Jul 22, 2016

Pokémon Go, a mobile game that uses GPS and device cameras to allow users to hunt for, capture, and battle Pokémon creatures that appear on their screen as if there in real life, has become a troubling addiction for many people. The news has been filled with reports of players getting into car accidents, stumbling upon dead bodies, and being lured into locations where they have been robbed. But that's not all...

Other Problems Caused By Playing Too Much Pokémon Go

—Having less sex than you already didn't have. (Matt)

—Being named as a defendant in a huge trademark infringement lawsuit filed by a male escort whose professional name is Pokey Mongo. (Joe)

—Too busy to buy suddenly surging Nintendo stock. (Brandon)

—NSA database overwhelmed with too much information coming from everyone's GPS and device cameras. (Jameson)

—Pokémon voices in the back of your head telling you to kill Jodie Foster. (Matt)

—Pokémon toe, Pokémon lumbago, or the dreaded Pokémon colon blow. (Brandon)

—Sometimes the digital Pokémon is superimposed over something important like a "Don't Walk" signal, or your wedding. (Jameson)

—Your obsession with the game is keeping you from putting together any semblance of a legitimate campaign operation as you attempt to ride what promises to be a minuscule convention bounce into your general election matchup against Hillary Clinton. (Joe)

—The inability to cook al dente pasta. (Matt)

—Not enough time to play Pokémon Stop and Smell the Roses. (Jameson)

—I don't Pokémon why how much I Pokémon is any of your Pokémon... stupid autocorrect! (Brandon)

—Doing that thing were you take trifold bathroom mirrors and hold them just right so that you can see an infinite number of yourselves in the mirror. I guess that's not really related to Pokémon Go. But it was a problem when doing it for three hours caused me to miss work the other day. (Matt)

—What, you think Sharknados just happen?! (Jameson)

—Inability to distinguish between reality and a cunningly distorted version of reality (also known as Trump Supporter Syndrome). (Brandon)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons

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