May 19, 2017

Really, what depths hasn't he sunk to at this point? There must be at least a few lines left that he hasn't crossed, right? Right??

Things Trump Could Do at This Point That Would Not Shock Anyone

—Motorboat Elizabeth Warren. (Matt)

—Declare war on Narnia. (Joe)

—Sucker punch the U.S.'s oldest living World War II veteran. (Brandon)

—Dump Melania and move on Ivanka. (Jameson)

—Ride Sean Spicer like a pony up the stairs to the residence each night. (Mike)

—Create a medal explicitly for police officers who shoot unarmed black people. (Tenessa)

—Fart, burp, cough, and sneeze at the same time and live to tell about it. (Matt)

—Bring James Comey's birth certificate into play. (Jameson)

—Shit in Lincoln's lap at the Lincoln Memorial. (Brandon)

—Pardon the Hamburglar. (Joe)

—Rape Israel. Like, all of it. (Tenessa)

—Suspend the infield fly rule. (Jameson)

—Launch a targeted missile strike at Rosie O'Donnell's house. (Brandon)

—Shart during a photo op with a foreign leader and then later tweet that no president has been more unfairly treated by his own colon. (Mike)

—Tranq-dart Paul Krugman and wear him around Washington, D.C., like an old-time Viking wearing a bearskin. (Jameson)

—Spank it to a picture of Coretta Scott King. (Brandon)

Wolf of Wall Street some cocaine off of Melania's ass on the White House lawn. (Matt)

—Go on a cross-country crime spree that ends with him and Michael Flynn Thelma and Louise-ing it into the Grand Canyon. (Joe)

—Cook and eat a human baby. (Jameson)

—Join Putin for a shirtless horseback ride. (Brandon)

—Insist to the point of a breath-holding tantrum that he also won the electoral college in 2012. (Jameson)

—Reveal himself to be Andy Kaufman. (Mike)

—Fly away to Russia and never come back. Wait... let's do that one! (Tenessa)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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