POOP READING
Sep 9, 2016

Sully, a movie about airline pilot Chesley "Sully" Sullenberger, who became famous for successfully executing an emergency water landing in the Hudson River in 2009, opened this week, directed by Clint Eastwood, with Tom Hanks in the title role. And while the movie has been well-reviewed, it appears to have taken some liberties with its source material...

Surprises Found in the New Sully Biopic

—The movie's really more about the birds that hit the plane than it is about Sully. (Dan)

—Sure, Sully is played by Tom Hanks, but Tom Hanks is actually being played by Eddie Murphy. (Tenessa)

—Sully was just one punch short on his "Land at actual airports 250 consecutive times, get a free Sbarro" punch card. (Jameson)

—The movie seems to suggest that it is fairly common practice for first mates to give captains handjobs during especially stressful moments. (Matt)

—The emergency landing comes only seconds after the delivery of meal trays containing spaghetti with extra red sauce, piping hot soup, and grape juice. (Brandon)

—Sully never said, "Go ahead, Hudson, make my day." (Mike)

—As part of a product placement deal, every passenger on the plane is wearing a Memphis Grizzlies jersey. (Jameson)

—Those aren't birds. Those are ... SHARKS! (Tenessa)

—A passenger who fails to put his tray in the upright, locked position ends up getting accidentally beheaded during the landing. (Brandon)

—Immediately before the plane ran into the birds, Sullenberger was trying to steer with his knees so he could eat the foot-long cold cut combo he bought at Subway. (Matt)

—Desperate to regain the high from his heroic exploits, Sully lands his next few flights in the East River, the Erie Canal, and the lap pool at the University of Rochester. (Jameson)

—Had no idea Sully was such a huge fan of Hitler. (Dan)

—Turns out it wasn't an emergency landing caused by engine failure after all; it was hijackers who wanted to land in that exact spot on the Hudson. (Brandon)

—Sully reaches out the cockpit window to high-five the Statue of Liberty as he banks for his landing. (Jameson)

—The birds fly into the engines because they are mesmerized by the radiance of Sully's beautiful mustache. (Mike)

—The "Hudson" everyone talks about Sully landing the plane on is Jennifer Hudson. (Jameson)

—As the passengers leave the plane, US Airways charges each of them a $15 "Splashdown Fun Zone" fee. (Brandon)

—Eastwood cast the empty Obama chair from the 2012 RNC as Sully's co-pilot. (Jameson)

—To aid in lightening the plane, all of the passengers simultaneously jump right before impact. (Matt)

—Those weren't birds that hit the engine, it was a couple of immigrants Trump "deported" off the plane mid-flight. (Brandon)

—John Lithgow makes a cameo as a passenger who tries to calm everyone down when the aircraft seems to be in jeopardy. (Jameson)

—And that bird that damaged the engine turned out to be... Paul Harvey. (Tenessa)

—About 93% of the film is just footage of Sully mowing his lawn. (Brandon)

—Not only does Sully land safely in the river, keeping all passengers alive, but while standing on the wing awaiting rescue he reels in a huge swordfish. (Jameson)

—It's actually pronounced Soo-lay. (Matt)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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