Nov 26, 2010

In an excerpt from a new book-length interview that was made public this week, Pope Benedict XVI acknowledged that sometimes condom use can make sense in the case of AIDS prevention, citing, as an example, an HIV-infected male prostitute. But that wasn't the only thing His Holiness gave a thumbs-up to...

Other Things the Pope Says It's Okay to Do Now

—Wear white after Labor Day. (Tenessa)

—Butt stuff. (Joe)

—Come forward with any information you have about the JFK assassination. (Jameson)

—Worship Jesus's half-brother, Larry Christ. (Matt)

—Send a picture of your junk to a hot chick, so long as you aren't wearing a condom in the shot. (Brandon)

—Save a bundle on the new XBox Kinect with some fantastic Black Friday deals at Best Buy! (Jameson)

—Watch TV shows with strong female leads. (Matt)

—Look, if it's just you hanging out with your family, it's not that big of a deal if you double dip. (Brandon)

—It's fine to teach your slaves to read, but still wise to steer clear of Nicholas Sparks. (Tenessa)

—Have sex with socks on. (Jameson)

—Display portraits of Jesus leaning on his '67 Corvette convertible with sunglasses pushed up into his hair. (Matt)

—Bring up a hot dog to be blessed and eaten instead of bread for Holy Communion. (Brandon)

—Call "shotgun" before you're actually within sight of the car. (Joe)

—Delete those last few K-Ville episodes off your TiVo - you're never going to watch it. (Jameson)

—Play one-on-one basketball with the prophet Muhammad in your dreams. (Matt)

—Jimmy with a monkey's cage, or monkey around with a guy named Jimmy. (Brandon)

—Go ahead and covet your neighbor's wife. She's hot. (Tenessa)

—Ask yourself what the Pope is doing hanging out with HIV-infected male prostitutes. (Jameson)

—Once thought to be too "interracially suggestive", Oreo cookies are now acceptable for consumption. (Matt)

—Spank it to a mental picture of God with really huge knockers. (Brandon)

—Start harassing that asshole from high school who used to claim to be a huge Chicago Bulls fan, but magically hasn't seemed to care about the Bulls at all since Jordan retired. (Joe)

—Do it "Pope-style" (same as missionary, but with an enormous, gilded hat). (Jameson)

—Marry a gay man, as long as you swear you're straight. (Matt)

—You wanna eat chili by hand out of a plastic bag while walking shirtless around the mall? Well, then have at it, my friend! (Brandon)

—Use "nonplussed" to mean pretty much anything you want; nobody's gonna figure that one out in our lifetimes anyway. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons

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