Oct 6, 2017

Mr. Clean, the bald-headed, earring-wearing corporate mascot for the line of Procter & Gamble cleaning products that bear his name, was created 60 years ago. And while his time as an advertising icon has been great, his life is not without its share of troubles...

Biggest Fears of Mr. Clean

—Consumers finding out that his products are just watered-down bottles of his own urine. (Brandon)

—No amount of scrubbing will ever clean away the memory of what he did to that drifter just outside of Stockbridge. (Mike)

—Opening a bag of Chex Mix too fast and all the Chex Mix goes flying everywhere, even under the sofa. (Jameson)

—That Rami Malek, Reggie Jackson, or Richard Page and Steve George will out-draw him at next month's MisterCon. (Joe M.)

—A leak of the salacious details of his tryst with Aunt Jemima in Tahiti. (Matt)

—That he'll be replaced by his younger brother, Todd Clean, with his gorgeously full head of hair. (Dan)

—It's been more than an hour since he last scrubbed the shower tile and there is now probably noticeable pre-mildewing! (Brandon)

—Procter will tell Gamble about Clean's $400-a-day coke habit. (Mike)

—The day that crisp, shock-white jeans go out of style. (Jameson)

—This might be the year he finally loses a Yul Brynner look-alike contest. (Joe M.)

—That his name in Spain, Don Limpio, will definitely make him the butt of jokes once enough people find out about it. (Brandon)

—Those motherfucking assholes at Lemon Pledge will release the sex tape. (Mike)

—Those goddamned scrubbing bubbles! (Matt)

—Judging by that all-white outfit, I'd say eating spaghetti with marinara sauce. (Brandon)

—Civil asset forfeiture. (Jameson)

—Like most everyone these days, North Korea. (Joe M.)

—A lifetime spent making the world cleaner, and all people will remember is his "Jews control the solvent industry" remark from his DUI arrest in 1997. (Brandon)

—Let's be real: Swiffer usage among the 18-29 demographic. (Mike)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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