Sep 1, 2017

After 35+ years of success with their butter substitute, I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!, Unilever is ready to branch out with other exciting products that may challenge your belief systems...

New Products from the Makers of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!

—Plausibly Parmesan (Joe W.)

—I Can't Believe It's Legal! Law Firm (Dan)

—You Shut Your Godless, Lying Mouth, Because There's No Way This Isn't Gelato (Brandon)

—Are You Going to Sit There and Tell Me to My Face That I'm Not Eating Walnuts? (Jameson)

—This Shan't Be Crepe Paper, and I'll Have Words with Any Man Who Says Differently (Joe M.)

—Would You Guess That This Has Ram's Blood in It? (Matt)

—I Thought I Could Tell What Was Cream of Mushroom Soup and What Wasn't, But Today You Have Bested Me, Sir (Jameson)

—Oh, So You Don't Think This Is Bath Lotion? Well, Then Go Back to Charlottesville, Hitler (Joe M.)

—The Successful Chicanery of This Cheese Substitute Portends a Cold, Dystopian Future for Mankind (Brandon)

—Yogurt? Like Hell It Is (Joe W.)

—If These Aren't Raisinets, They Should Be! (Jameson)

—Your Mom Sure Seemed to Believe It Wasn't Butter Last Night (Joe M.)

—And You Thought You Were Pretty Much an Expert on Skirt Steak, Didn't You? (Brandon)

—This Can't Be What Pepsi Is (Jameson)

—Your Honor, the Defense Is Willing to Stipulate That This Is Peat Moss (Joe M.)

—Hmm... Ketchup, You Say? (Joe W.)

—We Could Go Back and Forth All Day About Whether It's Olive Oil (Jameson)

—Actually, I Can Kinda Believe This Isn't Mayonnaise, But It's Still Pretty Good (Brandon)

—If This Isn't Tomato Paste, Then Everything I Thought I Knew Is a Perverse Lie [Sound of a lone gunshot] (Joe M.)

—I Knew to My Core That It Was Bacon Bits; I Am Now Shattered, Confused, and Undone (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Joe Wright

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