Jan 18, 2013

Earlier this week, it was revealed that the heartwarming story of the leukemia-related death of the girlfriend of Notre Dame linebacker and Heisman Trophy candidate Manti Te'o was a hoax. The girlfriend, Lennay Kekua, simply did not exist. It has been an important reminder that fake relationships can have their plusses and minuses...

Pros and Cons of Having an Imaginary Girlfriend

—She helps to bolster claims of your imaginary heterosexuality. (Joe)

—Having to babysit her kids while she's going through court proceedings with her ex-husband. (Matt)

—Manufacturing the details of her heartwarming backstory is experience that will land you a job in the Olympics division of NBC Sports. (Jameson)

—Only turns you down for sex once in a while. (Mike)

—Easy to claim she was holding your spot at the front of any line. (Brandon)

—You still have to mourn her fake death. (Dan)

—Shoo-in for a cameo appearance on the off chance that Comedy Central decides to reboot the little-seen 2009 series Secret Girlfriend. (Joe)

—Imaginary Saks Fifth Avenue bills. (Matt)

—She could have red hair one day and blonde hair the next! (Like Lindsay Lohan, but less of a handful.) (Jameson)

—Seems remarkably cool about it when you fart in bed. (Mike)

—Dinner with her parents goes off without a hitch, but dinner with your parents... (Brandon)

—Pretty sure you can take her brother in a fight. (Jameson)

—Most imaginary girlfriends come from Canada, and therefore are unfailingly polite, well-educated, and politically enlightened with an excellent sense of humor. (Joe)

—You can't ever be totally certain she isn't sitting next to you on the couch while you masturbate to Unsolved Mysteries. (Matt)

—Having to make up her side of all your fights is almost worse than having no imaginary girlfriend at all. (Jameson)

—You're spending an awful lot on fertility treatments now that you've decided to try to get pregnant. (Mike)

—Still won't do any butt stuff. (Brandon)

—Whenever you lose something in the apartment, you can blame it on her. (Jameson)

—Not quite as much of a thrill to secretly bang her imaginary sister. (Joe)

—Never thought you'd spend an hour and a half arguing about whether Drop Dead Fred is offensive, but here you are. (Matt)

—Don't have to pretend you read The New Yorker to impress her; you can just pretend she doesn't, either. (Jameson)

—She flies for free. (Mike)

—Easy to remove her from photos should you ever break up. (Brandon)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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