POOP READING
Oct 27, 2017

Taco Bell is once again doing their "Steal a Base, Steal a Taco" promotion during the Major League Baseball World Series, where if a player steals a base during a game, everyone wins a free Doritos Locos taco. The history of success of the campaign has spawned a legion of copycat promotions...

Other Promotions Being Offered During the 2017 World Series

—A lifetime supply of slightly expired tartar sauce from Arby's to any fan who catches a foul ball. (Jameson)

—Every time a Los Angeles baserunner scores, you can "score with Dodgers Superfan Tiger Woods" in the northwest concourse. (Mike)

—The day after there's a passed ball, Houston-area doctors are offering free testicular exams as part of their "Passed Balls for Passing Balls" awareness campaign. (Brandon)

—For every bomb Astros shortstop Carlos Correa hits, the U.S. will hit North Korea with a bomb. (Matt)

—The Container Store is offering a free box for all balks. (Joe W.)

—If any player hits for the cycle, America will rejoin the Paris Climate Accord. (Jameson)

—If Dodger second baseman Chase Utley homers, all nationwide Chase Bank locations will, oddly enough, also be giving away free Doritos Locos tacos. (Brandon)

—No word yet, but it's safe to assume Jimmy Totino's Legendary Automotive in Nyack, NY will not be repeating last year's "Steal a Base, Steal Seven Ferraris" promotion. (Jameson)

—Every time Fox shows Joe Buck's smarmy fucking face on camera, Best Buy will award 10% off all TVs to help defray some of the cost of replacing the one you just punched. (Brandon)

—If the Dodgers win the World Series, Cate's Critter Cuts in Santa Monica will shave you and your dog from head to tail for only $20.17! (Matt)

—If any player should happen to masturbate while standing in the batter's box, all Los Angeles-area Jack in the Box restaurants will leave a garbage bag full of old hamburger buns in their parking lot for anyone to take. (Brandon)

—"Take a Knee, Take a Fee" For each player who kneels during the national anthem, Bank of America customers will see a $4.95 surcharge withdrawn from their account. (Jameson)

—For every error by a first baseman, or E-3, the U.S. Army will draft a fan in attendance to serve as a private first class (pay grade E-3). (Brandon)

—Any time the home plate ump has to break up a mound visit, every fan in attendance receives a free Trojan-brand condom. Trojan: wrap it up! (Joe W.)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner, Joe Wright

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