Baron von Funny


Oct 24, 2008

By stealing a base during Game 1 of the 2008 World Series this week, Tampa Bay's Jason Bartlett won all of America a free taco, courtesy of Taco Bell's "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco" promotion. This is the second straight year Taco Bell has made this offer, and the success of the campaign has quickly spawned a legion of copycat promotions.

Other Promotions Being Offered During the 2008 World Series

—"Hit a Triple, Get to Third Base": Once a player hits a triple, one lucky American gets to go to "third base" with Taco Bell President Greg Creed's wife. (Brad)

—If Cole Hamels pitches a shutout, everyone wins a free pack of Camels. (Jameson)

—In honor of their franchise's name change, Rays hold "Cast Out the Devil" night, in which the first 30,000 fans receive a free exorcism. (Joe)

—For every player that walks, U.S. Department of Defense will release one prisoner from Guantanamo Bay Detention Camp who hails from that player's country of origin. (Brandon)

—2-for-1 "Phillie Phanatic" specials all week in the Philadelphia red light district; bring your friend, two bowling pins, and a bottle of Pledge! (Matt)

—Free Microsoft Zune for the first 1,000 ballpark patrons who do not angrily refuse it. (Jameson)

—"Name that Stain," in which Phillies fans try to guess what substances can be found on the front of manager Charlie Manuel's warmup jacket. (Joe)

—Any time Subway spokesman Ryan Howard hits a home run for the Phillies, the sandwich franchise will have a World War II bomber drop 50,000 subs on the city of Philadelphia. (Brandon)

—Tampa area urologist offering free vasectomy to one lucky male ticket holder at any Rays home game where a shutout is thrown. (Brad)

—Jamie Moyer AARP Patch Night. (Matt)

—7-11 will give seven million dollars to first fan who can name eleven players from the 1998 Tampa Bay inaugural season roster off the top of their head. (They'll even spot you Esteban Yan.) (Brandon)

—"Register a Save, We Save Your Ass": for every save registered in the Series, the Federal Government pledges to bail out another financial institution. (Brad)

—If a runner advances on a balk, everyone in America wins a handful of raw taco meat. (Jameson)

—Defeat egghead Rays manager Joe Maddon in a trivia contest, choose Game 3 starting pitcher. (Joe)

—If a player gets caught stealing, Wal-Mart will publicly execute one shoplifter at every one of their stores. (Brandon)

—Moonlight Bunny Ranch's "If They Grab a Crotch, We'll Grab Your Crotch" promotion, in which every American gets a free hand job if a player is caught on camera adjusting himself. (Joe)

—If the Phillies win, starving kids in Africa will receive a boatload of "Tampa Bay Rays 2008 World Champions" T-shirts. (Jameson)

—Whenever there's a ground rule double, fans in attendance get a free sample of White Castle's new Ground Mule Double Cheeseburger. (Brandon)

—If Matt Stairs homers during any Series game, one fan will receive the lucky jock strap Stairs has been wearing since his major league debut in 1992. (Brad)

—Every hair-raising play this World Series will mean a $100 donation by Bosley Medical to Merkins for Alopecians ("Making the world a better place one pubic wig at a time."). (Matt)

—For every stupid thing that Fox broadcasters Joe Buck and Tim McCarver say during the Series, J.P. Morgan Chase will donate $1 to charity (this is how Lehman Brothers went under). (Brandon)

—If the last four digits of your driver's license number equal the post-season EqA of all players on both teams multiplied by their OPS, you've won a free yacht! (Watch out, stat nerds! It's a trap!) (Jameson)

—"Come Play For Us as Soon as Your Contract Is Up" promotion being held in Tampa Bay by the Red Sox, Yankees, Angels and Mets. (Joe)

—Whenever a game manages to wrap up in less than four hours, fans on the East Coast win a decent night's sleep. (Brandon)

Baron von Contributors: Brad Kruse, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons

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