Feb 8, 2013

This week, Hasbro announced that the board game Monopoly would be getting a new token, one that would replace the iron. A cat was the winner of a fan vote, beating out four other options: a toy robot, guitar, helicopter, and diamond ring. But many other suggestions were shot down before the game's makers made it to that list of five...

Rejected New Tokens for Monopoly

—Black guy (Joe)

—Trump hair (Dan)

—Tiny pile of puke (Tenessa)

—Ray Lewis stabbing a guy while praying and holding the Lombardi trophy (Mike)

—Drunk guy fighting a llama (Brandon)

—Actual ninja throwing star (Joe)

—"God hates fags" sign (Dan)

—Headless bird (Tenessa)

—Swollen, yeast-infected vulva (Mike)

—JFK limousine in Dealey Plaza after shots fired (Brandon)

—Kanye West's ego (covers 4/5ths of the board) (Dan)

—Predator drone (Mike)

—Morbidly obese woman on mobility scooter (Brandon)

—Malfunctioning Superdome power grid (Joe)

—Shriveled umbilical cord stump (Tenessa)

—Michelle Obama's bangs (Dan)

—Jet pack (We were promised jet packs!) (Mike)

—Severed human foot (Brandon)

—A bust of Chris Gaines as portrayed by Garth Brooks (Dan)

—Cup of soda larger than 16 ounces (Joe)

—Shirtless Joe Biden (Mike)

—A shiv (for when you go directly to jail) (Dan)

—Bankrupt Mr. Monopoly giving a back alley hand job to a vagrant (Brandon)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Mike Wagner

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