Feb 17, 2017

This week, retired General Michael T. Flynn resigned from his post as National Security Advisor for the Trump administration after it was revealed that he had spoken to Russian officials about the possible removal of sanctions previously imposed on that country by the Obama administration. But the information passed along by Flynn didn't stop there...

Other Secrets General Flynn Shared with the Russians

—The identity of the real hitchBOT killers. (Jameson)

—Shitloads of spoilers for the upcoming season of "The Americans." (Joe)

—Donald Trump's penis is as robust and majestic as a narwhal's tusk. (Matt)

—All of the Trump administration's highly-detailed, legislatively-feasible plans for making America great again. (Brandon)

—Most of our nuclear arsenal is just a bunch of dads who, while trying to nap, are forced to listen to audio recordings of their kids fighting until the dads "go nuclear." (Mike)

—Dumbledore is totally gay! Did you guys know that? (Dan)

—Which Netflix streaming titles are expiring next month. (Jameson)

—When their people put a mixture of mayonnaise, ketchup, horseradish, chives, and spices on a salad or a sandwich, they should feel free to just call it "dressing." (Joe)

—Mike Pence likes to be referred to as "The white Martin Luther King, Jr." (Matt)

—Nine of the Colonel's 11 herbs and spices–thank god we stopped Flynn in time! (Brandon)

—How to tell Tiki and Ronde Barber apart. (Jameson)

—Thanks to a strategically placed, meticulously engineered hole in his space suit, Buzz Aldrin left them a little "present" on the moon in case they ever get up there. (Joe)

—The flu vaccine has always been, and always will be, 95% cat semen. (Matt)

—The name and address of the suicide bomber Steve Bannon hired to attack a major city this spring so martial law can be declared and Trump gets to ride in a tank! (Jameson)

—All of the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey players were beaked out of their minds on weapons-grade methamphetamine. (Joe)

—The key to Yakov Smirnoff's impossible-to-copy comedy routine about life in Soviet Russia is transposing the relationship between you, aka the collective representation of mankind, and the noun mentioned in the setup of the joke. (Brandon)

—The real reason they switched Beckys on Roseanne. (Jameson)

—The dude who played Ivan Drago? Swedish. (Mike)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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