Sep 2, 2016

The New York Times remains one of the most influential and widely-read newspapers in the world. Among its regular features is the corrections page, where it addresses misprints, retractions, and other errors from the print edition. Some of those corrections are more eyebrow-raising than others...

Corrections the New York Times Would Like to Make

—The Brooklyn Bridge is not "just for show". (Jameson)

—Governor Pence was not the original lead singer of Limp Bizkit. (Mike)

—There are no plans to convert the Lincoln Memorial into a Buffalo Wild Wings. (Brandon)

—George W. Bush wishes he could "roll up his sleeves and get elbow deep into condo lease rights," not Condoleezza Rice. (Matt)

—The Vikings will not be "just fine" without Teddy Bridgewater. The Vikings will never be "just fine." (Joe)

—Neil Mangus of Barrington, IL, probably isn't "The Batman". (Jameson)

—Pope Francis was not recently spotted "banging cocktail waitresses two at a time, Fredo Corleone-style." (Mike)

—Displaying an oven mitt in your window will not cause your family to be randomly attacked by "sex-crazed youths". (Brandon)

—While it is certainly possible that Tom Brady is also the favorite among quarterbacks to slip his finger into a "super bowel ring" at the season's end, the NFL preview edition was intended to be about the road to the Super Bowl. (Matt)

—Bangladesh is not made of candy. (Jameson)

—Thunder is not "God bowling." It is God pushing all the stuff off of his desk to have sex with his secretary. (Mike)

—Pooping in your neighbor's yard and then building a fence around your property is not called "Taking a Trump", nor is it actually a thing. (Brandon)

—Jerry Lee Lewis's Great Balls of Fire was not a song about his bout with syphilis. (Matt)

—Ineffable is not an antonym for "F"-able. (Joe)

—Pam Dawber was not stalking pedestrians on Melrose Avenue with a harpoon gun, as previously reported. She was signing copies of her new book "Peace, Cats, and Other Thoughts" at a Barnes & Noble. (Jameson)

—Thunder is not "God pushing pushing all the stuff off of his desk to have sex with his secretary." (Mike)

—Manhattan street vendors have not been renting out their carts as studio apartments. (Brandon)

—The August 15th article on Things You Can Do to Prevent Colon Cancer omitted the word "not" when saying "100% of doctors recommend you should 'ass candle' to remove 'butt toxins'." (Matt)

—The government did not "cancel Thursdays" for the month of September. (Jameson)

—Tim Kaine did not graduate from Sexual Healing University. (Which is to say that he did attend the school, but did not complete his studies there.) (Brandon)

—It's still illegal to eat people in Massachusetts. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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