuff like the Conan the Barbarian remake have feelings too.—JM
Aug 23, 2011
What Ever Happened to Class?: In Which I Attempt to Pinpoint the Exact Moment Dignity Died
SPOILER ALERT: "Paris Hilton was the pestilence-ridden straw that broke our society's back. I cannot put too fine a point on this."—TG
Aug 19, 2011
Special Features of Ground Force One
Go Ground Force and leave the driving to POTUS!
Q&A: 'Futurama's' Maurice LaMarche - One Of The Hardest Working Voices In Animation
LaMarche is well-known to fans of Animaniacs as The Brain from Pinky and the Brain and his brilliant work as Orson Welles sure spiced up The Critic, but he does hundreds of characters that don't sound exactly like Welles also!—JS
Aug 18, 2011
An Open Letter To Andy Serkis
I suppose when your claim to fame is "unseen monkey actor" you eventually get tired of working behind the scenes, but does anyone really think Serkis's level of fame is less than what his achievements merit?—JS
Aug 15, 2011
No Plans for 2013, but an Actor Seems Focused on the Mayors Office
I'm not a NYC resident, and my judgment is completely clouded by my fandom of Alec Baldwin's work on 30 Rock, so my opinion means very little, and yet... I want this to happen.—BK
Aug 12, 2011
New Mottos for the U.S. in Light of the Credit Downgrade
A downgrade is just an upgrade turned upside down!
Instructions for the Best Camp Closing Ceremony Ever.
The only camp I ever attended turned out to be a remedial science class for the dregs of North Florida's public school system. But I've always thought fondly of camp based on this profoundly entertaining episode of This American Life.—JS
Aug 11, 2011
Louie's Brilliant Second Season
In case you didn't get the message from the 798 previous times we mentioned it on this website, here it is once more: you really should be watching Louie.—BK
Self-Awareness: Pop-Culture's "Get Out of Jail" Card
As somebody whose opinions of Dane Cook, Michael Bolton and Aaron Sorkin changed as a result of the TV appearances featured in this very piece, I definitely understand what this guy is talking about.—JM
Aug 10, 2011
The Heady Thrill of Having Nothing to Do
The "Dilbert" author touts the importance of boredom in the creative process, a point of view I happen to agree with.—BK
Aug 8, 2011
Can a heat wave make you insane?
Jesus Christ, yes. (Oh, were we talking about the general you?)—JS
Aug 5, 2011
Ways Life Might Be Better Under the Rule of Apes
Perhaps we'll learn to love every ape we see, from chimpan-A to chimpan-Z.
Did the Nazis invent Fanta soft drinks?
As it turns out, no. The true story reads more like Schindler's List meets Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.—JS
I'm rich; tax me more
You'd expect a limousine liberal from commie California to say all this stuff, but that doesn't make it any less true.—JS
Aug 4, 2011
Do I Repeat Myself?
By 2000 BC, Egyptian scribe Khakheperresenb was lamenting that pretty much everything that needed to be written already had been. So... what's a writer to do?—JM
Aug 2, 2011
Does Grieving for Amy Winehouse Distract from Bigger Tragedies?
I don't generally mourn dead celebrities, but I thought this was a pretty fair response.—TG
Jul 29, 2011
Changes Being Made to Pro Football in the Wake of the New NFL Collective Bargaining Agreement
Are you ready for some post-union-decertification-and-possible-violations-of-antitrust-law football?!
The Professor and the Pornographer
Funny how our plans don't always work out the way we expected. Interesting times make for interesting bedfellows.—JS
The Campaign For Real Monopoly
Kind of strange timing, given today's political climate, but the point is that games can be a lot more fun and satisfying when everyone plays by the actual rules.—JS
Jul 28, 2011
The Left-Leaning Tower
Why is academia so liberal? There are a host of theories, none of which – refreshingly enough – are particularly insidious.—JM
When Innies Love Outies: How Odd Couples Cope
Maybe we can all just get along...—JM
Jul 27, 2011
Best of Baron von Funny: June-July 2010
From Mel Gibson to the Russian Spies to the vuvuzela (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Jul 26, 2011
The Best Show On TV
I wish I had more to say about "Breaking Bad." Unfortunately, it's so good that I'd feel silly adding anything.
Facebook: Personal Branding Made Easy
Yeah, it's still better to have dinner with friends.—TG
The Mother of All No-Brainers
I feel sorry for my Republican friends lately. The "NO TAXES EVER EVER EVER!" foot-stamping approach is genuinely embarrassing and does not seem to represent any majority, even within the party.—TG
Jul 22, 2011
Things That Might Happen if the U.S. Fails to Solve Its Debt Ceiling Crisis
"Professor, without knowing precisely what the danger is, would you say it's time for our viewers to crack each other's heads open and feast on the goo inside?" "Mmm, yes I would, Kent."
An Investment Manager's View of the Top 1%
I talked to a guy this weekend who argued – and seemed honestly to believe – that the wealthy are the most underprivileged and vulnerable people in America. And I love this guy a lot, but... Jeebus.—JS
The world's biggest problem? Too many people.
Overpopulation is definitely the issue I worry about most. It's one reason I'm enjoying Albert Brooks's 2030 so much. (Although the main reason is that it's damn excellent.)—JS
Jul 21, 2011
O'Brien Flops!
I don't know what made me think of this today, but this is one of my favorite things ever. It's a "review" of Conan's old NBC "Late Night" show, written back in 1993 by Conan himself.—JM
Let's Ban Books, Or At Least Stop Writing Them
Fear not, intrepid wordsmiths... he doesn't really mean it.—JM
Jul 20, 2011
Emmys Failure Analysis: Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
I like Modern Family as much as the next guy, but the author's point is well-taken: four nominees in one acting category is a bit much, especially when Nick Offerman is getting shut out.—BK
Jul 19, 2011
Why David Brent Is a Good Guy
It has been a long time since I watched the British version of The Office, so it was fun to relive the excruciating experience of the original horrible boss.—TG
Jul 15, 2011
Rejected Crayola Colors
But at least they have Pantone as their safety corporation.
An Ex-Pixar Designer Creates Astounding Kids' Book On iPad
I admit, the title had me thinking he created the book using his iPad, but frankly the book would only have been slightly more astounding if he had.—JS
Reason Seen More as Weapon Than Path to Truth
These guys think humans' reasoning ability evolved mainly to win arguments, not to home in on hard facts. So, if they convince people of this, does it make their theory true or false?—JS
Jul 11, 2011
The Star Market: Can Jason Bateman Unarrest His Development?
Stock market-style analysis of Bateman's movie career, and whether he can open a movie. Come on, Horrible Bosses and The Change-Up – the Arrested Development movie might hang in the balance!—BK
Jul 8, 2011
Other Changes Being Made to Facebook
Helping you connect and share with the people in your life even when none of you is exactly sure why.
Always On: How the iPhone Unlocked the Anything-Anytime-Anywhere Future
This is an interesting story about our overreliance on technology, but it only left me wishing for an iPhone app to match me with interesting, talkative cabbies.—JS
Jul 7, 2011
"But who versus? Who are we doing it versus?"
I found this rumination on political philosophy by Googling, on an absolute whim, a particularly silly line from a years-old episode of "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" that I'd just watched in reruns. God bless the internet.—JM
Jul 6, 2011
Trying to Sell a Comedy Movie? Ha.
Because of plummeting DVD sales, studios are scaling back budgets and looking for stuff that plays internationally, like physical comedy and animals. Suddenly I understand why Anchorman 2 has had such a hard time getting off the ground.—BK
Jul 5, 2011
Talking (Exclamation) Points
On whether or not the exclamation point is "appropriately sprightly" punctuation when used in e-mail.—TG
How Words Have the Power to Heal
If anyone needs me, I'll be writing about the miserable sunburn I got this weekend.—TG
Jul 1, 2011
Film Critic Complaints About Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Well, it's no Freddy Got Fingered, that's for sure.
Megan Mullally Talks Childrens Hospital, the Party Down Movie, and a Tammy vs. Tammy Showdown
Nothing not to like in that list. Mullally blew my socks off sitting in for Dave Letterman during his surgical recovery – she deserves more credit than she got for elevating any part of Will & Grace above its writing and awful leads.—JS
Are You a Secret Hero?
Take this quiz to find out whether or not you're a total badass.—TG
Jun 30, 2011
Sporcle Website Scores Big With Trivia Quizzes
Sporcle.com is the best thing ever. All other things, ever, are tied for last place.—JM
Jun 29, 2011
From Super 8 to Pixar: Oscar-Winner Michael Giacchinos 5 Pro Tips for Making it as a Film Composer
I know like three film composers: John Williams (duh), Carter Burwell (because of his work with the Coen Bros), and Giacchino. So if I know his name, you can assume he must be good.—BK
When Innies Love Outies: How Odd Couples Cope
I have experienced the complications of an introvert/extravert marriage, though our differences aren't as stark as the ones described here.—BK
Jun 28, 2011
Fields of Dreams
I just spent a week in North Dakota. This feature captures much of what I love about it.—TG
Jun 24, 2011
Least Popular Breakfast Cereals
Though they're all still preferable to Kellogg's Mueslix.
Kind of Screwed
A chilling account of the misuse of copyright and the fact that if you can't afford to defend your rights in court, they essentially don't exist.—JS
John Lasseter on the New Oscar Rules and Directing Cars 2 on His iPad
The one guy on the planet who can discuss a ten billion dollar movie merchandising haul in terms of how happy it makes little kids and I actually believe him.—JS
Jun 23, 2011
A Raw Voice of Young Manhood Makes a Bid For Literary Respect
I went to college with Chad Kultgen, I hung out a little with Chad Kultgen, and now he's actually doing stuff. It's so weird! People I know don't do stuff!—JM
Jun 22, 2011
Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts Talk Larry Crowne, Career Lows, and the Bosom Buddies Reunion That Almost Was
Come on, don't tell me Peter Scolari was supposed to be in Larry Crowne but it didn't work out! Now when I watch it, all I'll be able to think about is the lack of Scolari! I want Hanks and Scolari together 4eva!—BK
Jun 21, 2011
In Defense of Tracy Morgan
A lot of this is excerpted from the Slate article posted yesterday, but it includes further discussion and a great quote from Wanda Sykes. It reinforces my beliefs that comedians absolutely have the right to say anything, and that we absolutely have the right to declare hateful sentiments unacceptable.—TG
Jun 17, 2011
Little-Known Facts About the GOP Presidential Candidates
The more you know, the less you understand.
John Lasseter on Pixar's early days – and how Toy Story couldn't have happened without Tim Burton
Some interesting tidbits as we anticipate the release of Cars 2 (and, apparently even more thrilling, the June 17 issue of EW).—JS
Kids who spot bullshit, and the adults who get upset about it
Kind of gives you hope about the critical thinking skills of a generation, except: 1) why is there so much bullshit to begin with?; and 2) these aren't American kids, of course.—JS
Jun 16, 2011
The Age of Too Much Information
We know how many bathrooms Derek Jeter's new mansion has. But, do we really want to?—JM
Jun 15, 2011
Jon Benjamin Debated Making Love to a Man Who Mistook Him for Bruce Willis
This is easily one of the best headlines we've ever linked to.—BK
Jun 14, 2011
The Outsiders
It's hard to overestimate the effect books can have in the life of a teenager.—TG
Jun 10, 2011
Other Reasons for Sending Someone a Picture of Your Cock
It should be noted that ladies never need a reason to show us their boobs.
Jun 7, 2011
She texted. We kicked her out.
This sort of thing should be happening constantly, at movies, plays, symphonies, art museums. People are only assholes because we sit by and let them be.—JS
Less Than Great Expectations
I can't decide if novelists should find this horrifying or empowering.—TG
Breakfast Cereals Americans No Longer Love
Why, you'd have to eat FOUR BOWLS of articles to get the amount of breakfast cereal data in this one!—TG
Jun 3, 2011
Other Reasons People Hate the Miami Heat
They're not booing; they're saying "South Booeach".
Oprah, Schmoprah: Introducing The Norm Macdonald Book Club
Norm Macdonald on Twitter has definitely exposed some fascinating layers of an already entertaining personality. (And I'm really enjoying this months book so far!)—JS
Jun 1, 2011
'I Spilled My Soda,' Report Nation's Dopes
Mines more humor out of the concept than you might expect. Or maybe you're not a dope like me and know better than to doubt The Onion.—BK
Your Commute Is Killing You
A new study links long commutes to a number of horrible health ailments and personal problems, information guaranteed to make your commute even more awful. Enjoy!—BK
May 31, 2011
5 Writing Tips for the People Who Send Me Death Threats
It's always helpful to read tips on writing, and I'm guessing our Poop Reading audience sends more death threats than the average person.—TG
Take a Stroll with Rob Delaney: I Make Babies
A short but brilliant trip from conception to birth.—TG
May 27, 2011
Family Feud Questions That Failed to Get 100 Survey Responses
And you thought Jeopardy was tough.
May 26, 2011
Fair Verona is Ready For Takeoff
This will probably be one of the few links I put up that deals with a lingerie fashion line, but the line's creators – the Myers sisters – are friends of the family, so why not?—JM
May 24, 2011
The Rise of "Logical Punctuation".
A lively debate about changes in grammar rules? Yes, please!—TG
Revenge of the Squares in North Dakota
I strongly disagree with most of the conclusions he draws, but I remain fascinated by the economic strength of North Dakota.—TG
May 20, 2011
Reasons You Won't Be Getting Raptured
Don't worry – everyone who's left behind gets a free small Enchirito at Taco Bell!
One Man Show
On the eve of Louie's second season, a profile of Louis C.K., his processes and prospects.—JS
May 19, 2011
Behind Arnold's Deception
Reading about all this Schwarzenegger stuff is like eating junk food; I know it's really bad for me, but it's so tasty...—JM
May 18, 2011
Best of Baron von Funny: April-May 2010
From the BP disaster to the NASCAR Hall of Fame to the season finale of Lost (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Technology Jokes
Short and hilarious, like Danny DeVito.—BK
May 17, 2011
Grace and humility defined the great slugger Harmon Killebrew
Farewell to the Hall of Famer, Minnesota Twins legend, and gentleman. (And for some of us, comedic inspiration in a can.)—BK
Cee Lo, the Times, and "Fuck You"
Blake Eskin discusses old-timey squeamishness about f-bombs. I met him last week; he's the kind of guy who would never tell you to go fuck yourself, but he'd defend your choice to say it so long as you were being smart and funny.—TG
May 13, 2011
Lesser-Known Kama Sutra Positions
You might want to do some stretches first.
Frank Sinatra Slang
A last-minute substitution for today's original #1 link, which will have to cool its heels until sometime next week, dig?—JS
Why Whites Avoid Movies With Black Actors
It always feels good to bash movie studio execs, and it's nice to have a scapegoat for one's subtle, innate racism. Win-win!—JS
May 12, 2011
Perkins Criticizes Thunder After Win
Before the basketball season I polled my Facebook friends, asking whether I was allowed to disavow the Minnesota Timberwolves (and nobody argued that the Timberwolves didn't deserve it) and become an Oklahoma City Thunder fan. My Facebook people voted "no." The bastards.—JM
May 11, 2011
Albert Brooks on His Futuristic Novel and Twitter Hecklers As Modern-Day Serial Killers
Look, these windows of gobs of Albert Brooks links don't come along very often, so I've gotta link while the linking's good.—BK
May 10, 2011
Phil's Last Game
The Lakers exhibited an incredible lack of class and sportsmanship in quitting on their fans and their coach. Does it tarnish the entire Phil Jackson legacy? Probably not, but, still... geez.—JM
May 9, 2011
Albert Brooks on his new futuristic novel: I wanted it to read like a news story
A few fun peeks at the content of the book and the brilliant comic mind behind it.—BK
Duerson Found to Have the Brain Trauma He Suspected
A player's suicide sheds more light on the lasting health effects of a career in football, and the NFL's shameful care of its retired players.—JS
May 6, 2011
Unfinished Items on Osama bin Laden's Bucket List
Get out there and live life, because you never know when you might get shot in the face by Navy SEALs while hiding out in your secret, fortified compound in Pakistan.
The Case for Cursive
Sure, cursive serves little purpose - even less if all you do is text - but I remember the excitement of being old enough to learn cursive in school. (Then again, if my name were Zezima, I'd probably hate it, too.)—JS
May 5, 2011
An In-Depth Review of the "Maxim" 2011 Hot 100
If you take a dispassionate look at this list from a sociological standpoint, it does make the exercise seem a bit less unseemly.
Schadenfreude For the Non-Believer
"Rot in a state of nonexistence, Bin Laden" isn't quite as catchy, but you certainly don't have to believe in hell to believe that Bin Laden got what was coming to him.—JM
May 4, 2011
Albert Brooks Laughs His Way Through Dystopia
Very excited to read his new novel, but I hope this doesn't signify an end to his screenwriting and directing career.—BK
The Joy of Researching the Health Benefits of Sex
Sex can relieve stress, improve sleep, burn calories, reduce pain, ease depression, strengthen blood vessels, boost the immune system, and lower the risk of prostate and breast cancer. Finally, some motivation for slogging through the awful drudgery of having sex!—BK
May 3, 2011
Closing Pandora's Box
Most wars have a beginning and an end. Is the "war on terror" an exception, or can Osama Bin Laden's death mark the end of an era?—TG
May 2, 2011
Who Will Remember Paul Simon?
Uh, at least three of the contributors to this site, for starters.—BK
Apr 29, 2011
Things Overheard at the Royal Wedding
If you listen closely, you can actually hear the stuffiness!
Judging People
A little more pondering on the subject of victimless crimes.—JS
The Funny Side of Death
Poignant, heartwarming stuff. I'm taking up skydiving and Russian Roulette in my 70s – in hopes of going quickly – but if that doesn't pan out, I hope it's something like this.—JS
Apr 27, 2011
Hate Thy Neighbor
Analyzing the politics of Parks and Recreation. Manages to walk that line between making interesting points and sucking the life out of the comedy.—BK
Apr 26, 2011
Stop Obsessing about Typos–Your Users Need Help
Are you a persnickety grammarian who writes for the web? Take heed.—TG
Apr 22, 2011
Things to Look Forward to in a Trump Presidency
Be careful what you vote for.
Donald Trump: Magnificent Bastard
Constant contrarian Adams has been on fire ever since he ran afoul of the Internet Police earlier this week. This post in particular seemed apropos.—JS
The Sad, Beautiful Fact That We're All Going To Miss Almost Everything
I think about this type of thing constantly. I have no fear of death, but I fear that I'll miss out on some great movies that come out after I die.—JS
Tina Fey and Steve Martin, mano a mano in Los Angeles!
For those of us who couldn't be there, at least we have this recap to grip tightly in our fist as we curl up into a fetal ball.—BK
Apr 21, 2011
Lower the Drinking Age For Everyone
It's difficult to imagine on what grounds one could possibly oppose letting legal adults drink alcohol if they so chose, and yet 21 it remains.—JM
Beware the In-Laws
Are you sitting down? Christopher Hitchens is no great fan of the royal family. Although to be honest his main beef seems to be with the concept itself; he goes surprisingly easy (well, for him) on the Queen and her progeny.—JM
Apr 19, 2011
Tiny Beautiful Things
I intend to recite parts of this to myself for the rest of my life.—TG
My Heartfelt Thanks to Community (And What I Learned from Chevy Chase)
Obviously, seeing him on my favorite show nearly sent me into a pleasure coma – turns out he was pretty shaky, too.—JS
Apr 18, 2011
Norm MacDonald Is Back With a New Show, More Frank Stallone Jokes, and a Weird Stalker
The Norm links just keep on coming. (And if you haven't checked out Sports Show, you really should.)—BK
It's Not Britney, Bitch.
If you're going to write an article about Britney Spears, it may as well be an interesting one. But, why write an article about Britney Spears?—JS
Apr 15, 2011
Bad Prom Themes
You want an event where you awkwardly slow dance in rented clothes under the supervision of your teachers to feel special.
Apr 14, 2011
Finland's Educational Success? The Anti-Tiger Mother Approach
It seems like Finland has it more or less figured out... but it also seems like their approach might not work in places that are terribly different from Finland.—JM
Apr 12, 2011
Game of Thrones' Author: I'm Only "Vaguely Aware" of Lost Feud
I love George R. R. Martin and Damon Lindelof, and they've both pissed me off with their masterpieces, but WHY ARE MOMMY AND DADDY FIGHTING?—TG
Apr 8, 2011
New Slogans for the Obama Reelection Campaign
You can't spell "reelect Obama" without "acrobat melee."
Why Do We Let Girls Dress Like That?
There's a case to be made for keeping 7-year-olds out of push-up bras and microminis, but launching your argument from "every woman I know regrets having sex before marriage" is so laughably out of touch it can only fall on deaf ears.—JS
The real reason for the decline in teen births
After all, teens are apparently making more and more responsible choices about sex. Maybe these girls have a look-but-don't-touch policy? (That is if you trust this slut's analysis. That last name might as well say Harlot-Feminist!)—JS
Apr 7, 2011
The Human Brain: Turning Our Minds To the Law
Interesting stuff, although I'd submit that most of what's discussed could have – should have – been arrived at through common sense ages ago, as opposed to through advanced neurobiology now.—JM
Apr 6, 2011
Sports Show Offers Comedian a Comeback
I really hope Sports Show turns out to be good. TV is better when there's some good Norm Macdonald comedy taking place on it.—BK
How Dumb Are We?
The saying goes: 50% of us are below average. But these days, it's starting to feel like a lot more than that.—JS
Apr 5, 2011
The Kids Truly Are All Right
Teenagers often get a bad rap, but they are smarter than we think.—TG
Apr 4, 2011
A Second Look at: Bob's Burgers
It has definitely become a show worth watching. PoopReading contributor Jameson Simmons turned me onto it, so I'm just trying to pay it forward now.—BK
Bob's Burgers
Not quite as glowing a review as I think it should be, but it does offer a solid introduction to the show and its characters.—BK
Apr 1, 2011
Additional Changes AMC Wanted to Make to Mad Men
Up next: The Walking Dead with less zombies and more sexy singing teens.
On a Mission
Parker and Stone take aim at morons while aiming to respectfully skewer Mormons with their new Broadway musical. (Once or twice every five years, I wish I lived in New York. This is such a time.)—JS
Mar 30, 2011
Best of Baron von Funny: February-March 2010
From the Winter Olympics to Joe Biden to the Toyota recall (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Sarah Silverman Talks Peep World and Distancing Herself from "Jewish Comedian Sarah Silverman"
Get this: in addition to Silverman, Peep World apparently features Rainn Wilson, Michael C. Hall, Ben Schwartz (whom you may know as Jean-Ralphio on Parks and Recreation), Stephen Tobolowsky, Judy Greer, and Lewis Black. This is going to go horribly wrong somehow, isn't it?—BK
Mar 29, 2011
Tim Pawlenty: Can a Placebo Win the Presidency?
The very definition of milquetoast, Tim Pawlenty simply isn't a lightning rod for political hatred. These days that might be enough.—TG
Mar 25, 2011
Other Surprising Facts Found in the 2010 U.S. Census Data
Well, other than the fact that there sure are a lot of people with the last name Jablome.
The Battle for Our Hearts and Minds will Be Fought in Los Angeles
What your aloof hipster friend would say about Battle: Los Angeles, if he were also fairly funny and clever.—JS
Mar 23, 2011
Words Of Advice For Rhett Bollinger, The New Twins Beat Writer
Hilarious primer on all things Twins and Minnesota, and I'd dare say you don't even have to be a Twins fan or Minnesota resident to enjoy it.—BK
Mar 22, 2011
Author David Sedaris Confesses to Being a 'Horrible Person'
I've heard terrible reviews of his latest book, but this interview cements my trust in David Sedaris.—TG
A Cure for Writer's Block
SPOILER ALERT: There is no cure. But this does offer a little sympathy and perspective.—TG
Mar 18, 2011
Signs You Got Drunker Than You Realized on St. Patrick's Day
But less drunk than you got on President's Day. (Shudder)
The Egg
This is the type of thing I imagined myself linking to constantly when we started this site. It's a shame I only run across it every so often.—JS
Which Traits Predict Success? (The Importance of Grit)
One day, David Eckstein will rule us all.—JS
Mar 15, 2011
Remembrance of Things Assed: How My Childhood Friend Became an Internet Laughingstock
The earthquake just makes me want to give everybody a hug. And so does this.—TG
Mar 11, 2011
Things Emilio Estevez Has Been Up To Lately
It's not easy bein' a Sheen.
Mar 9, 2011
Will future generations understand "The Simpsons"?
As a member of the "Simpsons" generation, I already feel like I don't understand its last decade's worth of episodes.—JS
Mar 8, 2011
With Bridesmaids, Can Judd Apatow's Dude-Friendly Formula Go Girly?
I have doubts, but I am sincerely rooting for this movie to succeed.—TG
End of Days in May? Believers Enter Final Stretch
I've scheduled a garage sale on May 21, but apparently I might get sucked up to Heaven that day. Either way, I win!—TG
Mar 7, 2011
Trading Liriano Would Not Be Rational, But the Twins May Still Do It
This is some of the most spot-on analysis of the Minnesota Twins organization that I've ever read. And it has me terrified.—BK
Mar 4, 2011
Reasons Americans Are Fatter Than Canadians
That just means there's more of us to hate.
Why That Slate Article Pissed You Off (And Why You Should Be Livid)
I never got around to reading that "Sex is Cheap" article, but this lady did, and she feels ways about it!—JS
Oscar essential: The movie trailer
In a world without Don LaFontaine, the movie trailer narrator has gone the way of the dodo. (Does this mean movie trailers are the one place Americans still read?)—JS
Mar 3, 2011
The Best Show on TV
Now that "Friday Night Lights" is off the air, this title might start changing hands a bit more often.
Sex Is Cheap
This is more about socioeconomics than it is about sex. So if it's titillation you're after, I'm afraid you'll just have to look elsewhere. The rest of the internet, for example.—JM
Mar 1, 2011
Interview: Lisa Ling of "Our America"
I found out about this show last Friday, and it seems like a very different kind of documentary show on a different kind of network. Tonight's episode promises to be compelling.—JS
'Wizard of New Zealand' Leaving Christchurch after Quake
Despite all of the terrible news coming out of Christchurch, I think this makes me the saddest.—TG
Nice Girls
If you don't already know and love John Moe, this should do the trick.—TG
Feb 25, 2011
Ways Your Cell Phone is Affecting Your Brain
Not to be confused with ways your cell phone affectation is affecting your social life.
Feb 24, 2011
Movie Draft: Rhubarb
When you hear a movie is "quirky," that usually just means you're going to have to pretend to like it if you don't want your hipster friends to think you're stupid. Luckily for us, Rhubarb is the other kind of quirky. The kind that's actually just good.
PokerNews Interview: High Stakes Poker Host Norm Macdonald
If I have to watch Norm Macdonald as the commentator on a poker show, then that's where I'll watch Norm Macdonald. [I know he's got a Comedy Central show coming in April as well, but I liked that blurb and I'm not going to change it]—JM
Feb 23, 2011
Movie Draft: Below the Belt
Christian Bale has made a new movie about being kicked in the balls: an experience vastly preferable to watching his movie.
Movie Draft: The Remarkable Andrew
Easily the most Andrew film you will ever see about a time-traveling Edgar Allan Poe.
Feb 22, 2011
Movie Draft: Honeybaby
When is a Just Like Heaven ripoff just like Heaven? When I say so!
Movie Draft: Nocturna
Just once it'd be nice to see a movie with a title like a hipster absinthe beverage, a plotline involving murder and forcible rape, and a naked Annette Bening on a piano, and have it turn out good.
Feb 18, 2011
Things Americans Were Paying Attention To While That Whole Egypt Thing Was Going On
In our defense, we're used to learning about Egypt's past. Who knew they had stuff worth paying attention to in the present?
Neil deGrasse Tyson on the "science should be used to improve life" argument
Sometimes you can tell right away it's gonna be a Poop Reading link. Then there are times like this when you're not sure at first, but halfway through, you get that little tingle in your spine that lets you know.—JS
Feb 17, 2011
IBM's Watson Trounces Puny Humans at "Jeopardy!"
Yeah, but the computer also answered "Toronto" when the category was "U.S. Cities." So let's not get too carried away.—JM
For 2012, GOP's Best Hope May Be Losing
I'm not so sure... but she makes a compelling case.—JM
Feb 11, 2011
Things Charlie Sheen Has Learned in Rehab
That Hanes commercial where he tosses his phone into the back seat of Michael Jordan's car makes a whole lot more sense now.
Feb 10, 2011
Ferris Bueller's Day Off at Wrigley Field
As much as I love baseball, and as much as I love Ferris Bueller's Day Off, it never in a million years would have occurred to me to pore over game data and movie minutiae in order to determine exactly which game Ferris and his pals attended. I'm glad it occurred to Larry Granillo, though.—JM
Feb 9, 2011
Best of Baron von Funny: December 2009-January 2010
From Tiger Woods to Avatar to the NBC late night fiasco (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Key to Happy Marriage: Mom Cooks, Dad Plays?
A new study says that trying to split parenting duties evenly leads to more fighting among couples. So what does trying to ignore parenting duties evenly lead to?—BK
Snakes on a Plane Director Fighting to Call His Next Film Untitled 3D Shark Thriller
Yep, I'd go see a movie with that title.—BK
Feb 8, 2011
Fight for Libraries as You Do for Freedom
I don't think it's an exaggeration to say that the Marshall-Lyon County Public Library saved my life.—TG
Feb 7, 2011
The Dirty Secret of Apple's Design
"It is easy to imagine a ThinkPad or a Dell on the assembly line, in a clanking factory that stinks of solder: you can see their every join and part; you can almost smell the plastic theyre made from. Whereas the water-carved clamshell of my beautiful Air just seems to have arisen from the waves, immaculate and virtuous, without a whiff of brimstone or fuel oil."—BK
Feb 4, 2011
Other Things Dogs Can Detect By Smell
And, just like Homer Simpson, they can also hear pudding.
Mickey Mantle's outstanding experience at Yankee Stadium
As my fiance and I will be celebrating our 2-year anniversary this evening, I plan to salute the Mick in outstanding fashion. (Do heed the reader discretion advisory, if you're that type.)—JS
Feb 3, 2011
Please Stop Quoting These Comedies Forever Immediately
This link brought to you by a guy who violated one of these rules about four hours before becoming aware of them. In my defense, though, there was a photo from Egypt of a guy on a camel with a sword. I'm not supposed to go with "Boy, that escalated quickly"? Come on.—JM
Feb 2, 2011
After The Wire
A look at how the careers of many in the cast of The Wire have gone since the show ended. In a just world, they and the show's creative staff would be too busy receiving an endless stream of retroactive Emmys to ever work again.—BK
Communitys Donald Glover on TV Ratings and a Worrisome Arrested Development Comparison
Hmm... Glover starts out as a writer on 30 Rock, then leaves to become a performer on another show, and the quality of the show he used to write for begins to wane. I smell another crazy Conan O'Brien/Simpsons internet theory!—BK
Feb 1, 2011
'Oscar Curse' Study: Researcher Weighs In
I knew it! The Poop Reading Oscar Draft is tearing my marriage apart!—TG
The Enema of Your Enemy Is Your Friend
Now this is what I call poop reading.—TG
Jan 31, 2011
Paul Rudd and Jesse Peretz on Bushy Beards and Their Sundance Comedy My Idiot Brother
Thanks for doing all the work, headline! I'm gonna go have a sandwich.—BK
Jan 28, 2011
Reasons Your Film Was Not Nominated for Best Picture
They can't all be Scent of a Woman, can they?
Why 3D doesn't work and never will.
Film legend Walter Murch deserves every accolade he's ever received (except that Oscar for editing The English Patient, which we can all agree could've been cut in half). If he says 3D is hokum, it is.—JS
If This Fusion Restaurant's Website Could Talk
Did somebody say DANCE MUSIC!?!?—JS
Jan 27, 2011
"Community," The Most Hilariously Ambitious Sitcom on TV
Once "Friday Night Lights" goes off the air, the title of The Best Show on TV is back up for grabs. I'm just sayin'.—JM
Jan 21, 2011
Unusual Weather Events on Tap for 2011
You can't spell "forecasting" without "ignore facts!" (Or "finger tacos," for whatever that's worth.)
Eek! A Male!
More and more men are quarantining themselves from children, out of fear that observers may regard them as molesters. Some society we've created.—JS
Jan 20, 2011
59 Famous People Who Died Before Age 40
If you're keeping score at home, that's PoopReading.com contributor Brandon Kruse 1, all of these people 0. Happy 40th Birthday, Brandon!—JM
Jan 19, 2011
Parks and Recreation Makes Plans for More Laughs
It's almost back it's almost back it's almost back it's almost back!! (If I could have just placed a crude drawing of me dancing here instead of a blurb, I would have done so.)—BK
Jan 14, 2011
New Year's Resolutions That You've Already Broken
Don't feel too bad, you can always try again with your Groundhog Day Self-Improvement Oaths!
Ricky Gervais returns as Golden Globes host, and this time no one's safe
I can't wait. You watch the Oscars to win, but you watch the Globes to have fun.—JS
Elusive Forger, Giving but Never Stealing
This guy creates forgeries of old paintings, donates them to galleries just for the thrill of it, and then disappears. I hate to spoil the ending, but there's no helicopter chase.—JS
Who's Afraid of the Verizon iPhone?
Arment's usual spot-on analysis may only interest the Apple geeks, but I've linked it because I can never help reading his posts in the voice of Marco from The Impostors.—JS
Jan 13, 2011
Can Tim Pawlenty Light a Fire With Republicans?
I happen to think Tim Pawlenty is the only Republican who could beat Obama. Which isn't to say that he would... just that he's the only one who maybe could.—JM
Jan 12, 2011
List of Jokes and Story Ideas by Former Simpsons Showrunners Hints at What Might Have Been
Fun stuff, if you were a fan of the Golden Age. (And yes, the link is a little old, but then again, so am I.)—BK
Jan 11, 2011
The Cloudy Logic of 'Political' Shootings
Hey, look! I found the one person who isn't screaming like crazy about the Gabrielle Giffords shooting in Arizona, but having a calm and rational response instead.—JS
Bill Murray will crash your karaoke party
There's no more embarrassing waste of your online time than reading tabloid celebrity sightings – unless they involve Bill Murray!!—JS
Jan 10, 2011
So Crazy, It Just Might Work
Does it make sense to start an NFL overtime with a surprise onside kick? The article waffles a bit on an answer, but it does present some compelling arguments in favor of the strategy.—BK
Jan 7, 2011
Memorable Moments from 2010 That May Not Have Actually Happened
It was the best of fictitious times, it was the worst of fictitious times.
Boredom Enthusiasts Discover the Pleasures of Understimulation
It's more about arcana and minutiae than boredom, but with that headline it's hard not to picture a gang of hipsters all feigning disinterest about who's going to be first in line to the Wes Anderson festival.—JS
How to Pick the Perfect Brand Name
Heh. Interesting. I don't know why the Brothers Heath would even bother, when the magnum opus of product naming has already been written.—JS
Jan 3, 2011
Joel and Ethan Coen
A talk with the brothers as part of Newsweek's interview issue. Contains a few mild spoilers for True Grit, which I saw over the holidays, and found to be excellent.—BK
Dec 31, 2010
A Somewhat Obsessive Guide to All 36 Seasons of SNL Streaming on Netflix
I know at least one reader who will get some use out of this.—JS
Dec 29, 2010
50 Amazing Facts for Our 50th Issue
Religious Jedis, the Hoff, the drink once known as "fruit smack," the relationship between roulette and the devil, and a double dose of Sesame Street trivia.—BK
Dec 28, 2010
A Personal Essay by a Personal Essay
Have you ever suffered through a writer's workshop? This essay has.—TG
Dec 24, 2010
Actions That Will Put You on Santa's Naughty List
Get ready for some extra-lumpy coal!
Caring for Your Introvert
Recommended reading for everyone. You might be one, without realizing it. You definitely know one, but don't know it. You could almost certainly understand yours better.—JS
Dec 21, 2010
The Easiest Path to an Academy Award
Hardly a new idea, but I am a sucker for an intricate flow chart.—TG
Dec 17, 2010
Pros and Cons of Being Time Magazine's Person of the Year
If a meaningless award is given out by a dying industry, does it still make a sound?
How I got an uncooperative eBay buyer to pay for her purchase.
This is a little unconventional, but how could I forgive myself if I didn't link to the best thing I read all week?—JS
A Bayesian Take on Julian Assange
Silver's calm, pragmatic approach to things is always a welcome respite.—JS
Dec 15, 2010
Lee Does the Unthinkable, Spurns Yankees
I don't think Cliff Lee is some kind of working class hero for turning down a king's ransom from the Yankees; let's be clear, the man will still make more money in five years than most of us will see in a lifetime. But I do like the whole sticking it to the Yankees part.—BK
Dec 10, 2010
Surprising Things Found in the Pockets of Your Winter Coat
And just wait 'til you see what's in the pockets of your summer hot pants.
The Men Who Stole the World
An interesting quickie overview of the guys behind some of the most effective and popular piracy technology of the last decade.—JS
Dec 9, 2010
Like Monopoly in the Depression, Settlers of Catan Is the Board Game of Our Time
"[O]ne tech chief executive calls it 'the new golf.'"—JM
Dec 8, 2010
The Year in TV
The wave of year-end Best of lists is starting; here's NYMag's take on the best the small screen had to offer.—BK
Open This Story in a New Tab
Data from Firefox reveals some of the browsing habits of internet users, including that the average user has 3.2 tabs open. At the time I read this article, I had three tabs open: my email, the PoopReading portal for posting links, and Slate. You win this round, anonymous internet data analyst!—BK
Dec 7, 2010
Cat Box
As a rule, I don't read stories about some lady's cat. This is a worthwhile exception.—TG
The 10 Best Comedians of 2010
Are you a sucker for lists? I am a sucker for lists.—TG
Dec 6, 2010
Intense Parenting Comes at a High Cost
Some interesting data, with the exception of the stuff about how parents in 1965 spent more time on personal grooming. Of course they did! Have you not seen Mad Men?? Those people dressed every day like they were going to the wedding of a billionaire king who was also a movie star!—BK
Dec 3, 2010
Additional Contract Demands Being Made by Derek Jeter
Because you can't spell "Pay Derek Jeter good" without "Ode to a greedy jerk."
Mystery Surrounds Cyber Missile That Crippled Iran's Nuclear Weapons Ambitions
Think of the lives and money we'd save if we carried out more of our foreign policy objectives using worms instead of war.—JS
A Waste of Money and Time
Okay, last one I promise. But we couldn't wrap up Friday TSA Rant Corner without hearing from Schneier, the papa of "security theater," could we?—JS
Dec 2, 2010
Baby Names Reveal More About Parents Than Ever Before
Like how one of my kids' names reveals that while my wife was pregnant we drove by a restaurant called "Daphne's."—JM
Talking Tough and Drawing Viewers, Christie Is a YouTube Star
Believe it or not, a New York Times puff piece about a Republican politician.—JM
Dec 1, 2010
Best of Baron von Funny: October-November 2009
From the Balloon Boy to distracted driving to the Sarah Palin memoir (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Nov 30, 2010
Leslie Nielsen
Maybe it's silly to want a Leslie Nielsen obituary with some substance, but this offers more than the obvious Airplane! references.—TG
Nov 29, 2010
Tim Meadows Takes Us Through the Realities of a Post-SNL Career
A remarkably frank depiction of what it's like when you aren't one of the show's breakout stars.—BK
Nov 26, 2010
Other Things the Pope Says It's Okay to Do Now
Best papal decrees EVER.
Nov 25, 2010
The 9 Manliest Names in the World
No blurb could do this article justice.—JM
Nov 23, 2010
Flying Hellfish Abe Simpson
This is a little picture-heavy, when most of our links are more text-heavy, but it fits squarely in the wheelhouse of our (presumed) readership and I was called into duty on short notice – just what do you want from me?!—JS
Nov 19, 2010
Additional Airport Security Measures Being Planned by the TSA
Now putting the T&A in TSA!
America's Dirtiest Interview: Mike Rowe Talks About Work
The Dirty Jobs host is a tireless supporter of the blue-collar, working-class guy. Which is kind of a shame, because Mike Rowe would make a great name for a manager.—JS
TSA to investigate body scan resister
Guy: "That nudie scanner is ridiculous and the frisking is borderline sexual assault. Screw this noise - I'm staying home."
Internet: "Hooray! Rights! Freedom!"
TSA: "Do not fuck with the police state. We will ruin you."—JS
News Flash: Deadly Terrorism Existed Before 9/11
The author of Salon's excellent Ask the Pilot feature adds some level-headed historical perspective.—JS
Nov 17, 2010
Why NBC made the right call in putting Parks and Recreation on after The Office
Parks is returning on my birthday, and I couldn't be happier. In fact, I'm so happy that I don't even care about the stupidity of the NBC six-comedies-in-one-night plan that's bringing it back.—BK
Parents Are Junkies
"Parenting is a series of intensely high highs, followed by long periods of frustration and stress." And in Vedantam's interesting analogy, it's addiction to those high highs that keeps us coming back.—BK
Nov 16, 2010
I Am Sorry That I Didn't Write a Comedy Piece
Sure, girls aren't funny. But we have the vaginas, so we still win.—TG
Nov 15, 2010
Sweet Action: 8 Big Bets Made by Famous People
I suppose you could say that by posting this link, I'm betting that you'll enjoy it.—BK
Nov 12, 2010
Surprises Found in the New George W. Bush Memoir
Guaranteed to catch you more off guard than a Category 5 hurricane in the Gulf.
Reconsidering Two and a Half Men
The show "attracts ratings but not much analysis – it's one of those network tentpoles that baffle or bore critics." Nussbaum takes a fresh look at it and finds it just as awful as she remembered it.—JS
Yankees Try to Calculate the Value of Derek Jeter's Legacy
"As a nameless, faceless shortstop, I have him worth $10 million to $11 million, but as Derek Jeter, I have him worth about $20 million." I already can't wait for next year's FJM Day!—JS
Nov 10, 2010
Lizzing, Mind Grapes, Sabor de Soledad, and Beyond: A 30 Rock Glossary
I can't believe I'm just finding out about this now.—BK
Nov 9, 2010
Democrats didn't lose the battle of 2010. They won it.
A nice alternative to the typical hand-wringing lament after an election, this is a look at what it costs legislators to legislate.—TG
Chemicals in Food Can Make You Fat
Soylent Green is starting to sound like a healthy option at this point.—TG
Nov 5, 2010
Ways the Democrats Plan to Win Back the American Public
Have they even tried standing outside the American public's window holding a boom box that's playing Peter Gabriel's "In Your Eyes"?
My Son Is Gay
Or probably not (he's 5 at this point), but what a great story. When I was little, I wanted to be Wonder Woman every day – not just Halloween – and I turned out fine.—JS
For the First Time, the TSA Meets Resistance
It's Friday TSA rant corner! I recommend the Jeffrey Goldberg series (linked at the top), but this response was too good to pass up. A passenger revolt can't be too far behind.—JS
Nov 4, 2010
San Francisco Bans Happy Meals
This isn't from The Onion or anything like that. This is completely real.—JM
Will the World Really End in 2012?
No, although if the entire world were run by the San Francisco board of supervisors (see above), I wouldn't give us very good odds to reach 2011.—JM
Nov 3, 2010
Comedians Laugh as Leno Sinks
It couldn't happen to a hackier guy.—BK
Nov 2, 2010
How Justin Long Affably, Reasonably Ended An Internet Flamewar
Looking for a write-in candidate this Election Day? Here's a reason to consider Justin Long.—TG
Breathless Myths and Stodgy Realities of the 2010 Election
This is the most reasonable article about politics I've read all year. Thanks, Mike.—TG
Oct 29, 2010
Halloween Activities That Sound Like Sexual Euphemisms
You'll never look at an Oh Henry! the same way again.
'Stranger Danger' and the Decline of Halloween
Debunking poisoned candy and kiddie-fiddlers in the age of hysterical media. Let's have a sane weekend, shall we?—JS
British Airways attacks U.S. airport security demands
Airlines speaking publicly against redundant, knee-jerk TSA policies? Maybe, just maybe a step toward restoring sanity.—JS
Oct 28, 2010
The Republic of Paperwork
I feel like Mark Steyn could sit down and talk about this with Adam Carolla for like twelve straight hours until both of their heads exploded. Any Californian knows all about this topic, undoubtedly.—JM
"Friday Night Lights": The 10 Most Emotional Moments
TV's best-ever show began its last-ever season on DirecTV last night. Relive the best moments... but only if you've seen them already, because spoilers abound.—JM
Oct 27, 2010
Will Forte, Megan Mullally Guest on Parks and Recreation
According to producer (and former Kids in the Hall writer) Norm Hiscock, NBC still hasn't revealed where exactly P&R is going to air when it returns mid-season, a situation made even more ridiculous by the fact that they just picked up that steaming turd pile Outsourced for a full season. Is this any way to treat the show this very site rated the third-best of 2009-10?—BK
No Longer "Must-See TV"
Ratings are down on Thursday nights. I'm choosing to see this as a protest over the absence of Parks and Recreation.—BK
Oct 26, 2010
You Can Help It Get Better
I'll admit I'm a sucker for the "It Gets Better" campaign, but this is a genuinely unique angle from someone I love.—TG
Oct 22, 2010
Additional Changes Being Made to Barnes & Noble Stores
Surely you can't go wrong founding your business model on the assumption that Americans will read more books.
Steve Martin Getting Wild and Crazy Online
If I had a name as awesome as Mac Montandon, I probably wouldn't notice the spelling of lesser words like "pizazz" or "non-sequitur" either. (Though, admittedly, Montandon got a few more words right than this guy.)—JS
Oct 21, 2010
What I Would Be Thinking About If I Were Billy Joel Driving Towards A Holiday Party Where I Knew There Was Going To Be A Piano
Once you go Michael Ian, you never go back.—JM
How To Write Like a Cartoonist
I suspect that Adams himself didn't actually pick the headline for this piece; it's actually about how to write humor in general.—JM
Oct 20, 2010
I'm Very, Very, Very Sorry... Really?
I am truly sorry this link is being posted late today. (According to the article, I was more likely to apologize to you because you are strangers, but less likely because I am a man. And consider yourself lucky we aren't married or related...)—BK
Oct 19, 2010
Benoit Mandelbrot, Novel Mathematician, Dies at 85
I still remember when the concept of fractals broke my brain. Here's a look at the man responsible.—TG
Oct 15, 2010
Ways to Pass the Time While Trapped in an Underground Mine
Sadly, it's still preferable to being delayed in an airport terminal.
The Slippery Slope of the MPAA's New Ratings Policy
Showing your dick now gets a special tsk-tsk from the ratings board, thanks to Sasha Baron Cohen and Johnny Knoxville. (Shooting a guy's dick off? Same ol' PG-13.)—JS
8-Year-Old Sells Paintings for Up to $250k
More parents should try this as an income stream. Perhaps instead of saying "da-da," most babies are saying "Dada."—JS
Oct 14, 2010
Writing a Sex Scene Is an Impossible Task
But let's not stop trying!—JM
Oct 12, 2010
Street Artist Banksy Creates Dark Opening For 'The Simpsons'
Really? People are talking about The Simpsons again? Okay, I'll bite.—TG
10 Ways Brad Womack's Return to 'The Bachelor' Is Exactly Like 'Weekend at Bernie's 2'
I've never watched The Bachelor or Weekend at Bernie's 2, but I found this delightful.—TG
Oct 11, 2010
Bad Calls in Baseball
Posnanski feels that the reluctance to use more instant replay and the high-profile blown calls this postseason are beginning to hurt the legitimacy of the game. Can't say I disagree. (And I'm not saying that as a bitter Twins fan; they didn't need the umpires' help to lose.)—BK
Oct 8, 2010
Activities That Are Still Not Recommended During Pregnancy
Nobody wants a crack baby, but where is the next generation of reality TV stars going to come from?
Sex Advice From Todd Barry
Sausalito, CA, has a population of approximately 7,500. Some otters can grow to a length of six feet. (If that title didn't already grab you, I'm forced to assume you only like to read boring things.)—JS
Oct 6, 2010
Sniffing .300, Hitters Hunker Down on Last Chances
Research confirms what you might have already suspected: for baseball batters, the difference between hitting .299 and .300 is a huge motivator.—BK
Oct 5, 2010
Does Knowing Your Colleagues' Salaries Make You Happy or Disgruntled?
You mean you've been getting paid more than a shiny nickel each Tuesday? Screw you!—TG
Oct 1, 2010
Other Products Being Launched by Celebrities
But not into space. That's a whole other deal.
Scientists use hovering zeppelin to film whales
No, it's not the pitch for the dullest Tony Scott movie ever – but it's kind of interesting: I had no idea there was only one operating zeppelin left in America. (Damn Obama!)—JS
Sep 30, 2010
Greg Giraldo: Remembering the Great Insult Comedian
A nice tribute, although merely remembering him as an "insult comic" overlooks his remarkably smart and funny standup material. The world got significantly less funny this week. Too damn bad.—JM
Sep 29, 2010
In Bing Crosby's Wine Cellar, Vintage Baseball
We have only one known copy of magical Game 7 of the 1960 World Series, and it's only because Bing Crosby was a superstitious Pirates fan and amateur film preservationist. Further proof that Major League Baseball has long been run by morons.—BK
Sep 24, 2010
Signs That the Documentary You're Watching Might Not Be Legitimate
It's a fine line between film and flim-flam.
Whatever Happened to Walking to School?
"Helicopter parents" and the climate of constant fear. In today's lesson, they clog roads, burn gas, stifle childhoods, and abandon all reason.—JS
Sep 23, 2010
The Week 'There's Nothing Good On' Died: Premiere Week, September 2010
In defense of... network television executives? Actually, our dear Linda Holmes makes a very good point: if we'd actually watch the good stuff, they'd put more good stuff on.—JM
Sep 22, 2010
Best of Baron von Funny: August-September 2009
From Kanye West to swine flu to the Chevy Volt (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Comic Timing
Apparently some Democrats are worried that the Jon Stewart/Stephen Colbert rally in D.C. will hinder "Get Out the Vote" efforts for Election Day the following Tuesday. Sigh. Sometimes supporting the Democrats feels like betting on the Washington Generals.—BK
The Strange Case of Troy Tulowitzki
He seems to be the driving force behind the Colorado Rockies' recent penchant for late-season hot streaks.—BK
Sep 21, 2010
The Top Ten Shows of the 2009-2010 TV Season
If you don't watch these shows, you're bad and wrong.
The PC Term is "Hymenally Challenged": Teen Movies And You
In anticipation of Easy A, here's a look at the many reasons we love absurd adolescent movies.—TG
The Urge to Purge: A New Breed of Young Minimalist
As long as I can keep my three seasons of Punky Brewster on DVD, this sounds like a fine idea.—TG
Sep 20, 2010
They Had Great Character
You're going to have to chase me down and drive a stake through my heart to stop me linking to Tobo's writing about the biz. (Hat tip, Andy C.)—JS
Sep 17, 2010
Rejected Pilots for the New Fall TV Season
Unfortunately, Outsourced wasn't one of them.
Why We Relate to Louis C.K.
I'm reasonably confident we have not exhausted our readers' appetite for discussion of Louis C.K. and his television show. Right?—JS
Et Tu, Brooklyn?
Silly cultural satire from the former head writer of The Colbert Report.—JS
Sep 16, 2010
Celebrities Discover the Downside of Twitter
As long as @SteveMartinToGo doesn't discover the downside, we should all be fine.—JM
25 Things Chefs Never Tell You
There's nothing in here about sneezers or drive-bys, so I still think they're holding back on us.—JM
Sep 14, 2010
Tenessa's Top Ten TV Shows of the 2009-2010 Season
If you've been waiting for somebody to compare Modern Family to The Sopranos, you're in luck!
Monster House Writer Dan Harmon Responds to Terrified 7-Year-Old, Slams Spielberg
If you don't already know and love Dan Harmon, you soon will.—TG
Sep 13, 2010
Why Pete Rose's Record Will Stand
As the 25th anniversary of Rose's mark passes, Neyer illustrates that it's a much tougher record to break than most people think.—BK
Sep 10, 2010
New Ways to Get Americans to Quit Smoking
Next, we can work on ways to get Americans to quit trying to get other Americans to quit stuff.
Are You Being Served?
You don't really need The New Yorker to tell you this, but customer service is broken.—JS
Sep 8, 2010
Letter to a 43rd-Round Draft Pick
You may not care about baseball. You may not care about the demise of the Portland Beavers minor league team. But you must care about something, right? And if you've ever admired someone for being able to do something you wish you could but can't, I think you'll like this piece.—BK
A Niche of the Unreal in a World of Credulity
Before I read this story, I had no idea ChristWire.org was a thing. And now that I know that it's a thing, I feel like more people should know that it's a thing.—BK
Sep 3, 2010
Additional Courses to Be Offered at Glenn Beck University
Before applying, just make sure you have a safety school, like O'Reilly Tech, Hannity College, or Dartmouth.
America's Most Underestimated Company
I'd say he's overlooking some very enterprising truck stop meth labs and online diploma mills, but yeah, let's say Netflix is in the top five most underestimated.—JS
The Fear Tax
A succinct and well-reasoned plea for more effective allocation of time, energy, and money when it comes to air travel.—JS
Sep 2, 2010
The Best Job Ever – My One-Figure Deal With the Minnesota Twins
Steve Rushin reflects on the last season of outdoor Twins baseball (1981)... and the first (2010).—JM
Deep-Fried Beer Invented In Texas
This is undoubtedly mankind's greatest achievement. Curing polio and going to the moon can lick my balls.—JM
Sep 1, 2010
Want to save arms from blowing out? Don't put them in, coach
Good argument suggesting that the best way to cut down on pitcher injuries in MLB is a stronger dose of prevention before they even get there. Likely tough to pull off, but worth fighting for.—BK
Aug 31, 2010
Why Randy Quaid Is Better Than The Indianapolis Colts: An Analysis
I don't know enough football to say whether the argument lands, but that's a headline! (And, after Googling in vain for a choice Goldblum profile on the heels of The Switch, it was either that, or this.)—JS
This Is Not a Recovery
In short, eat your shoes.—JS
Aug 27, 2010
Surprising Stipulations Found in the Tiger Woods Divorce Settlement
Luckily, there's enough green jackets for everyone in the family.
Why Free Parking Comes at a Price
Here's a modest proposal for our times: do away with free parking in any public place. It sounds a little crazy at first, but there might be something to this.—JS
Aug 26, 2010
Fake Jail, Real Money: The Similarities Between Wealth And Confinement
I love when people think you can learn stuff about society from watching reality TV. Because I certainly do, and always have.—JM
Aug 20, 2010
Other Construction Projects Deemed Too Inappropriate to Be Allowed Within Five Blocks of Ground Zero
If you build it, they will scrum.
Aug 13, 2010
Ways JetBlue Plans to Improve Employee Morale
If you're JetBlue and you don't know where to go to, why don't you go where you can earn plaudits: puttin' on the PR blitz.
Aug 12, 2010
Don't Worry: The Romantic Comedy Is Not Dead At The Hands Of Gerard Butler
I like a good romantic comedy as much as the next man. Probably way, way more than the next man, in fact.—JM
Aug 10, 2010
Internet neutrality: Verizon, Google, and the Woody Allen problem
A brief update on the latest tempest in the Net Neutrality debate – entertaining for the number of times it's mentioned that regulators negotiate with the industry they're regulating, or the industry agrees to regulators' level of authority.—JS
Resistance Forms Against Hollywood's 3D Push
I'll flood the Internet with links decrying 3D movies if I have to! (I've got young Nate Kruse on my side at least – bless him.)—JS
Aug 9, 2010
Oakland Goes Hollywood with Brad Pitt's Moneyball Production
Lots of cool info on the current production of the movie I never thought would get made (though I'm very excited that it is). And I'd just like to remind everyone that I was the first guy to cast Brad Pitt and Philip Seymour Hoffman in the same film.—BK
Aug 6, 2010
Reasons Brett Favre is Being So Indecisive
You can't spell "Favre indecision" without "divine fiasco." (You also can't spell it without "fine vino sidecar," but that's just silly.)
Aug 5, 2010
Review: That's Kick-Ass Entertainment
This isn't exactly of-the-moment, but I finally saw Kick-Ass last night and couldn't have enjoyed it more. But it's most certainly not for everyone, so I offer two differing takes on the movie.—JM
Review: Kick-Ass
And here's Roger Ebert's take. I disagree, but, he's built up enough movie-critic trust with me over the years that I feel his opinion must be given due weight. No fat joke intended, I swear.—JM
Aug 4, 2010
12 Star-Powered College Roommates
Fun stuff – especially a neat little tidbit about Stanley Tucci's gift for name-changing advice.—BK
Kevin Kline on The Extra Man and How to Pee in Public in New York City
Too short, and doesn't quite live up to the titillation of the headline, but time with Kline is always well-spent.—BK
Aug 3, 2010
Dude, Where's Your Car?
An exhaustive series if examples relating how not having a car became Hollywood shorthand for loser.—JS
Jul 30, 2010
Other Things Obama Fears Will Be WikiLeaked
Loose lips, now at your fingertips!
Now That You Mention It, Rock Hudson Did Seem Gay
A witty and reasonable take on the "can gay actors play straight" kerfuffle. (Hat tip, Sam B. Yes, Sam – we finally got around to checking our e-mail.)—JS
Jul 28, 2010
Best of Baron von Funny: June-July 2009
From Sarah Palin to rejected Jeopardy! categories to the Congressional health care bill (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Louis C.K. Stares at the Void
If our incessant recommendations that you check out C.K.'s new FX show Louie have not been enough to convince you watch, perhaps this write-up of the show will finally do the trick.—BK
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Bronx is Boring
Post-Steinbrenner, Leitch feels the Yankees have no personality left. I could not agree more.—BK
Jul 24, 2010
Reasons Mel Gibson Is So Angry
Oh like you've never been caught delivering a series of screaming, profanity-laced tirades on the phone to the Russian singer-songwriter who bore your child.
Jul 23, 2010
5 Classic Movie Moments That Werent in the Script
I feel dumb saying this, but spoiler alert if you've never seen Casablanca, Raiders of the Lost Ark, The Jazz Singer, Battleship Potemkin, and The Seventh Seal. That was probably unnecessary, huh?—BK
Jul 22, 2010
"Firefly" Rewind - Episode 6: "Our Miss Reynolds"
TV critic Sepinwall is spending the summer revisiting "Firefly," as we all should. Every summer. Major spoilers, but if you've gone this long without watching "Firefly" then you don't deserve plot twists. Or even, quite frankly, to go on living.—JM
Jul 16, 2010
American Secrets Discovered by the Russian Spies
No, even they don't understand why Two and a Half Men is so popular.
Jul 15, 2010
Joss Whedon: His Best TV Episodes Ever
This is more of a click-through photo gallery with (ample) text, not the type of thing that generally makes for the best poop reading. But dude... Joss Whedon's best episodes ever! Come ON!—JM
Jul 14, 2010
A Boss Made for the Big City
Yes, there were many reasons to despise George Steinbrenner during his tenure as owner of the Yankees, but you can't deny the man this: he did everything he could to win, and as a Twins fan, there were times (see Pohlad, Carl) when I would have loved to have an owner like that.—BK
The New Next Steven Spielberg
Based on the premise that back in 2002 (after the release of Signs), Time Magazine declared M. Night Shyamalan to be the next Spielberg, and they would now like to withdraw their pick.—BK
Jul 13, 2010
The Fletch-Caddyshack Comedy Axis
It's really rare that Holmes and I agree on anything in pop culture (I see to it, in fact), but I watched Fletch again recently, and despite my respect for it I didn't laugh much either.—JS
Jul 9, 2010
Signs That Parents Are Getting Fed Up With Parenting
Stupid perpetuation of the species!
Jul 7, 2010
Louis C.K. on the Importance of Acting Like an Asshole
C.K. talks about his new TV show, his old TV show, the realities of parenting, and yes, a little of what the title of the article refers to.—BK
Nighthawks State of Mind
Edward Hopper's Nighthawks is my favorite painting, and so I found this story of a search for the New York City building that reportedly inspired the work of art to be fascinating.—BK
Jul 6, 2010
Why Do Dads Lie on Surveys About Fatherhood?
Same reason people pretended to watch a lot of Masterpiece Theatre back when the Nielsens were all based on diaries: we want to seem better than we are. But the shifting ways they lie tell us about the kind of dads they wish they were today vs. yesteryear.—JS
Jul 2, 2010
Reasons the Founding Fathers Hate Our Stupid Guts
And this after we've spent all these years celebrating their accomplishments by eating hot dogs and blowing stuff up.
Jun 30, 2010
The Surprising Toll of Sleep Deprivation
Having recently lost weight largely by improving my sleep habits, I have to say this article hits the nail on the head.—BK
Sixty Years in Dodgers' Booth, and Scully Is Still in Awe
The list of things I miss about living in Southern California is small (friends, In-N-Out Burger, access to the mountains), but getting to listen to Vin Scully call a baseball game on a regular basis is definitely on there.—BK
Jun 25, 2010
New Slogans for BP
Because if there's one thing slicker than oil, it's good spin doctoring.
Toilets: A simple solution to world health issues
Open defecation, the challenge of talking about poop, and one man's search for "the Angelina Jolie of toilets." (Hat tip, Mom.)—JS
Jun 24, 2010
Time To Start Believing, U.S. Fans
I say it's all temporary and soccer once again fails to catch on here (kind of like, how much televised swimming have you watched since Michael Phelps at the 2008 Olympics?), but for now it's all terribly exciting. And if this piece is any indication, Roger Bennett is the perfect man to help us enjoy it until our World Cup fever dies down (which could happen as early as Saturday afternoon).—JM
Jun 23, 2010
Yankees' Long-Forgotten Mascot
The story of Dandy, an offshoot of the Phillie Phanatic that proved to be pretty much his polar opposite in terms of popularity.—BK
Jun 22, 2010
"Somewhere a Dog Barked"
If you're a reader of novels, that "somewhere" is "practically everywhere." Is it a narrative device, a way to pad the page count, or an in-joke – a literary Wilhelm Scream?—JS
Copyright: The Elephant in the Middle of the Glee Club
Now that it's no longer useful as an entertaining prime time TV show, Glee could be useful as a teaching moment about the broken state of copyright law.—JS
Jun 21, 2010
American Idiot
Just a little taste of Paul Rudd, but even a tiny Rudd morsel brings plenty of long-lasting flavor.—BK
Jun 18, 2010
Other Uses for the Vuvuzela
Why should soccer fans be the only ones to enjoy teeth-grinding aggravation and temporary hearing loss?
Stay on target
Worried your new iPhone may lead you down a path toward gadget-obsessed distraction? A set of tools can help you resist temptation and restore focus.—JS
Jun 17, 2010
The Day Moneyball Died
Oh, soccer... is there anything you can't ruin?—JM
Jun 16, 2010
5 Reasons Your Mom Wants an iPad
Why baby boomers may prove to be a surprisingly receptive demographic for the iPad.—BK
Jun 11, 2010
Real Reasons the ESPN Zone Restaurant Chain Failed
They flew too close to the sun on wings of buffalo.
NCAA hits USC with severe penalties
What was Reggie Bush supposed to do, not be awesome at football? I don't get these NCAA thugs... you should've seen how mean they were to that poor kid from The Blind Side!—JS
Jun 10, 2010
"Last Comic Standing" - Los Angeles Auditions
I liked "Last Comic Standing" even back when it was bad, but now that it's good? And longtime favorite Andy Kindler is one of the judges? Come on.—JM
"Friday Night Lights:" An Emmy-Worthy Episode
Pardon my French, but fuckin' A was this ever Emmy-worthy. Spoilers and embedded Hulu clips abound, so it's not ideal poop reading, but I posted this link anyway because you need to know how bad of a person you are for not watching this show.—JM
Unknown Senate Candidate in SC Faces Felony Charge
This is quietly the weirdest story in the recent history of American politics. And not by a little. By far.—JM
Jun 8, 2010
Bill Hicks: the man who said the unsayable
A look at a new documentary about the provocative and fascinating comedian.—JS
How Wait Wait Don't Tell Me Is Crowdsourcing Done Right
Insightful ideas about group-participation projects, like the spate of social media gamesphere dreck, but also a lot of well-deserved praise for one of the best shows on any medium ever.—JS
Jun 7, 2010
Does the Internet Make You Dumber?
Counterpoint.—BK
Jun 4, 2010
Surprises Found in Mark Twain's Forthcoming Autobiography
Why couldn't Miley Cyrus have waited 100 years to publish her autobiography?
Why Obama Should Put BP Under Temporary Receivership
I like the optimism, that government could do a better job managing the disaster, or that Americans would believe it could. But what does Obama have to lose? Most people either blame him for the spill already, or assume he's plotting to take over every major company.—JS
A Review of Sex and the City 2 by Someone Who Doesn't Know Anything About It
Looking at the trailers, it seems the makers of the film know even less about it. (Speaking of The Phantom Menace, I finally watched this review – by Frank Conniff? – and recommend it highly.)—JS
Jun 3, 2010
Armando Galarraga And Jim Joyce: Victims Of Baseball's Imperfections
There has never been a legitimate argument against the use of instant replay in sports, and now its absence has cost a young pitcher a perfect game and a good umpire the reputation it took a lifetime to build.—JM
Jun 2, 2010
Angry Boss
Far from the best thing SNL has ever done, and admittedly a little dark and weird, but if you are a fan of Will Ferrell's exquisite talent for comic screaming, this is the sketch for you.—BK
To the Cult I Inadvertently Started Last Night
A reminder that while we all make mistakes, some are far more regrettable than others.—BK
Jun 1, 2010
Monkey Business
"Who has a deeper sense of fairness, a mortgage banker or a chimpanzee?" Try not to act surprised.—JS
May 28, 2010
Ways to Fill the Void During the Summer TV Hiatus
Which is not to be confused with Ways to Kill the Noid Using a Plumber's PVC Apparatus.
Entertainment A-List No. 9: Lorne Michaels
Lorne makes the magazine's top ten list – right below MTV's Jersey Shore! – for his innovative product placement integration at SNL.—JS
May 26, 2010
From Big Leagues, Hints at Sibling Behavior
Who studies the relationship between birth order among siblings and its effect on stolen bases in major league baseball? Awesome people, that's who.—BK
Interleague play unnecessarily tips the scales in the pennant races
Competitive fairness really is one of the best arguments against interleague play in baseball, and Sheehan lays it out quite nicely.—BK
May 25, 2010
A.V. Club Interview: Will Forte
Okay, so MacGruber was a dud, to the surprise of very few. Forte is still a comic genius, as you know if you've seen him on 30 Rock, Sit Down, Shut Up, or How I Met Your Mother.—JS
What the Supreme Court's antitrust ruling means to the NFL
Analyzing the ramifications of American Needle v. NFL. The full impact of needle v. MLB is yet to be seen.—JS
May 21, 2010
Surprises Found in the Final Episode of Lost
Come on, why would they give us anything other than more of the lucid, straightforward, plain-spoken storytelling we've come to enjoy over the years?
Kevin Costner donates 'Ocean Therapy' invention to clean up BP oil spill
After years of teasing the poor bastard, we might have him to thank after all.—JS
Talking Shit
A discussion with the author of the "Shit My Dad Says" Twitter feed, which is becoming a CBS sitcom this fall. (Apparently, CBS is spelling it $#*! My Dad Says – I can only assume the announcer will be bleeped in the promos?)—JS
May 20, 2010
CBS Is Trying To Kill "Community"
The author describes "The Big Bang Theory" as "one of [her] favorite shows." I'm sorry, universe, but it doesn't matter how many people whose TV opinions I respect end up telling me that "The Big Bang Theory" is watchable. I mean, come on, universe; you and I both know that can't possibly be the case.—JM
May 19, 2010
Best of Baron von Funny: April-May 2009
From Somali pirates to the new Star Trek movie to Obama's first 100 days in office (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Willie Banks: Returning to baseball saved my life
Banks was one of my favorite players when he was with the Twins, and was also a favorite of a Red Sox-loving friend of mine when Banks later pitched for Boston. There was just something about the guy.—BK
May 17, 2010
Lowe-Down on Parks & Rec – Suits Wanted Eye Candy
I just found out that NBC has downgraded Parks & Recreation to mid-season replacement status for next year, which is terrible news. So I'm turning today into Parks & Recreation Link Day in the world's lamest, most futile attempt to get more people to watch one of the funniest shows on TV.—BK
Tuned In: Parks and Recreation
How P&R co-creators Greg Daniels and Michael Schur tinkered with the show to transform a lackluster Season 1 into a stellar Season 2.—BK
May 14, 2010
Lesser-Known Features of the New NASCAR Hall of Fame
Celebrating 62 years of ancillary carbon monoxide poisoning!
Do 'Family Values' Weaken Families?
As tiresome and needlessly divisive as the red-state/blue-state map is, it turns out you can use it to predict the stability of families pretty well, and the results may surprise you. (You can read an excerpt from the book in question.)—JS
May 11, 2010
Tax the Hell Out of Wall Street and Give it to Main Street
A modest proposal from Cuban, who is always measured and subtle in his approach, and never used the stock market to make money.—JS
Get Rid of Internet Memes
Zounds, yes! It kills me that Richard Dawkins's excellent concept for the spread of ideas (vs. genes, which spread physical traits) has been co-opted by the swappers of kitty photos. (Next, abolish everything else on this "spring cleaning" list.)—JS
May 7, 2010
Other Ways BP Plans to Make Up for the Gulf Oil Spill
You just know the make-up sex is going to be really, really good.
After dark, the dirty work at Disneyland begins
They're not talking about the secret porn rooms, or burying the bodies of the day's teacup ride victims (of course the really interesting stuff gets glossed over).—JS
Toy Story 3 director Unkrich earns spotlight
A great look at the upcoming film from a behind-the-story standpoint, and a discussion of how Unkrich mixes the old with the new at Pixar.—JS
May 6, 2010
If I Didn't Want It, I Wouldn't Have Let "You" Take The Car
Dude. Duuuuude! I mean, I don't think this is actually the case, but, still. Duuuuude!—JM
Statues Honor Minnesota Twins Greats
"The first time she saw [Kirby's statue], she did say the butt was too small." I'm not making that up; that's real. God bless the Minnesota Twins, you guys. Seriously. I can't imagine being a fan of any other baseball team. Even one that's won a World Series recently.—JM
May 5, 2010
Can Your Baby Wield a Machete?
If so, can he or she use it to hack the myth of the "typically developing child" to death, so all the obsessive parents being driven to anxiety by the concept of what's "normal" can finally get some much-needed rest?—BK
May 4, 2010
If the TSA Were Running New York
Hey, Fallows is back – and going gangbusters! What an interesting weekend.—JS
Leno at the White House Correspondents' Dinner: He's No Obama
Obama rules; Jay Leno is an unfunny dumbass. I was going to type that into the Internet anyway – thanks for giving it some context!—JS
Disney Uses Cliffhanger to Market Toy Story 3
Tread lightly if you prefer to know absolutely nothing about the plot of the movie – but this is a fascinating angle at marketing the movie to a slightly older demographic than is typically assumed.—JS
Apr 30, 2010
Rejected Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream Flavors
Maybe they'd be good enough for those jerks over at Hagen-Dazs.
A Story We Somehow Knew Was Coming (TSA Dept)
Even if you won't take anyone else's word for it that the latest airport security screening technology is a useless waste of money, you've got to believe the guy running airport security in Israel. Israel!—JS
Apr 29, 2010
Employees Fired For Pursuing Alleged Shoplifter
Apparently, most retailers specifically forbid employees from preventing theft. You know, things in this country didn't used to be perfect (pervasive racism, women being relegated to second-class status, etc.), but I feel like "stopping a robber from committing a crime" didn't used to be grounds for termination.—JM
Apr 28, 2010
Private, First Class
Extolling the many virtues of Catherine Keener, including the fact that her preference for privacy can make it difficult to write a magazine feature extolling her many virtues.—BK
Apr 27, 2010
The Betty White Meme: When The Internet Stopped Making Sense
Sorry to go back to the Cracked well so soon, but I had no idea a) Betty White hosted SNL or b) this was why. What?!—JS
Apr 23, 2010
Additional Problems Caused by Having Too Much Sodium in Your Diet
As it you didn't already have your hands full dealing with the side effects from your Savella.
Apr 20, 2010
Successes (and Some Growing Pains) at Hulu
A Hulu app coming for iPad? Why again was leaving Flash off the device such a terrible idea?—JS
Apr 19, 2010
What Do TV Directors Do?
More than in the past, as they find new ways to contribute to the look and feel of a show, especially with ambitious, larger-scale dramas like Lost and Mad Men.—BK
Apr 16, 2010
Things That John Paul Stevens Will Miss About Being a Supreme Court Justice
Sure, there's the job security, the power, the prestige... but what about the really important stuff?
Apr 15, 2010
What David Foster Wallace Circled in His Dictionary
A nice intro to the sort of words that make your language sound interesting.—JS
Why Conan's TBS Announcement Left Team Coco Feeling Vaguely Unsatisfied
A great sum-up of the deal's short-term letdown and long-term potential.—JS
Apr 14, 2010
If They Build It, You Will Pay
These arguments against taxpayer-funded sports stadiums have been made before, and I agree with them... in theory. But in practice, I am in a frenzy of anticipation for my first trip to Target Field next week, and would step over my own mother to get there.—BK
Apr 13, 2010
Twins New Playground a Minnesota State Fair
A love letter to the stadium and the team, and from a national columnist, no less. It's a good day to be a Twins fan, folks.—JM
a mote of dust
Not to turn this into a game of "this blurb by a long-dead genius encapsulates my worldview," but I wasn't looking for this and I stumbled across it – that must be a sign, right? (Plus, it's agony looking for decent links.)—JS
Apr 12, 2010
How Good Was the Springfield Power Plant Team?
Good, but not as good as it could have been if Smithers had truly sought out the most elite MLB players at that particular point in time. (Best use of advanced baseball statistics EVER.)—BK
Apr 9, 2010
Things You Don't Want to Hear Your Doctor Say
You're gonna want to start stocking up on apples.
Apr 8, 2010
Expansion of NCAA Tournament to 96 Teams Assures Butler Will Be Big Dance's Final Cinderella
The piece itself doesn't really comport with the headline, and the author makes few, if any, salient points. Still, the "please for the love of God don't ruin March Madness" argument can't possibly be made often enough, so, here we are.—JM
The Gods of the Copybook Headings
91-year-old, 500-word poems aren't normally the kind of thing we feature here, but I haven't read anything in years that affected me like this and I really needed to share it. Honestly, from now on, if anybody ever wonders why I, personally, see the world the way I do, I can just direct them to this poem. I can't believe I just now read it; somebody should have shown this to me in high school.—JM
Apr 6, 2010
Holland Taylor: A Class Act's Next Tough Dame
She shares a birthday with me and Jason Bateman, and a crappy sitcom with Charlie Sheen and Jon Cryer. Now she's working on a tribute to Ann Richards. (Hat tip, Andy C.)—JS
Apr 2, 2010
Signs That the Pittsburgh Pirates and Their Fans Have Given Up Hope
Celebrating nearly 20 years of making the Kansas City Royals and their fans feel better about themselves.
Instant Relics
Nice points about technology looking dated in movies, but my favorite part is referring to this year's onslaught of remakes as a pop-culture stop-loss program.—JS
Mar 31, 2010
All Aboard the Butler Bandwagon
When your NCAA tourney pick goes down (yep, I had Kansas), it's time to start rooting for the lowest-seeded team left standing to wreak havoc on the rest of the field.—BK
Mar 30, 2010
I penned the suckiest movie ever - sorry!
The screenwriter of Battlefield Earth and Robin Hood: Men in Tights faces the music about his awful transgression. (In this case, he's talking about Battlefield Earth.)—JS
Mar 26, 2010
Additional Gaffes Made by Joe Biden
He who gaffes last, gaffes best.
David Mamet's Master Class Memo to the Writers of The Unit
Oo! Everybody read it! (And by "everybody," I mean "writers of Lost.")—JS
Mar 25, 2010
Fast Food That Won the West
A new book – "Appetite For America," by Stephen Fried – sounds like it couldn't possibly be more up my alley. Father's Day isn't that far away, you know...—JM
Last Supper Helpings Have Grown
A study of several Last Suppers painted over the last thousand years reveals that maybe The Cheesecake Factory isn't solely to blame for us all being so fat.—JM
Mar 24, 2010
Best of Baron von Funny: February-March 2009
From March Madness to unwanted Barbie dolls to Christian Bale's profane tirade (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
Making bureaucracy work: How NBC's Parks and Recreation overcame bad buzz
From last November, but the story is still interesting and, as an added bonus, now it's spoiler-free!—BK
10 Stars Who Started on Sesame Street
Including a video starring Richard Belzer, Brian Doyle-Murray, a rowboat, and a hungry dog. I smell a sitcom pitch!—BK
Mar 23, 2010
Joshua Malina talks 'Backwash'
His online comedy series sounds wild and surreal, with dozens of stars playing themselves. Certainly worth a look.—JS
Conan O'Brien: Coming soon to daytime TV?
Hm, I hate to parrot our anti-Leno arguments, but Coco has enough money. Maybe he should do the dignified thing and walk away.—JS
Mar 19, 2010
Moral Imperatives That Didn't Make the Cut for the Ten Commandments
And you thought it was hard enough just trying to live up to the existing ones.
The Movie Studios' Big 3D Scam
"Just because we can doesn't mean we should" – sweet Jeebus, yes. And, while we're at it, let's discuss the definition of "can."—JS
Mar 18, 2010
Stages of NCAA Tourney Bracket Grief
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, where are you when we really need you?—JM
In Teen Music Choices, Anxiety Rules
"It is likely the case that your teenagers do not actually like the terrible music you hear during those brief moments when they take their ear buds out." So there's hope...—JM
Mar 17, 2010
Can You Alter Your Memory?
Not in the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind way, but rather with the help of medication and therapy.—BK
Mar 16, 2010
Hollywood Has Reached a New Low (And It Is Awesome)
For an alternate look at history and the movies.—JS
Categories for the Meta Awards
I must've dozed off before these were handed out last Sunday. Nevertheless, I vote we give them all to Sandra Bullock.—JS
Mar 12, 2010
Lesser-Known St. Patrick's Day Traditions
You might find them preferable to screaming "Erin Go Bragh!" for five hours with a shirtless guy named Sully.
Movie Draft: Second Thought
If you thought you'd seen everything Woody Harrelson would do with a dead person, you were wrong.
Mar 11, 2010
Movie Draft: Rule #3
Imagine Ocean's 12 meets Son of Oklahoma, only way shittier.
The Shusher and the Shushed: Why It Matters When You Talk During Movies
I personally would institute the death penalty for movie talkers if I was in charge, but shushing is a good tactic too.—JM
Mar 10, 2010
Movie Draft: Once Upon a Time
Moviegoers who see Once Upon a Time are not likely to live happily ever after.
Were These the Most Boring Oscars Ever? We Have Mathematical Proof
Not sure I agree with the conclusions (then again, I was predisposed to love Steve and Alec), but I heartily applaud the effort.—BK
Mar 9, 2010
Movie Draft: If You Knew Suzie...
Meryl Streep and Morgan Freeman... how can you possibly go wrong?
Mar 8, 2010
Movie Draft: Man From Nowhere
The first of five reviews of the films from the 2010 Movie Draft gives us Christopher Plummer and Stanley Tucci fighting over railroads and Penelope Cruz's heart.
We the Problem
Why we should stop pointing the finger of blame at Washington and instead point it at ourselves.—BK
The Offices Jenna Fischer on Tonights Baby Episode, and Why Pam Misses Her Old Desk
Fischer talks all things Office (spoiler-free so long as you've watched last Thursday's episode).—BK
Mar 5, 2010
Other Ways the U.S. Postal Service Plans to Cut Costs
Looks like we gave up a little too quickly on that whole Pony Express idea, huh?
Popcorn: Cinema's Worst Enemy
Okay, second-worst. Let's not forget Tarantino.—JS
Mar 4, 2010
Thabeet Seeks Boost From D-League Stay
Whether or not you follow the NBA – and I don't, really – this an interesting story.—JM
Mar 2, 2010
Cats vs. Dogs
"Clever people are more likely to own cats than dogs," says a new study. I prefer this guys' conclusion: "Dog-lovers are good. Cat-lovers are morally indifferent or actively evil."—JS
Printing body parts
If doctors will soon be able to print out a new kidney for an ailing kid, does that mean I'll also be able to print out a guilt-free veal chop?—JS
Feb 26, 2010
New Slogans for ESPN
Honestly, they were just grabbing a gummi Venus de Milo that got stuck to that girl's pants!
John Ratzenberger: Pixar perfect
The animation studio refers to him as their "lucky charm" – fitting his unique voice into each of their ten films. He discusses their process, and life as a character actor.—JS
Has Disney Gone Mad?
Theatre owners are worried an early DVD release will keep audiences away from Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. I'd worry more about its trailer doing that.—JS
Feb 25, 2010
The Snubbies: Best Director
After this comes the big dog: Marmaduke! No, I mean... Best Picture!
Crystal Mangum's Return to Court
"Back when she'd just accused wealthy white Duke students of rape, lawyers were volunteering to work for her pro bono should she want to sue for damages. This time around, with a case that's less financially promising, she's relying, according to WRAL.com, on a public defender." Sad, but not surprising.—JM
Feb 24, 2010
Building a Better Broadcast
Penning a guest column, the ESPN play-by-play man argues on behalf of integrating more advanced stats into baseball broadcasts, and I think he gets it exactly right: educate, but don't overwhelm.—BK
Feb 23, 2010
The Snubbies: Best Actor
Just two more to go after this one: Best Director and Best Picture. I don't know about you... but I'm going to miss the Snubbies when they're gone.
Terrorism Derangement Syndrome
Terrorism only works when we're scared; we're only scared when we're constantly convinced when it's working – lucky for terrorists, they have some local help in that department.—JS
Feb 22, 2010
A Wild Conversation with Tracy Morgan
Is there any other kind?—BK
Feb 19, 2010
Rejected Winter Olympics Events
Not surprising coming from the people that shot down Skijring back in 1928.
Ricky Gervais Reveals All About Office Babies Spin-Off: "It's Definitely Happening"
One thing about Ricky Gervais interviews: you're guaranteed a generous helping of the interjection "(wild laughter)."—JS
The 5 Worst Decisions Ever Made by TV Executives (Twice)
It's never too late to lick the wounds of Leno regaining The Tonight Show. (Maybe the Olympics could just go on forever, the way it seems like theyare?)—JS
Feb 18, 2010
Beware: Here Comes an 'Inglourious' Upset at the Oscars
We'll have more Snubbies for you tomorrow, but here's some Oscar stuff to tide you over in the mean time. I haven't been paying attention; I assumed Avatar was just going to win everything. Maybe not, as it turns out.—JM
Dowdy Image Swept Away as Curling Celebrates the Rock of All Ages
The Summer Olympics have table tennis and pistol shooting, yet curling is the butt of all the jokes. Hardly seems fair...—JM
Feb 16, 2010
The Snubbies: Best Supporting Actress
The Oscars may not be able to get it right, but by God, we will. Join us all week for the Snubbies!
The Olympics Sap-o-Meter
A brilliant idea. I don't watch, but I assume the sap was flowing freely when that luger whanged himself into a support column.—JS
How does Facebook make overt self obsession OK?
Oh, y'know... peer pressure, bad parenting, but mostly boredom at the workplace.—JS
Feb 15, 2010
Did I Get Married Too Young?
Interesting look at and refutation of the idea that marrying young leads to a greater risk of divorce (with a shout out to Carl & Ellie from Up).—BK
Feb 12, 2010
Other Things Sarah Palin Has Written on Her Hand
Still, a note on her hand beats two on George Bush.
A Calculus of Writing, Applied to a Classic
Sounds like a blast (you don't invoke Borges without getting me aroused), but the thought of rereading The Odyssey to get the references is a bummer.—JS
Feb 11, 2010
Obama's "Stupid" Jab at Vegas
I'd wager that Penn didn't select the title of this piece himself; he strikes me as particularly genial, and this mostly light-hearted offering is no exception.—JM
Feb 10, 2010
Oscar Duel: Is Quentin Tarantino a Great Director?
I know one person on this site who would answer that titular question with a vehement no. Personally, I find Tarantino insufferable as a person, but I really like his work.—BK
Feb 8, 2010
Claire Danes Does Her Homework for HBO's Temple Grandin
I saw Temple Grandin this weekend and it's fantastic; not the kind of award bait they make fun of in Tropic Thunder, but rather a film that captures the spirit of its subject, with a stellar central performance by Danes.—BK
The Replacements, Still Replaced in Video Games
Good argues that, after 15 years of players' union banishment, the guys who were replacement players in 1995 should be allowed to have their likenesses in MLB video games.—BK
Wrong
Keith Olbermann disagrees.—BK
Feb 5, 2010
Other Problems Found in Toyota Vehicles
Did we learn nothing from the classic 1986 Michael Keaton comedy Gung Ho?
Crash Blossoms
Finally, a name for clever/perplexing headlines like Gator Attacks Puzzle Experts. (Let newspaper editors have their fun; they're a dying breed.)—JS
Feb 2, 2010
Groundhog Day
A great write-up of one of the modern era's greatest comedies. "What amazes me about the movie is that Murray and Ramis get away with it. They never lose their nerve." That's the hardest thing to do in today's mass-audience comedies, and the key to its lasting appeal.—JS
Feb 1, 2010
The Great American Soap Overdose
Why you should pay more attention to how much detergent you use to wash your clothes.—BK
Jim Gaffigan Talks Domino's, Law & Order, and Having the Gall to Accept Serious Acting Roles
See above.—BK
Jan 29, 2010
Signs That You're a Little Too Obsessed with Apple and Steve Jobs
There is definitely such a thing as too much of a good thing.
How Movies Activate Your Neural G-Spot
Get ready for Michael Bay movies to feel even more like a crack high.—JS
Jan 28, 2010
The Chin Abides
A piece in defense of Jay Leno. Nothing in here is technically refutable... but she doesn't bring up the bit about how Jay promised the show to Conan but then, in effect, didn't leave when he said he would. Even so, an interesting take.—JM
Jan 27, 2010
The End Is Near
A spoiler-free look at what's at stake for the upcoming final season of Lost.—BK
The Fall of Harrison Ford
The lessons seem to be: a) learn more than one acting note, b) don't let the action hero paradigm shift on you, and c) never get old.—BK
Jan 26, 2010
On the Jury, Gene Weingarten Didn't Believe the D.C. Police's Eyes
Here we have everything that's wrong with the American criminal justice system, encapsulated by one juror's experience.—JM
Obama's Get Goldman Plan
If I were him, I'd focus my State of the Union only on this stuff - hard to have a sagging approval rating when you're crusading against the greedy megatycoons!—JS
Jan 25, 2010
Why The Office Clip Show Was So Jarring
It was wrong on many levels. Now let us never speak of The Office clip show again.—BK
Norma Rae
If you had to put a nail in the Team Coco coffin, with a little class and perspective, this might be the way to do it. (Still, fuck Leno.)—JS
Jan 22, 2010
Mistakes Made by Martha Coakley in the Massachusetts Senate Campaign
You can't spell "Democratic Party" without "tired crap."
A Row to Myself
If you're not going to read new MIB posts the moment they go live, I'm not going to feel bad pointing you to them. (If you read this one right away, this'll be your second time. You're welcome.)—JS
Jan 21, 2010
Secret Rituals of "American Idol" Exposed
Almost half of the words in the title of the piece are inaccurate, and I know I shouldn't care about the "American Idol" audition episodes. But still.—JM
O'Brien Flops
This piece from 1993, written by the man himself, is just as funny as it's ever been (when I first read it, I went around for months saying that various stuff was "for girls." You will too).—JM
Jan 20, 2010
Out of the Picture
Why Gene Hackman's retirement (I had no idea) is acting's – and Oscar's – loss. (With much-deserved praise for his criminally overlooked work in The Royal Tenenbaums.)—BK
SportsCenter
One of my favorite SNL sketches of all time (and since today is my birthday, posting this is like a little gift to myself).—BK
How Team Coco Channels Our Great Recession Anger
Interesting allegory, though far from perfect. Some of us are just angry because Leno is an untalented hack who's even less worthy of The Tonight Show job now than he was 18 years ago.—BK
Jan 19, 2010
Is Gawker's "Apple Tablet Scavenger Hunt" illegal? Probably.
More than that, it's pretty dippy, considering we'll all know about the new device in about a week. (Or maybe Gawker was hoping for a lawsuit – now Apple admits there is a tablet to protect!)—JS
Jan 15, 2010
Other Rejected Solutions to NBC's Late Night Problem
Which was caused by the solution to their prime time problem, which was caused by the original solution to their late night problem. Proud as a Peacock, indeed!
Walk Away From Your Mortgage!
Let's do! We bailed 'em out, and what have they done for us? Time to hit them in their ledger sheets.—JS
Jan 14, 2010
Mr. Smith Rewrites the Constitution
Is all this filibuster bickering unconstitutional? And does it even really matter any more what's constitutional and what isn't?—JS
Jan 13, 2010
Best of Baron von Funny: December 2008-January 2009
From Rod Blagojevich to unpopular holiday stories to the auto bailout (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
There's No Telling What Will Come Out of Ricky Gervais' Mouth
Which is why NBC is hoping you'll watch the Golden Globes this Sunday.—BK
Jan 12, 2010
Conan Calls It Quits
It's almost as though he's following the advice of a book on the subject. (Didn't Bill Carter write a book on the subject?)—JS
Advice For Conan From The Late Shift
Basically: holy effing ess, run for your life if NBC offers you a late night TV show on their network.—JS
Jan 11, 2010
Now New Orleans is His Focus
A look at the new HBO show coming this spring from David Simon, the creator of The Wire (my choice for the greatest show in the history of television).—BK
Jan 8, 2010
Memorable Moments from 2009 That May Not Have Actually Happened
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to make a bunch of shit up.
The Naked Truth About Airport Scanners
We can keep chasing terrorist tactics with more and more invasive security screening, but it won't make us any safer. (Colbert said it better in Tuesday's Wrd segment, but this isn't PoopVideo.com – at least not until 2015!)—JS
Jan 7, 2010
The (Too) Many Loves of Warren Beatty
Shooting down the current "Beatty has slept with nearly 13,000 women" speculation in hilarious fashion.—BK
Jan 6, 2010
How Is Wind Chill Calculated? (Plus 9 More Wind Chill FAQs)
All you ever wanted to know about the evil weather phenomenon that takes already below-zero temps and makes them feel even colder (as has been happening here in MN for the last week).—BK
Jan 5, 2010
Avatar vs. Up in the Air: The Most Symbolic Oscar Race Since Forrest Gump vs. Pulp Fiction
Not even apples and oranges, I'd imagine. More like apples vs., um, blue space apples that cost a billion dollars.—JM
Best & Worst Case Scenarios of Every NFC Playoff Team
I've been wounded too many times, so I'm just going to assume that as long as it's technically possible for the Vikings to lose to the Packers in the playoffs this season, that's what's going to happen.—JM
Jan 4, 2010
Boy Wonder
A great profile of Michael Cera, and how he likes to mock and play around with his nice guy persona.—BK
Should We Just Boycott the Movies in January?
Unless the thought of Jackie Chan as a spy/babysitter sounds appealing to you, the author suggests skipping the month traditionally seen as a dumping ground for the worst Hollywood has to offer.—BK
Jan 1, 2010
Is aviation security mostly for show?
Our response to terrorism defines its effectiveness. I know I say that a lot, but it's only because we keep responding the wrong way.—JS
Dec 30, 2009
Steve Martin is a Wild and Busy Guy
Steve seems to have been left out of most of the trailers and posters for It's Complicated, but thankfully he's still part of the print publicity campaign.—BK
Sport's First Gay Superstar
Okay, so it's pro rugby in Wales rather than baseball, basketball, or football here in the U.S., but it's still progress, right?—BK
Dec 29, 2009
The Odds of Airborne Terror
The numbers make it look staggeringly unlikely that you'll be aboard a flight on which an attack is attempted (not to mention successful) - yet fear reigns anyway. See how easy terrorism is?—JS
The Physics of Space Battles
Like sex, criminal trials, and just about everything else, spaceship battles in movies are completely unlike they would be in real life.—JS
Dec 28, 2009
Having a Healthy Midlife Crisis
As Generation Xers hit their 30s and 40s, many are trying to embrace the idea that "Midlife is your best and last chance to become the real you."—BK
Dec 25, 2009
Least Popular Christmas Carols
Good luck going a-wassailing with these.
Dec 24, 2009
A Visit From St. Nicholas
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!—JM
Dec 23, 2009
Excerpts From My Mother's Editorial Notes On My Letters To Santa, 1987-2000
Good advice to keep in mind: Santa or not, someone is always checking it twice.—JS
After Further Review
I watch the NFL very, very occasionally and I almost always read Joe's excellent columns about it. But even I know this: the instant replay system is a joke. I don't know if this is the fix, but any suggestions are welcome.—JS
Dec 22, 2009
The Top Ten Stories of the Last 4.5 Billion Years
Why stop at just recapping one lousy decade, when there's all of time to encapsulate into pithy list form? (Don't miss The Ones We Lost.)—JS
Keep the Meme Alive
Musings on the staying power of Homestar Runner, currently celebrating ten years on the "air."—JS
Dec 21, 2009
"Dexter" Exclusive: Michael C. Hall Talks About Season 4's Killer Finale
Spoilers upon spoilers upon spoilers. If you ever intend on watching "Dexter," but you haven't yet, then don't even think about reading this. That said: enjoy!—JM
Dec 20, 2009
NFL 2009, Week 15
Just the picks. Very busy.
Dec 18, 2009
Surprises Found in the New Avatar Movie
Who knew that a film set 150 years in the future on a fictional planet located several light years away from Earth would have surprises?
Seriously Funny People
The review of Funny People you didn't realize you were waiting for (good thing, too, because it would've been a long wait), tied into a review of the Coen brothers' A Serious Man.—JS
Pixar guru John Lasseter makes his presence felt on Disney toy aisles
With this week's passing of Roy Disney, it's great to know that someone in the organization still carries Walt's willingness to sweat the details.—JS
Dec 17, 2009
Never Listen To Celine? Radio Meter Begs To Differ
The radio industry only recently has switched to a ratings-gathering methodology more sophisticated than "asking people to write down what they listen to." I'm completely serious.—JM
The Top Five Beer Towns In the U.S.
Thanks to the Mrs. for this link. Did I pick a good one or what, fellas?—JM
Dec 16, 2009
The Best Walking Partner: Man vs. Dog
The main conclusion is that dogs are preferable because they won't try to talk you out of going, but the study neglects to factor in that most human walking partners won't make you stop to clean up their poop along the way.—BK
Sitcom of the Year: Parks and Recreation
30 Rock has been my choice for the Best Show on TV for two seasons running, yet even I am starting to echo the sentiment expressed by this article.—BK
Dec 14, 2009
Why You Can't Stop Gay Marriage and Marijuana
Sounds good to me. (I'm going to guess Joe's 50/50 on this one.)—JS
Dec 11, 2009
Things That Might Be in Your Drinking Water
Waterworld was right: we're just a couple years away from needing to filter and drink our own urine here, people.
Baseball's War Against Hamburgers
In the clubhouses, that is, where teams are trying to cut down on junk food. Don't worry, you can still eat all you want in the stands. Believe me, I've tried.—BK
Dec 10, 2009
Time Machine: Vikings vs. Bengals, December 25, 1989
See, it's not that I'm not writing anything; it's just that I'm not writing anything here.—JM
Chaos In Tigerland: A Deadspin Investigation Into The Sexual Habits Of Pro Athletes
The most compelling stories, it's been said, take you deep into worlds that you barely knew existed.—JM
Dec 9, 2009
Colbert, Fey, and Carell: Comedy's Power Players
The Second City connection for three of the biggest talents working in TV comedy today.—BK
League of Nations
I was going to say this is too geeky even for a group of guys who created a fantasy Movie Draft, but is anything too geeky for that? (And, besides, I really do love playing Risk.)—JS
Dec 7, 2009
How Dangerous Is It to Read on the Toilet?
Somewhat dangerous, but not enough that you should stop. (Please, don't stop!)—BK
Dec 6, 2009
NFL 2009, Week 13
Well, it's not really a proper picks column, per se, but I wanted to make sure to get my picks in for the record, at least.
Dec 4, 2009
Additional Accusations Being Made Against Tiger Woods
Looks like somebody's sliced one deep into the rough.
Bust Up Big League Sports
I don't follow sports that closely, but I know stars are overpaid and cities bend over for team owners, spending millions to build stadiums the teams should build themselves. So all this sounds dandy to me.—JS
The "Palinization" of Palin
It's cute how people keep making reasoned, thoughtful arguments about why Palin ought to be dismissed, as though people who genuinely like her would respond to reason or thought.—JS
Against Camel Case
I'm not sure which of my beloved I feel more guilty for betraying with this link: my TiVo, my iPhone, or my girlfriend MaryBeth.—JS
Dec 3, 2009
Making Marriage Last: Right Activist Seeks To Ban Calif. Divorce
I'm not on this guy's side and he makes no bones about the fact that he's just doing this to be a dick, but even so... I like his style.—JM
Dec 2, 2009
That Couple
When some dolt jumps on the field at a sporting event, they're smart enough to turn the cameras away to avoid giving him what he wants: publicity. Why is the media failing at the same test with the White House party crashers?—JS
The Singularity Is Near
Ah, the Singularity. We keep hearing it's coming, sometime soon (not yet, but soon). But what's it really going to do for us? And will there still be an "us?"—JS
Dec 1, 2009
L.A. Clippers Announcers Meet With Iranian Player They "Insulted"
The shit is going to hit the fan someday. It's inevitable; the way things are going is unsustainable. Folks won't just stand for this sort of thing indefinitely. And lots of innocent people are going to get hurt, which will be a terrible shame, but I don't see where else this course can take us.—JM
Nov 30, 2009
"(Best) Film Ever!!!"
A few of the ways that studio marketing departments finesse and distort movie review quotes to make you want to see their movie.—BK
Nov 27, 2009
Other Toys Listed on the "Trouble in Toyland" Report
Santa's not the only one that knows who's been naughty.
NFL 2009, Week 12 - Part Two
I need a good week. I'm only one game above .500.
Nov 26, 2009
NFL 2009, Week 12 - Part One
A quick picks column for the three Thanksgiving Day games.
The Art of Holiday Food.
Yes, that June Melby. The one whom I once asked out on a Valentine's date. (She wisely declined.) She was also a voice in Space Jam. I think this is fate, here.—JS
Nov 25, 2009
Covering Teen Wolf: One Coach's Guide
An oldie but a goodie.—JM
Yes, She Can: Palin Has a Shot at the Presidency
I'm not quite convinced, although the following passage is very interesting indeed: "Who the Republican candidate is, and his or her qualifications and abilities, will matter only if Obama's approval rating is between 47 and 51 percent going into the fall of 2012."—JM
Nov 24, 2009
Has Bell Invented a "Telegraph Killer"?
Great. Now I have to sign up for a whole new two-year contract.—JS
The Greatest Generation (of Networkers)
Studying teens, texting, and Facebook. Oddly, from a perspective of "how will these obsessions affect them in the workplace?" Like these kids will ever have jobs.—JS
Nov 23, 2009
Bill Simmons, Establishment
Leitch's take on The Sports Guy's ascendance from outsider to bestselling author and cultural phenomenon.—BK
When Mr. Clean Meets Ms. Messy
Things can get ugly! Though only, it appears, when the opposites are too extreme, or the parties involved are too humorless.—BK
The Lessons of the Cy Young Awards
How the statistical revolution in baseball is finally starting to change end-of-season award voting for the better.—BK
Nov 20, 2009
Surprises Found in the New Sarah Palin Memoir
Looks like someone's "going rogue" on herself.
'I'm going to tell my son the worst swearword in the world'
Spectacular. Just beautiful. One reason I look forward to being a dad: I'll have the foulest-mouthed kids on the block.—JS
Nov 19, 2009
You Can Cut Back on Alcohol
That whole "admit that you're powerless over alcohol" part always did sound weird to me...—JM
Nov 18, 2009
Best of Baron von Funny: October-November 2008
From the presidential election to the explosion of the iPhone to the futility of the Detroit Lions (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.
9 Tasty Foods Named After People
And one of them is nachos. Nachos! Who knew?—BK
Nov 17, 2009
The Death Of Mistakes Means The Death Of Rock
Not that there aren't still plenty of mistakes. Rob Thomas comes to mind.—JS
Nov 16, 2009
Did Bill Belichick Make Correct Decision?
I had to look around a while before I found anyone willing to defend Bill Belichick's going for it on fourth down last night, but I had a hunch that the pot odds were in his favor. And, according to math, apparently, they were.—JM
In Memory of David Lloyd
You may not know who David Lloyd is, but if you enjoyed The Mary Tyler Moore Show (credited writer on 31 episodes), Taxi (12 episodes), Cheers (25 episodes), or Frasier (15 episodes), you've likely enjoyed his work. When James L. Brooks says you're the best, then yeah, you're probably the best.—BK
Nov 13, 2009
Hulk Hogan Complaints About Returning to Wrestling at Age 56
Remember kids: say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and for the love of all that is holy, will you please turn down that music?!?
Penalty! Unnecessary Blandness!
I love this silly fantasy redesign of the NFL's dullest helmets because a) uniform design is the only part of pro football that holds my interest for more than 90 seconds; and b) it would make Tom Brady look like Super Dave Osborne.—JS
How to Avoid the Exhausting Planning and Preparation That Goes into Making a Second Date
People-watching has its perils.—JS
Nov 10, 2009
Food Ads Make You Fat – Even If You Don't Buy the Food
You may be surprised to learn that humans are fairly suggestible, especially when it comes to delicious, delicious food.—JS
The Truth About Lying
How and why we lie – not always for bad reasons – and how we detect it in others. With bits from Paul Ekman, whose work inspired Fox's Lie to Me.—JS
Too Much Beef
Arby's stores are losing money faster than other fast-food chains. (Of course, the average is brought down by that Telluride franchise that Jack Donaghy is leaving shuttered just to spite his ex.)—JS
Nov 9, 2009
Up Director Pete Doctor on His Next Project and Why Pixar Movies Always End With Chase Scenes
Short but interesting, with a little talk about whether Up can net a Best Picture nomination. (Contains a few mild Up spoilers.)—BK
Will E.T. Look Like Us?
One expert says that but for the extinction of the dinosaurs, the planet would now be ruled by bipedal, humanoid reptiles. That'll teach us all to doubt Super Mario Brothers: The Movie!—JM
Nov 6, 2009
Ways That Nicolas Cage Wasted Hundreds of Millions of Dollars
Oh, like you've never spent outrageous sums of money to buy multiple European castles.
NFL 2009, Week 9
Bad week last week. Good week this week? One week, two week, red week, blue week! (Sorry; I haven't been getting much sleep...)
I hope I get swine flu.
The definitive essay on the disease, the risks, and the concomitant hysteria.—JS
Nov 5, 2009
Tina Fey's 10 Favorite 30 Rock Moments
And there's ten of them? Oh you bet we're gonna link to that.—BK
An SNL Digital Short
In honor of the great news that Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin are co-hosting the Oscars, here's one of their fun moments together from Saturday Night Live.—BK
Nov 4, 2009
Pitching in New York: Not for Sissies
A look at how the Yankees' ventures into free agent pitching have been expensive disasters, and whether their luck may finally be turning. (Though a certain heavyset, initialized left-hander could always add to the legend with a bad Game 7. A man can dream, can't he?)—BK
Awkward Suggestions
Having fun with the suggestion feature on the Google search box. Short, but very entertaining.—BK
Nov 3, 2009
Collecting Headlines Funnier Than This
Behind the scenes at The Onion as it celebrates its 21st year.—JS
Nov 2, 2009
Why is Pedro Martinez Smiling?
The author believes it's because Pedro knows he's not done in this game. I'm not completely convinced of that yet, but as many have learned over the years, you bet against Pedro at your peril.—BK
Oct 31, 2009
NFL 2009, Week 8
Happy Halloween, everyone, and Happy Week 8 of the NFL Season!
Oct 30, 2009
Least Popular Halloween Costumes for 2009
I mean, come on, if you're not going to dress up as the late Ray Walston, what's the point?
Fans Tell of Boos and Blues
Two authors – one a Vikings fan, one a Packers fan – offer their thoughts on Brett Favre's return to Lambeau Field in purple and gold. This'll have to do for now, NFL fans; my picks will go up on Saturday.—JM
Ricky Gervais: Perfectly crazy choice to host Golden Globes
Considering his awards show appearances to date, it should be awesome. I wouldn't consider it an audition to host the Oscars, though; it's my understanding he's been offered that job before, and (rightly) turned it down.—JS
Oct 29, 2009
Let Us Now Praise... the Clich
Parker, who may well be one of the sharpest knives in the drawer, herein offers up more clichs than you can shake a stick at.—JM
"Paul Blart: Mall Cop"
You know what? When I see a movie that apparently only Roger Ebert and I liked, I'm going to link to his review of it.—JM
Oct 28, 2009
Peter Berg and Kyle Chandler on the Restructuring of "Friday Night Lights"
Seeing Coach Taylor in the East Dillon red and black in the photo accompanying this article was every bit as disorienting to this Vikings fan as seeing Brett Favre in purple and gold for the first time. That's how deeply "Friday Night Lights" gets under your skin. Seasons 4 starts tonight and it's only on DirecTV for now, but Seasons 1 through 3 are available to watch on your computer via Netflix. There's simply no excuse anymore, folks.—JM
Freaked Out Over "SuperFreakonomics"
Add the "Freakonomics" guys to the growing list of people who aren't exactly losing a ton of sleep over gloom-and-doom climate change predictions.—JM
Letterman and Me
One of David Letterman's only female writers (ever) shares her thoughts in a very even-handed, non-whiny manner.—JM
Oct 27, 2009
The Anatomy of Determination
As someone less determined and less disciplined than he used to be, I found a lot to appreciate in this essay.—JS
Oct 26, 2009
What's Behind All the NFL Blowouts
Why the NFL's salary cap system isn't working as flawlessly as some would have you believe.—BK
Oct 23, 2009
Balloon Boy Family Excuses
Hey, since when is deliberately misleading and using the media for your own gain considered to be anything other than a fine American tradition?
NFL 2009, Week 7
Man, I thought of such a witty, insightful blurb for this space, but now I can't for the life of me remember what it was.
The Collider, the Particle, and a Theory About Fate
Are the breakdowns at CERN's Large Hadron Collider actually evidence that it is working perfectly? So perfectly that ripples backward in time are causing it to break?—JS
Oct 22, 2009
BCS Intelligence
A column that praises the integrity and fortitude of USC coach Pete Carroll while simultaneously bashing the BCS? Um... yes please!—JM
Oct 21, 2009
Usain Bolt Would Have Been Outrun By Our Ancestors, Claims Anthropologist
"We have lost 40 per cent of the shafts of our long bones, because we have much less of a muscular load placed upon them these days." And as hard as this is to believe based on that quotation, this piece is not about porn.—JM
Oct 20, 2009
Wall Street Smarts
There's a pithy and interesting one-sentence explanation for the financial crisis – and, in a way, the perilous future of capitalism. And Calvin Trillin sucks all the fun out of it, as only he can.—JS
5 Reasons It Sucks Being a Joss Whedon Fan
Some hard truths here. Some hard, hard truths.—JM
Oct 16, 2009
Reasons Why the Math Scores of U.S. Schoolchildren Are Failing to Improve
Won't somebody please think of the children!
Monty Python Documentary Is Comedy Catnip
If you're still reading our site, there's a pretty solid chance it'll be catnip to you, too. Set your TiVos, starting this Sunday.—JS
Petulance and the Prize
Keillor (the anti-Hitchens, if ever there was one) says just get over it. Why should the Nobels make any more sense than the Oscars anyway?—JS
Oct 15, 2009
What Torture Never Told Us
Basically: anything useful. But you probably already knew that, since all available evidence shows intelligence obtained under torture is unreliable. (Otherwise, we'd have Al Qaeda right where we want 'em!)—JS
1-800-Political-Venom
One hardly expects politesse or customer service when one dials one's cellular provider's customer service line. But a political screed? That's a surprise.—JS
Oct 14, 2009
There's No Place Like Home
Fewer Americans are relocating than at any time since 1962. Why that's good news for families, communities, and even the environment.—BK
Oct 12, 2009
Obama Becomes Japan's English Teacher
The cult of personality grows (although who could object to this? Learning is learning).—JM
Know Your Coens: A Serious Quiz
The A.V. Club's apparently added regional features (who knew?), like this quiz that gives a shout out to the Coen Bros. retrospective going on here in the Twin Cities.—BK
Oct 9, 2009
Titles For a Fourth Jason Bourne Movie That Will Keep the Franchise in Alphabetical Order
Because nobody wants to be like those philistines who run the Batman movies.
NFL 2009, Week 5
In which the handsomeness of AFC East quarterbacks does not go unremarked upon.
Oct 8, 2009
My Conversations With a Gay Pro Athlete
Granderson doesn't name names, if you're looking for that sort of thing, but he tackles an issue that I've long seen as a very important one. Fortunately, I don't think we're too far away from pro athletes being openly gay, and having it not be a big deal.—JM
Writing the Book On the "F" Word
Ms. Sachs interviews Jesse Sheidlower, who may be the world's leading expert on "f*ck" (asterisk intended. My part of the homepage is a family show...)—JM
Taking the Pill For Past 40 Years "Has Put Women Off Masculine Men"
This explains the careers of Michael Cera and Seth Rogan (well, this, plus their considerable comedic talents. But still).—JM
Oct 7, 2009
Twins, Tigers Save the Best for Last
It was an exhilarating, frustrating, exhausting, and ultimately, for the Twins fans among us, triumphant game last night. Wojciechowski calls it an "instant classic," a phrase I've always been reluctant to embrace, but in this case, yeah, maybe it was.—BK
Oct 6, 2009
In Beep Ball, Umpires Aren't Blind, But the Players Are
The ball beeps and the bases hum, allowing blind players to take part in a pretty physical version of baseball.—JS
Oct 5, 2009
The Metrodome: A Thin Line Between Love and Hate
We're set up for either the best two days in Metrodome history... or the worst. Or I guess somewhere in between.—JM
A New Style of Sports Films
An important reminder that ESPN's 30 for 30 starts airing this week, and that it has the potential to be unbelievably awesome.—BK
Oct 2, 2009
Other Reasons Americans Are So Distracted While Driving
Probably because they're trying to come up with clever little blurbs for the snarky joke lists on their podunk website.
NFL 2009, Week 4
10-6 last week... let's keep it up. Let's creep steadily toward non-mediocrity.
Letterman admits affairs after report of blackmail
Holy Batman Jesus! Of all that we know about Dave (admittedly, very little), this was the last thing I'd have expected. I fear the nutjobs that Palin whipped into a frenzy will devour him now.—JS
Where The Buffalo Roamed
If you're headed to McDonald's and you're in the continental U.S., 145 miles is the farthest you'll have to drive.—JS
Oct 1, 2009
The BCS: Asleep At the Switch
If I'm PoopReading.com contributor Jameson Simmons, then the BCS is my Leno. Or my Twitter. The BCS is like a million tweets from Jay Leno being read aloud by Julianne Moore.—JM
Lakeview Terrace
This isn't exactly timely, but it's a good example of why Roger Ebert is so damn good. 2008's Lakeview Terrace got a 47 average score on Metacritic.com (that's not good), but among notable critics only Ebert rightly saw it as a top-notch thriller and more (i.e., only Ebert agreed with me).—JM
Sep 30, 2009
Woody Harrelson: The Anti-Antihero
He's always an interesting interview, though the soapboxing can get tiresome. The good news here is that the author of the piece has edited those impromptu tangents into tidy – and funny – bite-sized summaries.—BK
Community: Chevy Chase Is on Fire
I have to admit, I've been pleasantly surprised by most of Chase's work in the show so far. The writers seem to have a good feel for how to use him.—BK
Scenic Routes: Barton Fink
A nice, in-depth look at a tone-setting scene from one of the Coen Brothers' best films.—BK
Sep 29, 2009
Why We Should All Be Scared Now That Facebook Has Gaydar
Turns out, sharing everything about yourself online where anyone can access and aggregate it has its drawbacks.—JS
Sep 28, 2009
Vikings Get Their First Good Taste of Brett Favre's Legend
He even threw a couple of careless balls that should have been picked off, and heaved a key fourth quarter pass a good yard in front of the line of scrimmage; let no one say that Minnesota fans didn't get the entire Brett Favre experience on Sunday!—JM
Sep 25, 2009
Additional Ernie Anastos Catchphrases
May we all keep fucking that chicken.
NFL 2009, Week 3
Hope you like limericks. This week, it's nothing but limericks.
Sep 24, 2009
From carry-on to eBay: The journey of airport security booty
Basically, the state turns a profit off the stuff TSA won't let you take on planes. This article implies that dumb fliers are at fault for not knowing the rules, but I think those are outliers – the main issue is really dumb rules.—JS
Sep 23, 2009
Pimp My Bed: The Male Sleep Lair
Bed manufacturers are setting their sights on male customers, and the results are equal parts intriguing and insane.—BK
Chevy Chase on Community
Fascinating, if only for the fact that Chase careens back and forth between botched attempts at humor and self-effacing talk that feels a little disingenuous. (And I say all of this as a fan of his.)—BK
Sep 22, 2009
Box office boffo for brainiacs: The Netflix Prize
A million dollars goes to a group of computer geeks who figured a way to improve the recommendations on Netflix, and we all benefit. Read on for the juicy details.—JS
Ricky Gervais' honest 'invention'
Checking in with the funniest man alive on the eve of his feature film (co-) directing debut.—JS
Sep 21, 2009
Why Patrick Swayze Was the Second Best Movie Star Ever
Too soon? No, not for this profane, irreverent yet somehow not even remotely disrespectful piece. It its own weird way, this might be the best Patrick Swayze tribute you'll read.—JM
The Trouble with Tim Tebow
Why left-handed quarterbacks have a hard time in the NFL.—BK
Sep 18, 2009
Other Interjections Kanye West Can No Longer Keep to Himself
Free your mind, and your mouth will follow.
Sep 17, 2009
Bill Hicks's Principles Of Comedy
It would be difficult, if not impossible, to exaggerate the level of respect, bordering on worship, that most comedians feel for the late Bill Hicks.—JM
Ernie Harwell's Farewell Comes Amid Tears, Cheers Of Fans
O but to live so long and so well, and to be so certain of God's grace.—JM
Sep 16, 2009
The Not Ready for Primetime Player
An analysis of the opening night of The Jay Leno Show that includes the words "excruciatingly dull," "creaky comedy," and "filler." Who is this Caryn James, and how quickly can we build a statue in her honor?—BK
When a Parent's "I Love You" Means "Do As I Say"
A look at the power and importance of giving your children unconditional love.—BK
Sep 15, 2009
Shane Acker stretches animation with 9
And bless him for it. (Need proof that the "kiddie fare" label still restricts the art form's untapped potential? How about the fact that a headline like this can even exist a year after WALL-E?)—JS
Why I Don't Assign Homework
Ran across this after reading Meyer's proof that the express lane isn't always fastest; it's heartening to see a teacher so devoted to effective teaching.—JS
Sep 11, 2009
Surprises Planned for the New Season of Survivor
Besides the surprise that there's yet another season of Survivor.
NBC putting Leno in awkward spot
A nice rundown of the stakes and stakeholders involved in Leno's show starting next week. (A little Leno-friendly for our tastes, but hey, what can you do?)—JS
Sep 10, 2009
Writing Is Easy!
This is an oldie but a goodie.—JM
Sep 9, 2009
Stephen Colbert on Deconstructing the News, Religion, and the Colbert Nation
Unfortunately, you have to buy the new issue to get the Colbert cover story, but at least they're tossing us this tasty Q&A bone online.—BK
The Myth of the Overscheduled Child
And the reality of too much leisure time, which leads to the sort of weight and academic performance issues you might expect. As with most things, moderation is the key.—BK
Sep 4, 2009
Other Things the Airlines Will Soon Be Charging You For
Because they love to fly, and it shows.
Masters of the Wikiverse
Wikipedia further restricts who can actually contribute to the database. Those chosen few tend toward arcane, humorless eradication of useful content by smaller contributors – which would be reason for revolt, if the other 95% of Wikipedia weren't so damn useful.—JS
The Beatles: Rock Band Easter Eggs
A list of quick, quippy jokes centered around a given topic of recent cultural interest? Somehow, I think it works for a Friday around here.—JS
Sep 3, 2009
A Long Wait Stirs Enthusiasm For Fox Show "Glee"
Yeah it does!—JM
The Sports World Without the Internet?
Believe it or not, the internet turned 40 this week. DJ Gallo has some thoughts about how today's sports world would be different if the internet had never come about...—JM
Sep 2, 2009
The Quick 10: 10 Secret Menu Items
How you can order "off" the menu at fast food restaurants. You'll feel like a really big star. Or, you'll just feel fat because let's face it chubs, you're ordering off the menu at a fast food joint.—MW
After Years at Work, Jason Bateman Proves He Belongs
Extract looks like it could be good. Considering that it's Bateman's first leading role since 1987, Arrested Development fans probably better hope it's good.—BK
What's a High Ankle Sprain?
A question I have asked many a time while watching a baseball or football game.—BK
Sep 1, 2009
Paul is dead
Is Rock Band: The Beatles the ultimate sell-out, or a great new way to connect with their music? (Maybe it's just giving the fans what they want?)—JS
A Grand Bargain Over Evolution
Scientists and religious believers might be able to agree about the evolution of religion. (As with most things, chimps are the key.)—JS
Aug 31, 2009
Whatever Happened to Nomar Garciaparra?
As with many baseball players of the late 90s/early 2000s, it's easy to suspect performance enhancement. But this article wonders whether Garciaparra's introversion played a role in his decline.—BK
6 Behind-the-Scenes Secrets from Cheers
A few fun little nuggets from one of the greatest shows in television history.—BK
Aug 28, 2009
Signs That You're Getting a Little Too Paranoid About Swine Flu
And just when you were starting to get over your SARS mania.
The Best Television Shows of the 2008-2009 Season
In which all four of our Ten Best lists are factored in, and we tell you, once and for all, what the best shows really are.
Cormac McCarthy's Mr. Belvedere
I didn't watch the show much, but I always sensed that more was lurking in Mr. Belvedere's backstory. McCarthy confronts that stuff fearlessly, as is his wont.—JS
Aug 26, 2009
Ted Kennedy: What I've Learned
Originally published in 2003, and rerun to mark last night's sad news.—BK
Aug 25, 2009
Status-Quo Anxiety
People are inherently resistant to change. But can the status quo be bad enough that they overcome that inertia? (After all, "Change" did win by six points last November.)—JS
Selected Scenes from Trauma Clinic: HMO
You know, it doesn't sound as bad as watching Private Practice for an hour. (Plus a cameo appearance by Brett Favre! No, not really.)—JS
Aug 24, 2009
Mariners' Suzuki on a First-Name Basis With Records
The origins of having his first name rather than his last name on the back of his jersey, and why he thinks infield hits are sexier than home runs.—BK
Mila Kunis is Funny, Fearless, and a Total Babe
Having seen her magnificent work in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I have to say I concur with that title.—BK
Aug 21, 2009
Additional Perks the Vikings Used to Lure Brett Favre Out of Retirement
You know, besides the prestige that comes with joining an organization that has lost four Super Bowls.
What Happened to Comedy?
I have to believe Blast Dirtpeck is a pseudonym (for Slab Squatthrust?) but I like his take on the state of comedy. Anyone notice how all the classic SNL transcripts we post are at least a decade old?—JS
A Modest Proposal for Improving Football
I've only started watching more than nine minutes of football a year (between Super Bowl ads) since I got an HDTV, but even I can tell that this would be an awesome improvement to the game.—JS
The Daily Death
We're producing celebrities (well, mostly "celebrities") a lot faster than we used to. In the future, one will die every 15 minutes.—JS
Aug 20, 2009
Quentin Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds Is About What Could Have Happened
I've heard good things about Inglourious Basterds. Really good things.—JM
Favre Impresses Receivers With Zip On Passes
Hell yeah, he does! Eat it, Wisconsin!—JM
Yale Surrenders
The Yale University Press has decided to publish a book about the Danish Mohammed cartoon controversy... without reprinting the actual cartoons. And the prognosis for the 21st century gets ever-so-slightly more bleak.—JM
Aug 19, 2009
I Couldn't Be More Excited About Brett Favre
Some fellow Vikings fans aren't as excited as I am about Brett Favre coming to town. I try to explain to them why they're wrong.
Baryshnikov in Baseball Cleats
A profile of 16-year-old German baseball prospect Max Kepler-Rozycki, who recently received a record bonus for an amateur position player outside of the U.S. and Latin America. And the best part? The team that signed him was the Minnesota Twins.—BK
Favre Officially Vilified In Green Bay
At least we know that the folks in Wisconsin will have plenty of cheese to go with their whine.—JM
Aug 18, 2009
Christina Hendricks Isn't All That Fussy
Mad Men returned this week. Let's... uh... use that as a reason to highlight this brief chat with Ms. Hendricks.—JS
Aug 17, 2009
Nats Make Pitch To Strasburg, and It's Time To Swing a Deal
An interesting take on the contract negotiations between the Washington Nationals and the top pick in the baseball draft, Stephen Strasburg.—JM
Yang Gives Galleries Heart, Bit of History
It's so easy to gag away a major golf championship, and Sunday's results probably make it seem all the more remarkable that it took Tiger Woods this long to do so.—JM
Heaven's Database
Probably not as funny as it could've been, but the concept is just plain awesome. Who wouldn't love to have access to this kind of information after they die?—BK
Aug 14, 2009
Other Ways the Chevy Volt Will Improve Your Life
Unlike that leech on society, the Ford Escape. Get a job, you hippie!
That Amy Adams Touch
She sure did single-handedly redeem the "Julie" scenes in Julie & Julia. (Wow, a Brad Bird link and an Amy Adams link this week – I'm just paving the way for a seamless handoff to the Jameson Link-Posting Robot.)—JS
Shape Matters
Thought the advent of 16x9 TVs would kill the practice of "pan-and-scan" conversions? Think again!—JS
How is America going to end?
Fear, random speculation, and groupthink. It's all the news media has going these days, so why not group it all together – and throw in a dash of "Web 2.0" social networking to boot?—JS
Aug 13, 2009
The Forgotten
Doug Glanville writes it, we link it. This time, what happens to former ballplayers, even those ready to retire and start a new life?—MW
Face Of the NFL Is Gone: An Ode To the Single-Bar
This piece contains a glaring factual inaccuracy, referring to the LSU football team's "national championship run in 2003." There is no actual "national championship" at the top level of college football, of course, and the January 2004 bowl season proved conclusively that if such a thing did exist, USC would have won it fairly easily. But other than that, this is a fun read.—JM
The Whole Foods Alternative To ObamaCare
The founder and CEO of Whole Foods has some good ideas. That's not surprising, since Whole Foods is just the best store ever.—JM
Restating the Case For Human Uniqueness
In a review of Not a Chimp: The Hunt To Find the Genes That Make Us Human, we find out that chimpanzees aren't really as smart as we're being led to believe. (they don't specifically say so, but I think we can assume that Lacelot Link, Secret Chimp is an obvious exception)—JM
Aug 12, 2009
Look What the Dog Swallowed!
Proof that dogs will indeed eat anything. You gotta love them... and apparently, keep them away from your hobby-related objects.—BK
Aug 11, 2009
The Iron Giant, A Decade Later
Open by referring to Brad Bird's master work as "criminally underrated," and you have a personal guarantee that I will link to whatever you're writing.—JS
FX likes Louis C.K.
Me too! So much that I'll watch his show on FX (with its risk of It's Always Sunny... promos) and his arc on Parks & Recreation (with its risk of Amy Poehler).—JS
Aug 10, 2009
John Hughes
A look at how he reinvented the teen movie for a whole generation. I'm still trying to come to terms with the revelation (not mentioned in this article) that he wrote the script for Planes, Trains, and Automobiles in just three days.—BK
Aug 7, 2009
Real Reasons Paula Abdul Left American Idol
She needs a reason?
Jay Leno Show format revealed
Some smart decisions about the format (why haven't late night shows done these things already?) and some straight talk from Jay. Not at all what I was expecting.—JS
Aug 6, 2009
Louis CK Is the Best Stand-Up Comic of His Generation
I think Patton Oswalt and Norm Macdonald deserve some consideration as well, but this piece argues Louis C.K.'s case pretty well.—JM
If Barack Obama is Spock, Sarah Palin is Kirk
It takes quite a bit of mental gymnastics, but apparently, if you're determined to do so, you can see the last few weeks as a "win" for the former Alaska governor. Plus, Star Trek!—JM
Legalized Sports Betting is Inevitable
Well, let's hope so!—JM
Aug 5, 2009
A Show Within a Show
Short but sweet (okay, incredibly short) as Tina Fey, Jack McBrayer, and Jane Krakowski talk about their favorite 30 Rock moments.—BK
A Last Word on the Beer Summit
The power of hypothetically having a beer with the President.—BK
Aug 4, 2009
Paramount Pictures waves the flag for G.I. Joe
It's a shame to see the America/"Real" America divide revived – especially by movie marketers – but then Joe always was "the real American hero."—JS
Aug 3, 2009
Held Hostage in North Korea
This isn't the sort of fare we normally link to, but it's important to remember that this story is still going on...—JM
Top 10 Bizarre Restaurants
Darkness, death, naked people, toilets, Hitler... they're all here for your dining pleasure.—BK
Jul 31, 2009
Other Ideas Considered to Resolve the Gates-Crowley Dispute
After all, it's not like the White House has better ways to be spending its time and resources.
A Beer with Obama
For a concept that sounds like it would instantly grow tiresome, this imaginary fly-on-the-wall scenario is thoroughly entertaining.—JS
The New Unsafe Sex
Apparently, there are actual studies offering "pulling out" as a viable contraceptive option. Apparently, there are actual people taking this seriously.—JS
A Man's Home Is His Constitutional Castle
A defense of Henry Louis Gates's right to be outraged, despite the shamefulness of the resulting brouhaha. (At least I think that's what Hitchens is saying – one can never be 100% certain.)—JS
Jul 30, 2009
Clara Turley's Bible Challenge
An under-appreciated Norm Macdonald gem in which he plays a character named Stan Hooper, as is his wont.—JM
Jul 29, 2009
The "President" Has Some Explaining To Do
Other than the mountains of irrefutable evidence that Barack Obama is a natural born United States citizen, what evidence do we actually have that Barack Obama is a natural born United States citizen? One patriot dares to ask the tough questions...
Apatow on how to learn nothing from a near-death experience
I have a feeling Funny People will be the Apatow film that makes me start seeing him the way hipper-than-thou types have the past few years. I hope not, though.—JS
Fix Your Terrible, Insecure Passwords in Five Minutes
For some, passwords are the scourge of online life. (For others, they're "Abcd1234" – a disaster waiting to happen.) But it turns out they can be fun!—JS
Whatever Happened to My Girl's Anna Chlumsky?
Ahem? Apparently someone hasn't been watching her 30 Rock!—JS
Jul 28, 2009
Pandora's Back
Compromises between the record industry and webcasters has led to a surge in funding for the internet music site. This is excellent news, and according to this article, a sign that webcasting will play a big role in the future of the industry.—BK
Jul 27, 2009
Baseball's Haul of Fame
Why getting inducted into the Hall of Fame isn't just a great honor for baseball players, it's also a financial windfall.—BK
Jeff Daniels: Standing Next to the A-List
Daniels talks about doing theater with James Gandolfini, why the excellent The Squid and the Whale wouldn't have worked with a star in the lead role, and yes, the toilet scene from Dumb and Dumber.—BK
Jul 24, 2009
Recent Additions to the Congressional Health Care Bills
Your tax dollars hard at work!
Gluttons for Punishment Are Balm for ABC
Celebrating the simple joys of Wipeout – the only network show I've watched all summer. It's good for ABC, and that's good for me: season three is on its way!—JS
Armando Iannucci
A brief profile of the director of In the Loop, based on his BBC comedy series The Thick of It. (Suddenly, I find myself in the market for a multi-region DVD player.)—JS
Katherine Heigl is not going to let you see her breasts, ever
And it's a shame (not that I care about hers in particular). Using clout to refuse nudity means more unknowns will be cast for their willingness to bare all, which only helps the porn moguls who lure nave wannabes with promises of making it big.—JS
Jul 23, 2009
Videogame Companies Move Onto Hollywood's Turf
Close personal friend of PoopReading.com (whether he likes it or not) Ben Fritz examines a shift in the attitudes of videogame companies toward big screen adaptations of their work.—JM
CBS Censors a Racist Rant
It's easy to criticize "Big Brother." And almost all of those criticisms are wrong, because "Big Brother" is awesome. Linda Holmes, however, offers up a criticism that has considerable merit...—JM
Jul 22, 2009
When It's Time to Walk Away
The Sports Guy devotes his final ESPN the Magazine column (just the Magazine; not ESPN.com, let's make that clear) to celebrating his dad's retirement.—BK
Summer's Hottest Notes Placed in Illegally Parked Cars
Because who doesn't enjoy a good laugh about parking violations?—BK
Jul 21, 2009
One small step for clarity
As we celebrate Apollo 11's anniversary, a look at recent research regarding Armstrong's famous quote.—JS
Restoring lustre to prestige titles
Goodridge is hopeful that a Best Picture field of ten will allow good films some breathing room to compete with the standard Oscar bait fare. Nave, perhaps, but one can dream.—JS
First Person: Frank Ahearn
Can a person just disappear? With the help of a former PI who knows the tricks, it's possible. (Just remember, the name Rory B. Bellows is already taken.)—JS
Jul 20, 2009
In a Moment, Belief Disappeared For Watson and His Fans
"Time remains undefeated."—JM
Jul 17, 2009
Rejected Harry Potter Book Titles
Sometimes the road to success includes a few wrong turns.
Some thoughts on the anthology
Clicking around on the web is too reading! It's just different from reading a book – not better, not worse.—JS
Hands or Paws or Anything They Got
So, who does God kill when a kitten masturbates?—JS
Jul 16, 2009
As American As... Cricket
I have every reason to believe that I would be capable of becoming a big cricket fan. I mean, I'm sure I won't, but, still.—JM
Jul 14, 2009
Michael and Michael Have Issues With The State
Not sure if I'm more excited about today's DVD release of The State or tomorrow's debut of Michael & Michael Have Issues. Here's a little bit of both (mainly The State).—JS
The Glorious Third
Speculating on the reasons behind Sarah Palin's resignation. (Which, given the details on offer, is all a person can really do – other than ignore it.)—JS
Jul 13, 2009
Sanchez's Dad, Righetti Savor No-Hitter
San Francisco's Jonathan Sanchez threw a no-hitter on Friday night, and thanks to MLB Network doing live cut-ins after the 6th inning, I was able to watch it. It was an amazing game, almost like something out of a movie, and this article captures some of the details that made it so special.—BK
Jul 10, 2009
Ways That Al Franken Can Make Up For Lost Time
Preferably without resorting to using a DeLorean modified by an eccentric scientist to travel back to a period several years before he was born.
Essential Life Lesson #1: Over is Right, Under is Wrong
There's always been a right way to hang the toilet paper roll; now there's scientific theory backing it up.—JS
The Eternal Flush
A post that is sadly as short as it is excellent, but you can kind of think of it as an extension of the Over is Right post.—JS
Jul 9, 2009
7(ish) Things I've Always Wondered About Back to the Future
Some of these fall into the "relax, it's just a movie" category. But others, like "why did Marty appear to have no intention of avoiding the photo booth when fleeing the Libyans in the DeLorean?", really resonate.—JM
Smooth, Segway
Seeing past the initial hype, Tina Fey once joked on SNL that the Segway would revolutionize the way people are hit by cars. Apparently, though, the much-ridiculed conveyance has proved useful in a couple of places.—JM
Good Enough, Smart Enough: Why Al Franken Will Be a Superlative Senator
This piece by a close personal friend of the new senator's is reassuring; Ornstein makes a persuasive case that Franken's term in office won't necessarily be an embarrassing disaster.—JM
Jul 8, 2009
Explaining All the Injuries
Neyer looks at some of the theories about why Major League Baseball has seen a 26% rise in injuries over the last three years.—BK
What It Feels Like... to Be Mauled by a Lion
Part of a series of first-person accounts of extraordinary events. This one is riveting, terrifying, and blessedly short.—BK
Jul 7, 2009
Giving up my iPod for a Walkman
A 13-year-old tries a music player he's never heard of before, with hilarious results.—JS
Best Weekend Never
The inexplicable obsession with how much a movie makes – as opposed to how well it's made – drives reporters to ignore inflation-adjusted grosses, making box office records easier to break.—JS
Jul 6, 2009
Federer, Woods Are Two-of-a-Kind In Best-Ever Debate
My two cents: you'd generally say a golfer has it tougher, because he's got to beat 100 guys to win a tournament, while a tennis player only has to beat six. But if Roger Federer had to beat 100 guys, I have no doubt that he could do it.—JM
California Dreamers
In interesting look at a book that chronicles a brief era in which California was the home of the American dream.—JM
Death By Cheese and the Dreaded Ruptured Stomach
The past and future of competitive eating injuries, and one of the best titles ever.—BK
Jul 3, 2009
New Slogans for Mississippi, the Fattest State in the U.S.
Or: How Mississippi Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Cankle.
Knives Out for Michael Mann
Masters, whose vendetta with Mann seems to rival Sean Young's with James Woods, singles him out as a director who fails to make "good" movies right – with the inevitable outcome being more Transformers movies.—JS
Jul 1, 2009
Non-Essential Mnemonics
As with most McSweeney's pieces, hilarious and beautifully crafted.—BK
Jun 30, 2009
10 friggin' nominees
AMPAS shifts to ten Best Picture nominees, inviting discord over whether they've ever gotten five right. (A rant familiar to devoted readers.) Foote's conclusions are debatable (Shrek? Madison County?), but then that's the point, isn't it?—JS
Just a Quick E-mail
Sometimes a person just needs a little reminder of what behavior is socially acceptable and what is not.—JS
The Whipmaster
Okay, admittedly this isn't nearly as funny on the page, but as you read it, just replay your memory of the sketch in your head. (Or, if you've never seen it, imagine something very funny.)—JS
Jun 29, 2009
Let's Burst the Bubble
"Politicians will, almost by definition, be deeply weird." It seems to me that I remember Jerry Seinfeld doing a routine along these lines once, too. And, if you think about it, if any of your buddies pulled you aside one day and said "I've decided that I'm honestly and seriously going to try to become the President of America," you'd think he'd gone completely nuts. And yet, every four (or eight) years, one guy does it.—JM
Jun 26, 2009
Other Proposed Changes to the 2010 Oscars
That is, besides just making it longer and more self-congratulatory.
The Tragic End of Michael Jackson
This piece may go a bit easy on Michael, but it's a very thoughtful rumination on his life from someone who really, really tried to help him (and essentially predicted his fate).—JM
Spinal Tap isn't tapped out yet
A new album, a Tonight Show appearance, and a "world tour" – a quarter century later, the Tap lives on.—JS
$1 Million Netflix Prize So Close, They Can Taste It
An update on the quest to develop homegrown software code that can beat the Netflix movie recommendation system.—JS
Jun 25, 2009
Sanford Thinks Adultery is Wrong (If Clinton Does It)
Sure, public figures should have private lives. But when those figures legislate from a stance of denying others' privacy, it's hard not to pile on.—JS
Heartless: The Disturbing Glee at Mark Sanford's Downfall
There's good old-fashioned schadenfreude, and then there's piling on just to do it.—JM
Jun 24, 2009
Interview with Professor Michael Showalter, Part One
A little something to pass the time as we wait for his new Comedy Central show Michael and Michael Have Issues (with PoopReading favorite Michael Ian Black) and the release of The State DVDs, two events that are apparently happening in the same glorious week in July.—BK
Get a Life, Holden Caulfield
Today's teens can't relate the alienated young protagonist of J.D. Salinger's classic novel, calling him "whiny," "immature," and "in need of Prozac." Couldn't the same things be said about the cast of The Hills?—BK
Jun 22, 2009
Pursuit of Grand Slam Mark Not the Same For Roger Federer Without Rafael Nadal
I've never been particularly interested in tennis, but I find Roger Federer's quest for all-time greatness compelling nonetheless. Maybe because your typical American sports fan seems to be ignoring it completely.—JM
Jun 19, 2009
Other Things Sarah Palin Is Now Demanding an Apology For
Up to, but not yet including, this list.
Land of Lost Movies
"Movies used to be better!" Does saying that still make you sound like a codger if it's demonstrably true?—JS
Videogames and the Impossibility of Escape from Planet Earth
This plods along with some intriguing observations about whether the true frontier is without or within... then the last paragraph of the footnote blew my mind!—JS
Jun 17, 2009
Tina Fey: Let's Face It, She Rocks
We here at PoopReading don't always agree on everything, but the title of this profile is definitely a sentiment we can all get behind.—BK
Tom Brokaw Pre-Tapes
I've always had a soft spot for this little bit concocted by Dana Carvey and Robert Smigel, which apparently originated as a sketch in the unaired eighth episode of The Dana Carvey Show.—BK
Why Nice Guys Should Finish First – But Don't
That settles it; I'm going to start punching a lot more people.—BK
Jun 16, 2009
How to Approach the Sensitive Question: Anal?
Probably the funniest thing he's ever written – and I say that with full understanding of the force of that statement.—JS
Palin Can't Outsmart Letterman
Few can. But deliberately misinterpreting a joke in an attempt to get some publicity and generate a wedge issue isn't even trying.—JS
Jun 15, 2009
Norm Macdonald Talks Stand-Up, Teases FX "Reality" Show
Other than the odd talk show spot (like last Thursday's gangbusters appearance on Conan), Norm Macdonald fans really have to do some digging if they want to hear from him. But it's always worth it.—JM
Jun 12, 2009
Rejected Jeopardy! Categories
Yet somehow "Potent Potables" still gets a free pass.
With Apologies to the Palins
David Letterman isn't the only one who has some explaining to do.
Did David Letterman Get a Free Pass?
The Palins know as well as you and I do that Dave was trying to make a joke about their adult daughter, not their adolescent one. They're just playing it up for the free publicity and fake indignation (and why not?). This piece is less about the Letterman/Palin "controversy" and more about the tolerance of misogyny by those on the left, who are supposed to "know better."—JM
Orphaned Tweets
A whole lot of Twitter users try it once and decide it's not for them. (Or maybe they think it's a really short survey: "What are you doing?" "Answering this question." There, that's done!)—JS
Jun 11, 2009
Achtung, Baby!
On the eve of Brno, a look at the comic style of his famously reserved creator, Sacha Baron Cohen.—JS
The Early Jobs of 13 Political Icons
We all knew that Harry Truman was a feisty ex-haberdasher (right? Um... right?), but here are 12 others you probably weren't aware of...—JM
Can Right-Wing Hate Talk Lead To Murder?
I just read this piece because I was curious to see if she'd mention Abdulhakim Muhammad (formerly Carlos Bledsoe), the American Muslim convert who shot and killed a US soldier outside an Army recruiting station in Little Rock last week. And guess what: she doesn't bring him up. Shocking, I know. Too bad, too, because ignoring him sort of undermines her argument, which isn't entirely without merit.—JM
Why 2009 Is Shaping Up As the Year of No Stars
If you're going to write a column based on a certain premise, I understand that you're going to cherry pick your evidence to support your theory (heck; that's my bread and butter). But don't just make stuff up! To wit: Liam Neeson was never "a solid B-list actor heading toward character roles and retirement;" he was going to play Abraham Lincoln for Steven Spielberg before Taken even opened. Pretty much everybody knew who Kevin James was before this January. And, the two most successful R-rated comedies in history can't possibly be Sex and the City and American Pie 2. I don't feel like looking it up, but, that can't be right.—JM
Jun 10, 2009
30 Rock Is a Rip-Off of The Muppet Show!
A Jack Donaghy comp proves elusive, and that hurts the comic momentum a bit, but it's still a fun and interesting premise.—BK
Steve Martin and His Passion, The Banjo
Not the greatest interview, but us Steve-iacs will take our Steve wherever we can Steve it.—BK
A Note From Stephen Colbert
Colbert steps in as Guest Editor this week, and while his stint is mostly serious, here he indulges himself in some fun.—BK
Jun 9, 2009
The Costliest Ten-Dollar Cat in Texas
Part one in a series detailing the bankruptcy proceedings of a small business. These things never go the way you expect.—JS
Jun 8, 2009
Sly Stallone Pudding & 7 More Unique Celebrity Products
(Blurb not written, as author has run out of his house to go purchase vast quantities of Sylvester Stallone's high-protein pudding.)—BK
Jun 5, 2009
Less Prestigious 300 Clubs
Sometimes membership does not have its privileges.
Why GM failed
If you're interested in reading on the subject, there are a thousand opinions out there, from insightful to loony. Kottke's collected the key phrases from several, for easy skimming or deeper reading as you desire.—JS
Easy Solutions #1
With solutions as easy as this, it's your own damn fault if you still have problems.—JS
Jun 4, 2009
Viewing a TV Death In Four Acts
To be sure, we here at PoopReading.com have a great deal of love for "Without a Trace," and were particularly sad to see it go. This article is less about "Without a Trace," though, than it is about every hour-long drama.—JM
Jun 3, 2009
Randy, the Babe Ruth of Beanballs
Dumb title. As Randy Johnson goes for the 300th win of his career, a look at how much pitching inside and hitting batters has helped him get there.—BK
Jun 2, 2009
The Birth of "God kills a kitten"
Factoids and insider info on the popular anti-masturbation campaign.—JS
Jun 1, 2009
The Ten Biggest Non-Sports Upsets of the Last 25 (or so) Years, Part II
Let's finish what we started, shall we?
May 29, 2009
Additional Details About Dos Equis's Most Interesting Man in the World
He's far more fascinating than Heineken's Most Drunkenly Incapacitated Dude in a Wendy's.
The Coming Superbrain
The future of artificial intelligence: will the robots fetch our coffee and fix our robots, or will they chase Linda Hamilton through a factory?—JS
May 28, 2009
Conan's "Tonight Show"
"I think at some point my show is going to have to morph into a detective show. I think four weeks in, Andy Richter and I will be solving crimes. It's going to be 'Murder, She Wrote' for a younger demo."—JM
27 Observations About the Goddamn KFC Line I'm In
There might come a time when I feel like I'm putting up too many links from Cracked.com. That time is not today.—JM
May 26, 2009
The Most Interesting Man in the World
Not since the Quizno's spongemonkeys have we heard an ad campaign described as "quirky genius." The Dos Equis guy (who sounds a lot like Bill Brasky) fits the bill.—JS
May 25, 2009
Another Side of Kerouac: The Dharma Bum as Sports Nut
I'd heard about this before, and I think it's awesome.—BK
May 22, 2009
The Ten Biggest Non-Sports Upsets of the Last 25 (or so) Years, Part I
Jesse "The Body" Ventura over real gubernatorial candidates, "American Idol's" Kris Allen over everyone else, VHS over Beta, and more...
Least Popular Home Repair Books
Sometimes doing it yourself is best left to other people.
Carlos Mencia's Twitter: 25 Posts Too Unfunny To Be Stolen
This one won't really work if you want to print it out and take it with you, but I decided it was too good not to link to anyway.—JM
High Times
Extolling the virtues of Pixar, which will no doubt thrill PoopReading contributor Jameson Simmons. (There are two mentions of the upcoming release Up that I would consider spoiler-free, but your standards may be stricter than mine.)—BK
May 21, 2009
Question: Who's the Longest-Running Fictional Character Ever?
It's not who you think! (wait a minute... never mind. It's probably who you think)—JM
Obama Loses His "Cool"
A popular liberal president who has freely admitted his own youthful drug use could certainly help move this country's attitude toward marijuana legalization further in the right direction. If he had any balls whatsoever, that is.—JM
May 19, 2009
The Next Dimension: Does 3D Really Work?
Of course not. And it needs to die a quick, expensive death while there are still unconverted theatres to offer a 2D bailout option.—JS
May 18, 2009
Does Bringing Back "Chuck" Mean A New Network Model?
"Chuck" is coming back, as is "Dollhouse." If only they could see their way clear to bring "Life" back, as well... but I guess you can't have everything.—JM
Twins Built on High-Character Players
Coming on the heels of three straight soul-crushing walk-off losses to the Yankees, it's a little tough to find consolation in the fact that the Twins organization is filled with stand-up guys. I'd embrace a few douchebags if it meant more wins – particularly in the postseason.—BK
May 15, 2009
Additional Cheerios Claims That Were Shot Down By the FDA
Hey, you can't blame a multi-billion-dollar corporation for trying.
May 14, 2009
Katz and Dogs
A deep and abiding love for dogs is a little like a deep and abiding certainty regarding one's religious faith; I don't quite have it, and I'm a little jealous of those who do.—JM
May 13, 2009
Moneyball the Movie: Ex-Players, Coaches Taking a Hack at Acting
Dozens of baseball professionals, including ex-A's manager Art Howe, have signed on to play themselves. Even if you don't care about Moneyball, you have to admit this is one of the most fascinating projects out there.—BK
May 12, 2009
Home Is Still Where My Eyes Are
God, yes – movie audiences are ruining moviegoing. But is fleeing for the home theatre the answer? Even as I flee, I wish for a better solution.—JS
May 8, 2009
Surprises Found in the New Star Trek Movie
Because if there's one thing rabid fan bases love, it's unexpected changes to their beloved franchise.
The Man Who Fell to Moon
This trippy, indie space story with Sam Rockwell is shaping up to be one of the year's most interesting films. (Then again, we've seen how often that can go horribly awry...)—JS
Regarding The Jonas Brothers
Basically a rehash of the brilliant South Park episode, but still entertaining in a furious-blogger sort of way.—JS
May 7, 2009
Judd Apatow on Ghostbusters Rumors, Dinner with Diddy, and the Joke He Cut from Year One
Nothing groundbreaking here. Still, it's always nice to hear from Judd Apatow.—JM
Do NBA Players Try Harder In the Playoffs?
No. At least, the numbers don't suggest that they do.—JM
May 6, 2009
No Tipping, Please
Even Sean Hannity will open up the Times to read Doug Glanville!—MW
Can Chevy Chase Save NBC?
Judging by the rest of this piece, which looks at NBC's plans for the fall schedule (including, ugh, Jay Leno five nights a week), the answer is no. But I'll admit I have a soft spot for Chase, and I'd love to see him make a comeback with his new show Community.—BK
May 5, 2009
If I Ever Create a Doomsday Machine, I'd Like it to Have the Following Features
If I ever meet Michael Ian Black, I'm giving him a big hug for all the times he's bailed me out of a slow link day. (And a big sloppy kiss for everything else.)—JS
Justice Cincinnatus
A lot of interesting stuff about outgoing Supreme Court Justice David Souter. (But I'll admit I was destined to link to this article as soon as I saw the name Kermit Roosevelt.)—JS
May 4, 2009
OK, Remaining Favre Fans: Now Can We Talk?
You don't become a lying, deceiving egomaniac overnight, so one must assume Brett Favre has always been like that. Of course, if he comes to my beloved Vikings, he'll instantly become my favorite football player of all time.—JM
May 1, 2009
Less Publicized Accomplishments From Obama's First 100 Days in Office
If an accomplishment happens in the forest and no one is around to witness it, does Obama still get credit for it?
Writing for Nonreaders in the Postprint Era
Implies that the Internet age has made us all into illiterate, solipsistic assholes. (Which, if you've seen the Internet, clearly isn't true.)—JS
A Brief History of the 'F' Word
Avert your eyes, Matt and Joe's mom.—JS
Apr 30, 2009
Justice Stevens Renders An Opinion On Who Wrote Shakespeare's Plays
Supreme Court Justice John Paul Stevens is apparently part of a movement that believes Shakespeare's plays were actually written by Edward de Vere, the 17th earl of Oxford. As for me, MTV's "The State" had Shakespeare himself admitting in a throwaway line at the end of a particular sketch that "Christopher Marlowe wrote all my plays," so that's what I choose to believe.—JM
Car Wreck
You've got your classic "Saturday Night Live" sketches, and then you've got the ones that should have become classics... like this one. Good ol' Norm.—JM
Apr 29, 2009
David Wain: "I'm Going to Battle Centurions in Central Park"
Wain talks about Role Models, The State DVD, and most intriguing of all, the possibility of a sequel to Wet Hot American Summer.—BK
Apr 28, 2009
Computer Program To Take On "Jeopardy!"
Oh, it is on, folks. It is fucking on! (sorry for the swear word, Mom and Matt, but I think even you would agree that sometimes, only the "f"-word will suffice. And this is most certainly one of those times)—JM
Apr 27, 2009
Michael McKean Explains Spinal Tap Songs
Reminds you that Guest/McKean/Shearer aren't just hysterically funny, they're also pretty good songwriters and musicians. We should probably hate them.—BK
Generation Me
A sure sign I'm getting old: I find myself agreeing with more and more of these "this is what's wrong with young people today" articles.—BK
Apr 24, 2009
Other Controversial, Inappropriate, or Otherwise Odd Remarks Made By Miss USA Pageant Contestants
America's sweethearts say the darndest things.
Apr 23, 2009
The Sound of Musing
I've been looking for this for years; it's finally online. It's as good as I remember.—JM
Can "Chuck" Be Saved? Even Josh Schwartz Isn't Sure
Please, please, please please please please please watch "Chuck," you guys. It's gotten so good.—JM
Apr 22, 2009
Where Fan Mail Goes to Get Answered
Short answer: almost certainly not by the celebrity you sent it to.—BK
Don't Joe Morgan the Moneyball Movie
Demetri Martin has been cast as Paul DePodesta? Wow. Even if I had dared dream they'd make a Moneyball movie, there's no way I'd have envisioned Steven Soderbergh, Brad Pitt, Steven Zaillian, and Demetri Martin as the team responsible for bringing it to the screen.—BK
Apr 21, 2009
The State DVD is On!
A brief, entertaining interview with David Wain about the official announcement of when we can finally hold The State in our hands.—JS
Thoughts on Pot vs. Alcohol from a Former Police Chief
A thoughtful companion to Joe's recent post on the legalization question.—JS
Apr 20, 2009
Starting with Logo, Lions on New Mission
Now we just wait for the Jared Allen quote saying "Yes, yes, this lion is much more frightening. I am now afraid to sack Daunte Culpepper."—MW
The Hundredth Senator
The editors at The New Republic have some unsolicited advice for Minnesota governor – and possible 2012 GOP presidential hopeful – Tim Pawlenty regarding the Norm Coleman/Al Franken senate election. But just because advice is unsolicited doesn't mean it's necessarily bad.—JM
Do You Think Bandwidth Grows On Trees?
It sounds like YouTube may prove financially unsustainable. You mean I'll have to burn videos of my daughters to DVD and mail them to my parents, like some sort of caveman?—JM
Apr 17, 2009
Pros and Cons of Being a Somali Pirate
Apparently there's more to it than just pointing at things off the starboard bow and yelling "Avast, ye scurvy dogs!"
Apr 16, 2009
A Threat In Title IX
First they came for the wrestlers, then they came for the baseball players...—JM
A Team That Chose Principles Over Gold Medals
Apparently, the Long Island University basketball team would have represented the United States at the 1936 Olympics in Berlin, but they chose not to go, and their story remained largely unknown.—JM
Apr 15, 2009
For All His Oddities, Fidrych Was an Overgrown Kid Living the Dream
I was too young to fully appreciate the Mark Fidrych phenomenon as it was happening; Joe Posnanski was nine, and he remembers the pitcher with the perfect mix of childhood hero worshipper and baseball historian.—BK
Apr 14, 2009
Our Lives, Controlled From Some Guy's Couch
A little old perhaps, but still fascinating. Bite me, I'm running a high fever today.—JS
Understanding Twitter
At last someone gets to the bottom of this whole thing. Kids today!—JS
Apr 13, 2009
Olympian Political Correctness
This piece was written last summer, but it's just as true now. I don't know what made me think of it; maybe I just wanted to be needlessly provocative.—JM
Baseball's Judicial Branch
Yes, I've linked to a piece by a right-of-center columnist. But it's okay, folks. You can unbunch your panties: this one is just about baseball.—JM
Apr 10, 2009
Other Celebrities Who Will Be Joining the Obama Administration
It's not exactly a collection of the best and the brightest.
The Weekly Log, 4/10/09
I whine about an obscure baseball urban legend and recommend a show on DVD.
How Deep the Rabbit Hole Goes
Reflecting on the 10th anniversary of The Matrix. (Which caused me to take a fond, and cringing, look back at my own Matrix Week, coinciding with its 2003 sequel.)—JS
"Fast" Cash
Truly chilling outcomes from the smash success of Fast and Furious. This is the year that my mystification at popular movie tastes went from annoyance to outright panic.—JS
Apr 9, 2009
KROQ Scores With "April Foolishness"
There's almost nothing less funny than a bland recap of a stand-up comedy show, but the comics at this show are so out-of-their-minds hilarious that even this bland recap of a stand-up comedy show is funny. I really could have seen this show, too. Dammit. I should have tried harder (or, indeed, at all) to pull that off.—JM
Wauaugh! – Howard the Duck, George Lucas' Best Movie About a Talking Duck, Finally Arrives on DVD
According to this piece, at least, Howard the Duck isn't as bad as you remember. It's worse.—JM
Technology's Gutterball – New Gear Makes Bowling Too Easy
The former MTV "Singled Out" host and son of a Hall of Fame bowler contends that advances in technology are making bowling too easy. Maybe he's right; any idiot can bowl a 129 nowadays. Right, Mr. President?—JM
Apr 8, 2009
Make It Blockbuster's Last Night
About 15 years ago, Second City in Chicago ran a show that ended with an angry man ranting about consumerism and asking audience members to throw their Blockbuster cards on stage to be cut up. And it almost never failed to yield multiple cards, often tossed with an enthusiasm that seemed cathartic.—BK
Apr 7, 2009
Unpopular
This is the reason I refuse to watch, read, or link to anything Michael Ian Black does.—JS
When Ninjas Meet Golf, God Save Tiger Woods
Okay, this review loses its snarky zing after a while, but I'm pretty sure the ninja is fighting a shark in a water hazard. If you tell your grandchildren about one thing, let it be this.—JS
Apr 6, 2009
Why Legalizing Marijuana Makes Sense
In the first paragraph of this piece, Joe Klein offers up what may in fact be the best idea any human being has ever had. Better than fire, better than cars, better than WrestleMania. He goes on to make the standard case that pot should be legalized, a case that – for my money – can't be made often enough.—JM
Judah Friedlander Likes Hats
An interview with "30 Rock's" Frank, the guy who wears the custom made trucker hats (in character, and in real life). My personal favorite so far? The one that just said "DRAPES."—JM
Ten Surprisingly Common Causes of Death In TV Hospitals
I feel like this is the stuff we here at PoopReading.com would write, if we here at PoopReading.com wrote stuff like this.—JM
Apr 3, 2009
Andy Rooney Commentaries That Were Rejected By 60 Minutes
It's a fine line between cranky old humorist and becoming a real-life version of Grandpa Simpson.
The Weekly Log, 4/3/09
Thoughts on NASCAR (sort of), "Castle" (watch it), and Uncle Ned Packers Fan (I'll explain...)
Story Bored
As a satirical critique of the modern mishmash media culture, it's brilliant. As a serious suggestion, it's ludicrous. If only we could be certain which...—JS
Apr 2, 2009
Is Chicago's Star Falling?
A look at the status of Chicago's bid to host the 2016 Summer Olympics. Hm, the International Olympic Committee meets Chicago politics... one can only imagine how exquisite the corruption will be.—JM
Apr 1, 2009
The Nude House of Wacky People
I'm of the opinion that this is the best sketch that Mike Myers ever did on SNL. I suspect he also wrote it, though I've never been able to confirm that.—BK
Poehler's Opposites
Terrible title, decent profile, but at least there's a quote from Michael Schur. I'm gonna pretend I didn't just hear you say "Who is Michael Schur?"—BK
Mar 31, 2009
What Happened to the Perry Bible Fellowship?
Interesting profile of a wacked-out creative genius. Assumes the reader's familiarity with the PBF comic (which is unfortunate, but easy to rectify).—JS
Nice Move, Mr. Bond, but How's Your Parking?
Driving school was a bore, but stunt driving school sounds awesome. Could this be a trend? Stunt DMV lines? Stunt dentistry? Stunt stories about your wife's work?—JS
Mar 30, 2009
The Rise of the Likable Jerk
A profile of comedian Aziz Ansari. I enjoyed his brief stint on Scrubs, and I'm getting the feeling he might emerge as the best thing on the upcoming Parks and Recreation.—BK
7 Ridiculous Products Licensed by Major League Baseball
Oh, the Forest Face. Songs will be written about the glory of the Forest Face, and passed down from generation to generation.—BK
Mar 27, 2009
New NBC Slogans
Is "meh" a slogan, or more of a corporate statement of purpose?
The Weekly Log, 3/27/09
A sports team with stupid uniforms finally suffers real consequences; plus, trifling thoughts on "American Idol" and "Dollhouse."
Your Hair is Different
Adams is always good with the helpful tips and tricks.—JS
Robert Downey, Jr.
It's great to see that my gay crush on RDJ can be equaled – but not exceeded – by that of Kidd, an actual gay man.—JS
Mar 25, 2009
What Your Favorite Movies Were Almost Called
Why you should be thankful you never got the chance to buy a ticket for Spaceman From Pluto, Take It Like a Man, or Anhedonia.—BK
Script Notes From the VP of Programming Following the Inevitable Purchase of the Spice Network By GE/NBC Universal
A pitch-perfect network notes satire that, given the subject matter, features just the right amount of comic restraint.—BK
Missing the Man Who Made Nicolas Cage a Star
I think the author is being a little too hard on Con Air (especially compared to Cage's recent offerings), but the rest is spot-on. It feels like that guy I loved so much in Raising Arizona doesn't even exist anymore.—BK
Mar 24, 2009
Oh, Mother!
An interesting point wrapped in a shrill and well-worn package. (With a thorough misunderstanding of Back to the Future as a bonus!)—JS
Listening to Boredom
There's a tongue-in-cheek tone to this, but its message is sincere and very worthwhile.—JS
Mar 23, 2009
I Love You, Man
I didn't get to see I Love You, Man this weekend; I had to settle for reading this review. Also, more people apparently decided that they'd rather see Knowing. Which I'm sure is fine, but... come on.—JM
You Don't Need Stats to Know Greatness. Meryl Taught Me That.
The Sports Guy takes a shot at using sports-style statistical analysis to answer the question: Who is the greatest living actor? (Hat tip, Chris C.)—BK
Mar 20, 2009
Signs That You May Be Suffering From March Madness
Self-diagnosis in 25 easy steps. Remember, doctors say early detection is the key.
Mar 19, 2009
Too Many Kiddie Cooks Spoil the Broth
A "kiddie foodie movement?" This can't possibly be a thing, can it?—JM
For Sale: The $100 House
Two ways to look at this: in a gloomy economy, all sorts of innovative ideas take root; or, my God, living in Detroit is about to get even worse.—JS
Mar 18, 2009
My 2009 Bracket, Part Two
In which you find out who I pick to win it all. And I know the suspense has been killing you.
Mar 17, 2009
The Hot Seat: Jason Segel
A quick interview about Friday's I Love You, Man – oh, who am I kidding? This is linked because it mentions Paul Rudd's penis.—JS
Mock Web sites stretch TV gags
Conan's hornymanatee.com and the many sites from How I Met Your Mother (the "William Faulkner of sitcoms!").—JS
Growing Sentences with David Foster Wallace
A guide to laying out your thoughts like the late genius of the run-on sentence.—JS
Mar 16, 2009
Paul Rudd: Everybody's Buddy
As usual, you have to ignore Stein's annoying penchant for inserting himself into the story, but you'll be rewarded with some nice Rudd details (he went to college with Joe Buck and Jon Hamm?!).—BK
"Watchmen" vs. "Incredibles": No Contest
I haven't seen Watchmen, so I can't comment. As the parent of a two-year-old, however, I have seen The Incredibles roughly 9,000 times in the last six months, and I look forward to viewing #9,001.—JM
Watching Stewart-v-Cramer With Wall Streeters and Working Folks
Whatever your political views – and mine are not Jon Stewart's – it's nice to see Jon Stewart just get in there and kick ass once in a while.—JM
The Brokest Generation
Mark Steyn is definitely an alarmist, but he's an alarmist who entertains the heck out of me. Plus he always keeps things light, just how we like it here.—JM
Mar 13, 2009
Chien-Ming Wang Headlines That Less Mature Sports Editors Could Try to Run During Spring Training 2009
Levels of sexual innuendo not seen since the heyday of Minnesota Twins outfielder Randy Bush.
Mar 12, 2009
Honkballing Dutch Deliver KO Blow For the Ages
The Netherlands eliminating the Dominican Republic from the World Baseball Classic? That's almost like... well... see, this is hard, because if it were any other impossibly massive upset, you'd say, "That's almost like if the Netherlands eliminated the Dominican Republic from the World Baseball Classic!"—JM
Mar 11, 2009
5 Failed McDonald's Menu Items
By all rights, the McRib should be on this list. Fellow PoopReading contributor Mike Wagner and I have a theory that the limited-release schedule of the McRib is controlled by the government, as a way of thinning out the U.S. population.—BK
What Tim Geithner Can Learn From Baseball
Silver gets back to his roots with a look at how smarter management has fostered a financial revolution in baseball.—BK
Life After Gilmore Girls: Egg Salad, Adelaide, and All
The wonderful Lauren Graham talks about the wonderful Gilmore Girls and other stuff that's just alright.—BK
Mar 10, 2009
Boy Toy
In all the Barbie hullabaloo, Ken continues to be ignored. (Probably for the best, considering he's dickless and his namesake is actually Barbie's brother.)—JS
Some Post-Oscar Thoughts on Forecasting
Unsurprisingly, Silver found it more difficult to predict the votes of fickle, ill-informed Academy members compared to the fickle, ill-informed electorate as a whole.—JS
Mar 9, 2009
Getting the Ax – It's Awesome
Joel Stein writes about the phenomenon of the Adam Carolla podcast. I keep telling you people. I keep telling you...—JM
Mar 6, 2009
Least Popular Versions of the Barbie Doll
Let's just say that mistakes were made.
The Weekly Log, 3/6/09
To welcome my second daughter into the world I've got some parenting tips; and for no reason in particular I've got a slight bone to pick with the movie In Bruges.
Ye Olde Social Network
Friendster has been taken over by robots and Asians. I remember hearing the Brazilians took Orkut. Stories like these prevent me from ever embracing Facebook. (Also, it's utterly pointless.)—JS
Mar 5, 2009
The Internet Is Changing the Game For Celebrities
Adam Carolla's podcast is apparently #1 on iTunes after less than two weeks. I told you people about him, did I not?—JM
Mar 4, 2009
The Year NBA Teams Quit Early
How revenue concerns and bloated contracts have most NBA teams watching from the sidelines this season.—BK
Where the Neon Lights Are Bright - And Drivers Are No Longer Welcome
New York City is experimenting with closing streets to reduce traffic jams, and if it works, it may be coming to a city near you.—BK
Mar 3, 2009
"Did Babe Ruth Take Asteroids?"
A little kid's question at the Baseball Hall of Fame prompts a father to conclude that the job of the Hall of Fame voter is not the same as the job of a dad.
The Afterlife of Glamorous Things
How iconic pieces of film history end up as expensive collector's items.—BK
Melting Pot of Melodrama Enthralls French Nightly
Those French people think they're so hot, but you know what? They're not.—JM
Mar 2, 2009
World War II Warning
I may be the only person who remembers this Saturday Night Live sketch from 1996, and that includes the people who wrote and performed it. Nevertheless, it deserves to be acknowledged as a classic.—JM
A Skeptic's Take On the Public Misunderstanding of Darwin
The terms "natural selection" and "survival of the fittest" have been cause for confusion among some people, apparently.—JM
What's a Hulu? The Origins of 8 High-Tech Names
Offering up an alternate universe where people "Bongo" their favorite TV shows and communicate with a LeapFrog.—BK
Feb 27, 2009
Lesser-Known Provisions in the New Economic Stimulus Package
Clearly not all provisions are created equal.
Old Media Strikes Back
Why Hulu is winning the online video battle.—BK
Feb 26, 2009
Roomba FAQ
An informational session on the robotic vacuum cleaner rolls into unexpected territory.—BK
Going Battier
The great Dan Kois attempts to apply the lessons of Michael Lewis's famous Shane Battier piece to his own pickup basketball game.—JM
Feb 25, 2009
The Mount Rushmores of the AL
Listing the four people most strongly associated with each team over the course of that franchise's history. A great idea, one that I wish I thought of first.—BK
The Mount Rushmores of the NL
And here's the National League version.—BK
Second Coming
A Jason Bateman profile that's not very in-depth, but hey, we'll take whatever we can get.—BK
Why the Music Industry Hates Guitar Hero
It's exactly the reason you'd expect: music licensing fees. Is there any entertainment medium left that hasn't had run-ins with the music industry over this stuff?—BK
Feb 24, 2009
The End of a Particularly Funny and Interesting Era
I loved, loved, loved "The Adam Carolla Show." And now it's gone.
Taste Test: Thingamajig vs. Whatchamacallit
Worth reading if only for the unintentional comedy of "Hershey's should bump up the nuts" and a semi-tangentially-related Google image search bit at the end of the piece that will leave you irreparably scarred.—BK
Money Made Him Do It
If you're like me, you've always been mildly fascinated by the 18th century English writer Samuel Johnson, but not enough to read an entire book either by or about him. Well, now we're in luck: a Slate.com article about two new Samuel Johnson biographies!—JM
Five Bold Predictions For 2009
Some (#1) are quite bolder than others (#2). That said, it's never too early to start thinking about baseball season, is it?—JM
Feb 23, 2009
10 Worst Post-Oscar Career Choices
This year's acting winners seem unlikely to be future candidates for this list (especially since one of them is, you know, dead). If only Mickey Rourke had won...—BK
Feb 20, 2009
Better Ways to End Long Speeches at the Oscars
Because we'd like to free up time for more awkward, stilted banter between presenters.
Don't Worry About Conan
Making the case that Conan O'Brien will be great as the new host of The Tonight Show. He will, but the fact that this means we're that much closer to Leno in prime-time is taking some of the fun out of this.—BK
Feb 19, 2009
Movie Draft: Son of Oklahoma
The fourth of four reviews of the films from the 2009 Movie Draft gives a taste of rural politics, steamy sexual intrigue, and family secrets with Josh Brolin, Sean Penn, and who else but Angelina Jolie?
Movie Draft: Out of Order
The third of four reviews of the films from the 2009 Movie Draft showcases the comedic talents of Richard Jenkins, Meryl Streep, Brad Pitt and Philip Seymour Hoffman, as Melissa Leo looks on (hey, somebody's got to play the straight man).
Welcome Back, Junior
You don't have to love the Mariners to get a warm tingle down your spine when you read this piece about the return of Ken Griffey, Jr. You merely have to love sports.—JM
Feb 18, 2009
Movie Draft: Americano
The second of four reviews of the films from the 2009 Movie Draft finds Penlope Cruz, Anne Hathaway and Mickey Rourke in a thriller set in the hot, steamy jungles of Central and South America.
Movie Draft: Fly By Night
The first of four reviews of the films from the 2009 Movie Draft brings us Robert Downey, Jr. on a quest for the truth about the 1969 moon landing.
Joss Whedon Goes Where No TV Man Has Gone Before
He's abandoning TV for the internet. TV's loss, to be sure.—BK
Curious Factoids Revealed by Presidential Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin Following An All-Night Presidents Day Pub Crawl
If you like "Fun Facts" on Letterman, you'll like these; the styles are very similar.—BK
Feb 17, 2009
Oscar Predictions You Can Bet On!
The man who predicted last year's election to within a mere percentage point turns his focus to Sunday's Oscars.—JS
The 4-Year-Old Appears on Deal or No Deal.
You know, if you just read a transcript of the show without watching it, you'd think every contestant was a 4-year-old.—JS
Feb 16, 2009
Thirty-Nine Questions for Charlie Daniels Upon Hearing "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" For the First Time in Twenty-Five Years
An oldie but a goodie (though you do need to have at least a passing familiarity with the song).—BK
Feb 13, 2009
Additional Past Transgressions Alex Rodriguez Admitted to This Week
The truths finally come out.
Baseball Pitches Illustrated
In honor of pitchers and catchers reporting to Spring Training this weekend, here's a beautifully-crafted explanation of how 12 baseball pitches work.—BK
You're Welcome America
A review of Ferrell and McKay's Broadway Bush impersonation sendoff, highlighting the informative power of comedy.—JS
Feb 12, 2009
Rubbing Him the Right Way
A writer for The Colbert Report gives advice on finding and keeping a, uh, genie.—BK
Feb 11, 2009
Job Opening for a Villainous Time-Traveling Sidekick
Who says this economy isn't creating new jobs?—BK
Understanding A-Rod
The former Texas Ranger waxes in context about A-Rod's decision to go Jose Canseco on us from 2001-03.—MW
Reinvention draws near for Newsweek
A fascinating look at a turn I'd like to see more struggling publications make: away from fast news and towards analysis and in-depth news.—JS
How to Get Some on February 14th
To be clear: this is not, unfortunately, an offer being extended from the author to you.—BK
Shirtless Bible Salesmen
SNL Transcripts always makes for good reading, and this is one of my favorites. It's got the Will Ferrell/Adam McKay stamp all over it, so if you like Anchorman and Step Brothers, you should like this.—BK
Feb 10, 2009
Steve Martin On Being 'Born Standing Up'
Excerpts from his book, which everyone should read regardless of interest in show business or comedy, just to learn how his mind works.—JS
Dont Be Like Jessica Simpson: A Lesson For Young Girls Everywhere
I won't say that I agree with every word of this, but at the heart of it, there's an awfully good point.—BK
Feb 9, 2009
Alex Rodriguez, Fallen Hero?
Gotta love the subtitle: "Nobody liked him before the steroids, nobody likes him now."—BK
Coca-Cola Classic to be "Classic" no more
After 24 years, they figure the "New Coke" debacle is erased from the cultural memory and we're ready to go back to basics.—JS
Feb 6, 2009
Other Things That Will Set Off a Profanity-Laced Tirade From Christian Bale
Don't say we didn't warn you.
Rise of Citizen Dave
Letterman's offhand, carefree incisiveness keeps him relevant even when his show isn't always at its best. Why to watch, even if you do so with your finger on the fast-forward button.—JS
Indie Rocks 5 Most Overused Animal Names
My kingdom for an AIDS Wolf/Minus the Bear double bill.—BK
Feb 5, 2009
8 Successful People Grateful They Got Canned
Surely the only place to find Jerry Seinfeld, Wilco and Bill Belichick thrown together... that is, until my one-act play gets produced.—BK
You're Trashing My Scene!
Exploring the legal issues surrounding Christian Bale's on-set tirade and bringing new meaning to the phrase "them's fightin' words!"—BK
Jan 30, 2009
Other Revelations in Joe Torre's Upcoming Book The Yankee Years
Which is not to be confused with the best-selling male adolescent sex guide, The Yanking Years.
"The State" Reunion at SF Sketchfest
If I were able to travel back in time to witness one single event in the history of Earth, it would have been Night 1 of "The State's" reunion show. Please, please, for the love of God, please, put this show out on DVD. I'll do anything. Anything. Well, no... not that. Okay, that.—JM
Professor Uses Mathematics to Decode Beatles Tunes
Why couldn't math have been this awesome when I was growing up?—BK
Jan 29, 2009
Steve Martin: Thinking "Pink"
I like to think the benefit of the Pink Panther remakes is that at least we get a bunch of Steve features and an appearance on SNL around the release date.—BK
Jan 28, 2009
Take Bacon. Add Sausage. Blog.
The internet-fueled rise of The Bacon Explosion. Lord help me, it looks delicious.—BK
Basketball Teams That Wear Long Pants? They're Out There
An interesting read, and remarkable in that it will most certainly be the last piece of writing in human history to address sports legwear length without bringing up President Obama's basketball "dork pants."—JM
Jan 27, 2009
You Got Served
A smart, reasoned take on that whole girls' high school basketball imbroglio down in Texas.—BK
What, Exactly, Is Slumdog Millionaire?
It seems to take on different forms depending on what people want to project onto it.—JS
The Elements of Spam
If you're going to write spam, at least get these simple guidelines right.—JS
A Wonderful Day for Washington, D.C.
My daughter is really into Enchanted these days, which I bring up because I can no longer watch Timothy Spall in that movie without immediately thinking of Christopher Hitchens (and vice versa). Here, he (Christopher Hitchens, not Timothy Spall) offers an enjoyable, patriotic and – since it's Hitchens – cheeky take on the Obama inauguration.—JM
Jan 26, 2009
Microsoft Oval Office
Will President Obama have a personal computer in the White House? Recent history suggests he will not.—BK
How Much Is a Best Picture Nomination Worth?
Enough to make the costs of campaigning for one worthwhile.—BK
Jan 23, 2009
Possible Side Effects of Savella, the Newly-Approved Fibromyalgia Drug
Consult your doctor or pharmacist to learn whether these jokes may be right for you.
The Weekly Log - 1/23/09
Normally on Fridays in this space you get an NFL picks column out of me. Such a column is significantly more difficult to put together when there is no NFL football being played, so I debut a new Friday feature. I hope you like it.
Oscar Nomination Talking Points
A fun and flighty set of varied reactions to yesterday's Oscar announcements. (But he needs to get that cough looked at.)—JS
Jan 22, 2009
Obama Takes Oath Again, Faithfully This Time
Also, on Tuesday, he started talking right after "I, Barack Hussein Obama," stepping on the Chief Justice's "...do solemnly swear." Apparently I'm the only person who remembers this, but, I'm positive George H. W. Bush did the same thing in 1989.—JM
The Cardinal Curse
Which team will really be the reason the Cardinals lose the Super Bowl next Sunday; the Pittsburgh Steelers... or the Pottsville Maroons?—JM
Ridesharing in the Future
An intriguing concept that responds to the economic forecast and even offers an opportunity for profit.—JS
Jan 21, 2009
25 Ailments That Can Be Cured By Having Sex
Well, alright... if it will help prevent tooth decay...—BK
Why Hollywood Needs a New Model for Storytelling
A nice little piece of satire. But I'm also just fearful enough to believe some of it could eventually come true.—BK
Jan 20, 2009
"Supergraphics" Anger Tenants In L.A. Office Buildings
You see these giant, multi-story ads on the sides of buildings in Los Angeles, and I always thought, "boy, I would think it would be annoying to work in one of those offices." Turns out it really is.—JM
Jan 19, 2009
Crisis-Aversion Index Cards That Get Me Through a Normal Day
It's good to have a support system.—BK
I Don't Want My Web TV
Another brave soul argues against the prevailing wisdom that, since two things have a screen on them, their functionalities should merge. I'm with him.—JS
10 Questions We Hope Lost Answers This Season
Of course, answering these questions will create 343 new ones. So be careful what you wish for.—BK
Jan 16, 2009
Surprises Planned for the Obama Inauguration
It can't just be all swearing-in and speeches. It can't!
Obama Returns Night-Owl Presidency
As a night-owl myself, I find this sort of thing fascinating.—BK
My Tape Measure - An Appreciation
Whenever there's a slow link day, you can count on Michael Ian Black.—JS
Jan 15, 2009
Rob Thomas and Company Get Ready to Party Down
Co-created by Paul Rudd and Veronica Mars creator Rob Thomas! Featuring Ken Marino! And Jane Lynch! And Martin Starr! With a guest appearance by Enrico Colantoni! It's a veritable stew of underappreciated favorites! But it'll be on Starz. (Wait, I get Starz!)—BK
The Minnesota Recount Was Unconstitutional
Big surprise: in an election where 2.9 million votes were cast, and the "winner" "won" by 225, there's controversy surrounding the result!—JM
Hell to the Chief
Will Ferrell and Adam McKay prepare to take Ferrell's Bush impression to Broadway (and HBO! Woo-hoo!) for a one-man show farewell.—BK
Jan 14, 2009
Is Obama a Real Post-Partisan?
Barack Obama, Bill Kristol, David Brooks, George F. Will and Charles Krauthammer sit down to dinner together... no, that's not the setup to a dirty joke whose punchline involves sodomy. It's what happened last night in Chevy Chase, MD.—JM
Homeland Security USA Reviewed
This occupies 60 minutes of ABC's airtime when we could be watching Pushing Daisies. It's enough to make a man don an explosive vest.—JS
Jan 13, 2009
Ignorance is Not a Sportswriting Skill
Kaufman calls out baseball writers on their habitual disdain for statistical innovation. The man certainly knows how to curry my favor.—BK
They're Just Two Wild And Crazy Guys
Steve Martin turns up in a family home movie shot at Disneyland and starts a correspondence with its auteur. (Steve Martin completists, start around 20:19.)—JS
Jan 12, 2009
The Best Show On TV
The title goes back to "30 Rock"... and, since all that needs to be said about that show's principals has been said already, we take a bit of a look at the episodes written by the man who's written most of the best ones.
Let Freedom Ring: Busting the Myth of the Salary Cap
A solid argument against the idea that baseball desperately needs a salary cap to maintain competitive balance.—BK
Jan 9, 2009
Better Ways to Pick a College Football Champion
Anything's better than the system they have now. Am I right, ladies?
Gay-Tham for Statham
Oswalt makes the case for improving this year's award season movies with a little dash of Jason Statham.—JS
Jan 8, 2009
"Wherefore" does not mean where
Is there anything better than a good language rant? I submit that there is not!—JS
Jan 7, 2009
No Wonder Don Larsen Was Perfect
Kaufman watches this week's MLB Network rebroadcast of Larsen's World Series perfect game and wonders if it says more about the state of the game in 1956 than the pitcher himself.—BK
When Life is Just a Bowl of Freebies
Gift bag fever spreads into the BCS bowl games.—BK
Jan 6, 2009
Pat Hingle Dies at 84
Some nice details from a career that spanned five decades and, according to IMDB.com, nearly 200 different characters, including the guest spot I'll always remember him for: Colonel Daniel Webster Tucker in a classic April Fool's episode of MASH.—BK
Jan 5, 2009
Bleeping Expletives
Safire elucidates – as only he can – the pertinent distinctions among the terms we use to indicate foul language.—JS
A Series of Letters to the First Girl I Ever Fingered
Michael Ian Black strikes again.—BK
Jan 2, 2009
Better Uses for NBC's 10pm Time Slot Than Giving It to Jay Leno
Is it possible to burn a time slot? Or feed it to wolves?
11 Words That Sound Offensive, But Aren't
Including helpful conversational tips and a few nice ways to spend fifty bucks. (Hat tip, Michael R.)—JS
Dec 31, 2008
8 Strange & Different Restaurants
Apparently just reading on the toilet isn't good enough anymore.—BK
It Was 30 Rock Meets WKRP in Cincinnati
NewsRadio gets some long-overdue praise from someone other than Entertainment Weekly. (A little video-clip-heavy for our purposes, but you can read around those.)—JS
The Seven Best Capers of 2008
In honor of Leverage, the witty, thrilling new caper series on TNT.—JS
Dec 30, 2008
5 Famous Actors & The Roles They Turned Down
Or, How One Bad Decision Cost Sean Connery Hundreds of Millions of Dollars.—BK
Is Your Netflix Queue Destroying the Environment?
Short answer: no. So not only does Netflix offer a wider selection than the brick-and-mortar stores, it's more environmentally-friendly. Win-win!—BK
Dec 26, 2008
Memorable Moments from 2008 That May Not Have Actually Happened
Hindsight isn't always 20/20.
NFL 2008 - Week 17
Merry Christmas and Happy Inevitable Late-Season, Playoff-Missing Collapse, Vikings Fans!
Dec 24, 2008
Prospectus Today: A Holiday Surprise
A take on the Mark Teixeira signing that, unlike those of most other baseball columnists, doesn't involve Chicken Little imitations or the rending of garments.—BK
Dec 23, 2008
A Best Picture Contender's Guide to Running Against Slumdog Millionaire
If you're sick of everyone talking about this movie, this list is sick of you!—JS
Dec 22, 2008
The Science of the Hangover
Insight and advice for your holiday consumption.—BK
Dec 19, 2008
Least Popular Holiday Tales
Hey, they can't all be "Frosty the Snowman" or "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer."
What Your Favorite Teams Were Almost Called
An amusing history of franchise names that, thankfully, weren't. Although, spoiler alert: nothing they could have called the Minnesota Wild could possibly have been as bad as the "Minnesota Wild."—JM
Dec 18, 2008
Bob Newhart: What I've Learned
Part of a series of "What I've Learned" interviews, this one talks with the classic TV funnyman.—BK
Dec 17, 2008
Mickey Rourke Could've Been a Contender
The Sports Guy writes about The Wrestler, the one Oscar-season movie I'm going to be sure to see.—JM
Dec 16, 2008
So You've Decided to Attack a World Leader
The contents of a pamphlet found among Iraqi shoe-thrower Muntadhar al-Zeidi's personal effects shed some light on his methods...
Gentlemen, Stop Your Engines
A NASCAR enthusiast argues in favor of euthanizing the sport. (And I can never resist a throwaway dig at the BCS.)—JS
The Winner
Analysis of Jay Leno's frustrating popularity – it's a year old, but bears revisiting in light of recent events.—JS
Dec 15, 2008
Corrine
Every sullen little emo punk or Mean Girls harpy who spends time whining about "phonies" gets torn a new one by the former Miss Alli.—JM
Alec Baldwin Delivers Dialogue to Die For
Five favorite line readings by Baldwin. It hits on a couple of great ones, but really, this list needs to be much, much longer, and contain at least 50 quotes from 30 Rock.—BK
Dec 12, 2008
Additional Demands Made by Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich
Because demanding too little in an extortion conspiracy is the kind of thing that could really haunt a guy.
How to make a romantic epic
Continuing our series of movie clich evaluations: a quick deconstruction of Baz Luhrmanns Australia.—JS
Dec 10, 2008
Dot-Com Startups That Never Hit It Big
It was probably for the best that they didn't. (Enjoy a special non-Friday bonus BvF!)
Jay Leno's Prime-Time Move Just Another Uninspired NBC Idea
If there's one thing that we here at Poop Reading can all get behind, it's dumping on Leno. Well played, Chuck Barney.—BK
Billy Ripken Obscenity Bat: He Finally Talks 20 Years Later
Ripken comes clean about one of the most awesome baseball cards ever.—BK
Dec 9, 2008
Fifty Years of Popular Songs Condensed Into Single Sentences
Music is a window into our shared humanity. And our shared humanity wants to get it on.—JS
Dec 8, 2008
The Painty & Bucket Show
Everybody's been clamoring for some absurd sketch comedy featuring talking household tools, right? Right?
Dec 5, 2008
Ways the Big Three Automakers Plan to Spend $34 Billion
What, you thought they were actually going to use it to restructure their business models and make better cars?
Behind the Bets: Why An Uninformed Grandmother's Picks Will Always Be Better Than Yours
This article offers up a very appealing excuse for why my football picks have stunk this season: I'm too smart!—JM
Dec 4, 2008
The Best Show on TV
I didn't give "How I Met Your Mother" the title of The Best Show on TV, "How I Met Your Mother" took the title by brute force.
White Russians Arise, This Time At a Bowling Alley
I know what you're thinking – "Hey, it's been three whole weeks since you guys last posted a link about The Big Lebowski. What gives?!" Crisis averted, my friends.—BK
The Most Disturbing Animals on Earth
Answering the question: Is it possible to laugh and go fetal with terror at the same time?—BK
Dec 3, 2008
Tech Watch: Why Is Movie Rental Still So Damn Difficult?
See, I just wait until Jameson tells me what technology to use.—BK
Dec 2, 2008
Death to film critics! Hail to the CelebCult!
Ebert laments the decline of looking at movies as an art form. The crankier he gets, the more I love him.—JS
A Short History of the Bagel
Apparently the author likes her bagels hollowed out; despite that heresy, this makes for a nice read.—JM
World Series of Poker Coverage, from the Pro's Perspective
ESPN changed things up this year, adding drama to the final table and giving the "November Nine" some extra celebrity. But did it make for better poker television?—JS
Dec 1, 2008
Two Minutes and 42 Seconds in Heaven
It turns out there is a perfect length for a pop song. Any less is a trifle; any more is agony.—JS
Nov 28, 2008
Other Missteps That Will Result in a Lifetime Ban for "Pacman" Jones
Just in case his lawyer hasn't done a very good job of reading the fine print.
Nov 26, 2008
NFL 2008 - Week 13
I didn't have a losing week last week, folks! Everything's coming up Mulder!
Paging Kenneth
A brief and pleasant Q&A with Jack McBrayer of 30 Rock.—JS
Why Mussina Belongs in the Hall
Laying out the Hall of Fame case for Mike Mussina in sabermetric style.—BK
Nov 25, 2008
The Plan
Sure, it sounds a little farfetched. But he admits right up front that it isn't foolproof.—JS
Eric's Time Capsule: Planes, Trains and Automobiles
One day I will run for president on the platform that Planes, Trains and Automobiles should be mandatory Thanksgiving viewing for all. And I will win in a landslide.—BK
Nov 24, 2008
Why You Can't Travel Back in Time and Kill Hitler
In a nod to the upcoming release of Valkyrie, a thought-provoking review of previous fictional attempts to rid the world of an evil man.—BK
In Which I Try To Explain Twilight
Richard Lawson attempts to get to the bottom of the success of the pop culture phenomenon that is Twilight. The verdict: pretty much what I would have thought.—JM
Nov 21, 2008
Pros and Cons of Being the Sexiest Man Alive
For those of you thinking of applying for the position in the future.
Nov 20, 2008
The Best Show on TV
As we prepare to bid "The Shield" a fond farewell next Tuesday, at last it assumes its rightful place at the top of the television heap.
Deep Vote predicts the Oscars
The word is that Deep Vote is a playful figment of Ebert's imagination, which only makes this better.—JS
Nov 19, 2008
Trey Parker on a South Park Movie Sequel
Parker talks about the South Park movie that almost was, and the end of the TV series (though not before 2011, at least).—BK
Nov 18, 2008
A Word from Our Sponsors
It appears we're not exactly pulling in the cream of the crop when it comes to ad buys.
All the old Dudes gather at New York's Big Lebowski festival
I realize I run the risk of making this site look like a clearinghouse of Lebowski information. There are worse things.—JS
Nov 17, 2008
Five TV Shows That Predicted the Future
Highlighting the one moment of cultural relevancy in the history of The Lone Gunmen.—BK
Cinematical Seven: Outrageous Oscar Disqualifications
Chronicling the history of dumb, arbitrary Academy Award rules (are there any other kind?) that have bitten people in the ass, a list that apparently now includes the score for The Dark Knight.—BK
Nov 16, 2008
Lose the BlackBerry? Yes He Can, Maybe
President-elect Obama is as addicted to his BlackBerry as any of us. Will President Obama be able to live without it?—JM
Nov 15, 2008
Tina Fey: Entertainer of the Year
Technically, they ranked her as the #2 Entertainer of the Year (behind Robert Downey, Jr.). But the point remains: she's pretty awesome.—BK
Nov 14, 2008
New Slogans for the Detroit Lions
Because making the team better doesn't really seem to be an option.
Nov 11, 2008
Obama Victory Raises Social Significance of Basketball
Interesting article about Obama's passion for the game, and what it might say about how he'll lead.—JM
Nov 9, 2008
'Dark Knight' as Dark Horse
Harris reasons, with typical insight and aplomb, why a Batman movie might as well be a Best Picture contender.—JS
Nov 7, 2008
Surprising Moments from the 2008 Election That May Not Have Actually Happened
Though it would have been more entertaining if they had.
NFL 2008 - Week 10
I pretty much mailed it in this week, folks. I'm not going to lie.
Nov 6, 2008
The Anti-Monster Routine
Seeing Dan Kois's byline in the previous link, I was reminded of a story he put in an old TWoP recap. It's really short, but, you can pair it with the "Daily Show" piece, and you'll have a nice read. Follow this link, and read the last two paragraphs.—JM
Can "The Daily Show" Survive the Barack Obama Presidency?
I'm pretty sure it can.—JM
Nov 5, 2008
On the Wrong Foot
Bill Simmons doesn't foresee greatness for Portland Trail Blazers center Greg Oden, but hopes he's wrong.—JM
Nov 4, 2008
Obama and McCain Walk Into a Bar...
A study finds that conservatives may enjoy humor more than liberals. I don't think that's very funny... d'oh!—BK
Nov 2, 2008
Walter Sobchak, Neocon: The Prescient Politics of The Big Lebowski
You'll have to forgive me, I'm late to the party on all the 10th anniversary hoopla that went down in September.—BK
Following the Script: Obama, McCain and The West Wing
Charting the many parallels between the Santos/Vinick race and the Obama/McCain race. Somewhere John Wells's ego is firing pistols in the air.—BK
Oct 31, 2008
Least Popular Halloween Treats for 2008
For those who'd like to avoid having their house egged and TP'd.
Five Lives
What Emily Post has in common with Rimbaud.—JM
As a Conservative, I Must Say I Do Quite Like the Cut of this Obama Fellow's Jib
Yet another conservative columnist jumps on the Obama bandwagon.—JM
Oct 28, 2008
Why Obama Needs a Tina Fey
I agree with the premise, I disagree with the conclusions. Nonetheless, it's an interesting discussion of modern political satire.—BK
Oct 24, 2008
Other Promotions Being Offered During the 2008 World Series
Because there's nothing Americans love more than earning free stuff without having to do anything for it.
...or For Worse; Why American Politicians Have Such Rotten Marriages
An interesting (and non-partisan, I promise!) rumination on political marriages that's not the downer that the title would lead you to believe.—JM
I Am Not a Real American
I've been sternly warned about posting political links, but what the hell; it's Michael Ian Black. He should get a pass.—JM
Oct 22, 2008
More Reasons I Love Sports
Another entry in the ongoing series.—JM
Oct 21, 2008
Senator Obama Reaches a New Low
McCain, Palin and Biden all have kids in the military, but not Obama. What; are his children too good to fight for our country? Read on...
Dear People Selling Furniture On Craigslist
Also known formerly as TWoP's Miss Alli, Linda Holmes gives us some short but sweet "buyer beware" rantings.—JM
Oct 19, 2008
It's the Thinking Man's Game, Stupid
Asking the burning question: what's with all the dumb baseball commentary on television? I could not agree more.—BK
Oct 17, 2008
New Things the iPhone Will Soon Be Able to Do
The smartest smart phone is about to get a whole lot smarter.
Who's Playing the Race Card?
It's like Hulk Hogan used to say, kids: say your prayers, eat your vitamins, and read your Krauthammer.—JM
Oct 15, 2008
The Top Ten TV Shows of the 2007-2008 Season, Part 2
Last time I said that Part 1 was shows 10 through 5; I lied. It was 10 through 6. If you can bring yourself to trust me this time, I give you shows 5 through 1.
A Brief History of the Phrase "Manny Being Manny"
Hint: It does not date back to my forefathers, who were not bartenders to the Czar.—BK
NBA Fantasy
NBA fantasy has never quite worked for Bill Simmons. So he fixed it.—JM
Oct 13, 2008
Vote For Obama
McCain lacks the character and temperament to be president. And Palin is simply a disgrace.—JM
Oct 10, 2008
Other Signs That the Gloves Are Off in the 2008 Presidential Campaign
Just in case you missed the delicate subtleties of all the name-calling and guilt by association.
Questions of Character
Good old Krauthammer. He says what Joe would say, if only Joe was smart enough.—JM
Oct 9, 2008
McCain in a Bear Market
A George Will column with a baseball lede! I know! Try not to get too disheartened, McCainiacs; George Will never liked him to begin with.—JM
Oct 8, 2008
The "Doogie Howser, MD" Drinking Game
It's not actually a drinking game. But still.
Im Considering Filing Criminal Charges Against All Assholes
You should probably just read everything Michael Ian Black puts on the internet.—JM
Oct 7, 2008
Beware of Ponytail Guy
How town-hall debates can go very wrong for a candidate.—JM
Oct 6, 2008
Nebraska, Maine
Two electoral votes to watch.—JM
Oct 5, 2008
NFL 2008 - Week 5, addendum
Falcons @ PACKERS -5.5
Sep 4, 2008
NFL 2008 - Week 1
And we're off and running with another season of the NFL and, perhaps even more importantly, another season of my NFL picks column!
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