POOP READING

Nov 4, 2016

Other Things That Have Only Happened Once in the Last 108 Years

Fingers crossed we'll make it seven more years without another archduke getting assassinated!

Oct 28, 2016

2016 NFL Picks - Week 8

You can pick NFL games, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick an NFL game's nose.

Oct 22, 2016

2016 NFL Picks - Week 7

Dashed these off real quick so I didn't have to say I missed a week...

Oct 14, 2016

2016 NFL Picks - Week 6

Like any of this matters, since the Vikings aren't playing.

Oct 8, 2016

2016 NFL Picks - Week 5

Here goes very nearly nothing.

Sep 30, 2016

2016 NFL Picks - Week 4

Much like the Steelers and Cardinals, I'm in need of a bounce back week!

Sep 24, 2016

2016 NFL Picks, Week 3

My best bets and my overall picks were both one game over .500 last week. Ride this gravy train to prosperity, everyone!

Sep 17, 2016

2016 NFL Picks - Week 2

Let's see if I can write an NFL picks thing for a few weeks in a row, shall we?

Sep 2, 2016

Corrections the New York Times Would Like to Make

All the News That's Fit to Misprint.

Aug 12, 2016

Other Olympians People Are Amazed They've Never Heard of Before

This is the slippery slope many warned of when we allowed Mark Spitz to win all those gold medals in 1972.

Mar 18, 2016

Signs That You've Got a March Madness Gambling Problem

Ehh, it's not like you've been using your legs all that much anyway.

Sep 11, 2015

Other Ways the New England Patriots Have Cheated Over the Years

We greatly prefer the unsullied integrity of the Vikings' four Super Bowl losses.

Jun 5, 2015

Ways to Mispronounce the Name of Resigning FIFA President Sepp Blatter

Sepp Blatter, João Havelange, Rodolphe Seeldrayers, Daniel Burley Woolfall... why do the names of former FIFA presidents sound like they were created by a drunken random word generator?

May 8, 2015

Stripper Names or Kentucky Derby Horses

Why can't someone be both, like the late Earl Warren?

Jan 30, 2015

Least Popular Super Bowl Party Foods

Guaranteed to make you punt out of bounds!

Dec 5, 2014

Names That Are More Unfortunate Than Dick Butkus

We're looking at you, Dick Armey!

May 9, 2014

Least Inspiring Sports Quotes

Vince Lombardi must be rolling in his gra– oh wait, nope, that's just the sound of the dryer.

Feb 14, 2014

Other Problems with the Hotels in Sochi

If only Sarah Palin had looked out her window and warned us.

Jan 10, 2014

Memorable Moments from 2013 That May Not Have Actually Happened

Sorry, we were busy looking at our phones.

Dec 26, 2013

Best of Baron von Funny: October-November 2012

From bad Halloween costumes to the 2012 election to the new Star Wars movies (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

Nov 6, 2013

Best of Baron von Funny: August-September 2012

From Bigfoot to rejected TV pilots to Invisible Obama (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

Oct 11, 2013

Other Amazing Things Peyton Manning Can Do

Soon to be documented in the TV movie The Pass That Fixed Obamacare!

Sep 6, 2013

Pros and Cons of Swimming for 53 Hours

Just in case you were thinking about trying it yourself.

Jul 12, 2013

Warning Signs People Missed That Aaron Hernandez Might Be a Murderer

It was probably because they were all quiet loners who kept to themselves.

Jun 5, 2013

Best of Baron von Funny: April-May 2012

From lesser-known diseases to the Secret Service scandal to the Cannes film festival (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

May 23, 2013

The Minnesota Timberwolves Fan's Guide to the Five Stages of Post-Lottery Grief

May 3, 2013

Less Groundbreaking Revelations About Other NBA Players

Maybe we'll just keep the focus on the court for a while, fellas.

Apr 17, 2013

Best of Baron von Funny: February-March 2012

From Jeremy Lin to high gas prices to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

Mar 28, 2013

20 ways to improve baseball right now

Feb 6, 2013

Best of Baron von Funny: December 2011-January 2012

From Black Friday to holiday wish lists to Rick Santorum (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

Feb 4, 2013

Feb. 3 Birthday: John Jefferson

Feb 1, 2013

Additional Perks of Being Named Super Bowl MVP

To the victor go the spoils a brand-new 2014 Chevrolet Corvette convertible!

Jan 30, 2013

A Lip Reader Deciphers The Umpire-Manager Arguments Of 2012

Jan 25, 2013

Purpose Pitches: Remembering Earl

Jan 18, 2013

Pros and Cons of Having an Imaginary Girlfriend

Jan 14, 2013

Hits and Misses

Jan 11, 2013

Real Reasons the BBWAA Didn't Vote Anyone Into the Baseball Hall of Fame This Year

Clearly they're saving their votes for the year that Arli$$ becomes eligible for induction.

Jan 10, 2013

Let's face it: Hall of Fame is a mess

Jan 8, 2013

Norm Macdonald's Keeping Resolutions, Vol. 1: A Plan in the Desert

Jan 4, 2013

Memorable Moments from 2012 That May Not Have Actually Happened

It's possible we were drinking at the time.

Jan 1, 2013

Fun and Games

Dec 20, 2012

"What Are We Doing Here?": Fire Joe Morgan on Fire Joe Morgan

Dec 19, 2012

Best of Baron von Funny: October-November 2011

From Herman Cain to Broadway shows to inappropriate Halloween costumes (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

The Innate Quality to Win: Fire Joe Morgan on Fire Joe Morgan

Dec 18, 2012

"We Didn't Know What The F–- We Were Doing": Fire Joe Morgan on Fire Joe Morgan

Dec 10, 2012

Guiding Human Behavior Via Guerrilla Social Media Tactics: A Study

Nov 16, 2012

Additional New York Jets Complaints About Tim Tebow

Tebow? More like Te-blows! (The Jets would also like to file a complaint about this blurb.)

An NFL Punter To Hall Of Fame Voters: Ray Guy Was Great At His Job. You Suck At Yours.

Nov 8, 2012

Righties, Lefties, and an Election

Oct 10, 2012

Best of Baron von Funny: August-September 2011

From the U.S. credit downgrade to the NBA lockout to the HPV vaccine (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

Oct 9, 2012

Tuesday Morning Quarterback

Sep 28, 2012

Perks Conceded to the NFL Referees in Order to Get Them Back to Work

Looks like someone's union is contractually ready for some footbaaalll!

Sep 19, 2012

Steve Sabol, Creative Force Behind NFL Films, Dies at 69

Aug 23, 2012

Why Your Team Sucks 2012: Minnesota Vikings

Why Your Website Sucks, By Minnesota Vikings Punter Chris Kluwe: A Rebuttal

Aug 13, 2012

Is Football Wrong?

Aug 6, 2012

Best of Baron von Funny: June-July 2011

From the GOP candidates to unpopular cereals to the debt ceiling (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

Aug 3, 2012

Rejected Summer Olympics Events

Guess the bar was set too high by Equestrian Eventing.

New York Yankees Facebook Page Announces Derek Jeter To Miss Rest Of Season Due To Sex Change

Jul 11, 2012

Relativistic Baseball

Jul 2, 2012

Tampa Bay's Fauxback Uniform

Jun 8, 2012

The Consequences of Caring

May 11, 2012

Scotty Carson

Apr 27, 2012

Chien-Ming Wang Headlines That Less Mature Sports Feature Editors Could Try to Run a Few Months From Now

And they're keeping an eye on that Albert Pujols situation in Anaheim.

Apr 6, 2012

The Death of Ricky Rubio

Apr 2, 2012

The most critical at-bat of all time

Mar 22, 2012

At 49, Jamie Moyer Is Slower, But Not Stopping

Mar 9, 2012

Other Reasons Peyton Manning and the Colts Are Parting Ways

Nothing old can stay.

Mar 2, 2012

Saviormetrics

Feb 17, 2012

Little-Known Facts About Jeremy Lin

It's a truly Jeremcredible story.

Feb 16, 2012

Funbag

Feb 13, 2012

Pass Happy

Feb 3, 2012

Reasons That the Super Bowl Party You're Attending Isn't Very Enjoyable

Guess you should've gone to that National Weatherperson's Day party instead.

Feb 2, 2012

The 10 Best Super Bowls in Trivia History

Feb 1, 2012

Best of Baron von Funny: December 2010-January 2011

From Derek Jeter's contract to Santa's naughty list to New Year's resolutions (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

Tom Brady: Using the Wrong Part Of His Brain Since 2008

Jan 19, 2012

The Bob Famine: Athletes Aren't Named 'Bob' Anymore and There's Nothing We Can Do About It

Jan 12, 2012

Did This Man Really Cut Michael Jordan?

Dec 30, 2011

Memorable Moments from 2011 That May Not Have Actually Happened

Remembering the year that wasn't.

My First Time on a Topps Baseball Card

Dec 16, 2011

Other Ways God Has Helped Tim Tebow

Kinda makes you wonder who the Vikings are praying to.

Dec 9, 2011

NFL 2011 - Week 14

The fantasy playoffs have begun... or, if you went up against Pittsburgh's Antonio Brown in last night's game like I did, they might be over before they even started.

Dec 7, 2011

Derek Boogaard: A Boy Learns To Brawl

Derek Boogaard: Blood On the Ice

Derek Boogaard: A Brain Going Bad

Dec 2, 2011

NFL 2011 - Week 13

Let's get this over with.

Nov 29, 2011

How (and Why) Athletes Go Broke

Nov 27, 2011

NFL 2011 - Week 12

Just the picks, ma'am. [The full column will be back next week]

Nov 18, 2011

Other Things Mike Krzyzewski Can Do Better Than Bob Knight

But Knight will always have that TV movie where he was played by Brian Dennehy.

NFL 2011 - Week 11

Just one more week, and then these pesky byes will be done plaguing fantasy football players forever! Well, or until next season.

Nov 10, 2011

The Culture of Unrest at Penn State

Nov 8, 2011

Growing Up Penn State

Nov 4, 2011

NFL 2011 - Week 9

I'm taking a bye week...

The 50 Greatest College Basketball Players of All Time

Oct 28, 2011

NFL 2011 - Week 8

Sure the World Series has been an absolute classic... but now it's time to read about football!

Game 6 Revisited: "How Did This Happen?"

Oct 21, 2011

NFL 2011 - Week 7

A lot of games this week are going to have that "new quarterback smell."

Oct 14, 2011

NFL 2011 - Week 6

I sort of rushed this one. Feel free to rush your reading of it.

Oct 12, 2011

The Cubs

Vikings Kluwe Marches To His Own Tune

Oct 10, 2011

Bosses of the Bay

Oct 7, 2011

NFL 2011 - Week 5

10-6 with the picks last week... inching toward respectability! ("Inching Toward Respectability" will be the title of my autobiography, incidentally)

Oct 5, 2011

Best of Baron von Funny: August-September 2010

From Glenn Beck University to the fall TV season to the Ground Zero mosque debate (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

Sep 30, 2011

Other Amazing Things That Happened on the Last Night of the MLB Regular Season

But no, you just had to watch Harry's Law, didn't you?

NFL 2011 - Week 4

50-50 for the second straight week... finally, my picks are not appreciably worse than flipping a coin!

Sep 29, 2011

Baseball Night in America

Sep 23, 2011

NFL 2011 - Week 3

We're getting there, folks. Just a few more weeks, and I should have this whole thing all figured out.

Sep 22, 2011

9 Baseball Movies That Should Be Made

Sep 16, 2011

NFL 2011 - Week 2

Week 1 is basically my preseason, i.e., the records really shouldn't be of any concern. It's just all about getting your schemes installed. This week, it's for real!

Sep 14, 2011

The Last Closet

Sep 9, 2011

NFL 2011 - Week 1

The glorious return of my not-so-glorious football picks. Please enjoy responsibly.

Sep 8, 2011

In Praise of Wins (Sort Of)

Sep 2, 2011

Buccaneers Switch from Playbook to iPad

Aug 31, 2011

Statistics and Stories

In Which Two Canadians Fight About a Sport That is Not Hockey

Aug 26, 2011

Things NBA Players Can Do to Pass the Time During the Lockout

If there's a worse time in life to have nothing to do than when you're young, athletic, and rich, medical science has yet to discover it.

Summer of Mailbag IV: Dawn of the Mailbag

Aug 17, 2011

Thome

Aug 10, 2011

Signs of Trouble in Toronto

Aug 3, 2011

Loving Baseball

Jul 29, 2011

Changes Being Made to Pro Football in the Wake of the New NFL Collective Bargaining Agreement

Are you ready for some post-union-decertification-and-possible-violations-of-antitrust-law football?!

Jul 27, 2011

Best of Baron von Funny: June-July 2010

From Mel Gibson to the Russian Spies to the vuvuzela (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

Statis Pro Baseball: An Instruction Manual

Jul 21, 2011

Texas Forever

Jul 20, 2011

The NFL star and the brain injuries that destroyed him

Jul 14, 2011

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Couldn't Lose

Jun 27, 2011

Frank McCourt Must Go

Jun 17, 2011

Father's Day

Jun 16, 2011

So, Cricket? Maybe?

The Age of Too Much Information

Jun 9, 2011

Three-Man Weave

Jun 3, 2011

Other Reasons People Hate the Miami Heat

They're not booing; they're saying "South Booeach".

Jun 2, 2011

Can Bill Simmons Win the Big One?

May 18, 2011

Best of Baron von Funny: April-May 2010

From the BP disaster to the NASCAR Hall of Fame to the season finale of Lost (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

May 17, 2011

Grace and humility defined the great slugger Harmon Killebrew

May 12, 2011

Perkins Criticizes Thunder After Win

May 10, 2011

Phil's Last Game

May 9, 2011

Duerson Found to Have the Brain Trauma He Suspected

Apr 29, 2011

After "Black Friday," American Poker Faces Cloudy Future

Apr 28, 2011

The Joy of Stats

Apr 27, 2011

Daughters and Roller Skates

Apr 14, 2011

All He Wanted: Chris Kanyon's Doomed Quest To Be Wrestling's First Openly Gay Star

Apr 7, 2011

I've Seen Every Woody Allen Movie (Here's What I Learned)

Mar 31, 2011

An Interview With UZR

Mar 30, 2011

Best of Baron von Funny: February-March 2010

From the Winter Olympics to Joe Biden to the Toyota recall (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

Mar 24, 2011

The White Sox Fan-Fueled Unis

The Biggest Winner

Mar 23, 2011

Words Of Advice For Rhett Bollinger, The New Twins Beat Writer

Mar 17, 2011

Three Famous Alums From All 68 NCAA Tournament Teams

Mar 14, 2011

For the love of Bryce Harper: Get ready, Washington. You're about to fall head over heels for the Nationals' newest star.

Mar 10, 2011

The Devil In Tampa: Remembering The Penny-Pinching, Snack-Policing, Nut-Cutting Days Of Vince Naimoli

Mar 7, 2011

Trading Liriano Would Not Be Rational, But the Twins May Still Do It

Mar 3, 2011

Jason Sklar on "Cheap Seats'" Legacy

Feb 10, 2011

Ferris Bueller's Day Off at Wrigley Field

Feb 9, 2011

Best of Baron von Funny: December 2009-January 2010

From Tiger Woods to Avatar to the NBC late night fiasco (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

Feb 4, 2011

Mickey Mantle's outstanding experience at Yankee Stadium

Jan 26, 2011

Sabermetrician in Exile

Jan 20, 2011

59 Famous People Who Died Before Age 40

Jan 10, 2011

So Crazy, It Just Might Work

Jan 7, 2011

Memorable Moments from 2010 That May Not Have Actually Happened

It was the best of fictitious times, it was the worst of fictitious times.

Jan 6, 2011

The Hall of Fame Recap

Dec 30, 2010

Quotes of the Year 2010

Dec 29, 2010

50 Amazing Facts for Our 50th Issue

Dec 27, 2010

Michael Schur of Parks and Rec on Why Joe Morgan Was So Frustrating

Dec 15, 2010

It's a Wonderful Favre

Once published on the NFL.com's long-gone Blog Blitz website, now published here

Lee Does the Unthinkable, Spurns Yankees

Dec 3, 2010

Additional Contract Demands Being Made by Derek Jeter

Because you can't spell "Pay Derek Jeter good" without "Ode to a greedy jerk."

Dec 2, 2010

The Color Purple

Dec 1, 2010

Best of Baron von Funny: October-November 2009

From the Balloon Boy to distracted driving to the Sarah Palin memoir (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

Nov 25, 2010

Holy Trilogy of The Karate Kid

The 9 Manliest Names in the World

To the Giant Among Us

Norm Macdonald's Big Gamble

Nov 18, 2010

Tuesday Morning Quarterback

Nov 15, 2010

Sweet Action: 8 Big Bets Made by Famous People

Nov 12, 2010

Yankees Try to Calculate the Value of Derek Jeter's Legacy

Oct 28, 2010

"Friday Night Lights": The 10 Most Emotional Moments

Oct 14, 2010

The Case of the Accidental Tweeter

Oct 13, 2010

It Happens

Oct 11, 2010

Bad Calls in Baseball

Oct 6, 2010

Sniffing .300, Hitters Hunker Down on Last Chances

Sep 29, 2010

In Bing Crosby's Wine Cellar, Vintage Baseball

Sep 27, 2010

Prospectus Q&A: Ken Burns

Sep 22, 2010

Best of Baron von Funny: August-September 2009

From Kanye West to swine flu to the Chevy Volt (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

Still Going Strong

The Strange Case of Troy Tulowitzki

Sep 15, 2010

Life, Liberty, and Breaking the Rules

Managers as Players

Sep 13, 2010

Why Pete Rose's Record Will Stand

Sep 10, 2010

The King Of The Ferret Leggers

Sep 9, 2010

Fans' Guide to NFL Labor Battle

Sep 8, 2010

Letter to a 43rd-Round Draft Pick

Sep 2, 2010

The Best Job Ever – My One-Figure Deal With the Minnesota Twins

Sep 1, 2010

Want to save arms from blowing out? Don't put them in, coach

Aug 31, 2010

Why Randy Quaid Is Better Than The Indianapolis Colts: An Analysis

Aug 27, 2010

Surprising Stipulations Found in the Tiger Woods Divorce Settlement

Luckily, there's enough green jackets for everyone in the family.

Aug 25, 2010

The Pain of Pitching

Aug 19, 2010

The 100 Greatest Sports Movie Quotes

Aug 17, 2010

The Franchise

Aug 16, 2010

The Anti-Mustache All-Stars, or What Hath Thou Wrought, Carl Pavano?

Aug 9, 2010

Oakland Goes Hollywood with Brad Pitt's Moneyball Production

Aug 6, 2010

Reasons Brett Favre is Being So Indecisive

You can't spell "Favre indecision" without "divine fiasco." (You also can't spell it without "fine vino sidecar," but that's just silly.)

Aug 4, 2010

12 Star-Powered College Roommates

Jul 29, 2010

A Perfect Game: The Metaphysical Meaning of Baseball

Jul 28, 2010

Ladies and Gentlemen, the Bronx is Boring

Jul 19, 2010

Mariano Rivera, King of the Closers

Jul 14, 2010

A Boss Made for the Big City

Jun 30, 2010

Sixty Years in Dodgers' Booth, and Scully Is Still in Awe

Jun 24, 2010

Time To Start Believing, U.S. Fans

Jun 23, 2010

Yankees' Long-Forgotten Mascot

Jun 18, 2010

Other Uses for the Vuvuzela

Why should soccer fans be the only ones to enjoy teeth-grinding aggravation and temporary hearing loss?

Jun 17, 2010

The Day Moneyball Died

Jun 15, 2010

Why Americans Just Won't Buy Into Soccer

Like with most things, I'm naturally inclined to blame Clinton and hippies. But in this instance, try as I might, I couldn't find a way to blame Clinton.

Jun 14, 2010

The Last Expo

Jun 11, 2010

Real Reasons the ESPN Zone Restaurant Chain Failed

They flew too close to the sun on wings of buffalo.

NCAA hits USC with severe penalties

Jun 10, 2010

"Friday Night Lights:" An Emmy-Worthy Episode

Jun 3, 2010

Armando Galarraga And Jim Joyce: Victims Of Baseball's Imperfections

May 27, 2010

Jedi Knight of Hoops

May 26, 2010

From Big Leagues, Hints at Sibling Behavior

Interleague play unnecessarily tips the scales in the pennant races

May 25, 2010

What the Supreme Court's antitrust ruling means to the NFL

May 19, 2010

Willie Banks: Returning to baseball saved my life

May 14, 2010

Lesser-Known Features of the New NASCAR Hall of Fame

Celebrating 62 years of ancillary carbon monoxide poisoning!

May 13, 2010

Moyer's Career Longevity Is One For the Ages

May 12, 2010

My Favorite Actor

May 10, 2010

Why an essential part of the game's romance is in decline

May 6, 2010

Statues Honor Minnesota Twins Greats

May 5, 2010

The Best Show On TV

I suspect that "Friday Night Lights" will hold this title until it goes off the air for good. There's really nothing "Modern Family" or anybody else can do, which is a bit of a shame, but "Friday Night Lights" is just so damn good.

Apr 30, 2010

Gareth Thomas... The Only Openly Gay Male Athlete

Apr 26, 2010

Stealing Third All the Rage Nowadays

Apr 22, 2010

Welcome To the Mock Draft

Apr 16, 2010

The Tea Leaves of Sports Talk: Finding Meaning in Random Sequences

Apr 14, 2010

If They Build It, You Will Pay

Apr 13, 2010

Twins New Playground a Minnesota State Fair

Apr 12, 2010

How Good Was the Springfield Power Plant Team?

Finally Joining the Revolution

Apr 8, 2010

Expansion of NCAA Tournament to 96 Teams Assures Butler Will Be Big Dance's Final Cinderella

Apr 7, 2010

The Rainy Season

Apr 5, 2010

Baseball Gets Defensive

Apr 2, 2010

Signs That the Pittsburgh Pirates and Their Fans Have Given Up Hope

Celebrating nearly 20 years of making the Kansas City Royals and their fans feel better about themselves.

Apr 1, 2010

The Curious Case of Sidd Finch

Mar 31, 2010

All Aboard the Butler Bandwagon

Mar 25, 2010

As Good As It Gets

Mar 24, 2010

Best of Baron von Funny: February-March 2009

From March Madness to unwanted Barbie dolls to Christian Bale's profane tirade (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

Mar 22, 2010

Unplayed Music

Mar 18, 2010

Stages of NCAA Tourney Bracket Grief

Mar 15, 2010

Searching for the History of the Batting Helmet

Mar 10, 2010

Cheating and CHEATING

Mar 4, 2010

Thabeet Seeks Boost From D-League Stay

Mar 3, 2010

The Dish: A Report on Pitchers by a Catcher to the Stars

Feb 26, 2010

New Slogans for ESPN

Honestly, they were just grabbing a gummi Venus de Milo that got stuck to that girl's pants!

Feb 25, 2010

Crystal Mangum's Return to Court

Feb 24, 2010

Building a Better Broadcast

Feb 19, 2010

Rejected Winter Olympics Events

Not surprising coming from the people that shot down Skijöring back in 1928.

Feb 18, 2010

Dowdy Image Swept Away as Curling Celebrates the Rock of All Ages

Feb 17, 2010

Frank Thomas

Feb 16, 2010

The Olympics Sap-o-Meter

Feb 8, 2010

The Replacements, Still Replaced in Video Games

Wrong

Feb 4, 2010

Readers Respond, Part I

Readers Respond, Part II

Feb 3, 2010

Baseball's Best Statues, by Ballpark

Jan 29, 2010

Football Games Have 11 Minutes of Action

Jan 27, 2010

The Sixth Stage

Jan 20, 2010

SportsCenter

Jan 13, 2010

Best of Baron von Funny: December 2008-January 2009

From Rod Blagojevich to unpopular holiday stories to the auto bailout (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

Jan 8, 2010

Memorable Moments from 2009 That May Not Have Actually Happened

Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to make a bunch of shit up.

Jan 5, 2010

Best & Worst Case Scenarios of Every NFC Playoff Team

Dec 30, 2009

Sport's First Gay Superstar

Dec 23, 2009

After Further Review

Dec 21, 2009

My 20 Years at ESPN

Dec 20, 2009

NFL 2009, Week 15

Just the picks. Very busy.

Dec 14, 2009

Favre Being Favre

Dec 11, 2009

NFL 2009, Week 14

Everyone had a bad Week 13 picking games, apparently. Not just me.

Baseball's War Against Hamburgers

Dec 10, 2009

Time Machine: Vikings vs. Bengals, December 25, 1989

Chaos In Tigerland: A Deadspin Investigation Into The Sexual Habits Of Pro Athletes

Dec 6, 2009

NFL 2009, Week 13

Well, it's not really a proper picks column, per se, but I wanted to make sure to get my picks in for the record, at least.

Dec 5, 2009

Time To Tempt the Sports Gods

Dec 4, 2009

Additional Accusations Being Made Against Tiger Woods

Looks like somebody's sliced one deep into the rough.

Bust Up Big League Sports

Dec 2, 2009

One and Done (with updates)

Dec 1, 2009

L.A. Clippers Announcers Meet With Iranian Player They "Insulted"

Nov 30, 2009

Monday Morning Quarterback

Nov 26, 2009

NFL 2009, Week 12 - Part One

A quick picks column for the three Thanksgiving Day games.

Nov 25, 2009

Covering Teen Wolf: One Coach's Guide

Nov 23, 2009

Bill Simmons, Establishment

The Lessons of the Cy Young Awards

Nov 20, 2009

NFL 2009, Week 11

The bye weeks are done. Everybody's playing. Life is as it should be.

Nov 19, 2009

Greinke's Cy Young Award Is a Victory Over the Victory

Nov 18, 2009

Best of Baron von Funny: October-November 2008

From the presidential election to the explosion of the iPhone to the futility of the Detroit Lions (and more!), enjoy some of our favorite jokes from one year ago.

Nov 16, 2009

Why Belichick Made Right Decision

Did Bill Belichick Make Correct Decision?

Nov 13, 2009

NFL 2009, Week 10

I could have won money on the NFL last weekend, but I voluntarily chose not to. Details inside...

Penalty! Unnecessary Blandness!

Nov 12, 2009

The Yankees Payroll

Nov 6, 2009

NFL 2009, Week 9

Bad week last week. Good week this week? One week, two week, red week, blue week! (Sorry; I haven't been getting much sleep...)

Nov 4, 2009

Pitching in New York: Not for Sissies

Nov 2, 2009

Monday Morning Quarterback

Why is Pedro Martinez Smiling?

Oct 31, 2009

NFL 2009, Week 8

Happy Halloween, everyone, and Happy Week 8 of the NFL Season!

Oct 30, 2009

Fans Tell of Boos and Blues

Oct 29, 2009

Time Machine: Vikings at Packers, Dec. 22, 1996

Top 10 Revenge Games in NFL History

Oct 28, 2009

Peter Berg and Kyle Chandler on the Restructuring of "Friday Night Lights"

Oct 26, 2009

What's Behind All the NFL Blowouts

Oct 23, 2009

NFL 2009, Week 7

Man, I thought of such a witty, insightful blurb for this space, but now I can't for the life of me remember what it was.

Oct 22, 2009

BCS Intelligence

"Eating the Dinosaur": Football

Oct 21, 2009

Usain Bolt Would Have Been Outrun By Our Ancestors, Claims Anthropologist

Football Coaches Do the Darndest Things (Like Stage Their Own Deaths)

Oct 19, 2009

23 Reasons Why a Profile of Pete Carroll Does Not Appear in This Space

Oct 16, 2009

NFL 2009, Week 6

Sometimes, don't you just kind of feel bad for people who don't like football?

Oct 14, 2009

Offensive Play

Oct 13, 2009

Does Baseball Need Umpires?

Oct 9, 2009

NFL 2009, Week 5

In which the handsomeness of AFC East quarterbacks does not go unremarked upon.

Oct 8, 2009

My Conversations With a Gay Pro Athlete

Oct 7, 2009

Twins, Tigers Save the Best for Last

Riding the Metrodome

Oct 6, 2009

In Beep Ball, Umpires Aren't Blind, But the Players Are

Oct 5, 2009

The Metrodome: A Thin Line Between Love and Hate

A New Style of Sports Films

Welcome to the NFL Power Poll

Oct 2, 2009

NFL 2009, Week 4

10-6 last week... let's keep it up. Let's creep steadily toward non-mediocrity.

Oct 1, 2009

The BCS: Asleep At the Switch

Sep 28, 2009

Vikings Get Their First Good Taste of Brett Favre's Legend

I Got to Roll Out the Tarp, But...

Sep 25, 2009

NFL 2009, Week 3

Hope you like limericks. This week, it's nothing but limericks.

Game Brain

Sep 24, 2009

"Friday Night Lights": Why Aren't You Watching the Best Show on Television?

Sep 21, 2009

The Trouble with Tim Tebow

Sep 18, 2009

NFL 2009, Week 2

And we're off to a .500 start...

A Free Country

Sep 17, 2009

Ernie Harwell's Farewell Comes Amid Tears, Cheers Of Fans

Sep 16, 2009

Tuesday Morning Quarterback

Sep 14, 2009

Football's Subversive Side

Sep 11, 2009

NFL 2009 - Week 1

Are you ready for some [guy's picks column about] footbaaaaaaaaall?

Sep 10, 2009

A Stream of Football Consciousness

Sep 7, 2009

Sucker Punch Hall of Fame

Sep 4, 2009

Vintage Vegas, Part II

Sep 3, 2009

You're Never Too Old For Vegas

The Sports World Without the Internet?

Sep 2, 2009

What's a High Ankle Sprain?

Aug 31, 2009

The Worst Of the Virtually Unstoppable

Whatever Happened to Nomar Garciaparra?

Aug 27, 2009

Mike's Top Ten TV Shows of the 2008-2009 Season

Time to lay the hammer down, bitches!

Here Are Six Ways To Improve the NFL

Aug 26, 2009

Torii Hunter's Personal Miracle

Aug 24, 2009

Monday Morning Quarterback

Mariners' Suzuki on a First-Name Basis With Records

Aug 21, 2009

Additional Perks the Vikings Used to Lure Brett Favre Out of Retirement

You know, besides the prestige that comes with joining an organization that has lost four Super Bowls.

A Modest Proposal for Improving Football

Aug 20, 2009

Favre Impresses Receivers With Zip On Passes

Aug 19, 2009

I Couldn't Be More Excited About Brett Favre

Some fellow Vikings fans aren't as excited as I am about Brett Favre coming to town. I try to explain to them why they're wrong.

Baryshnikov in Baseball Cleats

Favre Officially Vilified In Green Bay

Aug 17, 2009

Nats Make Pitch To Strasburg, and It's Time To Swing a Deal

Yang Gives Galleries Heart, Bit of History

Aug 13, 2009

The Forgotten

Face Of the NFL Is Gone: An Ode To the Single-Bar

Aug 10, 2009

Monday Morning Quarterback

Aug 6, 2009

Legalized Sports Betting is Inevitable

Jul 28, 2009

The Revolutionary

Jul 27, 2009

A "Band-Aid" For the NBA Offseason, Part One

Baseball's Haul of Fame

Jul 22, 2009

When It's Time to Walk Away

Prof. Builds Game's Most Influential Website: baseball-reference.com

Jul 20, 2009

In a Moment, Belief Disappeared For Watson and His Fans

The Rickey Show

Jul 17, 2009

While Recovering, Rockies' Francis Revels in Physics of Pitching

Jul 16, 2009

As American As... Cricket

Jul 15, 2009

The Joe You Don't Know

Jul 13, 2009

Sanchez's Dad, Righetti Savor No-Hitter

More Than Just a Celebration Of a Network

Jul 8, 2009

Explaining All the Injuries

Jul 6, 2009

Federer, Woods Are Two-of-a-Kind In Best-Ever Debate

Death By Cheese and the Dreaded Ruptured Stomach

Jun 30, 2009

You Call That a Strike?!

Jun 26, 2009

Welcome to NBA Draft Diary XIII

Jun 25, 2009

Open Letter to Blake Griffin

Jun 24, 2009

Giving Don Fehr His Due

Jun 22, 2009

Pursuit of Grand Slam Mark Not the Same For Roger Federer Without Rafael Nadal

Jun 18, 2009

Strokes of Genius

Jun 17, 2009

Talkin' Pitch Counts and Nolan Ryan's Crusade

Jun 15, 2009

Baseball's LeBron

Jun 12, 2009

Studying the Finals

Jun 8, 2009

The PoopReading.com Baseball Movie Draft

Really, not to toot our own horn here, but if you like baseball, and you like movies, then I don't know why on earth you wouldn't want to read this.

Jun 5, 2009

Less Prestigious 300 Clubs

Sometimes membership does not have its privileges.

Jun 4, 2009

Letters of the Rich and Famous

Jun 3, 2009

Randy, the Babe Ruth of Beanballs

Jun 1, 2009

The Greatest Game Ever Pitched

Heaven, Hell, and the Ultimate Baseball Road Trip

May 29, 2009

Great sports any way you spell it

May 25, 2009

Another Side of Kerouac: The Dharma Bum as Sports Nut

May 22, 2009

The Ten Biggest Non-Sports Upsets of the Last 25 (or so) Years, Part I

Jesse "The Body" Ventura over real gubernatorial candidates, "American Idol's" Kris Allen over everyone else, VHS over Beta, and more...

2008 NFL Movie Character Mock Draft

May 18, 2009

Twins Built on High-Character Players

May 14, 2009

Gladwell-Simmons II: Ultimate Rematch

Gladwell-Simmons II: Part 2

Gladwell-Simmons II: Part 3

May 13, 2009

Evil and Boras

Moneyball the Movie: Ex-Players, Coaches Taking a Hack at Acting

May 11, 2009

Jonathan Papelbon Grinds His Teeth

May 8, 2009

The Weekly Log, 5/8/09

Lots of stuff to cover this week, folks. We've got sports, we've got TV; well... mostly just sports and a little bit of TV.

Confronting My Worst Nightmare

May 7, 2009

ESPN.com's Bill Simmons, Your Next Wolves GM?

Do NBA Players Try Harder In the Playoffs?

May 6, 2009

No Tipping, Please

How David Beats Goliath

May 4, 2009

An Appreciation of Jack Kemp

OK, Remaining Favre Fans: Now Can We Talk?

May 1, 2009

The Weekly Log, 5/1/09

My descent into Facebook madness continues unabated...

Apr 30, 2009

Fouls, Flops, Fiascoes... But Not Flagrant

Apr 29, 2009

Yankee Stadium and the Power of Sports Monopolies

Apr 28, 2009

TMQ Breaks Down the NFL Draft

Apr 27, 2009

Monday Morning Quarterback

Apr 24, 2009

The Weekly Log, 4/24/09

Gay marriage, Kent Hrbek, and "Chuck."

(this blurb should not be taken to mean that Kent Hrbek is getting gay married to a guy named Chuck. I mean, I haven't specifically heard that he isn't, but, in this particular case, I think we can take the absence of any evidence that he is to mean that he is not)

Apr 23, 2009

The Sound of Musing

Apr 22, 2009

Don't Joe Morgan the Moneyball Movie

Apr 21, 2009

The NFL Draft Must Be Mocked

The Pac-Man Dossier

Apr 20, 2009

Starting with Logo, Lions on New Mission

Apr 17, 2009

An Interview With Michael Schur

Apr 16, 2009

An MVP Race For the Ages

A Threat In Title IX

A Team That Chose Principles Over Gold Medals

Apr 15, 2009

Todd Marinovich: The Man Who Never Was

For All His Oddities, Fidrych Was an Overgrown Kid Living the Dream

Apr 13, 2009

Olympian Political Correctness

Baseball's Judicial Branch

Apr 10, 2009

The Weekly Log, 4/10/09

I whine about an obscure baseball urban legend and recommend a show on DVD.

Apr 9, 2009

Technology's Gutterball – New Gear Makes Bowling Too Easy

Apr 8, 2009

What Do You Think of Ted Williams Now?

Apr 7, 2009

When Ninjas Meet Golf, God Save Tiger Woods

Apr 6, 2009

Baseball's Next Top Models

Apr 2, 2009

Is Chicago's Star Falling?

The Last Sports Reporter

Apr 1, 2009

The Curious Case of Sidd Finch

Mar 30, 2009

To The Giant Among Us

7 Ridiculous Products Licensed by Major League Baseball

Mar 27, 2009

The Weekly Log, 3/27/09

A sports team with stupid uniforms finally suffers real consequences; plus, trifling thoughts on "American Idol" and "Dollhouse."

Mar 26, 2009

Newspapers Are Dying, and Baseball Fans are Suffering

Strasburg Is On the All-Time Fastest Track

Mar 23, 2009

The Legend of Ken Mink

You Don't Need Stats to Know Greatness. Meryl Taught Me That.

Mar 20, 2009

Signs That You May Be Suffering From March Madness

Self-diagnosis in 25 easy steps. Remember, doctors say early detection is the key.

Mar 18, 2009

My 2009 Bracket, Part Two

In which you find out who I pick to win it all. And I know the suspense has been killing you.

Home

Mar 17, 2009

My 2009 Bracket, Part One

This'll get us to the Sweet Sixteen; tomorrow I'll take us the rest of the way.

Mar 13, 2009

Chien-Ming Wang Headlines That Less Mature Sports Editors Could Try to Run During Spring Training 2009

Levels of sexual innuendo not seen since the heyday of Minnesota Twins outfielder Randy Bush.

Mar 12, 2009

Honkballing Dutch Deliver KO Blow For the Ages

Mar 11, 2009

What Tim Geithner Can Learn From Baseball

Mar 10, 2009

The All-Time Baseball Movie Team

Mar 4, 2009

The Year NBA Teams Quit Early

Mar 3, 2009

"Did Babe Ruth Take Asteroids?"

A little kid's question at the Baseball Hall of Fame prompts a father to conclude that the job of the Hall of Fame voter is not the same as the job of a dad.

Melting Pot of Melodrama Enthralls French Nightly

Feb 27, 2009

How Baseball Ruined the Baseball Movie

Strikes and scandals haven't just hurt the game; they've hurt the moviegoing public.

Appreciating Carlos Delgado, the Lost Slugger of the Steroid Era

Feb 26, 2009

The Voice of Tony Siragusa

Family commitments have kept me from writing anything new the last day or two, but I figured I'd put up this oldie but goodie. Not to be immodest, but it might be my favorite thing I've ever written.

Going Battier

Feb 25, 2009

The Mount Rushmores of the AL

The Mount Rushmores of the NL

Jordan's Effort a Marvel 15 Years Later

Feb 24, 2009

Five Bold Predictions For 2009

Feb 20, 2009

*For the Records

Feb 19, 2009

Welcome Back, Junior

Feb 18, 2009

Steroid Symphony

Feb 17, 2009

The No-Stats All-Star

Feb 16, 2009

8 Players Banned From Baseball Not Named Pete Rose

Feb 13, 2009

Additional Past Transgressions Alex Rodriguez Admitted to This Week

The truths finally come out.

The Weekly Log, 2/13/09

If Alex Rodriguez is the most hated man in sports right now, hockey player Bryan Little of the Atlanta Thrashers should be the most beloved.

Baseball Pitches Illustrated

Buzz, Bob, Projectile Spittle and Me

Feb 12, 2009

NBA Trade Value Rankings

Feb 11, 2009

Ranking the Super Bowls, Part Three

Finally – and definitively – all-time great Super Bowl #17 through all-time great Super Bowl #1. And I don't want to hear any arguments out of any of you.

Understanding A-Rod

Feb 9, 2009

Ranking the Super Bowls, Part Two

In which I take you on a magical journey from the 27th-best Super Bowl ever all the way to... the 18th-best Super Bowl ever. Don't worry; the good ones are coming soon.

Alex Rodriguez, Fallen Hero?

Worst Contracts in MLB History

Feb 5, 2009

8 Successful People Grateful They Got Canned

Feb 4, 2009

Ranking the Super Bowls, Part One

Some say the Steelers-Cardinals Super Bowl was the greatest ever played. Spoiler alert: it wasn't. You'll have to wait until later in the week to find out what was; for now, though, read about all-time-best Super Bowl #43 through all-time-best Super Bowl #28. Why #28? Because that's when I got tired.

Feb 3, 2009

Tuesday Morning Quarterback

Feb 2, 2009

Monday Morning Quarterback

The Hardest Job in Football

Jan 30, 2009

Other Revelations in Joe Torre's Upcoming Book The Yankee Years

Which is not to be confused with the best-selling male adolescent sex guide, The Yanking Years.

NFL 2008 - Super Bowl XLIII

Come on, Steelers. You've got to win. For anything to make any kind of sense, ever again, you've just got to.

Jan 28, 2009

Basketball Teams That Wear Long Pants? They're Out There

Jan 27, 2009

You Got Served

Tuesday Morning Quarterback

Jan 26, 2009

Monday Morning Quarterback

Jan 22, 2009

The Cardinal Curse

Jan 21, 2009

New MLB Rules Cause Maple Bat Flap

Jan 19, 2009

Top Ten Worst Super Bowl Teams

Jan 16, 2009

NFL 2008 - Conference Championships

Pretty much everyone went 1-3 last week; I went 2-2. So, at least that's something. Plus, I single-handedly fix the NFL's overtime problem.

Winless, But Not Witless...

Jan 13, 2009

Tuesday Morning Quarterback

Ignorance is Not a Sportswriting Skill

Jan 12, 2009

40 For Cooperstown

Let Freedom Ring: Busting the Myth of the Salary Cap

Jan 9, 2009

Better Ways to Pick a College Football Champion

Anything's better than the system they have now. Am I right, ladies?

NFL 2008 - Divisional Playoffs

This is the week we turn it around. I feel good about things. I mean, if I can go 0-4 last week, I can just as easily go 4-0 this week. I mean, you'd think so, right?

Jan 8, 2009

Putting an End to the Lebron-to-NYC Drama

Jan 7, 2009

No Wonder Don Larsen Was Perfect

When Life is Just a Bowl of Freebies

Apples for a Nickel, and Plenty of Empty Seats

Jan 6, 2009

Where Do the Lions Go From Here?

What can the Detroit Lions learn from eight other NFL teams that have suffered through disastrous seasons? Plenty.

Jan 2, 2009

NFL 2008 - Wild Card Playoffs

I would have sworn that it was "on a pile of money with many beautiful women," but, I looked it up and Brandon had it right. I shouldn't have doubted him. Anyway, here's some crap about football.

Ravens' Pryce is a Screenwriter

Dec 29, 2008

Monday Morning Quarterback

Dec 26, 2008

Memorable Moments from 2008 That May Not Have Actually Happened

Hindsight isn't always 20/20.

NFL 2008 - Week 17

Merry Christmas and Happy Inevitable Late-Season, Playoff-Missing Collapse, Vikings Fans!

Dec 24, 2008

Prospectus Today: A Holiday Surprise

Will Sabathia Have the Most Pinstripes in Yankee History?

Dec 22, 2008

"How I Met Your Mother" Recap: "Little Minnesota"

Dec 19, 2008

NFL 2008 - Week 16

If you don't want to hear from a pessimistic Vikings fan who can imagine several nightmare scenarios whereby his team misses the playoffs... then don't read this. Otherwise, enjoy!

What Your Favorite Teams Were Almost Called

Dec 18, 2008

The Worst Teams in Sports History

Dec 17, 2008

Mickey Rourke Could've Been a Contender

How Bud Selig and Baseball Survived the Mitchell Report

Dec 16, 2008

Are you Ready for some (Political) Football?

Mmmmm, football good. Politics bad.

Gentlemen, Stop Your Engines

Dec 15, 2008

Monday Morning Quarterback

Dec 12, 2008

NFL 2008 - Week 15

Two winning weeks in a row, everybody. The force is strong with this one. Read on...

NFL Gifts That Keep On Giving

Dec 11, 2008

Most Likely to Succeed

Dec 10, 2008

Billy Ripken Obscenity Bat: He Finally Talks 20 Years Later

Dec 9, 2008

15 Recent Sports Films That Prove Why Hollywood's Most Clichéd Genre Needs to Die

Interview: The Sklar Brothers

Dec 8, 2008

Monday Morning Quarterback

Dec 5, 2008

NFL 2008 - Week 14

Finally, a winning week last week, folks. Can't nothing stop us now!

Rambling Toward Week 14

Behind the Bets: Why An Uninformed Grandmother's Picks Will Always Be Better Than Yours

Dec 4, 2008

191 Hits

A Bill James assertion about baseball and character leads to a rogues gallery of dirty rotten scoundrels.

Dec 2, 2008

World Series of Poker Coverage, from the Pro's Perspective

Dec 1, 2008

Monday Morning Quarterback

Nov 28, 2008

Other Missteps That Will Result in a Lifetime Ban for "Pacman" Jones

Just in case his lawyer hasn't done a very good job of reading the fine print.

Gazing Into the Crystal Football

Nov 26, 2008

NFL 2008 - Week 13

I didn't have a losing week last week, folks! Everything's coming up Mulder!

Why Mussina Belongs in the Hall

Nov 21, 2008

NFL 2008 - Week 12

Included herein: several paragraphs of boring commentary about NFL officiating, followed by 32 Zooperstars. What are Zooperstars, you ask? Well, you're in for a treat...

Fire Joe Morgan: The Exit Interview

Nov 20, 2008

Howling Ethical Malfeasance

A farewell homage to the boys over at firejoemorgan.com.

Nov 14, 2008

New Slogans for the Detroit Lions

Because making the team better doesn't really seem to be an option.

NFL 2008 - Week 11

This is the week. I can feel it, guys; my picks are good. My picks are solid. This is the week.

Nov 13, 2008

How Herb Score Changed My Life

Sports Czar is Fired Up, Ready To Go

Nov 11, 2008

Obama Victory Raises Social Significance of Basketball

Nov 10, 2008

Fourteen Reasons To Become a Professional Foosball Player

Monday Morning Quarterback

Nov 7, 2008

NFL 2008 - Week 10

I pretty much mailed it in this week, folks. I'm not going to lie.

Powerful Glimpse Into the Future

Nov 6, 2008

Zero and Counting

Nov 5, 2008

On the Wrong Foot

Nov 3, 2008

Were the 2008 Playoffs a Dud?

Oct 31, 2008

NFL 2008 - Week 9

Everyone should vote... to read my NFL picks column! (Get it? 'Cause... the election?)

Oct 28, 2008

The NBA Finally Has Its Curves Back

Oct 24, 2008

Other Promotions Being Offered During the 2008 World Series

Because there's nothing Americans love more than earning free stuff without having to do anything for it.

NFL 2008 - Week 8

I haven't had a winning week in a while; that means I'm due, right?

Um... right?

Honestly One of the Weirdest Things I Have Ever Read

The King of All Fantasy Previews

Oct 22, 2008

More Reasons I Love Sports

Oct 20, 2008

Monday Morning Quarterback

Oct 19, 2008

It's the Thinking Man's Game, Stupid

Oct 17, 2008

NFL 2008 - Week 7

I feel really good about this weeks picks, you guys. Of course, I wouldn't tell you if I didn't...

The Red Sox Make It To Midnight

Oct 15, 2008

A Brief History of the Phrase "Manny Being Manny"

NBA Fantasy

Oct 14, 2008

Tuesday Morning Quarterback

Oct 13, 2008

Monday Morning Quarterback

Oct 10, 2008

NFL 2008 - Week 6

Because my guess is as good as yours.

The Mailbag Returns After a Long Summer Nap

Oct 8, 2008

Founding Father

Oct 7, 2008

Tuesday Morning Quarterback

Oct 6, 2008

Monday Morning Quarterback

Oct 5, 2008

NFL 2008 - Week 5, addendum

Falcons @ PACKERS -5.5

Oct 2, 2008

NFL 2008 - Week 5

I always say that you don't really know anything until Week 5. Well, it's Week 5... and I'm still confused.

Sep 4, 2008

NFL 2008 - Week 1

And we're off and running with another season of the NFL and, perhaps even more importantly, another season of my NFL picks column!

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