Feb 20, 2015

—Holocaust, Schmolocaust! The Big Book of Things That Didn't Happen (Jameson)

—Yertle the Turtle Is Sadly Infertile (Mike)

—And to Think That I Saw It on Mulberry Street; "It" Being the Horrific Beating of a Meth Addict By Two Other Meth Addicts (Brandon)

—Green Eggs and Ma'am, Your Test Results Have Come Back, and I'm Sorry, But Due an Extremely Rare Condition Called Ovum Vertigrum, You'll Never Be Able to Bear Children (Joe)

—A Shrimp in the Shape of Me, and Other Stuff I've Found in the Dumpster Behind Benihana (Matt)

—The Foot Fetish Book (Dan)

—The Pocket Book of Boners—oh, wait. That one already exists. WTF? (Tenessa)

—The Cat in the Hat Comes Back, Hoping Maybe He Can Crash on Your Couch for a Couple Nights (Brandon)

—One Fish, Two Fish, Troy McClure Blew Fish (RIP Phil Hartman) (Joe)

—The Lorax Is Murdered By a Keystone Pipeline Worker (Mike)

—How the Grinch Grew Largely Ambivalent Toward Carl Garner Federal Lands Cleanup Day (Brandon)

—When You Make Up Words, It's Easy to Rhyme; Case in Point: Flibbety-Flyme (Joe)

—Mr. Brown Can Poo! Can You?: Dr. Seuss's Book of Wonderful Fart Noises! (Matt)

—Actually, That's Not a Wocket in My Pocket! (Brandon)

—Horton Fears a Jew (Joe)

—Cage-Free Green Eggs and Organic Prosciutto (Tenessa)

—Oh, the Places You'll Go to the Bathroom as You Get Older and Lose Control Over Your Bladder and Sphincter! (Brandon)

—You Know Who Peeked at Guys in the Shower? Former President Dwight D. Eisenhower! (Joe)

—Point to Where Thing 1 Touched You! (Mike)

—I Can Read with My Eyes Shut 2: More Unsettling Hallucinations Brought on By Long-Term Sleep Deprivation! (Brandon)

—Please Don't Make a Bunch of Shitty Movies Out of My Books as Soon as I'm Too Dead to Stop You (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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