Baron von Funny


Feb 17, 2012

New York Knicks point guard Jeremy Lin has burst into national prominence over the last week or so, going from being an unknown bench player to setting a new NBA record for most points scored in a player's first five games as a starter, and winning over legions of fans in the process. Lin received no athletic scholarship out of high school, went undrafted after college, and was cut by two other NBA teams before landing with the Knicks, making his story that much more remarkable. So who is Jeremy Lin?

Little-Known Facts About Jeremy Lin

—Was also cut by his first two families. (Mike)

—He prefers Charmin over Cottonelle, even though Cottonelle is the far superior brand. (Matt)

—Is quietly furious that newsmen across the country aren't coming up with more puns involving "Jeremy." (Joe)

—New nickname "Linsanity" is coincidentally also the name of a mad cow-like disease that killed a bunch of chickens in Linder Township, Illinois. (Brandon)

—If he had been playing for the Knicks on 9/11, the terrorists wouldn't have even thought about it. (Jameson)

—He wears short shorts. He dares wear short shorts. (Tenessa)

—Is way more likely to hit a short jumper than bury one deep, if you catch my meaning. (Mike)

—Not only is Little Women his favorite book, it's also his dating preference. (Matt)

—He cuts his own hair (that's a little known fact, but a widely held suspicion). (Joe)

—Has signed on to be the spokesperson for Wyoming-based Laramie Gin. (Brandon)

—Sales of his jersey have been so hot that the second-best seller is an old Knicks jersey with STARKS crossed out and LIN written in. (Jameson)

—That dude will talk to you about his cat for hours. (Tenessa)

—Contradicts all the offensive, outdated stereotypes about Asian men. ALL of them, ladies... (Joe)

—Spent an intensely focused four years playing college basketball, but still has no fucking clue what a "Terp" is. (Jameson)

—Has agreed to star in a two-man, off-Broadway show with Charlie Sheen called "The Linsanity of the Sheenius". (Mike)

—If you give him a frog, by the end of the day, it will be a majestic white-tailed deer. (Brandon)

—In contrast with many other NBA players, he actually comes from such a stable family that growing up he had four dads. (Joe)

—His given name is Jeremy Lyrkk, but he changed it because it didn't lend itself well to pun-based headlines. (Jameson)

—He writes in cursive. Who the hell still writes in cursive? (Matt)

—His pre-game psych-up song of choice is Loretta Lynn's "The Pill." (Tenessa)

—Up until last week, one of the most little-known facts about Jeremy Lin was that he existed. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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