Mar 23, 2018

A study on a potential new male contraceptive pill took place recently, with the need for further trials expected before it can be offered to the public. Thus far, the testing has gone well, but there are still some side effects that users will need to be prepared for...

Possible Side Effects of the New Male Birth Control Pill

—Gettin' laid. (Tenessa)

—The "Full Rocky": you piss lightning and crap thunder. (Mike)

—Ejaculations so premature it'll guarantee you won't impregnate anything other than your underwear. (Brandon)

—Helps you bring in da noise, but prevents you from bringing in da funk. (Mike)

—Salary instantly decreases by 30%. (Jameson)

—Literal blue balls. (Joe W.)

—Can no longer hear, type, or speak the letter M. (Mike)

—Babies that come out of the butt. (Joe M.)

—Suddenly finding Eric Trump attractive. (Mike)

—Penile sharts. (Brandon)

—Chunky saliva. (Mike)

—Guys no longer holding solemn funeral ceremonies after each time they masturbate. (Jameson)

—You begin bragging about not even owning a TV. (Mike)

—Involuntary singing of the 1985 Phil Collins hit "Sussudio" any time you get a boner, which actually serves as its own form of birth control. (Brandon)

—Can cause pregnancy in 1% of males. (Mike)

—Increased whining about the awful burden of having to be the one responsible for preventing pregnancy. (Also increased derisive laughter from your wife or girlfriend.) (Brandon)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner, Joe Wright

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