May 18, 2018

—Police asking too many questions about why Brad and Sean haven't written for awhile. (Mike)

—Turns out there is an actual Baron von Funny in Slovenia, and he's pretty litigious. (Jameson)

—Everyone but Joe has been dead for the last three years. (Sean)

—Cease-and-desist letter from the estate of Coretta Scott King. (Brandon)

—Realized we’d reach more people with these lists if we just shouted them out the window. (Joe M.)

—It became a little TOO funny. (Dan)

—Got purchased by the Trump Organization and inevitably went bankrupt within two weeks. (Joe W.)

—Too hard to write jokes with bifocals. (Tenessa)

—Jay Leno is getting revenge for years of derogatory jokes against him by killing off BvF contributors one by one. (Matt)

—I can't say for certain, but I'm pretty sure it rhymes with Tussian Rampering. (Brad)

—Baron von Chickenpants filed a copyright violation lawsuit. (Mike)

—Mike won’t stop pronouncing it “Baron von foo-NAY”. (Jameson)

—Gearing up for the last seaon of Game of Thrones. Cersei is going down!! (Sean)

—After seeing what happened with Brooklyn Nine-Nine, we can only assume this will lead to us getting picked up by NBC. (Brandon)

—From the beginning we promised to only ever put out one list that Tom Wolfe wouldn't have the chance to read. (Joe M.)

—To make room for the prequel, Better Call Baron von Funny. (Dan)

—Refocusing all our creative efforts into our Seeso pilot. (Joe W.)

—The diverse writer’s room of a bunch of white guys and one white woman is in high demand in Trump’s America. (Tenessa)

—Wanted to last for as many years as The Simpsons was funny. (Mike)

—Too many Joes. (Jameson)

—Not enough Kruses. (Brandon)

—Being replaced by Facebook Algorithm joke machine that also steals your identity. (Mike)

—The whole Yanny/Laurel thing has irreparably damaged every single friendship that led to our decade-long collaboration. (Joe M.)

—Brandon is taking is "talent" (shooting his ejaculate into a spittoon) to Miami. (Matt)

—Kim Jong Un demanded it as a condition to meet with Trump. (Mike)

—The webmaster sold our domain to an oddly-named rodeo clown. (Sean)

—The end was predicted in Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard. (Dan)

—Positioning ourselves for a Netflix reboot in 2024. (Mike)

—To spend more time with our families, or at least watching stepsister porn. (Joe W.)

—The speedball of horse steroids and cocaine that enabled Matt to maintain his 50-joke-per-week pace has taken its toll on him, and most days he just sits around drooling and shitting his pants. (Brad)

—Once Brandon suggested a very special episode about drug addiction, we knew it was time to pull the plug. (Tenessa)

—The last 52 lists were products of colluding with Russia. (Mike)

—It’s time to clear our schedules for 24/7 Royal Wedding gossip. (Jameson)

—Nike realized that sponsoring the BvF and creating signature shoes for a bunch of sad sacks had only yielded $11 of revenue. (Matt)

—The Baron is finally returning to Earth on May 19th, so it’s time for each of us to take the pill of ultimate knowledge, lay down and close our eyes, and await his glorious arrival! (Brandon)

—Pistol Pete Maravich only played ten years. What, we think we’re better than Pistol Pete Maravich all of a sudden? (Joe M.)

—It was just a ploy to get me to start contributing again. (Sean)

—It was inevitable after I stopped submitting jokes six years ago. (Brad)

—Brandon wanted to prevent Mike from getting to 4,000 submitted jokes. Well, joke's on you, asshole! I'm Roberto Clemente-ing this mothefucker! (By which I mean ending with exactly 4,000 jokes and then dying on a flight to Puerto Rico.) (Mike)

—The moment we noticed the creativity was flagging and the jokes were becoming tired and predictable, we did some soul-searching and decided “Okay, five more years and then we pull the plug.” (Jameson)

—Honestly, Matt's highly offensive Shitter's Tits joke was the straw that broke the camel's back. (Matt)

—Bitter dispute about whether Denver Pyle was “TV’s main Uncle Jesse” and John Stamos was “TV’s other Uncle Jesse,” or the other way around. (Joe M.)

—New European privacy laws mean we can no longer harvest your personal information and sell it, which was the only thing keeping this enterprise profitable. (Jameson)

—When Baron von Funny: The Restaurant got shut down last year, everyone knew the end was coming. (Matt)

—All the contributors are being replaced by Russian bots you can earn $50k/year working from home! clckhl.co/3aqtcxH (Brandon)

—Brandon has finally run out of anagrams. (Jameson)

—Our kids are old enough to be embarrassed by all of this. (Mike)

—Our parents found out. (Jameson)

—It was still going? (Mike)

—It was all a dream. (Dan)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Sean Hecht, Brad Kruse, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner, Joe Wright

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