Poop Reading - Reasons the NFL and Papa John's Parted Ways

Reasons the NFL and Papa John's Parted Ways

—Roger Goodell got a bad batch of garlic sauce. (Joe W.)

—The Commissioner insisted that Schnatter always address him as Papa Goodall. (Matt)

—The pizza company's ongoing refusal to reciprocally name the NFL the official professional football league of Papa John's. (Brandon)

—The NFL already has plenty of rich white guys whining about what the players do, thank you very much. (Jameson)

—Papa John vehemently disagrees with Packers free safety HaHa Clinton-Dix regarding which side was most at fault during the late-20th-century Irish ethno-nationalist conflict commonly known as “The Troubles.” (Joe M.)

—Upon review, it was determined that Papa John's was going to the ground and failed to maintain control over the endorsement contract. (Joe W.)

—Papa John's insistence that interceptions returned for a touchdown be renamed a "Pick Tuscan Six Cheese". (Brandon)

—It's part of Schnatter's plea deal with the Mueller investigation. (Jameson)

—Based on what youngsters these days are actually into, Papa John's is trying to become the official pizza of “Hamilton.” (Joe M.)

—Players said they would only support a continuation of the deal if they were guaranteed that Papa John's would add a pepperoni-and-painkiller pizza to the menu for their post-game spread. (Matt)

—Some of the athletes really wanted in on Pizza Hut's "Book It!" reading program this year. (Jameson)

—Even Papa John's couldn't stomach the disappointment of the Vikings' NFC Championship loss. (Brandon)

—Schnatter doesn't beat his wife often enough to achieve the NFL minimum. (Jameson)

—Lonzo Ball and his batshit family are clearly the future of sports marketing, and Papa John wants to go all-in on them. (Joe M.)

—Ha! The joke's on Pizza Hut. There aren't any NFL games in March! (Jameson)

—A couple of times there, the NFL quietly tried to use a wadded-up Papa John's pizza as a football when they ran out of balls during a game. (Brandon)

—Someone from the NFL finally tasted a Papa John's pizza. (Joe W.)

—Due to a clerical error, the NFL technically had no official pizza from 2010-2018; Papa John's was listed as their official provider of pizzazz. (Jameson)

—It turns out that, at the end of the day, when it comes right down to it, for all intents and purposes, if we’re being honest with ourselves, after all is said and done, no one out-pizzas the Hut. (Joe M.)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Joe Wright

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Reasons the NFL and Papa John's Parted Ways