Poop Reading - Ways to Celebrate a Touchdown That Are Still Banned Under the NFL's Revised Celebration Rules

Ways to Celebrate a Touchdown That Are Still Banned Under the NFL's Revised Celebration Rules

—Forming a human centipede. (Brandon)

—Kneeling down while playing a recording of the national anthem. (Jameson)

—Placing a bunch of footballs on the ground in a formation that, when viewed from above, resembles a depiction of the Prophet Muhammad. (Joe)

—Impregnating a woman, waiting nine months, and then delivering the baby in the end zone. (Matt)

—Grabbing a cheerleader by the pussy. (Mike)

—Taunting the family of the pig that was killed to make the football. (Dan)

—Making sweet love to a cardboard cutout of Roger Goodell. (Wait, that was the actual Roger Goodell??) (Brandon)

—Any use of a T-shirt cannon that has been modified to fire smallpox blankets. (Jameson)

—Giving a Grammy acceptance speech. (Matt)

—Reading aloud from The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn. (Brandon)

—Standing up tall and unfurling a scroll with the revised celebration rules on it, then reading them in a loud town crier voice. (Jameson)

—Fabled Green Bay Packers "Lambeau Leap" is allowed; controversial Chicago Bears "Soldier Field Splooge" is not. (Joe)

—Handing out a map of your electoral college victory. (Mike)

—Changing into a referee uniform and then flagging yourself for an excessive celebration penalty. (Brandon)

—Pulling out a phone and showing highlights from the World Series without the express written consent of Major League Baseball. (Matt)

—Grabbing a microphone and explaining the theory of evolution to the crowd (Kansas City Chiefs home games only). (Brandon)

—Taking the time to fax a taunt to the defensive player who failed to prevent you from scoring. (Jameson)

—Pretending to accept a congratulatory phone call from the President. (Brandon)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner