Apr 9, 2010

No one likes going to see the doctor, but we can all agree that it could be much, much worse...

Things You Don't Want to Hear Your Doctor Say

—"Have you always had a throat penis?" (Brandon)

—"This course of treatment has never worked, but you know... law of averages, right?" (Mike)

—"Gosh, I remember when your mom tried to abort you!" (Tenessa)

—"I think there's a pretty good chance your heart will grow back." (Matt)

—"Well, I'll tell you what I always tell Courtney Love..." (Joe)

—"Trust me, I saw this on Becker the other day." (Brad)

—"I guarantee you're cured. I'll stake my degree from Yah-lee Medical School on it!" (Jameson)

—"You should really see a doctor about that." (Matt)

—"I tested this out on my own prostate first." (Brandon)

—"I gave a dose of this to Joe Biden just before he introduced Obama at that Health Care bill signing." (Mike)

—"What the fuck is that?" (Tenessa)

—"I thought the pills I was giving you were a placebo, but it turns out the label said placenta." (Matt)

—"Sorry to keep you waiting; these malpractice lawsuits are really cramping my schedule." (Brad)

—"You should be fine as long as you avoid drinking beer and watching sports on TV." (Joe)

—"Have you thought about life without armpits?" (Matt)

—"It's my hope that this will kill you. Wait, did I say kill you? Because I meant cure you. Heh, I always get those two mixed up..." (Brandon)

—"I know – let's ask Web MD!" (Mike)

—"If your health insurance doesn't cover the procedure, you can pay with Visa, Mastercard, or butt stuff." (Tenessa)

—"It turns out what we thought was your bellybutton is actually an innie penis, and what we thought was your penis is actually a very large outie vagina." (Matt)

—"Haha, sterile instrument... rules are funny, don't you think?" (Brandon)

—"You don't watch American's Most Wanted, do you?" (Mike)

—"If your poops don't fit into these medical envelopes, you're eating too much Arby's." (Matt)

—"I'd like you to take this brochure, Basic Genital Hygiene: Why Your Crotch Reeks." (Tenessa)

—"I think we can beat that swine flu with a course of leeches and amputations." (Brad)

—"Are you the one I accidentally roofied last year?" (Matt)

—"All right, so, just insert this into your rectum three times a day. Oh, and here's your medicine." (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brad Kruse, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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