Mar 12, 2010

St. Patrick's Day is next week, a holiday known for customs like people wearing green, celebratory parades, and well, drinking. But the list of traditions goes well beyond that...

Lesser-Known St. Patrick's Day Traditions

—The wearin' o' the tube tops. (Tenessa)

—Waking up early and faking your own death. (Jameson)

—Inadvertently "going Catholic" by forgetting to use birth control. (Brandon)

—Wishing you'd remembered to take the day after St. Patrick's Day off from your downtown Chicago courtroom stenography job. (Matt)

—Not wearing green, just to be a dick. (Joe)

—Referring to one's testicles as "me Lucky Charms." (Tenessa)

—Eating green things, like shamrock cookies, broccoli, and four-month-old hot dogs. (Jameson)

—Scoring with the hottest alcohol-poisoned guy you can find in the ER. (Matt)

—Writing the Guinness World Records people about finally acknowledging your record for most Guinness drunk while watching the films of Alec Guinness. (Brandon)

—Getting along with Protestants. (Tenessa)

—Shillelagh tweets. (Jameson)

—Eating way too much corned beef and then throwing it up on your wife in the middle of the night. (Matt)

—Leprechaun rape, both by and of. (Joe)

—Green pubes. (Tenessa)

—Pabst-breath, poor judgment, and pink eye. (Jameson)

—Not wearing pants to the library. (Matt)

—Pooping in the dumpster behind Denny's. (Brandon)

—Wearing shamrock nipple tassles to work. (Matt)

—Waking up dizzy, confused, and under Brian Dennehy. (Jameson)

—Eating some sort of shitty, bland potato nonsense. (Tenessa)

—Sitting at home, quietly reading manuscripts from past St. Patrick's Day broadcasts of Nightline. (Matt)

—If you can finish an entire plate of haggis without puking (or a whole Paul Haggis movie), it's good luck for the rest of the year. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons

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