Baron von Funny


Aug 6, 2010

Future Hall of Fame quarterback Brett Favre is once again caught up in a "will he or won't he" media frenzy, as reports surfaced this week saying that he would retire from the NFL, only to be followed by a statement from Favre indicating that he hasn't made up his mind about playing for the Minnesota Vikings this season. The man seems incapable of making decisions easily...

Reasons Brett Favre is Being So Indecisive

—If he retires and then changes his mind two more times, the next fake retirement is free! (Mike)

—The last thing he really set his mind to was breaking the NFL record for consecutive starts by a quarterback, and that killed his father – so he's been a little gun shy since then. (Jameson)

—Most of his brainpower is devoted to constantly trying to remember how to spell his own last name. (Brandon)

—His contractual obligations to Eggo require that he waffle on every decision he makes, big or small. (Matt)

—He has a colostomy bag and an ass that secretes an unnatural adhesive, so he is literally incapable of shitting or getting off the pot. (Tenessa)

—He's never told anybody this, but he fucking hates the number 4. (Joe)

—His favorite song? "Should I Stay or Should I Go" by The Clash. (Mike)

—He's old. You've seen old people with their car blinkers, right? (Jameson)

—Too busy sending pictures of his dong to hot chicks to focus on the decision-making process. (Brandon)

—He really hates football, but he also can't stand the thought of spending even a minute more with his lousy-ass kids. (Matt)

—Shut up! YOU'RE indecisive! (Tenessa)

—Isn't sure he can still hack it in the NFC North, having to compete against the likes of Jay Cutler and Matthew Stafford. (Joe)

—You'd be wary, too, if your dreams were haunted by a vindictive and judgmental Zombie Lincoln. (Jameson)

—Distracted by habit of checking his blind side every couple of seconds to avoid taking yet another devastating hit. (Brandon)

—Wouldn't you second guess your life choices after being rejected by Wisconsin? (Tenessa)

—It's because of how he was raised. Well, maybe not how he was raised, but because of the dynamics of his marriage. Well, not so much the dynamics of his marriage, but how he was raised. On the other hand, maybe it has more to do with his marriage. I've decided that it has to do with how he was raised (or maybe his marriage). No! Wait! (Mike)

—Have you seen Sons of Tucson? Neither have I, but Brett Farve loves it, and God forbid he buy a TiVo to watch it any other time but when it's broadcast on Sunday nights. (Matt)

—Believes that if he waits long enough, surely somebody somewhere will offer him twenty million bucks for doing something else. (Joe)

—He's not being indecisive; he'll be ready with a final decision as soon as he can get a sixty minute prime time special scheduled. (Jameson)

—Crippling medical condition where anytime Favre tries to choose between two options, his head becomes filled with graphic images of Roseanne Barr and Tom Arnold making sweaty, passionate love. (Brandon)

—It's just hard to get excited about a team named after historic rapists who wore horns. (Tenessa)

—His brain was replaced by one of those foam "cheese heads" during a risky operation in 2006. (Jameson)

—He's an egomaniac who loves fucking with people while millions of dollars, thousands of fans, and dozens of teammates are forced to twist in the wind for as long as he damn well pleases. Take that, high school guidance counselor who said Favre'd never amount to anything! (Mike)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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