Dec 24, 2010

Santa's making his list and checking it twice – here are some things to avoid if you don't want to become a last-minute addition...

Actions That Will Put You on Santa's Naughty List

—Extending the Bush tax cuts. (Mike)

—Not responding to his friend requests on Facebook. (Matt)

—Texting a photo of your wang to Mrs. Claus. (Jameson)

—Setting out fucking Snackwells instead of some real damn cookies. (Tenessa)

—Saying that mistakes by umpires are an essential part of "the human element" of the game of baseball. (Brandon)

—Eating apple pie with a spoon, you pompous bastard! (Matt)

—Taking your talents to South Beach. (Mike)

—Having your tweet read aloud on CNN. (Jameson)

—Making snow angels that feature graphically-rendered genitalia. (Matt)

—Bringing Baby Jesus nothing but a stupid drum solo. (Tenessa)

—Having sex through a window. (Brandon)

—Farting on your wife's teeth. (Matt)

—Legally downloading a Justin Beiber song. (Mike)

—Creating Outsourced. (Jameson)

—Thinking about things you'd still love to do to Farrah Fawcett, even as a corpse. (Matt)

—Wearing mistletoe on your junk and then loudly announcing your already obvious intentions. (Tenessa)

—Doing an impression of Gary Sinise. I mean, come on... why even bother? (Brandon)

—Wearing a top hat and cane around your office, and then doing that thing where you push up the tip of your hat right before you're going to lean in and say something "important" to your co-worker. (Matt)

—Demanding that NBC fire Conan and give you The Tonight Show back. (Mike)

—Greasing your roof. (Matt)

—Rhyming "Kringle" with "jingle." Let's face it, guys. That shit gets old. (Tenessa)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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