Sep 22, 2017

A report released this week by the World Health Organization found that too few new antibiotics are under development to combat the growing threat of antimicrobial resistance. The implications of this shortage could be wide-reaching...

Ways Life May Change if the World Runs Out of Antibiotics

—The constant gloating of the probiotic crowd. (Dan)

—That moldy bread sitting on the counter for the past month can treat our daughter's sinus infection. (Mike)

—Patients forced to fight off infection the Jenny McCarthy way: gluten-free enemas and eating nothing but freeze-dried tiger meat. (Jameson)

—Guess no one will be having sex with James Franco anymore. (Brandon)

—New mass protest technique: the sneeze-in. (Joe W.)

—There's gonna be a helluva lot more sharts when those stomach viruses hit. (Matt)

—Biotics will take over and rule us all, just like Grandpa Lou always predicted. (Also, we'll regret stoning Grandpa Lou to death for heresy.) (Joe M.)

—I heard So You Think You Can Pus? is getting a greenlight. (Jameson)

—Sudden end to the hottest teen craze of 2017: French-kissing police horses. (Brandon)

—Germs will be able to travel freely from host to host, and will no longer need HHS Secretary Tom Price to shuttle them around in luxury jets. (Jameson)

—Maybe the government will finally take my fish/human genomic development proposal seriously, so we may take to the rising seas! #HumanGillsForever #LayWiththeFishes (Mike)

—It's impossible to be certain, but Bill Pullman's second head is most likely going to grow back. (Jameson)

—Stashes of old prescription bottles in closets and medicine cabinets will become the new currency. I'm rich! (Brandon)

—Sudden upsurge in people renting Osmosis Jones looking for health tips. (Jameson)

—You won't be able to swing a dead cat without hitting a biotic. Also, a lot more dead cats. (Dan)

—Sickly genetic lines will die off, leaving a race of unstoppable super-humans (along with the billionaires who hire them to stand guard outside their hermetically sealed mansions). (Jameson)

—I can only assume massive doses of antibiotics are what's keeping Steve Bannon alive. (Brandon)

—Mating with spiders is starting to seem a lot less nauseatingly horrific, isn't it? (Jameson)

—You mean I won't be able to demand a Z-pack anytime my cold lasts longer than three days?? This is the worst thing that's happened to anyone ever!! (Brandon)

—A few people dying of diseases in the final month or so before nuclear war eradicates the rest of us. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner, Joe Wright

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