Jun 25, 2010

With the Gulf oil spill now entering its third month, British-based energy company BP has found itself under fire from overwhelming negative publicity. As a result, the company may have to consider replacing their current "Beyond Petroleum" slogan with something new...

New Slogans for BP

—"The Global Leader in Fucking Shit Up." (Tenessa)

—"Oh, Like You've Never Caused a Catastrophic Environmental Disaster!" (Brandon)

—"Yeah, We Know, Tony Hayward's a Total Douche." (Mike)

—"Bayou Prettymuchdestroyedforever" (Jameson)

—"We've Been Waiting 240 Years for This. Revenge, Yankee Bitches!" (Joe)

—"Never Cry Over Spilled Oil." (Tenessa)

—"Most of the Far-Reaching Damage Won't Come Until Long After You're Dead!" (Mike)

—"Replacing American Idol as the Average Louisianan's Best Chance of Getting on National Television!" (Jameson)

—"We'll Get to It When We Get to It" (Joe)

—"Our Logo Is Green, But Our Hearts Are Black." (Tenessa)

—"The Detroit Lions of the Oil Industry!" (Mike)

—"There's No Such Thing as BP. (By Which We Mean 'Bad Publicity!' The Company Still Exists! Oh, Jesus, What Were We Thinking? This Is Such BP!)" (Jameson)

—"Um... Hey, Look! What's That Behind You?" (Joe)

—"You Know, It's Not Like Life Was So Great in Mississippi and Louisiana Before We Fucked Up the Coast." (Mike)

—"Are You Guys Still Talking About the Oil Spill? Seriously, Did We Bribe That 'Clumsy' Goalie for Nothing?" (Jameson)

—"Once the Gulf Goes Black, It Never Goes Back." (Tenessa)

—"Hey, Remember When Tom Cruise Went All Crazy and That Dominated the News? What's He Doing These Days?" (Mike)

—"You Know What? Fine! Never Buy Gas Again, Ever. See How That Works Out for You!" (Jameson)

—"Sorry About All the Dead Stuff, Dudes." (Tenessa)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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