Oct 8, 2010

A new study released this week confirmed that children of mothers who have one or two drinks a week during pregnancy are not at any greater risk for developing behavioral or cognitive problems, addressing a question that has been up for debate in the medical community in recent years. However, there are many other things that are still frowned upon for pregnant women...

Activities That Are Still Not Recommended During Pregnancy

—Excessive falderal. (Mike)

—Watching the Minnesota Twins try to win a goddamn playoff game for once. (Joe)

—Swallowing a tiny Batman costume in the hope that the baby will come out wearing it. (Brandon)

—Mouthing off to Ike Turner. (Jameson)

—Sumo wrestling. (Matt)

—Brainstorming baby names with a Palin. (Tenessa)

—Russian roulette. (Sean)

—Pissing off Mel Gibson. (Joe)

—Using your vagina to carry stuff in lieu of a purse. (Brandon)

—Maintaining more than one Winnebago-based meth lab. (Jameson)

—Belly button sex. (Matt)

—Childbirth. (Apparently it really hurts.) (Mike)

—You really should put your cannonball-to-the-stomach carnival sideshow act on hold, at least until the later trimesters. (Jameson)

—Ever hear of "bungee-snorkeling?" No? Well, then it's probably best we keep it that way. (Joe)

—Watching Leno. (Brandon)

—Any of your more invasive abortion procedures. (Jameson)

—Trying to get double pregnant. (Matt)

—Eating a Totino's Party Pizza every single night at 9:30 (based on a true story). (Tenessa)

—"Vodka douching." (Jameson)

—Doing "The Worm." (Joe)

—Surprising your OB with a springy snake in your hoo-ha when he or she checks to see how dilated you are. (Brandon)

—Using your belly as an impediment to the out-of-control rotation of a revolving door. (Matt)

—Tugging on Superman's cape, spitting into the wind, or pulling the mask off the ol' Lone Ranger. (Talk to your OB/GYN to determine in which trimester you can mess around with Jim.) (Sean)

—Wearing a bikini. Seriously, please stop it. (Jameson)

—Sleeping on your back. Or on your front. Or on your left side. Or on your right side. If you could sort of prop yourself up on your knees with only your forehead touching the pillow, that would really be best for the baby. (Tenessa)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Sean Hecht, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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