Poop Reading - Lesser-Known Holiday Traditions

Lesser-Known Holiday Traditions

—The lighting of the Christmas fart. (Brandon)

—The ceremonial adding of names to the shit list tree. (Matt)

—Taking the whole family to the movie theater to see one of the new releases that passes muster with North Korean terrorists. (Joe)

—Measuring each other's taints for New Year's. (Jameson)

—Marrying a Kardashian. (Mike)

—Filing for an annulment with a Kardashian. (Mike)

—Dick the balls with bowels of golly. Is that a thing? (Dan)

—Releasing an angry howler monkey into the house during the singing of "Silent Night". (Matt)

—Hunting for Grandma's ring in the cookie dough. (Jameson)

—Spanking it to the sexy leg lamp during one of TBS's showings of A Christmas Story. (Joe)

—Spending a week thinking, "Huh, I should give a little gift to my postal carrier", and then never actually doing anything. (Brandon)

—Nog bonging. (Mike)

—Penis caroling. (Matt)

—Quaaludes and It's a Wonderful Life. (Jameson)

—Watching the Cowboys lose the one game they need to win to make the playoffs. (Joe)

—Waking up on New Year's Day on a rooftop in Paramus, NJ. (Brandon)

—Stopping and jerking (South Dakota only). (Mike)

—Anatomically correct snowman. (Jameson)

—Getting shit you actually wanted. (Matt)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner