Baron von Funny


Mar 18, 2016

The NCAA Division I men's basketball tournament, often referred to as March Madness, kicks off this week. Every year, millions of people fill out a tournament bracket to enter into a contest or a betting pool with friends or coworkers. But some people take it a little too far...

Signs That You've Got a March Madness Gambling Problem

—You put $50 down on which font the official NCAA bracket would use. (Matt)

—Still in litigation from last year's March Madness bets. (Jameson)

—You've lost roughly $700 on prop bets over whether UConn Head Coach Kevin Ollie will ever find true love again. (Brandon)

—Wagering on college basketball is the only thing you're able to stop drinking, smoking, and masturbating long enough to actually do. (Joe)

—You set your alarm to go off at the "upset special" times of 5:12am and 5:12pm every day. (Mike)

—You've personally cupped the balls of each of the top 100 players. You've also glanced at some of their medical records. (Matt)

—You've got a few snipers on retainer in case one of the 16 seeds starts having too good a game. (Jameson)

—Let's just say your children have a lot more riding on West Virginia vs. Stephen F. Austin than most kids their age. (Brandon)

—Every year you bet $100,000 on coach Dickey Nutt's Arkansas State team to win the tournament, even though Arkansas State hasn't made the NCAA tournament this century and Dickey Nutt hasn't coached there for years. (Joe)

—You keep getting vasectomies just before the Sweet Sixteen so that you can "stay home and recover in front of the tube." (Mike)

—You prepare a three-course meal for your bracket every night, then tuck it in while singing it to sleep. (Jameson)

—You know it's a long shot, but you put down a hundred bucks that March will only have 30 days this year. (Joe)

—You hardly ever bet on the kids' turtle races anymore. (Matt)

—No longer content with merely wagering on actual games, you're now also betting on whether Gil from Sales got the outcome right on his bracket. (Brandon)

—You're Facebook friends with the entire Gonzaga bench. (Jameson)

—You bet a bunch of people that a 16 will defeat a 1 this year, and then you go out and find somebody who just got his driver's license and you pay him to beat the crap out of a baby. (Joe)

—You picked Trump to win it all. (Mike)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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