Baron von Funny


Oct 11, 2013

At 37, an age when most NFL players have already retired, Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton Manning is having one of the best seasons of his storied career, becoming just the 7th QB in NFL history to throw seven touchdown passes in a game and setting a new record for TD passes without an interception to start a season. But his amazing feats don't stop there...

Other Amazing Things Peyton Manning Can Do

—Manage to only ever play for horse teams. I mean, what are the odds? (Joe)

—Effectively cure Tebow Mania. (Dan)

—Stand from a crouch without his knees making sounds like Pop Rocks thrown into a kitchen garbage disposal. (Jameson)

—Turn water into wine, and wine into a small Ukrainian man named Vova. (Brandon)

—You know that farting noise you can make with your armpit? He can do that anywhere on his body. ANYWHERE. (Tenessa)

—Insert something into a USB port the correct, right-side up way 100% of the time. (Joe)

—Keep his mouth shut about the scientific inaccuracies in Gravity. (Jameson)

—Make love to the wind. (Brandon)

—He can make a Denver omelette in any city, at any elevation. (Joe)

—Has the uncanny ability to recall the weird channel lineup from any hotel he's ever stayed in. (Jameson)

—Often sneaks a couple lines from Britney Spears's "Work Bitch!" into his snap count at the line of scrimmage. (Brandon)

—Pick his friends, and his nose, and his friend's nose. (Joe)

—Order a drive-thru Whopper without pickle in such a way that it actually comes out without any pickle on it. (Jameson)

—Time the purchase of dozens of Papa John's franchises in Colorado just weeks before the state legalizes marijuana. (Brandon)

—He once saw a blimp. (Dan)

—Win multiple Super Bowl rings – oh wait, no he totally can't! [note: Eli Manning broke into my living room, wrestled my laptop away from me, and wrote that] (Joe)

—Always know which monkey at the zoo is just about to start wanking it. (Jameson)

—Make you forget that he has a girl's name. (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons

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