Jun 7, 2013

After Earth, the new sci-fi blockbuster directed by M. Night Shyamalan and starring Will Smith and his son Jaden as a father and son who crash land on Earth 1,000 years after humans abandoned the planet, opened last week to terrible reviews and disappointing box office, with everyone finding plenty of things to dislike...

Viewer Complaints About After Earth

—Will and Jaden Smith completely unbelievable as father and son. (Jameson)

—No explanation why the opening credits include "and Gwyneth Paltrow as Earth". (Dan)

—Will's accent changes from British to Chinese to Robotic and then finally to a gay Pirate for some reason. (Matt)

—Would it have killed them to throw in a part about how at some point in the future, the Vikings finally won a Super Bowl? (Joe)

—Making a product placement work by turning Charmin Ultra Strong toilet paper into Charmin Ultra Space Strong is pretty lame. (Brandon)

—It's just 90 minutes of Will and Jaden catching up on Arrested Development. (Mike)

—The 25-minute coda featuring a stern environmentalist lecture about ways to prevent our Earth from becoming After Earth. (Jameson)

—Jada Pinkett Smith's incessant videobombing throughout the movie. (Matt)

—Thought it was the third movie in the Before Sunrise/Before Sunset series, kept waiting Ethan Hawke and Julie Delpy to appear. (Joe)

—The constant stream of out-of-nowhere rape jokes. (Jameson)

—No Keith Richards? He'd certainly still be alive. (Mike)

—Following lackluster responses to Battlefield Earth and After Earth, studio executives no longer willing to risk greenlighting any more movies that take place on Earth. (Jameson)

—The thought of "former President Terry Bradshaw", even in a fictional setting where the administration supposedly took place hundreds of years in the past, is terribly upsetting to most Americans. (Brandon)

—Keep expecting DJ Jazzy Jeff to show up in every movie Will Smith does; keep being disappointed. (Joe)

—Other than the sci-fi backdrop, it's basically a beat-by-beat retelling of Dunston Checks In. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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