Jul 3, 2009

This week, the annual report on nationwide obesity rates was released, and for the fifth year in a row, Mississippi was named the fattest state in the U.S. After so many years of this dubious honor, it's time for The Magnolia State to embrace its new identity.

New Slogans for Mississippi, the Fattest State in the U.S.

—"Why Yes, I Will Have Seconds" (Mike)

—"If You Lived Here, You'd Be Diabetic By Now!" (Jameson)

—"Unable to Find Our Own Genitalia Since 2003" (Sean)

—"Really? Really?! Have You Seen Wisconsin?" (Joe)

—"The Place Where Big Fat Guys and Fat Big Guys Have Formed a More Perfect Union" (Matt)

—"Hey, Why Don't You Put Some Gravy on That?" (Brandon)

—"Wanted: Cardiologists" (Mike)

—"Mississippi Is for Meat Lovers" (Jameson)

—"The Most Buoyant State in the Union!" (Matt)

—"Add an E to the End of Our Name, and You've Got Pie... Say, Let's Have Some Right Now!" (Brandon)

—"If the Water Starts Rising, We Can Act as Our Own Levees" (Sean)

—"We Prefer to Think of Ourselves as the 50th Slimmest State" (Joe)

—"Annual Vacation Destination of Sir Mix-a-Lot" (Mike)

—"A Turkey Fryer in Every Garage and a Defibrillator in Every Kitchen" (Matt)

—"We're Renaming I-220 the Gastric Bypass!" (Jameson)

—"At Least Our Governor's Not Fat! (Oh, Wait... He Kind of Is)" (Joe)

—"You Gonna Finish That?" (Brandon)

—"We're Also the 13th 'Phattest' State!" (Mike)

—"Come Sit With Us and Catch Your Breath for a While" (Matt)

—"You Bring It, We'll Deep Fry It!" (Jameson)

—"Not Everything Is Bigger in Texas" (Sean)

—"We May Be Morbidly Obese, But at Least We're Not Obesely Morbid!" (Matt)

—"Home of Pizza Water, Choco-Apples, and the New Donut Salad" (Brandon)

—"Can't Talk, Chewing!" (Mike)

—"Hey, There Are Guys Who Are Into That Sort of Thing" (Joe)

—"Finish a 72-Ouncer in Under 60 Minutes and You Can Be Secretary of State! (That's How We Got Our Last One – and Why We Need a New One!)" (Jameson)

—"Who Says You Can't Have Your Cake and Cover It With French Fries Too?" (Matt)

—"Mississ... Missi... Mi... Fuck It, I'm Winded" (Sean)

Baron von Contributors: Sean Hecht, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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