Mar 28, 2014

Two studies that were released this week determined that lower back pain causes more work-related disability than any other medical problem, and that nearly one in ten people around the world suffer from the condition. So what's causing this epidemic of lower back pain?

Things That Are Causing Our Lower Back Pain

—Smuggling missing Malaysian jetliners under our coats. (Jameson)

—Falling-off-a-horse craze that's sweeping the nation (also known as Christopher Reeves-ing). (Matt)

—Having sex through a window. (Brandon)

—Getting stabbed in the back! You know what I'm talking about, STEPHANIE!!!! (Dan)

—Bending over 20. Times. Every. Fucking. Day. To pick up our goddamn kids' toys. (Mike)

—Throwing increasingly heavier and heavier objects at the TV during yet another dreadful, phoned-in final season episode of How I Met Your Mother. (Joe)

—With the rise of college graduates moving back in with their parents, more and more high school students are moving back into their Snugli. (Jameson)

—Deeeeeep dicking. (Matt)

—Worrying about Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin. NO, NOT CHRYNETH!! (Brandon)

—Carrying life savings in a fanny pack due to distrust of government. (Dan)

—New "Low Back Attack 6000" office chairs. (Mike)

—Tramp stamps and costly tramp stamp removal. (Jameson)

—Many people fall on knives at some point in their life and simply forget to do anything about it. (Matt)

—Too much humping on Hump Day. (Brandon)

—Putting my back in the microwave. I swear to god, I thought it would help! (Dan)

—Carrying this goddamn firm for the last six years, GARY AND STU. (Joe)

—Rape culture. (Jameson)

—Possibly related to massive popularity of new reality show Kick a Stranger in the Back! (Brandon)

—Constantly using heightened level of adrenaline to lift cars off of trapped loved ones. (Dan)

—Addiction to glory holes. (Matt)

—Tying our damn shoes! (Dan)

—Carrying that huge head around (Newt Gingrich and Chris Matthews only). (Jameson)

—Stretches designed to relieve our upper back pain. (Brandon)

—Renting this stupid back-punching machine. (Dan)

—Lugging around two whole studies' worth of back research and charts. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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