May 1, 2009

U.S. President Barack Obama reached the milestone of 100 days in office this week, a mark that has traditionally been used as a measuring stick for the success of a new president. And while Obama has enjoyed many noteworthy accomplishments during this period, there are a few items that slipped below the media radar...

Less Publicized Accomplishments From Obama's First 100 Days in Office

—Firmly established that bowing has no place in modern society. (Sean)

—Became the second president to dunk a basketball on the White House grounds. (The first, surprisingly, was William Howard Taft.) (Mike)

—The tax code now includes more references to nougat than ever before. (Jameson)

—Intern blowjob count holding steady at zero. (Joe)

—Fulfilling a lifelong dream, he retraced the path of Lewis and Clark with his finger on a small map. (Matt)

—Relaxed the White House dress code to include mesh half-shirts and assless chaps. (Brandon)

—Canadians now less offended at being incorrectly identified as Americans when traveling overseas. (Mike)

—Rainbows are noticeably prettier, air is sweeter and "goes down smooth." (Jameson)

—I can't be sure, but I really think this mole on my neck has gotten smaller. (Sean)

—Quietly made his Major League debut by tossing three innings of shutout ball against the Diamondbacks last Tuesday. (Joe)

—Finished the job George Washington couldn't by chopping down that damn cherry tree that Washington lied about not telling a lie about. (Matt)

—On day 31, took the opportunity to write something sarcastic on William Henry Harrison's official portrait, in the tradition of 33 presidents before him. (Jameson)

—Successfully "did it" with the First Lady in every room of the White House, including getting super freaky in the Lincoln Bedroom. (Mike)

—It didn't make much of a splash in the papers for some reason, but Hungary is a U.S. state now. (Joe)

—Vince Foster? Deader than ever! (Jameson)

—First sitting President to take down the 96oz Bad-Ass Broiler at D.C. Dan's Steak Hole and win a free "The Beef's in Here" T-shirt. (Brandon)

—Managed to successfully pretend to quit smoking. (Joe)

—The government's secret automobile design that gets 300 miles to the gallon is now 10% secreter. (Jameson)

—Swine Flu! We meant to do that, right? (Sean)

—Little-noticed signing statement making "medical" marijuana legal in the Oval Office. (Mike)

—You think it's a coincidence when this many weeks go by without an Andy Dick arrest making the papers? (Jameson)

—White House, surrounding area now completely free of that "Cheney smell." (Joe)

—Successfully made "Bo Knows" jokes for a whole week when talking to Bo Jackson on the phone about the new dog. (Matt)

—Whenever the phone rings at dinner but when you answer there's nobody there, that's Obama. (Jameson)

—Haven't seen George W. Bush doing stupid shit on TV for months now. (Sean)

Baron von Contributors: Sean Hecht, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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