POOP READING
May 15, 2015

This week, former slave and Underground Railroad "conductor" Harriet Tubman won a Women on 20s online poll designed to urge the United States Treasury Department to replace Andrew Jackson with a woman on the $20 bill. But Tubman is hardly the first person or thing proposed to take Jackson's place...

Rejected Candidates to Replace Andrew Jackson on the $20 Bill

—A $20 bill. (Jameson)

—The Queen of England, for an old-school throwback. (Dan)

—A depiction of the Prophet Mohammed. (Joe)

—Drawing of a bald eagle making love to a Big Mac while firing a pistol in the air. (Brandon)

—George Washington in drag. (Tenessa)

—A stripper with twenty $1 bills tucked into her G-string. (Jameson)

—Grumpy Cat. (Joe)

—The 1975 Buffalo Sabres, losers of that year's Stanley Cup Finals! (Brandon)

—Elizabeth Cady Stanton with a stern look on her face and a fist clenching $14 (70% of what a man earning $20 would have). (Jameson)

—One of the other Jacksons? Jermaine, maybe? (Dan)

—A Hardee's coupon, so the bill will still have value even if the Fed goes belly up. (Jameson)

—This here varmint what I found out by the shed. (Joe)

—A Brady Bunch-style grid of all the women Andrew Jackson boned. (Jameson)

—DVD cover of the 1993 film Twenty Bucks, starring Linda Hunt, Brendan Fraser, and Elizabeth Shue, now just $6.99 on Amazon! (Only 7 copies left in stock) (Brandon)

—Harry Shearer, the new patron saint of the phrase "Are you gonna be part of the problem, or part of the solution?" (Jameson)

—Gay fetish erotica star Hairy-Ass Tub Man. (Joe)

—DEEZ NUTZ. (Brandon)

—Melissa McCarthy, because within five years she'll be on literally everything anyway. (Jameson)

—The fuckin' Man. (Dan)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons

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