Jun 13, 2014

It's been nearly 40 years since Paul Simon released his biggest hit, "50 Ways To Leave Your Lover", a song that featured such lyrics as "Just slip out the back, Jack" and "Hop on the bus, Gus." Since then, technological and sociological advances undreamt of in Simon's heyday have made it possible to break up with somebody in more ways than ever...

Additional Ways to Leave Your Lover

—Send a mean tweet, Pete. (Dan)

—Hack her SnapChat, Pat. (Tenessa)

—Try sexting her mom, Tom. (Mike)

—Take him out with a drone, Joan. (Jameson)

—Get mauled by a lion, Ryan. (Matt)

—Say she doesn't give you a bonah, Jonah. (Joe)

—Put his nude selfie on Instagram, Pam. (Brandon)

—Fake your own death, Seth. (Mike)

—Piss on her Crocs, Jacques. (Tenessa)

—Click "unfriend", Glen. (Dan)

—Spoil Game of Thrones, Jones. (Mike)

—Give her number to Terry Gilliam, William. (Tenessa)

—Have a gay three-way, Jay. (Jameson)

—Leave it to Siri, Miri. (Mike)

—Tell her you're a woman trapped in a man's body, Roddy. (Joe)

—Don't wash the vag, Madge. (Mike)

—Jizz on her guitar, Lamar. (Matt)

—Stop holding in that fart, Bart. (Mike)

—Pretend you're deaf, Jeff. (Tenessa)

—Refuse to go veggie, Reggie. (Mike)

—Withhold your penis, Enos. (Brandon)

—Get caught humping your poster of Michael Landon, Brandon. (Mike)

—OD on meth, Beth. (Tenessa)

—Shit in the bed, Ned. (Mike)

—Hang glide off a cliff, uh... Cliff. (Joe)

—Don't treat your gonorrhea, Maria. (Mike)

—Login to OKCupid, stupid. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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