Jul 9, 2010

In recent months, there have been several prominent articles discussing research findings that people who have kids are often less happy than those who do not. It appears that being a parent is losing a bit of its luster...

Signs That Parents Are Getting Fed Up With Parenting

—Many parents are taking more of a "three strikes" approach with baby-shaking nannies these days. (Jameson)

—Instead of getting divorced, both parents are leaving the kids and sending child support to "Current Resident." (Tenessa)

—The growing demand for the controversial new "retroactive vasectomy" procedure. (Brandon)

—Well, apparently LeBron James's mom was frustrated enough to tell him to move the hell to Miami. (Joe)

—They tell their kids about all the good things they've been hearing about running away from home. (Matt)

—Those timer-activated three-day baby feeders you keep seeing on the market for couples who just want to get away for a long weekend. (Jameson)

—Bags of letters praising new segment on Barney where the dinosaur answers kids' questions with, "Who cares, eat your fucking grilled cheese." (Tenessa)

—There's a surprising number of toddlers living by themselves in studio apartments. (Brandon)

—Stakes on the front lawn with festering stork heads impaled on them as a warning against any future "bundles of joy." (Jameson)

—You know how you hear about mothers who throw their infants in a dumpster? Now they're doing the same thing to 10-year-olds. (Tenessa)

—There has been a sudden surge in the popularity of sarcastic baby names like "Oh, Great" and "Just What We Need." (Brandon)

—Many are suing their children for emancipation from a minor. (Matt)

—Most parents are encouraging their children to experiment with risky sex so they will have their own kids and gain a little perspective. (Jameson)

—Choosy moms are no longer choosing Jif. (Tenessa)

—Latest bestselling social cause T-shirt is "Free Andrea Yates." (Brandon)

—New yard-based potty training philosophy sweeping the country (turns out a person's happiness tends to be inversely proportional to the amount of human feces he or she is forced to handle on a weekly basis). (Joe)

—Some parents are reaching the disheartening realization that even if they really want their child to grow up to be president one day, he might not be. Even if his father was, and even if his brother was, twice. (Jameson)

—They actually do turn this car right around and drive straight home, mister. (Tenessa)

—Every time one of those daycares that beats children is exposed, enrollment applications there go through the roof. (Matt)

—Babysitters are reporting record-high rates of parents heading out for dinner and a movie and just escaping to Paraguay. (Jameson)

—The Facebook status of most parents is "praying for death." (Brandon)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons

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