Aug 18, 2017

This week, Tim Allen garnered some attention for a tweet that said "If we evolved from apes why are there still apes." Faulty punctuation aside, one can easily imagine Allen putting together a collection of his deep thoughts to share with the world...

Other Philosophical Questions Posed By Tim Allen

—"If you pour your Cheerios into a bowl, why does the box still say Cheerios?" (Mike)

—If he who smelt it, dealt it, what about he who felt it? (Brandon)

—"If the Washington Generals played the Washington Generals, would the Harlem Globetrotters still win?" (Matt)

—"Can God create a sitcom so bad that even I won't star in it?" (Joe W.)

—"Do Jews float?" (Joe M.)

—"Did Earl 'Wilson' Hindman have a whole face? Will we ever know?" (Jameson)

—"Do high tides happen at 4:20?" (Dan)

—"If I am half of each of my parents, how come mom and dad still have two arms and two legs?" (Mike)

—"Ohhh wait, wait... so were we adopted by apes? Is that it?" (Brandon)

—"Joey Chestnut can eat 72 hot dogs, so can a hot dog eat 72 Joey Chestnuts?" (Matt)

—"Was Jonathan-Taylor a first name, or was Taylor-Thomas a last name?" (Joe W.)

—"Really though, I know it's a joke question and I'm sure there's an answer that's obvious to anybody who knows the first thing about engineering, but just humor me with an answer this one time and I promise I'll never ask again: why don't they make the entire plane out of the black box?" (Joe M.)

—"If the people rule, why do popular vote losers keep becoming president?" (Mike)

—"How white do you have to be to get offered a plea deal that lets you avoid a possible life sentence for getting caught with nearly a pound-and-a-half of coke?" (Brandon)

—"Just how close is too close to stand to a naked man?" (Joe W.)

—"If Jungle 2 Jungle is a movie that came out, how come I still have a career?" (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner, Joe Wright

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