Sep 23, 2011

Last week, following a Republican debate in which she criticized fellow GOP candidate and Texas governor Rick Perry for a past executive order mandating that girls receive the HPV vaccine in Texas, Michele Bachmann claimed she was approached by a woman who said the HPV vaccine caused mental retardation in her daughter. And Bachmann's claims about the vaccine haven't stopped there...

Other Side Effects Michele Bachmann Claims Are Caused by the HPV Vaccine

—Uterine mustache growth. (Tenessa)

—Kneecap porpoising. (Jameson)

—Smuggler's blues. (Joe)

—HPV. (Mike)

—A vagina will grow out of your vagina, and inside that vagina there will live a small elf. (Matt)

—No matter what Bible verse you read, you keep seeing the phrase "smokin' hotties" in the text. (Brandon)

—Disappearing L's and multiplying N's. (Jameson)

—Increased tendency to "sass" one's parents. (Joe)

—You will die... (cough)sometime within the next 100 years(cough). (Matt)

—Whenever you watch CSI: Miami, you black out and wake up naked in a ditch. (Brandon)

—Involuntary ululation while masturbating and/or involuntary masturbation while ululating. (Jameson)

—Complete inability to hold a big halftime lead (Minnesota Vikings only). (Joe)

—Loin girding. (Mike)

—You will periodically excrete a yellowish, foul-smelling liquid – especially after taking in fluids. (Matt)

—Vaginal sombreros. (Brandon)

—A rare and embarrassing condition known as "swastika penmanship". (Jameson)

—Salty stuff no longer tastes salty, or, in 1% of cases, now tastes way too salty. (Joe)

—Your clitoris will become a clatoris, and no one even knows what that is! (Matt)

—You'll grow a foot on your face, and a face on your foot. (Brandon)

—Homosexuality so gay even her husband can't cure it. (Jameson)

—Start to giggle uncontrollably whenever you hear the name of 2011 US Open mixed doubles champion Jack Sock. (Joe)

—Your sex will be awesome, and free from the worry of cervical cancer. (Matt)

—Loss of the ability to make evidence-free claims that conflict with basic medical science. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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