POOP READING
Nov 4, 2016

This week, the Chicago Cubs won the World Series for the first time since 1908, bringing joy to millions of long-suffering fans. But the Cubs aren't alone in their rarity...

Other Things That Have Only Happened Once in the Last 108 Years

—My kids putting on their shoes without being asked seventeen times. (Tenessa)

—An American remake of a British sitcom being funny. (Mike)

—Someone* has to have masturbated to the Nixon White House Tapes at some point, right? (*Newt Gingrich) (Brandon)

—I mean, it's kind of easy to say "this election", but… this election. (Jameson)

—A WWE ref going an entire match without becoming distracted by ringside shenanigans and thereby missing some crucial in-ring chicanery. (Joe)

—The year 1987. (Dan)

—The proper spelling of “definitely” on the Internet. (Jameson)

—I tried a bite of a McRib. [Shudder] (Tenessa)

—A male philosophy professor showing up to class without a black turtleneck and sensitive ponytail. (Mike)

—Hollywood making a Point Break movie. Correction: Hollywood making a good Point Break movie. (Jameson)

—Me moving my bowels oh god please kill me. (Brandon)

—An American voter responding to being confronted with overwhelming scientific evidence that a closely-held belief is not accurate by thoughtfully rethinking his position on the issue. (Mike)

—Donald Trump saying something in public which is wildly, provably false. (No, wait, that's something that happened 108 times in the last year.) (Jameson)

—Beyoncé. (Tenessa)

—Someone saying, “Sweet! This karaoke machine has 'Mambo No. 5'!” (Jameson)

—A woman becoming President of the United States...? (Mike)

This. (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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