Baron von Funny


Jan 30, 2015

Super Bowl XLIX is Sunday, February 1st, and as usual, the final game of the NFL season will be cause for parties and family gatherings around the country. But serving the wrong foods can suck the fun right out of the event...

Least Popular Super Bowl Party Foods

—Chapstick (Tenessa)

—Underinflated tacos. (Jameson)

—Lil' Smokies, which were recently revealed to be armadillo dicks. (Matt)

—Steven Tyler's Cheezy Bonerz (Brandon)

—Seven cases of New Coke you've had in the garage since 1985. (Mike)

—Jalapeño poopers. (Joe)

—Those weird anise cookies your grandpa serves at Christmas. (Tenessa)

—Candy hearts with demotivational sayings from Richard Sherman. (Matt)

—Tom Brady's Deflated Balls (just another name for bull testicles) (Brandon)

—Wheat Squares Only Chex Mix (Mike)

—That grainy bullshit your soccer fan friend brought, that he insists is the most popular treat in Slovenia or wherever. (Joe)

—XXXtreme Flavor-Blasted Krunch-Wrap Smashers! (Sounds promising, but it's really just an overripe banana dipped in crushed Corn Nuts.) (Tenessa)

—Auntie Anne's Homemade Swastika Pretzels (Matt)

—An actual sea hawk. (Brandon)

—The tears of Minnesota Vikings' fans dip (Now in ranch!) (Mike)

—Marshawn Lynch Pop Rocks (you put them in your mouth and they just sit there and don't do anything, even though everybody's waiting for them to make some kind of noise) (Joe)

—Flatuwiches (Now with more farts!) (Matt)

—Barackamole (Tenessa)

—A bowl of Sööper, the German soup that's made from finely crushed bowls! (Brandon)

—C.H.I.P.S. (Calcium Hydrate Irradiated Potato Solids) (Matt)

—Vegan ________. (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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