Jul 27, 2012

GOP Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has been facing pressure in recent weeks to release more of his personal tax returns to the public. Romney has made his 2010 return and 2011 estimated taxes available, but thus far, his campaign has steadfastly refused to release any previous years, leading some to wonder what information the documents might contain...

Secrets Hidden in Mitt Romney's Unreleased Tax Returns

—If not for the shaky, barely-legible handwriting of a postwar era nurse, his name would be "Mint Romney" like his parents intended. (Joe)

—$12,000 per year in expenditures simply labelled: Hair. (Dan)

—Dotted the "i" in "Mitt" with a heart on his tax returns from 1993-2003. (Mike)

—For tax purposes, his legal next of kin is his driveway. (Jameson)

—One-time accidental donation of $3M to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Taints. (Brandon)

—His wife's Olympic dressage horse is actually two illegal immigrants posing as a horse. (Tenessa)

—In addition to the undisclosed millions he has placed in accounts in the Cayman Islands, also invested $1,000 in an account in the Gayman Islands because he was "curious". (Matt)

—His ability to realize what he sounds like to people was sold for a tidy profit in 2004. (Jameson)

—A bunch of secret families. Like a "Joseph Smith would be jealous" number of secret families. (Mike)

—Still receiving extensive royalties from having co-written Prodigy's 1997 dance/electronica hit "Smack My Bitch Up." (Joe)

—A 2009 educational tax credit for the Introduction to Business class he took at the University of Phoenix. (Matt)

—His wife's ballet horse, Rafalca, has its own ballet cat, which has its own ballet hamster. (Romney claims all of them as dependents.) (Jameson)

—He bought you in 1987. (Mike)

—Millions in research and development expenses to see if he could put an escalator inside his home's elevator. (Dan)

—2003 write-off for a botched surgery that, had it worked, would have allowed him to literally shit a gold brick. (Brandon)

—Lost a lot of money personally funding a series of direct-to-DVD movies staring former NBA star and fellow Mormon, Shawn Bradley. (Matt)

—Contributed $3 to the Presidential Election Fund, making him officially an Obama donor and therefore unelectable to 85% of the GOP base. (Jameson)

—Lists his occupation as "Mitt being Mitt". (Mike)

—Sizable 1998 deduction related to a misunderstanding of the term "laundered money". (Dan)

—Though he never actually set foot in the establishment, Romney once proudly owned a highly profitable and, according to Romney, very patriotic money-maker called the Glory Hole Bar in Boston. (Matt)

—$3.3 million a year for advisors who help him appear less wealthy and more like a regular guy. (Jameson)

—In addition to his own five sons, lists a couple of George Foreman's boys as dependents. (Mike)

—Has a long history of successfully deducting meals at Taco Bell as "gambling losses". (Brandon)

—Born in Kenya. (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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