Jun 26, 2009

The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences announced this week that they will be expanding the number of Best Picture nominees for the Oscars from five to ten films, starting next year. From 1932 to 1943, the Best Picture category used to feature a wider field of nominees, ranging from eight to twelve films, so the Academy is touting this as both a return to the past and a way to get more viewers interested in the show. And they're not going to stop there...

Other Proposed Changes to the 2010 Oscars

—To air over five weeknights on NBC in place of the cancelled Jay Leno Show. (Mike)

—Regardless of the outcome of the Best Actor vote, Iranian mullahs will claim that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad won. (Joe)

—Entire show will revolve around a Clue-like scenario in which one member of the Screen Actors Guild has killed Tim Curry. (Matt)

—The Oscar statuette will be anatomically correct. Not in a threatening way, just enough to let you know he's there. (Sean)

—Ceremony will be hosted by that floating space fetus from the movie 2010. (Jameson)

—Nominated songs to be performed by the weepy, heartbroken children of Jon & Kate Plus Eight. (Brandon)

—Best Supporting Actor, Best Supporting Actress will be required to produce a biological offspring by the following year's Oscar ceremony or forfeit their awards. (Joe)

—More full frontal nudity. (Mike)

—In the event she is still alive, red carpet security has orders to shoot Joan Rivers on sight. (Sean)

—ALF will be in attendance. That's right, they finally let him back in the Guild. (Matt)

—Best Sound and Best Sound Editing categories will be merged, resulting in riots throughout Los Angeles. (Jameson)

—Oscar host will randomly select one person to be killed on the spot and immediately added to the end of the annual "In Memoriam" montage. (Joe)

—Instead of delivering traditional "Welcome to the Oscars" speech, current AMPAS President Sid Ganis will make sweet love to a life-size Oscar statuette in the middle of the stage. (Brandon)

—In the spirit of returning to the past, the nominees for Best Actor in 1937 will be dug up and paraded around the stage in tuxedos and top hats between awards. (Matt)

—Acceptance speeches must be "tweeted" in 140 characters or less. (Mike)

—The number of acting nominees will expand to the point where presenters simply list the performers who aren't nominated. (Joe)

—"In Memoriam" montage will be filled with hot nude pics of Farrah Fawcett. (Matt)

—Best Screenplay nominees will be presented as full-length staged readings performed by immigrants speaking in broken, heavily-accented English. (Brandon)

—Women and blacks will now be eligible in the Best Director category. (Joe)

—Instead of clips from nominated films, giant projection screen will display pictures of a naked Harvey Fierstein riding a burro. (Jameson)

—Foreign films, independents, and documentaries will be judged together in the new category "Best Self-Indulgent Crap That Nobody Saw." (Sean)

—Sharon Stone will perform her renowned "disappearing Oscar" trick. (Matt)

—If a movie isn't really that good, but just has a lot of dramatic moments to make it seem like an Oscar movie, it won't be considered for nomination. (Ha ha! Just kidding.). (Jameson)

—Official name of the ceremony will be The Liberal Media Elite Presents the 82nd Annual Academy Awards. (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Sean Hecht, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

© poopreading.com, all rights reserved – advertising info