Baron von Funny


Nov 16, 2012

Despite a 3-6 record and a starting quarterback (Mark Sanchez) who has the worst completion rate in the NFL, players on the New York Jets apparently do not believe backup QB Tim Tebow, whom the Jets acquired from the Denver Broncos back in March, could save their season. In a New York Daily News article this week, they ripped the outspoken Christian and media sensation, calling him "terrible" and saying they don't consider Tebow a real quarterback. And the complaints didn't stop there...

Additional New York Jets Complaints About Tim Tebow

—He's all too willing to tell a guy he's going to hell just for missing a block. (Matt)

—Insists on Tebowing naked on top of the post-game spread table to thank God for the food, which inevitably leads to him accidentally teabagging the hummus. (Brandon)

—Team was under the impression that if they had Tebow on their roster, Peyton Manning would show up to replace him. (Mike)

—Keeps tracking dirty footprints across the surface of their lap pool. (Jameson)

—As any Jet who's seen him in the showers can attest, he's really letting some considerable resources go to waste with that whole "waiting until marriage" business. (Joe)

—Two years as an NFL quarterback, and he hasn't date raped ANYBODY! (Dan)

—Constantly whining that he can't throw passes in New York's thick, sea level air. (Jameson)

—He sure quotes Ellen DeGeneres an awful lot. (Matt)

—Keeps taking defensive back Antonio Cromartie's lunches from the break room fridge, even though Cromartie has clearly labeled them. (Brandon)

—Tebow is clearly a Shark, and once you're a Shark you can never be a Jet. (Jameson)

—Named his fists Bartholomew and James (son of Alphaeus), when everybody knows those are the two lamest of the twelve disciples. (Matt)

—Keeps advising older teammates whose hair is going a little salt-and-pepper around the temples that they can "pray the grey away." (Joe)

—Never chips in to pay the hookers, and in fact insists on proselytizing to them. (Jameson)

—"Tebow Time" runs on a 24-hour clock rather than the traditional 12-hour. (Matt)

—Always slips the names and numbers of a couple Bible verses into his snap counts at the line of scrimmage. (Brandon)

—Looks like Fox News pundit Andrew Napolitano had a baby with Eddie Munster. (Jameson)

—When he's feeling mistreated by teammates, he pretends to call Jesus on his cell phone and talks loud enough for everyone to hear. (Matt)

—Has proven completely unable to recapture the flair for the dramatic he showed with the 2011 Broncos, as none of the six passes the Jets have allowed him to attempt this season have turned into 80-yard touchdowns to Demaryius Thomas that knock the defending AFC champion Steelers out of the playoffs in overtime. (Joe)

—Taller than they thought he'd be, but not as tall as they wanted him to be. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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