Baron von Funny


Mar 16, 2018

World-renowned physicist and author Stephen Hawking passed away this week at the age of 76. Though best known for his popular book A Brief History of Time and the unique voice provided by the computer he used to communicate after losing most of his motor functions to an advanced form of ALS, there's also a lot about Hawking's life that hasn't received widespread attention...

Lesser-Known Facts About Stephen Hawking

—The original title of his book A Brief History of Time was Whoa, Check This Shit Out!. (Brandon)

—Always insisted that everyone within earshot also talk in a robot voice so he wouldn’t feel bad. (Joe M.)

—While he outlived his initial ALS prognosis by over half a century, he was one punch shy of getting a free Subway sub when he died. (Jameson)

—Despite being all mouth and no trousers, he's a chuffed corker when it is time to do one's nut. (Note: Mike has been reading about British slang.) (Mike)

—He once roundhouse kicked Chuck Norris so hard it created a tear in the space-time continuum. (Matt)

—Knew nothing about hawks, and relatively little about Steves. (Brandon)

—It was impossible to get him to shut up about fantasy baseball. (Joe M.)

—In addition to Lou Gehrig’s disease, he also had Lou Gehrig’s wife on several occasions. (Jameson)

—He's the 3rd degree between Burt Reynolds and Kevin Bacon. (Matt)

—Once, while in graduate school, he ate his weight in moon rocks. (Mike)

—He could dunk. (Joe M.)

—In the movie about his life, The Theory of Everything, he was initially supposed to be portrayed by Larry the Cable Guy. (Brandon)

—While he lost control of most of his motor functions due to degenerative illness, he could lift a Buick sedan with his right cheek muscle. (Jameson)

—In addition to A Brief History of Time, he also wrote A Motherfucking Lengthy History of Plantains. (Mike)

—Had a total mental block where he always confused comets and quasars. (Joe W.)

—Called pretty much everybody “Lou” for some reason. (Brandon)

—Had a YouTube page that was just videos of him intentionally rolling his wheelchair over the tails of sleeping pets. (Joe M.)

—He auditioned for Dancing with the Stars, but was cruelly rejected from the competition despite dancing more naturally than Tom DeLay. (Jameson)

—Was briefly one of the actors who portrayed Darrin on Bewitched. (Brandon)

—Holds the record for most googlies on Cambridge’s Cricket squad. (Mike)

—Knew damn well the Earth was flat but was too embarrassed to say so. (Joe M.)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner, Joe Wright

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