Oct 7, 2016

Over the weekend, a brawl broke out at a Chuck E. Cheese's in Miami, with parents screaming, pushing, and fist-fighting, and all of it caught on video. It's hard to make out much detail over all the noise, but if you listen closely, you can pick out a few choice comments...

Things Overheard During the Brawl at Chuck E. Cheese's

—"I'm gonna Fuck U. Up." (Joe)

—"Hold my cigarette, mommy." (Mike)

—"How dare you besmirch the proud Italian heritage of Pasqually E. Pieplate!" (Brandon)

—"Clearly this is the most catastrophically destructive thing that'll happen in Florida all week!" (Jameson)

—"Pitt the Elder!"
"Lord Palmerston!"
"Pitt. The. Elder!!" (Joe)

—"They can take away our game tokens, but they'll never take away our sense of entitlement!" (Brandon)

—"I! Said! Fucking! Gluten! Free!" (Jameson)

—"Holy shit, Jasper T. Jowls just Temple of Doom-ed that guy!" (Brandon)

—"I wouldn't normally be so on edge, but I just get furious about gerrymandering!" (Jameson)

—"There's no question that the eleven toughest people in this fight could beat the Dolphins." (Joe)

—"It's another turf war with Sky Zone! RUN!" (Brandon)

—"If you're catching this on video and you're holding your phone vertically, so help me..." (Jameson)

—"Won't somebody please think of the children... especially the ones currently beating me with Helen Henny's legs?!" (Brandon)

—"You cut in line for Skee-ball, I break your son's arm. This ain't Dave & Buster's." (Jameson)

—"Many people are saying this is a tremendous, tremendous brawl." (Mike)

—"Hold down that banjo-plucking bear while I gouge its eyes out. I saw Westworld—I'm not taking any chances!" (Jameson)

—"This is not the understated ambience I've come to expect from Chuck E. Cheese's!" (Brandon)

—"My study on the correlation between mozzarella consumption and serotonin levels is practically writing itself!" (Jameson)

—"Maybe we should move to Canada no matter who wins the election." (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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