May 11, 2012

We live in a golden age of scientific discovery and technological advancement, and yet, there remain issues that even science cannot properly address...

Things That Modern Science Cannot Explain

—How a rental car can smell as bad as it does without prompting a homicide investigation. (Jameson)

—If the gravity exerted on us suddenly disappeared, could I do that Willy Wonka burping thing to keep from floating away? (Matt)

—Why we need both Bill Paxton and Bill Pullman. (Joe)

—Immaculate conception, and, more importantly, how it happened to my neighbor's cat. (Brandon)

—Why, in a world where Dick Cheney supports gay marriage and George W. Bush supports civil unions, Mitt Romney supports neither. (Mike)

—What does a girl have to do to get a WHAT WHAT? (Tenessa)

Grey's Anatomy being renewed for a ninth season. (Jameson)

—Why does dolphin sperm taste like Mike and Ikes? (Matt)

—In men's restrooms with no paper towel dispensers, how is the trash always still at least half full with paper towels? (Joe)

—How a mule, which supposedly cannot produce offspring, could somehow mate with a Bratz doll and create Sarah Jessica Parker. (Jameson)

—Why sawdust comes out of my penis sometimes when I try to pee. (Matt)

—Why we, as a species, settled for the terms "trombone player" and "trombonist" rather than just embracing the centuries of fun we could have had with "tromboner". (Brandon)

—Why people increasingly believe that modern science is out to get them. (Jameson)

—Whether it's technically still "getting laid" if you do it in an inverted sex swing. (Matt)

—What the fuck is happening to the Minnesota Twins? (Mike)

—That thing Karl Rove has in place of a human heart. (Tenessa)

—Why don't dogs give each other head? (Matt)

—The appeal of Jay Leno. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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