Poop Reading - 2016 NFL Picks

2016 NFL Picks - Week 10

by Joe Mulder

Last Week: 6-6-1

Overall: 58-50-6

THURSDAY NIGHT:

BROWNS @ Ravens (-7.5)

I'm considering just not picking the Thursday night games anymore. Half the time I forget about them until just before kickoff, when I remember to pick them I'm always wrong, they're never any good and they're always weird. Feh – who needs 'em?

And you know what? I don't really feel like writing about football so I'm just going to do a limerick for each game and call it a week.

SUNDAY EARLY:

Broncos @ SAINTS (-3)

Whenever New Orleans must roam
Outside of the realm of their dome,
They lose pretty bad.
But don't be too sad:
Only Hef does more scoring at home.

CHIEFS @ Panthers (-3)

There once was a QB named Smith
Whose passes were short as Wilde's pith.
His coach was real fat,
But regardless of that,
They're contenders and that is no myth.

TEXANS @ Jaguars (-2)

If you are an NFL lover,
On this game you prob'ly won't hover.
The Jags' duds are yucky,
And therein we're lucky:
We can judge that book by its cover.

BEARS (-1) @ Buccaneers

I figure the Bucs will go down
To Jay Cutler and his trademark frown.
But his pouty-ass face
Looks more out of place
When you Google to find his hometown.

RAMS @ Jets (-2)

A defensive line big and burly
Meets a good young RB named Todd Gurley.
But both these teams stink,
Which leads me to think
That most will be tuning out early.

FALCONS (-2) @ Eagles

The Eagles and new QB Wentz
Got off to a great start, and hence
Were the toast of all Philly
But now that seems silly
Because they're just one-and-four since.

PACKERS (-2.5) @ Titans

It's hard for the young Mariota
To be good with no one he can throw ta.
The Pack's in the hunt
And won't much have to punt,
So this week they'll catch Minnesota.

Vikings @ REDSKINS (-2.5)

It's hard to fit into a rhyme scheme
The emotions that make a Vikings fan want to scream.
They start five-and-oh,
Lose three in a row...
I'm ready to say "screw this team."

SUNDAY LATE:

Dolphins @ CHARGERS (-4) [over/under: 48.5]

How terribly I'd be remiss
If I didn't again mention this:
With Chargers, bet "over,"
Then buy a Range Rover
With winnings that just cannot miss.

49ERS @ Cardinals (-13.5)

Who knows why I picked San Francisco?
I guess because big spreads like this go
Really far out of whack
So I'm bringing them back.
(Would you rather that I brought back disco?)

[I'm not proud of that one, but as I write these it's getting late]

COWBOYS @ Steelers (-4.5)

A win for the Steelers is vital.
Hey, remember Verne Lundquist's recital?
It's quite safe to say
With what happened Tuesday
Jackie Smith can surrender his title.

SUNDAY NIGHT:

Seahawks @ PATRIOTS (-7.5)

A fairly big rematch to sum up,
Old feelings they surely will drum up:
Marshawn's big and fast,
They shouldn't have passed–
I think there's a chance that'll come up.

MONDAY NIGHT:

Bengals @ GIANTS (pk)

Marv Lewis's hiring had payoffs:
The Bengals these days make the playoffs,
But never advance
So what is the chance
After this year in Cincy there's layoffs?

THE FISCAL FIVE

I call these games my "Fiscal Five" because they're the games I feel best about this week, and if you wager on these games and these games only then you are guaranteed to make tons of money.

[Guarantee not valid in AL, AK, AZ, AR, CA, CO, CT, DE, FL, GA, HI, ID, IL, IN, IA, KS, KY, LA, ME, MD, MA, MI, MN, MS, MO, MT, NE, NV, NH, NJ, NM, NY, NC, ND, OH, OK, OR, PA, RI, SC, SD, TN, TX, UT, VT, VA, WA, WV, WI, WY, the US Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico, Guam, American Samoa, the Northern Mariana Islands, on foreign soil, or in international waters]

CHIEFS @ Panthers (-3)
PACKERS (-2.5) @ Titans
Vikings @ REDSKINS (-2.5)
COWBOYS @ Steelers (-4.5)
Seahawks @ PATRIOTS (-7.5)

FISCAL FIVE LAST WEEK: 1-3-1

FISCAL FIVE OVERALL: 14-18-4

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2016 NFL Picks - Week 10