POOP READING
Apr 8, 2016

Disney recently announced plans to release a fifth Indiana Jones movie on July 19, 2019, just a few days after Harrison Ford, the franchise's star, turns 77 years old. After Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, what might a fifth installment featuring a geriatric Indy be called?

Possible Titles for the Fifth Indiana Jones Movie

—Indiana Jones and the Vast Thicket of Ear Hair (Joe)

—Indiana Jones and the Not Remembering Why He Came Into This Room (Brandon)

—Indiana Jones and the Son Nobody Ever Mentioned Again (Jameson)

—Indiana Jones Stays Home and Teaches His Fucking Class For Once (Mike)

—Indiana Jones and the Rampant Ageism Within Anthropology (Tenessa)

—Indiana Jones and the Film That Can't Possibly Be Worse Than Crystal Skull (Matt)

—Indiana Jones and the Reluctant Weaning of the Use of the Word "Colored" (Joe)

—Indiana Jones and the Flatscreen TV Set to Zoom (Brandon)

—Indiana Jones and the Nightly Ear Medicine (Jameson)

—Raiders of the Metamucil (Mike)

—Indiana Jones and the Awakened Force. (I smell a cross-promotion!) (Tenessa)

—Indiana Jones and the Trump White House of Doom (Matt)

—Indiana Jones and the Lawn You Goddamn Kids Need To Keep Off Of (Joe)

—Indiana Jones and the Unexpected Sighting of a Himalayan Snowcock (Brandon)

—Indiana Jones and the Mystery of the iCloud Password (Jameson)

—Indiana Jones and the Complications From Hip Replacement Surgery (Mike)

—Indiana Jones and the Balls That Hang to Your Knees (Tenessa)

—Indiana Jones and the Curse of Incontinence (Matt)

—Indiana Jones and the Cruel Hitting Home Of Our Own Mortality (Joe)

—Indiana Jones and the Viagra Stone (Tenessa)

—Indiana Jones and the Telling His Grandchildren About the Time He Outsmarted the Nazis, Only to Briefly Forget the Part About Fighting the Bald Strongman While Dodging the Spinning Propellers of a Moving Airplane, and Having to Go Back and Start from There, Because While That's Not Like, Essential to the Story, You Have to Admit It Was Pretty Damn Cool (Brandon)

—Indiana Jones and the Chex Mix and the Masters Coverage (Jameson)

—Indiana Jones and the LAST Last Crusade, This Time for Real, Guys (Tenessa)

—The Walking Dead (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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