Sep 7, 2012

Last week, at the Republican National Convention, special guest speaker Clint Eastwood used an empty chair as a stand-in for President Obama during a speech in which Eastwood took the President to task for many of the things he's done during his administration. But that list barely scratched the surface of Invisible Obama's accomplishments, misdeeds, and mysterious powers...

Other Things That Can Be Attributed to Invisible Obama

—The hint of rosemary you might have noticed lately in your Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. (Matt)

—The way women can always tell when you're checking out their boobs, because he's been staring WAY too much. (Dan)

—Directs all of Tim Tebow's passes into the ground. (Mike)

—Nocturnal emissions. (Brandon)

—Saved the country millions by borrowing Wonder Woman's invisible jet to serve as Air Force One. (Joe)

—Was born in Invisible Kenya. (Jameson)

—Personally haunted Clint Eastwood to the brink of insanity in the weeks leading up to the RNC. (Matt)

—99% of the time, he's not wearing any pants. (Dan)

—The invisible economic recovery. (Mike)

—I'm not saying he's the Tooth Fairy, but he's pulled a few cash-for-teeth-under-a-pillow deals in his day. (Brandon)

—Hasn't had to waste valuable time sitting for an official White House portrait like those lame visible presidents. (Joe)

—Convinced millions of men that wearing a fedora is not only okay, but also the pinnacle of cool. (Matt)

—Has been altering GOP teleprompters to include a shocking number of claims that happen to be misleading, utterly false, or batshit crazy. (Mike)

—The disappointing numbers in the latest invisible jobs report. (Brandon)

—Hilarious new Cinemax sex farce Invisible President/Ladies' Locker Room Resident, coming this fall. (Joe)

—You know when you turn off the kitchen faucet and 45 minutes later you hear a single drip trickle out of it? That's Invisible Obama washing his hands. (Jameson)

—Is also an Invisible Muslim. (Dan)

—Well, I guess he must've been the one who ate my fucking sandwich last Tuesday, since there's "no way" Jerry from accounting could have possibly done it! (Matt)

—That time you hit every green light on the way to the Billy Joel concert. (Mike)

—An invisible president will be the perfect person to oversee the invisible Social Security checks the Baby Boomers will all be getting when they retire. (Joe)

—Might've accidentally bumped Tony Scott while the well-known film director was scouting a bridge location a few weeks ago. (Brandon)

—Prevents me from masturbating because I know he could be watching. (Mike)

—Ever return to your car convinced you're over the time limit on your parking meter, only to find that you've actually got several minutes to spare? Almost as if someone – or something – fed the meter for you? Invisible Obama! (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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